Galah Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 20 hours ago, Aurora said: 13. @Invisibility - “It's a Love Thing” What a surprise receiving this bonus track for the round’s Spooky Tunes mixtape was. Submitting a little late is okay, but almost two full days late? You’re lucky we’re in the spirit of giving. I wasn’t at all familiar with the main inspiration for your song, which was such a niche and oddly-specific choice? From what I can gather it’s a prequel to an 80’s horror, neither of which are strongly associated with Halloween in the typical slasher sense. But man, what a horrifying creature. What I will give you is that this is certainly inventive. Unfortunately it didn’t really translate to an enjoyable reading experience for me. At times it felt too reliant on the source material, as specific references to characters from the film are completely lost on anyone who hasn’t heard of this film, which after looking at its Wikipedia page is… probably most people. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with leaning on a niche horror film for songwriting inspiration, but perhaps a more metaphorical approach would have been easier to digest? You’re an immensely talented writer, but this wasn’t your finest work for me. @Invisibility I've added your review to my post, however here it is for convenience.
Antikythera Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 10 hours ago, Jackson said: @Antikythera – Knives Out (After Party) Your writing style is so unique. I love seeing how distinctive each of the new writers’ styles are this season, because I can’t see any other writers crafting something like this. You chose a pretty heavy subject matter, but it was balanced with a weary vindictiveness and even a touch of sarcasm that made it fit the challenge a bit better. I’m a bit conflicted about the “CLEOPATRA ... MARILYN ... THEDA ... ARETHA ... LEFT EYE” in the prechorus. I do appreciate the personal, specific touches, and I understand why you chose the names you did, but seeing Cleopatra and Left Eye in the same sentence still reads as slightly jarring. However, I think you executed this better in the bridge, using specific examples of each woman and relating it back to the narrator. The “Britney” inclusion might also be controversial, but I actually like the way you incorporated “Britney, *****!” and made it feel spiteful, kind of re-purposing her signature line as a weapon to her abusers. My main piece of advice would be to take some of your descriptive language even further. Lines like “A pinch of Marilyn’s charisma to make it venom palatable” (ignoring the small grammatical mistake) were excellent, and a great example of showing how you feel rather than telling. Elsewhere, “Like a fool in love, I let in all your pain” was more plain and didn’t quite get the same emotional response out of me. I should also note that I appreciated the rap section – I love seeing changes in structure, and that was a big risk to take in round 2! Thanks! I hear you! I want to be more poetic but this is difficult to me because I never know how well it will translate, if it will make sense, since Im not a native, but this is sorta why I wanted in this game, to practice my English skills, same thing about grammar even though i put it thrugh a grammar correction app lol i guess it doesnt pick all the mistakes. With the ladies I tried to go from historical to more current, Left Eye being the one who would be totally "in" if she was alive in 2023. For me she was a genius especially on her solo stuff. But I get what u are saying. I like the fact Left Eye one time famously burnt her then husband house down because he was cheating on her, so for me this fits what I was trying to convey. Once more, thanks, I feel u got it the core of what I tried to do and ur advice is really helpful, it a direction, so I know what u as a judge wants from me, I will surely try to incorporate it in my next one!
