discussion Sad but true: Do gay relationships have a shorter shelf life than straights?

[zach]

Eh, I don't really think it's a contributing factor.

 

Me and my bf have been together for six years and there's a girl I went to school with who has 5 kids and has had 3/4 different bfs just during the time I've been with mine. My bf also had a couple of roommates (we live together now, but he lived with them prior to that). And they have also been through a couple different relationships in the period we've been together.

 

I also personally know another gay couple who have been together for 8 years.

Edited April 3 by zach

[Nashe]

9 minutes ago, The7thStranger said:

I've been in a relationship for over ten years. Every post you make, you prove you don't have a clue what you're talking about.

Ohh so your frustration doesn't only stem from me dismissing your "relationships" as bogus but also the uncertainty of whose bed your "partner" is in right now. Should've guessed that! 

[The7thStranger]

16 minutes ago, Nashe said:

Ohh so your frustration doesn't only stem from me dismissing your "relationships" as bogus but also the uncertainty of whose bed your "partner" is in right now. Should've guessed that! 

This doesn't make any sense logically. At this point, you really are just spewing hateful nonsense.

 

You seem to be under the misguided notion that there is that one singular person out there for you who will never let you down or never have any interested in anybody else. It's naive, and it's unrealistic, and you're putting way too much pressure on yourself and anybody you end up in a relationship with. The fact that we have defined our own rules for our partnership has zero effect on your life, but it has had a profoundly positive effect on ours. I'm sorry you're incapable of feeling compersion. It must suck to live under the constant weight of jealousy. You don't need to take it out your severe lack of self-confidence and awareness on me.

[Nashe]

17 minutes ago, The7thStranger said:

This doesn't make any sense logically. At this point, you really are just spewing hateful nonsense.

 

You seem to be under the misguided notion that there is that one singular person out there for you who will never let you down or never have any interested in anybody else. It's naive, and it's unrealistic, and you're putting way too much pressure on yourself and anybody you end up in a relationship with. The fact that we have defined our own rules for our partnership has zero effect on your life, but it has had a profoundly positive effect on ours. I'm sorry you're incapable of feeling compersion. It must suck to live under the constant weight of jealousy. You don't need to take it out your severe lack of self-confidence and awareness on me.

Dude, your man is sucking off other people rn while you're on here passing it off as a legit ''relationship'' to others?

 

Just say that you've got no idea how to keep a man emotionally involved and sexually attracted (or are too lazy to do so), that it's a financial situationship where it's cheaper to live together (or one lives for free) while both can do whatever they want in their free time.

Presenting this lifestyle to others as something positive, especially here, an online forum with lots of young people, is extremely dumb.

[State of Grace.]

19 hours ago, glitch said:

I think this is true for younger gays in their early 20s, but maybe that's just because of the delayed adolescence gay men often experience. Straight people do a lot of dating/hooking up in their late teens but gays often have to wait until they're adults until they can do this. Lots of gays in their late 20s, 30s and beyond seem more relationship orientated to me.

18 hours ago, Johnny said:

I was in a 3-year relationship and am currently living with my partner of almost 2 years who I'll probably marry. Gay relationships are possible and do-able, but I agree with the notion that these long-term commitments can be a difficulty in the culture we live in as homosexual men. 

 

Many of us grew up or are currently growing up in familial, schooling, or cultural systems including organized religion that oppress or demonize the idea same-sex relationships. Even if primarily in an LGBTQ-supportive environment, you will encounter anti-LGBTQ propaganda on occasion. When you grow up exposed to the idea that being romantically involved with someone of the same sex is inherently wrong, it shapes your worldview event as an adult, implicitly. Even without being consciously aware, the possibility of being in a loving relationship with another man is erased from the psyche.

 

This doesn't go without any of the strife or trauma that has high comorbidity with homosexuality: depression, high anxious/avoidant attachment, feelings of worthlessness or low self-confidence from a childhood or adolescence of being bullied. Gay men view their dating culture through the lens of a brain that has been shaped culturally to view a long-term loving relationship as something unreachable for them. As men raised in a society that still promotes sexual prowess as positive or desirable aptitude in men (primarily targeted to heterosexual men, but that expectation is engrained in homosexual men all the same), the pursuit of sexual pleasure with no attachment to the personal, emotional, intrapersonal aptitudes or skills, and above all beliefs that are required to form lasting and real bonds with another man make it difficult for many of us to release this idea that sex is the be-all and end-all limit of how we are capable of connecting with another human being romantically. Sex is important, but it's so temporary, limited, and gratifying only for a short while. We owe it to ourselves to look for and open ourselves up to more. 

 

Gay men require some of the most self-work, self-love, and self-compassion in order to break down these barriers and walls that prevent us from the semblance of relationships we see commonly between our heterosexual counterparts (I'm not saying a lot of the things facing us aren't seen in heterosexuals, but we have the added strife of what I mentioned). But the men who have done the work exist and I personally believe and hope the pool will grow. 

Spilled  

[The7thStranger]

22 minutes ago, Nashe said:

Dude, your man is sucking off other people rn while you're on here passing it off as a legit ''relationship'' to others?

 

Just say that you've got no idea how to keep a man emotionally involved and sexually attracted (or are too lazy to do so), that it's a financial situationship where it's cheaper to live together (or one lives for free) while both can do whatever they want in their free time.

Presenting this lifestyle to others as something positive, especially here, an online forum with lots of young people, is extremely dumb.

Well. Don't come crying to anybody here when you inevitably get cheated on and your heart broken because you're a child with idealistic ideas about love and sex. With your attitude, not sure why you think anybody would want to be faithful to you. Best of luck.

