Galah Posted October 28, 2023 Posted October 28, 2023 Hey, Hitmakers! What a terrifyingly terrific start to the season the Wanderlust challenge has been for you all. While Round 1 results are still creeping up on us, the Hunter's Full Moon has reached its peak illumination... 🌕 Without further ado, let me introduce you all to the second round of Season 5... Boo! Bítch! It’s that time of the year again… spooky season! This round we challenge you to derive inspiration from the wicked and the whimsical, the ghastly and the goofy, the psychological and the highly logical… psych! We want to be shocked by all of the tricks and treats of the songwriting trade. Halloween is approaching frightfully fast, but fortunately the judges are all in the mood for a fright. Your task is to write a song that could be considered a Halloween staple. Whether you’re aiming to write the next “Thriller”, or simply plan to “Turn Off The Light”, we understand Halloween is celebrated in many different ways. From the spooky to the camp to the mythological, we love it all! Last year Golden Hit debuted a Halloween Special, so this round is keeping that tradition undead. Even if Halloween isn’t celebrated where you are from, we know your unique perspective on the themes typically associated with the festivity will surely make for a spellbinding read. AWOOO! Songs due via Google Form submission by Thu. Nov 2, 11:59PM EST Jackson, XO, and I are thrilled to see what ideas you bring back to life, and hope writer’s block doesn’t haunt you! The top three submissions will earn their writers a Hit Token, so make sure to submit for your chance at one of those. If you have not yet signed up for Golden Hit: Season 5, that’s fine! Just submit an entry and we’ll add you to the sign-ups list. Spoiler @stupidjock@fountain@Hey Dude@GentleDance@réveuse@Invisibility@worldwide angel@Legend E@JonginBey@Kayseri Mantisi@blackoutbaby@Navy4Life@Antikythera@Julianna Calm Down@Hug@Prisoner 3
Invisibility Posted October 28, 2023 Posted October 28, 2023 I have a song idea I've been thinking about for a little while that might be good to sink my teeth into, it's time to bring it back to life 2
Galah Posted October 28, 2023 Posted October 28, 2023 It would be fantastic to see some of the participants of the original Golden Hit Halloween special participate in this round, too! @Euterpe@Augmented@OreGuy@Julia Fox@Speezy
Hug Posted October 28, 2023 Posted October 28, 2023 I'm Making Snow (Halloween Ver.) is COMING!!! 1 1
Galah Posted October 28, 2023 Posted October 28, 2023 Since it was requested last round, here are some songs I've written for past ATRL writing tournaments that could satisfy this challenge: “A Devil Always Wins” (2015) “Digging Your Grave” (2017) “Shapeless” (2019) “Take a Bite” (2020) Not all of these songs were specifically written with Halloween in mind, but they all embody that sense of mystique and darker themes I typically associate with Halloween. Feel free to write something that's a complete 180 to this that's full of fun, unabashed campy Halloween goodness... or badness! 1
Galah Posted October 28, 2023 Posted October 28, 2023 17 hours ago, Aurora said: 13. @réveuse - “London” Welcome to the tournament! Thank you for submitting, even if it was at the last minute. As you indicated with your title on the document, this is a very short song. To echo what I said in stupidjock’s review for “Rijeka” (read that full review for more details), absolutely every single lyric has to count in a song as short as this. I think writing about your hometown was a lovely way to approach this challenge, but I would have loved to see that love and passion shine through in the lyrics a little more. Instead of just talking about memories and treasuries, go into detail about what memories or experiences you’ve had there, and what makes London such a treasure to you. Invite us in, take us on a journey. You were on the right path with the addition of Big Ben in the chorus, but that’s such a notable landmark that it could be interpreted as touristy rather than something you’ve grown up seeing. Give me specific streets or businesses, describe the paths and walkways, what sounds and scents can you hear and smell? Really take us on a journey to London. Make your lyrics your own double decker bus! @réveuse I've edited my review of your song into my original reviews post, but here it is isolated for convenience. 🏴 1
réveuse Posted October 28, 2023 Posted October 28, 2023 5 minutes ago, Aurora said: @réveuse I've edited my review of your song into my original reviews post, but here it is isolated for convenience. 🏴 Thank you!