XO_Life Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 @Kayseri Mantisi - Ghoul's Ballad First of all , you did nail the theme of this round completely. Your song had a lot of Halloween and spooky references. Your rhyme scheme in this entry was flawlessly executed. Well done. For your next entry, I would like to see a different rhyme patern from you. You used AA - BB. If you feel confident enough I would love to see you use a different pattern for your next entry. Overall, this song felt very cohesive. The pre chorus and chorus are very catchy, very well done. It has the same feel as your last entry, you have a very distinctive pop style and use very colorful lyrics to engage the mind. This entry had no cringe lyrics like your last entry. I wouldn't change anything. Your entry did feel a little bit disney-ish at times (which is completely fine and good). It definitely had the trick or treat Halloween spirit. I even could see this song in a Tim Burton movie. It's just so well written and tells a story dancing skeletons would sing. You definitely have the talent to write amazing pop songs. You did amazing and this dethroned your previous entry in my opinion. My only other advice (aside from using a different rhyme patern) would be to get "brutally honest" in one of the challenges. I just want that emotional, heartbreaking and slightly disturbing power ballad from you! A tough challenge but with your calliber of writing songs you can pull it off! Again, such an amazing, well-written entry! hurricane326 - The Sentinel There is no denying that you have a lot of talent when it comes to writing lyrics, vocabulary and rhyme schemes. This entry once again proofs that you know how to interpret the themes and put your own spin on things. I just love how dark and twisted your entry is. It sets the mood very well and takes you on a dark journey with no happy ending. This is the kind of brutality I like to see. I would've loved to see you explore your dark side even further. The words you used fitted perfectly but I kinda have to fault you. To me this is another poem and I really want a classical song structure from you, as I think you could deliver something really special. We are only on R2 so I guess I can't blame you too much for submitting something that has no song structure but I actually would like to encourage you to submit something of this sort in R3. @punisher - Body On The Ceiling Well, there it is! Your debut Single. Let me start off by saying that overall I enjoyed your entry a lot. Your chorus had a very tight rhyme scheme and I love that you opened with your chorus. To me your chorus is very strong and I liked that you used the typical AA - BB rhyme scheme. Your first verse followed a similar rhyme scheme while also using words that don't perfectly rhyme. Such a technique makes for more interesting lyrics since you are not so limited with your choices. "and you know there’s nowhere to hide now- now- now look above our bedside" to me this is the highlight of your song and stuck with me the most. This is classic horror and some might find this a bit basic but I sometimes find that simple ideas can convey emotions just as well as poetry. Your second verse kinda lost me a bit to be honest. I thought your movie references were okay but they don't have anything to do with demons and I also thought the verse didn't need those references as they took away some of the momentum and horror you were building up to this point. Your song is very good and you should be very proud of yourself! @Legend E - Danse Macabre Again, I just love the detailed background information you provide! You are an expierenced writer, this review might come off a little bit harsh. I really liked that you used clever rhymes and really painted the scenery with every word you used. I really could imagine "Death" having a blast on Halloween. This again speaks volumes about your obvious talent. However, I didn't like that you went for a poetry structure again. I honestly believed you would've been better off if you used your amazing title and background information to at least include a chorus. This would've made your song more memorable. You could've even morphed your chorus after each verse to stay more in your wheelhouse. I also didn't get the whole Mathilda and Michael reference. Maybe you could've explained this further. To me the whole concept of Death and Souls was worth exploring more. Again, you are an expierenced writer and as I said before your entry is very good and I liked it overall. I hope I didn't come off as too harsh. This is only my opinion and I definitely want to see more entries from you since they are really good but I honestly believe sometimes it's better to be a tad more basic. @Hug - Shadow Hearts Hello there I loved that you gave as dark romantic song. I immediately had to think about a dark pink mixed with purple. Your rhyme scheme was very interesting (ABAB, AA BB) and you incorporated near perfect rhymes that made your entry very interesting. You just have a way with words that immediately draw you in. I again have to applaud you for giving us a complete song, giving it a clear structure and sticking to a theme. Last week I kinda gave you the challenge to write something more raw and brutal. In my opinion you achieved just that with this entry. You also stayed true to your magical writing style while giving us a song that felt completely different than your last entry. I have to fault you bit tho. I thought you could've used the theme we provided a bit better. To me this entry only leans on the theme. By just using words that feel spooky your entry didn't convey that "horror feel" I was looking for. But overall this is another amazing entry from you. @stupidjock - Tyra Banks Thank you for sticking with your original entry and not changing it completely. I could tell that you had great time writing this entry. The fun and