 

Also, you're on the block list.

Edited April 3 by The7thStranger

[єѕℓαм]

Yes but it all comes down to "the kids"

most straight couples stay together for the sake of their children 

but Gays don't also men in general are horny animals so it's only a matter of time before he or you cheat llbr

[alfonso12]

5 hours ago, Nashe said:

@alfonso12  I won't ever feel the need to deconstruct something that feels most natural to me, something that has not been indoctrinated by society or religion but actually founded in nature since the earliest times of intelligent and emotionally developed species. love is what keeps us alive & going and should be held sacred. if the rules to a relationship between two people are loose then the foundations were faulty and bound to collapse from the get-go. 

 

Omg you sound just like one of those catholic 40 years old ladies that are against gay marriage  how old are you? have you ever even been in a relationship? I guess you must be in your early 20s and you've never been in a relationship for more than a year or two. 

 

I really can't get over "Love is what keeps us alive & going and should be held sacred" 

[Nashe]

@alfonso12 You do you, keep on letting your partners hit up strangers' beds and give this thread a rest since your lifestyle obviously didn't resonate much with the sane people here. I'm not quoting you since I'd be too embarrassed to repost such ridiculous texts from a self-proclaimed grown person.

[alfonso12]

1 hour ago, Nashe said:

@alfonso12 You do you, keep on letting your partners hit up strangers' beds and give this thread a rest since your lifestyle obviously didn't resonate much with the sane people here. I'm not quoting you since I'd be too embarrassed to repost such ridiculous texts from a self-proclaimed grown person.

LOL, not the "sane people", I keep thinking you couldn't get any more cringier but you keep surprising me. I hope you enjoy loneliness, church lady. 

[Batsy Armada]

It does seem like it, doesn't it? I've seen so many straight couples get together and break up after a couple of months, either for them to both move on or repeat the cycle a couple of times before they finally decide to leave each other alone for good. Just being together for a couple of months isn't exclusive to gay relationships. Many straight relationships don't last long either. There's simply a higher number that do, in comparison to gay relationships, because you just have more straight couples—but they have the same struggles.

[Namie-Knowles]

That one toxic gay and the seven other gays liking all his posts when he's just copy and pasting the same thing people say about gay couples. Y'all so bigoted I say this as someone in a happy monogamous relationship. Leave people alone

[Maroonx]

yes, coz men are are trash 

[Alldeezy]

idk i've seen straight couples only lasting 3 days 

[Zendayababes]

Yes, because men are trash and women hold DOWN the relationship most of the time.

[imabadkid]

14 hours ago, Maroonx said:

yes, coz men are are trash 

yep. to be fair, it's not just bi/gays (which I feel like they get a lot of sh*t unfairly)... the amount of str8 men who can't keep their d*ck out of a hole is also a problem.

[Hallad173]

I think the difference are babies. Str8's can hate each other but stay still be together longer for their kids or at least pretend lol

 

Most gays don't have that worry so it's easier to cut our losses.

 

[John Slayne]

On 4/2/2024 at 5:53 PM, Anthinos said:

I would also have no problem staying single if that were to happen.

i think this is actually a big reason why, not the homonegative 'gays are fickle and cheating all the time!!!1!' narrative some users spread on here. 

 

straight people feel more of a societal pressure to be in a relationship and stay in it even if it does not work. straight men need women to basically be their new mommy that takes care of them and straight women feel like failure when they can't make a relationship work, so both sides are more motivated not to break up even if it were for the best.

 

gays are free from these heteronormative pressures so less likely to force relationships when it's not needed to. also, straights have kids more often and may decide to stay together for them, something most gay couples don't have to think about since they are childless.

 

all that said, i think everyone is finding it harder to build a lasting relationship. the world moves so fast and dating apps with endless options are not helping people have a healthy view of what a stable, long-term relationship can give you. this applies to both gays and straights

[John Slayne]

On 4/3/2024 at 12:03 PM, Nashe said:

Ohh so your frustration doesn't only stem from me dismissing your "relationships" as bogus but also the uncertainty of whose bed your "partner" is in right now. Should've guessed that! 

telling a gay man that his relationship is 'bogus' and putting in quotes only because you don't understand it is really ignorant and yes even hurtful and homophobic. the nerve of you telling other users to be mindful we are on a forum with young people when all you do is police relationships of other gay people that you've never met in your life. you think that is what setting a good example looks like?

[The7thStranger]

21 minutes ago, John Slayne said:

telling a gay man that his relationship is 'bogus' and putting in quotes only because you don't understand it is really ignorant and yes even hurtful and homophobic. the nerve of you telling other users to be mindful we are on a forum with young people when all you do is police relationships of other gay people that you've never met in your life. you think that is what setting a good example looks like?

Thank you.

[Funnyfatty]

Fear plays a part. I always liked man but i was scared to open up about my emotions. Like someone would hit me or even murder me. Because i have a very soft heart and i can't really tolerate negativity, i just accept it and move away. 
 

Now i'm not that scared anymore tbh. I always said i wanted a relationship but my body and mind would always run away. Now i feel more comfortable and i'm seeing therapy. 
 

i try out different things and please don't judge me but i don't feel disgusted by man or sex anymore. Its just another human being. I found out its all my delusions that my religious family thought me was playing. 
 

being gay is NOT disgusting and now that i know this with all my soul and heart, i actually feel happier with them around. I feel also more open to a real relationship  

 

I'm still trying to find out of i have some intern homophobic ideas though and i'm doing my best to heal everything i found out. 
 

i believe most gay men are teached horrible things about gay life so even though they don't think that way, their subconscious does believe in it. It has to change