discussion guy im seeing is smart, cute, and rich, but sex is terrible. should i leave him?

[Asscatchem]

we didnt sleep together the first few dates (because i wanted to be more than just a hookup) but recently we did and i discovered... hes not into penetration (he's neither a top/bottom. im vers).

i dont know, im really attracted to his face, he's pursuing a phd in chemical biology, and his family is well off but im getting bored of just foreplay. should i leave him? or can i change him? is this a logical dealbreaker?

[Kavish]

Does he use an iPhone or an Android?

[Asscatchem]

1 minute ago, Kavish said:

Does he use an iPhone or an Android?

an android. :/

(no for real but he has an ipad/macbook)

Edited February 17 by Asscatchem

[May]

me and my bf are sides and I prefer it

 

ive had relationships in the past where penetration was a thing and it’s legit just too much hassle

 

like .. i prefer it this way 

[Asscatchem]

2 minutes ago, May said:

me and my bf are sides and I prefer it

 

ive had relationships in the past where penetration was a thing and it’s legit just too much hassle

 

like .. i prefer it this way 

yeah he identifies as a side... thats good to hear that it works for you but tbh personally i dont feel satisfied  do you have any tips?

Edited February 17 by Asscatchem

[venuss]

I’m a top who currently isn’t into penetration because.. stuff. I’m seeing a guy for a while now and he’s been very patient. I know we’re getting there… just not yet. We have lots of fun though.
 

it’s very important to communicate each others needs and boundaries. Talk to him. 

[shyboi]

have an open relationship and enjoy the benefits of both worlds

 

edit for clarity.

 

i am NOT suggesting cheating but a honest, open relationship were both sides agree.

Edited February 21 by shyboi

[Asscatchem]

Just now, shyboi said:

have an open relationship and enjoy the benefits of both worlds

i dont personally enjoy open relationships  

[May]

1 minute ago, Asscatchem said:

yeah he identifies as a side... thats good to hear that it works for you but tbh personally i dont feel satisfied  do you have any tips?

as a side, im more open to penetration when im tipsy . im not saying get him drunk cos that’d be creepy  but maybe ask him if he would be more relaxed and open to it after a drink . for me i lose all the nervousness and its not painful anymore after a few double vodkas, its how i was able to enjoy if in previous relationships 

 

other than that, get a dildo sis 

[4th Time Around]

Sorta depends how important sex is to you I guess. The worst thing you can do is try to keep him and find what you need elsewhere without telling him.

 

If it really upsets you, I would consider ending things with him or discussing an open relationship.

Edited February 17 by 4th Time Around

[airplane]

You can fix him (no really you can)

 

[prézli]

Teach him!

[Nightingale]

I had a friend who was in the same situation. They tried an open relationship but ultimately my friend just wasn’t satisfied. Sex is a big thing so you should make sure you’re compatible 

Edited February 17 by Nightingale

[Asscatchem]

3 minutes ago, May said:

as a side, im more open to penetration when im tipsy . im not saying get him drunk cos that’d be creepy  but maybe ask him if he would be more relaxed and open to it after a drink . for me i lose all the nervousness and its not painful anymore after a few double vodkas, its how i was able to enjoy if in previous relationships 

 

other than that, get a dildo sis 

he's told me he's bottomed like TWICE in the past and didn't really enjoy it so im a bit pessimistic. if theyre not truly enjoying it its hard for me to enjoy it too tbh

 

4 minutes ago, 4th Time Around said:

Sorta depends how important sex is to you I guess. The worst thing you can do is try to keep him and find what you need elsewhere without telling him.

it is important to me, otherwise it just feels like a friendship 

[єѕℓαм]

No people can change their minds and learn to be more open sexually if they find the right person

& if you really like the guy then that’s all that matters 

[EtherealCat]

he has an ipad and macbook all hope is not yet lost

[DemDam92]

No thanks, I need good fckng if I’m meant to be in a closed relationship. 

[Asscatchem]

4 minutes ago, єѕℓαм said:

No people can change their minds and learn to be more open sexually if they find the right person

& if you really like the guy then that’s all that matters 

ill just keep exploring with him and see where we go. but something gotta change i can't be a side too in an exclusive relationship

[Devin]

kinda childish & shallow to leave when u can easily teach him to do what u like. 

[Donquizote]

12 minutes ago, airplane said:

You can fix him (no really you can)

 

[Johnny Cash]

You're a horny gay, you will cheat on him eventually. Just end it now so you can both find more compatible partners.

[magazine]

this is the problem with our society 

[Jon Snow]

tell him to buy an iphone first

[Redstreak]

Honestly penetration off the table would be a deal breaker for me personally

[Cruel Summer]

Just as a note, because I see some posts in here with ideas about waiting because he might change or trying to find a middle ground, I don’t think you should necessarily expect him to ever change this preference, just as it wouldn’t be right for him to expect you to change. Some people simply do not want penetrative contact ever, and that’s okay and fine. Maybe he’s such a person, maybe he’s not and would be open to trying things, but the only way to solve this is a conversation where you get on the same page about what to expect long-term.