energy you had were conveyed through your lyrics. Overall this entry is really fun. Some lines took me by surprise and made me cringe a bit. The alien toast line was a bit much :D Also (one stayed and watched) could've been deleted. So yeah, I wasn't the biggest fan of your verses. But... your pre chorus was simply amazing. It screamed classic to me! The build up of chorus was really good as well! Chorus and pre chorus were really catchy and seemed to be fast paced - I really like this. Overall, this is a huge improvement from your first entry. I liked the verses from your original first entry better but that chorus and pre chorus just hit home for me. The song wasn't really that spooky tho but somehow I still think your song fitted the theme. Well done! @Antikythera - Knives Out (After Party) Okay, I have a few thoughts regarding this entry: It is obvious that you had fun while writing this. This is the main goal of this game. I really liked that you paid homage to different women who faced abuse over the years and made a connection to the "now" by including britney... basically showing that women still face the same repercussions they faced back then. I liked how your verses a lot this round. They were very well written and immediately set the scene for the whole song. You had a good rhyme scheme for the most part, which made the song feel very pop. I also enjoyed that you took the time to include a rap part - this is a risk, and I am glad you took it. The rhyme scheme of the rap part should've been tighter tho as that would've given the rap part a bit more punch. I also liked how you referenced the women again in the rap part and didn't just leave them in the pre chorus and chrous. With this being said, there are some things I didn't enjoy as much. The whole connection with the Britney and knives out felt a bit clumsy to be honest. I would preferred a chorus that dove deeper into the whole toxic relationship part. I get that you were going for a "I'll show you vibe" and you did just that but somehow I couldn't enjoy your chorus and pre chorus as much as the verses. Finally, to me this song does not fit the challenge theme. It's more of en empowerment anthem and not a spooky entry. As you can see I did enjoy a lot of things about this entry but I also thought it could've been improved. @worldwide angel - Sundiving Well, kill em with kindness... if that doesn't work, knives are fine as well. I've noticed that compared to your last entry you switched it up a bit - love that. While you still managed to give me a really great image what your song is about, I really liked that you used that are more easily digestible (hope this makes sense) You pre-chorus & chorus were fine as well. I liked them. Although I was longing for a tighter rhyme scheme in both of them. In my opinion you fullfilled the theme in a unique manner by switching it up and taking your inspiration from a movie. I liked the sense of brutality that was displayed in your song and yeah... it was a good entry but could've been catchier. @réveuse - Broom Thank you for submitting a full song this time! I can see that you used a repetition technique for your song. This makes your song memorable and gives it a strong pop feel. Your pre chorus is what stood out to me the most! I found it to be catchy and well written. This is a huge improvement compared to your last entry! While I appreciated the repetition of lines and use of simpler words, I thought you could've pushed it further. Maybe next time (depending on what challenge you choose) you can try to build more of a picture with your lyrics and avoid too much repetition. @Hey Dude - Wicked Rose To me this is a huge improvement from last week! I really enjoy that has a clear song structure (just name the parts next time e.g. verse, chorus, pre chorus, bridge, etc.) I liked the brutality of your song, you painted a good picture with your words and managed to capture my attention. This is the second entry this round which is based around a mistreated woman who takes revenge. In my opinion you conveyed the whole concept of this through your lyrics. Your chorus was catchy but the rhyme scheme in the chorus could've been tighter. That would've made the chorus stand out more. Your verses were fine and there were some good rhymes in there. However, this to me is not a spooky anthem. It's a revenge song about a scorned woman. Still, this is a good entry. @blackoutbaby - Dancing Under the Blood Moon Compared to Paris ***** this is more of a tame from you. I find that you and I sometimes have the same approach when it comes to writing verses. We tend to keep our sentences short while trying to convey as much emotion as possible. Because of this I was immediately drawn in. Because of your background information your song feels very "now" and connects to the times we are unfortunately living in. I liked that you went for a ABAB rhyme scheme in the chorus, that made the chorus more memorable and catchy. Your bridge had a tight rhyme scheme as well but the last sentence should've been included in that. Overall I enjoyed this entry a lot but... to me this isn't spooky. It's more of a political song. @fountain - Oh lord... when I saw that title I wanted to scream so much... I literally prepared myself for something truly cringe and unrelatable... Thankfully your entry more than surprised me! To me your song is about loss and how the spirits of the people we lost can walk again on earth on Halloween. It really was an beautiful entry! At first I wasn't sure about your entry because I had to read it a few times. It really is a beautifully written song. Well done! The entry is a tad lengthy but I think that worked to your advantage here. I often critique rhyme schemes and don't like it when they are clumsy but I didn't think you needed a tight scheme because that is not what your song is about. I really enjoy getting to know you as