dreampop Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 2 hours ago, shyboi said: i always offer or even pretend to pay just to be polite 2 hours ago, Ascareus Kratos said: I am ok with split or not. But sex in the 1st date is a must. You need to test drive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dei Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 Offer to split the bill and see how they respond, it's common courtesy and a power move that tells them you're equal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thuggin Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 All the "men vs. women" “‘men are supposed to do this, women do that" bullshit is 90 percent what pushes me to exclusively date men I don't mind paying for dates, especially if I get the sense the other person earns less than me. Or if the other person is driving farther to meet for the date, I insist on paying. If it's equidistant for us both, I expect us to pay for our own meals. Even if the other person is the one who asked me on the date and chose the place, I still don't mind paying for our own meals but I would definitely find it weird if they expected me to pay for both. In any case I think not at least offering to pay for your own meal is rude. My current boyfriend and I chose a place between us both and each paid for our own meals. After that, we alternated choosing what we did on the dates and paying. Now that we're officially together, I don't mind paying most of the time for the things that we do knowing I earn a lot more than him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getBusy Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 1 hour ago, PrettyHurts said: It's not "helping save money" it's just a courtesy. If you can't afford a meal then don't go out Not one side is more deserving of courtesy than the other. Even if i'm in the receiving end, i don't need a total stranger covering my meal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhabylon Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 I only do that if I'm not into the guy tbh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thuggin Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 4 hours ago, 40000000000000 said: i'm curious what the "the one who asks the other out should be the one paying" side thinks because i'm genuinely curious: do you also think the inviter should cover the transportation expenses for the other party to get to the location of the date? i mean would you buy them gas for their car or pay for their metro pass, if you think the invitee should never pay since it wasn't their idea to go out on a date in the first place? I'm not in this camp but anyone who thinks you're not worth the one dollar or whatever it is in gas money clearly only sees the date as transactional in which they're the prize and you're the buyer and is not worth pursuing. When did we start commodifying everything? Isn't the opportunity to establish genuine human connection in everyone's interest and enough to offset any of these petty monetary concerns? Should the person who's asked out be charging for their "emotional labor" to get out of bed for the date as well? I blame TikTok for all this 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davidoff Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 As a true gentleman I always insist on paying on a first date regardless whether I see the future with that person. That's just in my blood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trent W Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 (edited) I always pay the first date, but these days I've changed with girls If she makes the smallest hint of "men should pay for everything" I would not pay ****. But it hasn't happened because via texts you can tell what type of women they are. So I will probably still pay the dates With men I honestly don't date much, unless he is really kind, in real need and doesn't ask for it too, it applies the same rule. Edited April 17 by Trent W Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdrianNicki Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 I'm Bi and I've dated several men and women before. Tbh with men it's always easy, we just split all the time. With women however it is always awkward for me. I always offer to pay because I still feel like it's expected from me as a man but I've been on a date with few women who actually got offended because of it. On the other hand If I don't offer to pay I bet some women would be offended by this too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trent W Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 3 hours ago, Machete said: For men and women the man should always pay 1000%. This is not an "archaic" view. Not only are women the prize but they go through so much more for a first-date. For all they know this man could be a serial killer/r*pist and she's putting her life in danger, then there's even the simpler things of her spending more time getting ready, etc. The least a man can do is pay the entire bill As for gays, either split or whoever asked pays in full. The "women are the prize" mentality is sooo sooo toxic. It's already putting a potential relationship in a position where there will never be accountability for her and thinking she should put no effort or energy, that she deserves everything just by default and existing Personally that's one of the biggest red flags in a women. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xtina23 Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 For first dates - I never pay if I have to bottom right after. That's my form of thank you/payment okurrrrr jdnsjkerngpdfsg['erwg['rte Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Slayne Posted April 18 Share Posted April 18 always split on the first date, letting one person pay sort of sets the tone for any subsequent dates/the potential relationship and it can lead to weird dynamics and expectations. not saying it's necessarily bad in every case, paying for someone's food can be nice and courteous, but to me personally if there's two grown adults with their own money they should be able to split and that should be the default expectations unless stated otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HarajukuPrincess Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 (edited) No. Edited April 19 by HarajukuPrincess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ichinaru19 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 On 4/17/2024 at 4:01 AM, flower moon said: i cant believe people actually expect the guy to pay on first date what kinda old ass fashioned mess is going on with that unless we're getting married its gunna be split From my straight friends, this still seems like a common practice unfortunately. Not sure why some girls expect the guy to pay all the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ichinaru19 Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 On 4/17/2024 at 5:52 AM, velocity said: i'm a woman and i'd never pay on a first date i think men who demand it are embarrassing Is it not embarrassing that you take the stance of "never" paying on a first date? Why is it the expectation that the guy has to pay on the first date? Because he is the "guy"? Anyways, I would say on a first date it should either be split, or the person who asked pays for the bill. Preferably, I like the idea of splitting, it shows both people are respecting the financial aspect of the date and no one is taking advantage of the other. Also it sets a tone putting both people at the same grounding with each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velocity Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 2 hours ago, Ichinaru19 said: Is it not embarrassing that you take the stance of "never" paying on a first date? Why is it the expectation that the guy has to pay on the first date? Because he is the "guy"? Anyways, I would say on a first date it should either be split, or the person who asked pays for the bill. Preferably, I like the idea of splitting, it shows both people are respecting the financial aspect of the date and no one is taking advantage of the other. Also it sets a tone putting both people at the same grounding with each other. Why is it such a problem for you guys to accept that some women hold onto a standard and expect that from men? God knows being a woman in relationships with men is already exhausting and dangerous and yet when women take precautions and want a good man who will care for them y'all are always yapping. Live your life with lower standards and leave us alone. My tactics have proven to be right and i've always been treated well by the men i chose. Thank GOD I have a man who thinks taking care of his woman is a good thing and would feel shame not treating the women in his life well. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tropez Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 It's the top's responsibility to always pay. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ichinaru19 Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 On 4/19/2024 at 1:55 AM, velocity said: Why is it such a problem for you guys to accept that some women hold onto a standard and expect that from men? God knows being a woman in relationships with men is already exhausting and dangerous and yet when women take precautions and want a good man who will care for them y'all are always yapping. Live your life with lower standards and leave us alone. My tactics have proven to be right and i've always been treated well by the men i chose. Thank GOD I have a man who thinks taking care of his woman is a good thing and would feel shame not treating the women in his life well. Taking care of each other is a good thing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katara Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 In Germany it's pretty common to always split (be it a date, going out with friends or whatever) and you only pay the things you ordered. I only pay for a date if I know the other one is like a student or searching for a job or something like that (but only if I like them). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glitch Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 I normally do only drinks on a first date and then we'd each buy a round of drinks. When it comes to dinner I'd split. I don't feel comfortable having someone else pay for me and no one's ever made me feel as though I should be paying for the full bill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katara Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 Also with the insane prices these days for food and drinks it's kinda super selfish to expect just one party to pay. I guess it's a good weeding out method unless you are specifically searching for a "trophy wife" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ichabe Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 i am straight, split on the first date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandleGuy Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 Paying the bill signals that you really like the other person. I would want to pay the bill on the first date if I saw a future with that person, to let them know I'm not ******* around and I'm serious about them. If it's meh then we can just split it lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aesthetic bih Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 My rule is if I'm the one who invited, then I'm gonna pay That's just my view on it 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prézli Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 If I ask him, I pay. If he asks me, he pays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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