discussion Sad but true: Do gay relationships have a shorter shelf life than straights?

[fememeist]

There was a reply on a Rosalia and Hunter Schafer dating thread that dating 5 months is equivalent to 2 years in the gay world. This brings up the topic—do you think gay relationships are shorter than straight relationships? If so, why is that? Is it because  LGBT+ are more prone to cheating/infidelity? Shorter attention spans? 

Edited April 2 by fememeist

[Europe]

Maybe in the 50's but not anymore.

[UnusualBoy]

I think they are lasting longer now but what it's truth is that is harder to be in a relationship nowadays, some gays don't want commitment, there's too much cheating and lack of emotional responsibility.

Edited April 2 by UnusualBoy

[Revolution]

maybe, my str8 relationships have all lasted longer than my gay relationships

[WitnessOblivia]

So, my ex and I were together for 20 years in the gay world? 

 

 

[Facelessboy]

I don't agree. I feel i am finding more gay relationships lasting longer than 5 years + now a days. Especially the older gays. I think most gays know how hard it is to find someone you match with once you do normally they stay together. 
 

It's beautiful seeing more & more gay men getting married. 

[Princess Aurora]

No. I'm living my fairytale right now 

[GraceRandolph]

Pretty sure gay marriages have a lower rate of divorce compared to lesbian marriages which have a similar shelf life to straight marriages. So no, not at all.

[glitch]

I think this is true for younger gays in their early 20s, but maybe that's just because of the delayed adolescence gay men often experience. Straight people do a lot of dating/hooking up in their late teens but gays often have to wait until they're adults until they can do this. Lots of gays in their late 20s, 30s and beyond seem more relationship orientated to me.

[Reginald]

No, my longest relationship was seven years Seven years that I'll never get back  

[smartalek22]

my longest relationship is 2 months so 

[Anthinos]

You shouldn't forget that things like gay marriage are still very new. Homosexual relationships were not tolerated for a long time. A lot has changed and I would say in 2024 it's not true. At least not for the 30+ group. Personally, I'm looking for a man I can stay with for the rest of my life. I would also have no problem staying single if that were to happen. But I'm not interested in hook-ups and changing partners. It's too stressful and emotionally unfulfilling for me.

[getBusy]

This is such a cliche. I have gay friends who have been in 10+ year monogamous relationships and straight friends who got divorced 6 months after getting married. 

[If U Seek Amy]

If you simply date men on hook up apps most of the time you aren't going to get men looking for long term. They are going to be emotionally immature and more interested in promiscuity than settling down. There are good men out there, just not the easy place most look while they sit at home comfortably 

[OnlyManInTheWorld]

Yes because no kids 

[Onyxmage]

No

[Mandalore]

My first real gay relationship lasted almost 2 years. Now I'm currently in a 9 months relationship and going strong. You just have to make sure from the beginning that you're both looking for something serious and for the long-haul. A lot of gay couples get together because of attraction/liking each other but either neither or one of them isn't really looking for something long-term so of course the infatuation and lust starts to wear off pretty quick. 

 

There's also the "missing out" factor that a lof gay people carry with them when they start dating from the years (generally highschool/teenage) of either being repressed or just not being able to experience those young love type of flings. 

Edited April 2 by Mandalore

[JonginBey]

Gay men don't know what a relationship is. Let's start there.

 

[alfonso12]

Not sure when you consider that open relationships are more common in the gay world and those tend to last longer. My ex and I were together for 7 years (and we've been best friends for the past year).

[Cheers]

Yes
 

In part, we don't have the societal pressure to remain together "for the kids"

[Juánny]

I was in a 3-year relationship and am currently living with my partner of almost 2 years who I'll probably marry. Gay relationships are possible and do-able, but I agree with the notion that these long-term commitments can be a difficulty in the culture we live in as homosexual men. 

 

Many of us grew up or are currently growing up in familial, schooling, or cultural systems including organized religion that oppress or demonize the idea same-sex relationships. Even if primarily in an LGBTQ-supportive environment, you will encounter anti-LGBTQ propaganda on occasion. When you grow up exposed to the idea that being romantically involved with someone of the same sex is inherently wrong, it shapes your worldview event as an adult, implicitly. Even without being consciously aware, the possibility of being in a loving relationship with another man is erased from the psyche.

 

This doesn't go without any of the strife or trauma that has high comorbidity with homosexuality: depression, high anxious/avoidant attachment, feelings of worthlessness or low self-confidence from a childhood or adolescence of being bullied. Gay men view their dating culture through the lens of a brain that has been shaped culturally to view a long-term loving relationship as something unreachable for them. As men raised in a society that still promotes sexual prowess as positive or desirable aptitude in men (primarily targeted to heterosexual men, but that expectation is engrained in homosexual men all the same), the pursuit of sexual pleasure with no attachment to the personal, emotional, intrapersonal aptitudes or skills, and above all beliefs that are required to form lasting and real bonds with another man make it difficult for many of us to release this idea that sex is the be-all and end-all limit of how we are capable of connecting with another human being romantically. Sex is important, but it's so temporary, limited, and gratifying only for a short while. We owe it to ourselves to look for and open ourselves up to more. 

 

Gay men require some of the most self-work, self-love, and self-compassion in order to break down these barriers and walls that prevent us from the semblance of relationships we see commonly between our heterosexual counterparts (I'm not saying a lot of the things facing us aren't seen in heterosexuals, but we have the added strife of what I mentioned). But the men who have done the work exist and I personally believe and hope the pool will grow. 

[blondrin]

Gay relationships don't have the glue that hold most straight relationships together = children and religion 

[Illuminati]

Yes but it's not about cheating, straight men cheat so much I honestly don't know how some women put up with it.

 

I think it's because it's easier to make commitments if you're in a straight relationship. Whether it's through moving in together, or having a child (accidentally or planned) or marrying. Most of these aren't even available to gays in some countries. There comes a time where you look to the future and see if you can imagine it with your partner in it.

 

And then if you do get serious with someone there's nothing that'd keep you trapped in a loveless relationship if you truly wanted to get out. Gay couples are less likely to have children and more likely to be financially independent from one another. I consider that a good thing cause a lot of old straight couples are miserable

Edited April 2 by Illuminati

[Nashe]

7 minutes ago, blondrin said:

Gay relationships don't have the glue that hold most straight relationships together = children and religion 

those are situationships then

 

36 minutes ago, alfonso12 said:

Not sure when you consider that open relationships are more common in the gay world and those tend to last longer.

the term ''open relationship'' always fascinated me, like... f*cking other people while being emotionally attached to someone? that ain't no ''relationship'' at all. just sick

[LoveInStereo]

I don't believe sexuality is a factor in the longevity of a relationship. I think unresolved trauma leading to insecure attachment styles is the biggest factor. Blaming it on being gay is kind of a cop out to avoid addressing the root cause