a writer. Well done! But... let's keep it 100. This isn't really a spooky song. @Invisibility - It's a Love Thing Better late than never I guess. Thank you for submitting! First of all - you set the mood of the song very well and incorporated some classic horror elements with the video store amd then the blackout - I really enjoyed it. Ugh and your chorus was really really good! It gave me E.T. Katy Perry vibes - I wished it would've gone on longer. The rhyme scheme of your chorus was really good as well. I get that this is supposed to be an acoustic song but I believe it could also work as a pop song. Especially the chorus screamed pop to me! Very well done! Verse 2 lost me in the middle a bit. I didn't get the whole Edvard and Paul thing. But other than that it still was very engaging! The bridge was very good as well and pushed the song in the right direction. Oh and I loved that you switched it up for the final chorus. 5 1
fountain Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 11 hours ago, Jackson said: @fountain – Killer Whales of the Zombie Strain; “Cognisance” I should mention that I’m also an obsessed Halloween hater – my Halloween evening consisted of watching a non-Halloween TV show with my boyfriend at home. Seaside imagery and absurdity aside, this reminds me of the movie Supernova, which I hated because it made me depressed. This also made me depressed, but I didn’t hate it. In fact, I thought it was quite moving. This had a more lyrical structure than a lot of your entries, but I think it worked to your benefit. “Dreams and dreams, no more halloweens” was an effective hook that wouldn’t have stuck quite as much had it not been so poppy. You did an excellent job of marrying the autumnal seaside imagery with the more poignant themes of death and memory loss. When you talk about the sea swirling and growling, it’s hard to separate it from the narrator’s mind, creating an extremely cohesive storyline. “Two lovers, retired by the sea/Thought it’d be the perfect end for you and me” feels like the climax of the story, continuing to build through the “my heart plunges to the sea” line. This song is simultaneously so creative, descriptive, and heart-wrenching I feel like I’m watching a film in my mind. There were a couple lines that could have been reworded – “human population” feels too scientific for a song like this, for example. I also need you to explain why the whale is “inflating” – is the “whale” just a metaphor for the memory decline continuing to grow? Still, this was an absolutely brilliant song, and perhaps my favorite this round. Thank you thank you! I think you got the vibe of the song totally, so I’m glad! With the inflation specifically - though you could take it in different ways - in the song the ocean (which itself could act as a metaphor for the person’s mind) is depicted as angry and the animals fleeing it… so as opposed to the whale being beached, in inflates and flies away. I like leaving it quite open to interpretation though… for example, the song itself can even be read in different ways and have different interpretations taken from it; for example, though the lyrics suggest it is the narrator’s love who is experience the cognitive issues, you can also read it as though it is actually the narrator going through this (after all, they are the one witnessing all these oddities occurring), so I think it’s fun to kinda leave meanings slightly open ended, so take from it what you may! Thank you for enjoying
fountain Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, XO_Life said: @fountain - Oh lord... when I saw that title I wanted to scream so much... I literally prepared myself for something truly cringe and unrelatable... Thankfully your entry more than surprised me! To me your song is about loss and how the spirits of the people we lost can walk again on earth on Halloween. It really was an beautiful entry! At first I wasn't sure about your entry because I had to read it a few times. It really is a beautifully written song. Well done! The entry is a tad lengthy but I think that worked to your advantage here. I often critique rhyme schemes and don't like it when they are clumsy but I didn't think you needed a tight scheme because that is not what your song is about. I really enjoy getting to know you as a writer. Well done! But... let's keep it 100. This isn't really a spooky song. Thank you! Yeah, the title isn’t supposed to be wholly serious nnn, it’s definitely not what it might suggest at first look. I like you interpretation of the song and definitely can see that. and I agree it probably does take a few reads, given how it unravels and reveals itself through the song as it progressing rather than giving itself straight away; my writing can kinda be like that somewhat in general I think, I don’t like putting things across too straight forward and like to do things in my own unique way and try and keep the feeling original. And yeah, it’s definitely not a super standard ~spooky scary skeletons~ Halloween song but I did try to incorporate as much unease, fear and whimsy that I could to still give it that haunted night feeling, but still take it in a less generic direction. Glad you enjoyed it! Edited November 5, 2023 by fountain
Antikythera Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 @XO_Life thanks for ur review. I have to disagree: my song does fit the challenge. Yes it is empowering but we are talking torture, murder and seance. The woman in this song is literally doing a necromancy round with the dead legends because she has no real friends. For me this is spooky enough. The rap I dont think needs to be all tje same little rhyme cause it depends on the rapper flow, I did not want all with the same ending. Maybe this is because I write to a instrumental inside my head, my lyrics are more to a drum beat, not so much to a melody, but I know this is a me problem lol.
XO_Life Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 15 minutes ago, Antikythera said: @XO_Life thanks for ur review. I have to disagree: my song does fit the challenge. Yes it is empowering but we are talking torture, murder and seance. The woman in this song is literally doing a necromancy round with the dead legends because she has no real friends. For me this is spooky enough. The rap I dont think needs to be all tje same little rhyme cause it depends on the rapper flow, I did not want all with the same ending. Maybe this is because I write to a instrumental inside my head, my lyrics are more to a drum beat, not so much to a melody, but I know this is a me problem lol. As you can see I did enjoy your song. I get the themes you were talking about but why not include "black candles filled with blood that burn with the screams of the mistreated" for example... the inclusion of such imagery could've made your entry more creepy, dark and twisted. I really would've enjoyed that. But this is just my opinion, I am not saying I am right or anything of that sort. I enjoyed your rap part, for my personal taste it could've benefited from a tighter rhyme scheme. Your entry is still very good but again, to me the creepiness of themes you mentioned just didn't convey this round.
Hug Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 For one last scare we won't be getting results until Monday
worldwide angel Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 4 hours ago, XO_Life said: @worldwide angel - Sundiving Well, kill em with kindness... if that doesn't work, knives are fine as well. I've noticed that compared to your last entry you switched it up a bit - love that. While you still managed to give me a really great image what your song is about, I really liked that you used that are more easily digestible (hope this makes sense) You pre-chorus & chorus were fine as well. I liked them. Although I was longing for a tighter rhyme scheme in both of them. In my opinion you fullfilled the theme in a unique manner by switching it up and taking your inspiration from a movie. I liked the sense of brutality that was displayed in your song and yeah... it was a good entry but could've been catchier. thank you
Kern Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, XO_Life said: @stupidjock - Tyra Banks Thank you for sticking with your original entry and not changing it completely. I could tell that you had great time writing this entry. The fun and energy you had were conveyed through your lyrics. Overall this entry is really fun. Some lines took me by surprise and made me cringe a bit. The alien toast line was a bit much :D Also (one stayed and watched) could've been deleted. So yeah, I wasn't the biggest fan of your verses. But... your pre chorus was simply amazing. It screamed classic to me! The build up of chorus was really good as well! Chorus and pre chorus were really catchy and seemed to be fast paced - I really like this. Overall, this is a huge improvement from your first entry. I liked the verses from your original first entry better but that chorus and pre chorus just hit home for me. The song wasn't really that spooky tho but somehow I still think your song fitted the theme. Well done! @Aurora @Jackson Thank you all for the reviews. I made a mistake on the first round by changing my entry from something I thought 'how it should be' to more poetic lyrics and it got clocked so I wanted to go back to my original idea on how to write. Originally I wanted to write a song like Olivia's Vampire or Marina's Living Dead but the results were not giving so I kinda wanted to give up untill some inspiration struck and I had some goofy ideas. Halloween is not that popular in my country so I didn't really know how to give that vibe so I just had to freestyle with halloween-related terms like ghosts, aliens etc. My biggest concern with my song was it giving something like a parody so I was hoping the theme of fear of losing someone might give it some weight etc. Generally I wanted to make something that could be on a funny show like Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I'm glad the judges liked it more than my previous entry and that most of the things I had problem with were adressed like lack of cohesion in campiness, some cringe lines etc. Edited November 5, 2023 by stupidjock
Jackson Posted November 5, 2023 Author Posted November 5, 2023 1 hour ago, Hug said: For one last scare we won't be getting results until Monday they’re coming today! waiting for aurora to be online but i would expect results around 5pm EST 1
Galah Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 3 hours ago, Jackson said: they’re coming today! waiting for aurora to be online but i would expect results around 5pm EST Not you shifting the blame onto me when your final score isn't in yet.
fountain Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 37 minutes ago, Aurora said: Not you shifting the blame onto me when your final score isn't in yet. He’s finalising my 10, leave him to it!
Jackson Posted November 5, 2023 Author Posted November 5, 2023 scores are finalized! i did have a couple things come up though - so results will start at 7PM EST 1
Jackson Posted November 5, 2023 Author Posted November 5, 2023 1 minute ago, stupidjock said: not 1 am sorry i know it sucks for europeans i’ll try to start earlier if possible
Galah Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 7 minutes ago, fountain said: He’s finalising my 10, leave him to it! Perhaps... in binary!
Kern Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 well I guess I'm staying up cause I need to know if I flopped again 1
blackoutbaby Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 9 hours ago, XO_Life said: @Kayseri Mantisi - Ghoul's Ballad First of all , you did nail the theme of this round completely. Your song had a lot of Halloween and spooky references. Your rhyme scheme in this entry was flawlessly executed. Well done. For your next entry, I would like to see a different rhyme patern from you. You used AA - BB. If you feel confident enough I would love to see you use a different pattern for your next entry. Overall, this song felt very cohesive. The pre chorus and chorus are very catchy, very well done. It has the same feel as your last entry, you have a very distinctive pop style and use very colorful lyrics to engage the mind. This entry had no cringe lyrics like your last entry. I wouldn't change anything. Your entry did feel a little bit disney-ish at times (which is completely fine and good). It definitely had the trick or treat Halloween spirit. I even could see this song in a Tim Burton movie. It's just so well written and tells a story dancing skeletons would sing. You definitely have the talent to write amazing pop songs. You did amazing and this dethroned your previous entry in my opinion. My only other advice (aside from using a different rhyme patern) would be to get "brutally honest" in one of the challenges. I just want that emotional, heartbreaking and slightly disturbing power ballad from you! A tough challenge but with your calliber of writing songs you can pull it off! Again, such an amazing, well-written entry! hurricane326 - The Sentinel There is no denying that you have a lot of talent when it comes to writing lyrics, vocabulary and rhyme schemes. This entry once again proofs that you know how to interpret the themes and put your own spin on things. I just love how dark and twisted your entry is. It sets the mood very well and takes you on a dark journey with no happy ending. This is the kind of brutality I like to see. I would've loved to see you explore your dark side even further. The words you used fitted perfectly but I kinda have to fault you. To me this is another poem and I really want a classical song structure from you, as I think you could deliver something really special. We are only on R2 so I guess I can't blame you too much for submitting something that has no song structure but I actually would like to encourage you to submit something of this sort in R3. @punisher - Body On The Ceiling Well, there it is! Your debut Single. Let me start off by saying that overall I enjoyed your entry a lot. Your chorus had a very tight rhyme scheme and I love that you opened with your chorus. To me your chorus is very strong and I liked that you used the typical AA - BB rhyme scheme. Your first verse followed a similar rhyme scheme while also using words that don't perfectly rhyme. Such a technique makes for more interesting lyrics since you are not so limited with your choices. "and you know there’s nowhere to hide now- now- now look above our bedside" to me this is the highlight of your song and stuck with me the most. This is classic horror and some might find this a bit basic but I sometimes find that simple ideas can convey emotions just as well as poetry. Your second verse kinda lost me a bit to be honest. I thought your movie references were okay but they don't have anything to do with demons and I also thought the verse didn't need those references as they took away some of the momentum and horror you were building up to this point. Your song is very good and you should be very proud of yourself! @Legend E - Danse Macabre Again, I just love the detailed background information you provide! You are an expierenced writer, this review might come off a little bit harsh. I really liked that you used clever rhymes and really painted the scenery with every word you used. I really could imagine "Death" having a blast on Halloween. This again speaks volumes about your obvious talent. However, I didn't like that you went for a poetry structure again. I honestly believed you would've been better off if you used your amazing title and background information to at least include a chorus. This would've made your song more memorable. You could've even morphed your chorus after each verse to stay more in your wheelhouse. I also didn't get the whole Mathilda and Michael reference. Maybe you could've explained this further. To me the whole concept of Death and Souls was worth exploring more. Again, you are an expierenced writer and as I said before your entry is very good and I liked it overall. I hope I didn't come off as too harsh. This is only my opinion and I definitely want to see more entries from you since they are really good but I honestly believe sometimes it's better to be a tad more basic. @Hug - Shadow Hearts Hello there I loved that you gave as dark romantic song. I immediately had to think about a dark pink mixed with purple. Your rhyme scheme was very interesting (ABAB, AA BB) and you incorporated near perfect rhymes that made your entry very interesting. You just have a way with words that immediately draw you in. I again have to applaud you for giving us a complete song, giving it a clear structure and sticking to a theme. Last week I kinda gave you the challenge to write something more raw and brutal. In my opinion you achieved just that with this entry. You also stayed true to your magical writing style while giving us a song that felt completely different than your last entry. I have to fault you bit tho. I thought you could've used the theme we provided a bit better. To me this entry only leans on the theme. By just using words that feel spooky your entry didn't convey that "horror feel" I was looking for. But overall this is another amazing entry from you. @stupidjock - Tyra Banks Thank you for sticking with your original entry and not changing it completely. I could tell that you had great time writing this entry. The fun and energy you had were conveyed through your lyrics. Overall this entry is really fun. Some lines took me by surprise and made me cringe a bit. The alien toast line was a bit much :D Also (one stayed and watched) could've been deleted. So yeah, I wasn't the biggest fan of your verses. But... your pre chorus was simply amazing. It screamed classic to me! The build up of chorus was really good as well! Chorus and pre chorus were really catchy and seemed to be fast paced - I really like this. Overall, this is a huge improvement from your first entry. I liked the verses from your original first entry better but that chorus and pre chorus just hit home for me. The song wasn't really that spooky tho but somehow I still think your song fitted the theme. Well done! @Antikythera - Knives Out (After Party) Okay, I have a few thoughts regarding this entry: It is obvious that you had fun while writing this. This is the main goal of this game. I really liked that you paid homage to different women who faced abuse over the years and made a connection to the "now" by including britney... basically showing that women still face the same repercussions they faced back then. I liked how your verses a lot this round. They were very well written and immediately set the scene for the whole song. You had a good rhyme scheme for the most part, which made the song feel very pop. I also enjoyed that you took the time to include a rap part - this is a risk, and I am glad you took it. The rhyme scheme of the rap part should've been tighter tho as that would've given the rap part a bit more punch. I also liked how you referenced the women again in the rap part and didn't just leave them in the pre chorus and chrous. With this being said, there are some things I didn't enjoy as much. The whole connection with the Britney and knives out felt a bit clumsy to be honest. I would preferred a chorus that dove deeper into the whole toxic relationship part. I get that you were going for a "I'll show you vibe" and you did just that but somehow I couldn't enjoy your chorus and pre chorus as much as the verses. Finally, to me this song does not fit the challenge theme. It's more of en empowerment anthem and not a spooky entry. As you can see I did enjoy a lot of things about this entry but I also thought it could've been improved. @worldwide angel - Sundiving Well, kill em with kindness... if that doesn't work, knives are fine as well. I've noticed that compared to your last entry you switched it up a bit - love that. While you still managed to give me a really great image what your song is about, I really liked that you used that are more easily digestible (hope this makes sense) You pre-chorus & chorus were fine as well. I liked them. Although I was longing for a tighter rhyme scheme in both of them. In my opinion you fullfilled the theme in a unique manner by switching it up and taking your inspiration from a movie. I liked the sense of brutality that was displayed in your song and yeah... it was a good entry but could've been catchier. @réveuse - Broom Thank you for submitting a full song this time! I can see that you used a repetition technique for your song. This makes your song memorable and gives it a strong pop feel. Your pre chorus is what stood out to me the most! I found it to be catchy and well written. This is a huge improvement compared to your last entry! While I appreciated the repetition of lines and use of simpler words, I thought you could've pushed it further. Maybe next time (depending on what challenge you choose) you can try to build more of a picture with your lyrics and avoid too much repetition. @Hey Dude - Wicked Rose To me this is a huge improvement from last week! I really enjoy that has a clear song structure (just name the parts next time e.g. verse, chorus, pre chorus, bridge, etc.) I liked the brutality of your song, you painted a good picture with your words and managed to capture my attention. This is the second entry this round which is based around a mistreated woman who takes revenge. In my opinion you conveyed the whole concept of this through your lyrics. Your chorus was catchy but the rhyme scheme in the chorus could've been tighter. That would've made the chorus stand out more. Your verses were fine and there were some good rhymes in there. However, this to me is not a spooky anthem. It's a revenge song about a scorned woman. Still, this is a good entry. @blackoutbaby - Dancing Under the Blood Moon Compared to Paris ***** this is more of a tame from you. I find that you and I sometimes have the same approach when it comes to writing verses. We tend to keep our sentences short while trying to convey as much emotion as possible. Because of this I was immediately drawn in. Because of your background information your song feels very "now" and connects to the times we are unfortunately living in. I liked that you went for a ABAB rhyme scheme in the chorus, that made the chorus more memorable and catchy. Your bridge had a tight rhyme scheme as well but the last sentence should've been included in that. Overall I enjoyed this entry a lot but... to me this isn't spooky. It's more of a political song. @fountain - Oh lord... when I saw that title I wanted to scream so much... I literally prepared myself for something truly cringe and unrelatable... Thankfully your entry more than surprised me! To me your song is about loss and how the spirits of the people we lost can walk again on earth on Halloween. It really was an beautiful entry! At first I wasn't sure about your entry because I had to read it a few times. It really is a beautifully written song. Well done! The entry is a tad lengthy but I think that worked to your advantage here. I often critique rhyme schemes and don't like it when they are clumsy but I didn't think you needed a tight scheme because that is not what your song is about. I really enjoy getting to know you as a writer. Well done! But... let's keep it 100. This isn't really a spooky song. @Invisibility - It's a Love Thing Better late than never I guess. Thank you for submitting! First of all - you set the mood of the song very well and incorporated some classic horror elements with the video store amd then the blackout - I really enjoyed it. Ugh and your chorus was really really good! It gave me E.T. Katy Perry vibes - I wished it would've gone on longer. The rhyme scheme of your chorus was really good as well. I get that this is supposed to be an acoustic song but I believe it could also work as a pop song. Especially the chorus screamed pop to me! Very well done! Verse 2 lost me in the middle a bit. I didn't get the whole Edvard and Paul thing. But other than that it still was very engaging! The bridge was very good as well and pushed the song in the right direction. Oh and I loved that you switched it up for the final chorus. Politics can be spooky
poki Posted November 5, 2023 Posted November 5, 2023 20 minutes ago, blackoutbaby said: Politics can be spooky True. Some of our politicians are practically zombies these days with how many decades they've been in power. 1
Jackson Posted November 5, 2023 Author Posted November 5, 2023 37 minutes ago, blackoutbaby said: Politics can be spooky they almost always are
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