Jackson Posted October 29, 2023 Author Posted October 29, 2023 On 10/27/2023 at 6:51 PM, Jackson said: @Kayseri Mantisi – Land of the Rising Sun Welcome to Golden Hit! Your song was the first one submitted this season, and I think you started off the season on a high note. I love how you fully embraced the challenge. I fully feel the sense of wanderlust throughout your lyrics and how you weaved Japanese imagery through every line. Your writing style in this song is very vibrant and colorful to where I can imagine myself in the song. This was most prominently displayed in your chorus, which was extremely catchy and memorable. I like the sense of sensuality you brought to the chorus. “I wanna taste your sushi” was perhaps a slight misstep, but I think the chorus was otherwise flawless, specifically the image of exploring “each hidden room” in the lover’s temple. There were a couple moments where I felt that the rhyme scheme was driving the song rather than the story, such as “A dream that’s never done” and “out stories got spun”, but those moments weren’t overly prevalent – I’d just watch for that in future weeks. Otherwise, I loved lines like “I’m writing a song of longing with each lyric I hum”. You’ve arrived to the competition already with strong writing skills and some of the best imagery I’ve seen, so I can’t wait to see what you continue to bring in the coming weeks. hurricane326 – The City (An Ode to Pittsburgh) So excited to have you back this season! I often find myself relating a lot to your writing, which is a testament to your skill. In my mind, the main pillars of songwriting are emotion, technical ability, and ability to convey imagery through words. You’re already a masterfully emotive writer, but this song showcases your technical abilities in ways I haven’t seen before. I love the subtle alliteration in lines like “one word I mouth with meaning means”. You have some absolutely brilliant one-lines here, like “ ‘child’ is a before and after, a paradise of painful proportion” and “from the city wrapping tight around my heart and mind” – these both rank among your best. As I alluded to earlier, I relate to this song heavily, having moved to a big city three years ago and realizing how much it’s changed my life for the better, and how much more vibrant and purposeful my life is just from changing my setting, or a “movement towards the light”, as you put it. My only minor notes are that some lines feel slightly out of space. I feel like “cyberspace” didn’t need fit the vibe of the rest of the song, and “strife” feels forced to fit a rhyme (as it does 95% of the time it’s used in lyrics). But these are only minor comments to an otherwise almost-perfect song. If this is any indication of your trajectory this season, this could be your best yet! @Hug – Sea of Stars Welcome back! It’s good to see you back for your 54th season (I can’t judge as I’m probably just behind you). Although I’m obviously not scoring you on it, your cover is stunning as always. This song gives me strong “Alien” by Britney vibes – a song about not feeling like you belong on this planet. Although not exactly how I envisioned the prompt being followed, it’s certainly a creative interpretation of it. The simple, unadorned structure and language in this song make it feel almost like a lullaby, amplified by the somber mood of the lyrics. Because the song is mostly a simple AABB rhyme structure, it makes lines that don’t follow the rhyme scheme stand out, such as “I find myself somewhere among the stars” and “To swim in the sea of stars is everything I want” – perhaps this is on purpose, but I feel like these lines aren’t quite strong enough to be pushed out on their own like this. As always, you do a lot well here too. The entire song is soaked in a melancholy mood that feels tangible. You also had some strong imagery in lines like “I draw a map in my mind, and wish that I was there”. This is a good first entry from you, and I’m excited to see what other worlds you take us to this season. @Legend E – Lands This was a cool way to portray moving to a new country. I find it really interesting to hear your experience in the new country, as it’s often cited by Americans as some mecca of human-scale building and transportation and something to envy. Yet, I’ve also heard of it being a very unwelcoming country to immigrants and those that don’t speak the language. The way you chose to write this feels very raw, like a page out of your diary. I see this almost as a spoken word song, with varying line lengths and not much in the way of poetic structure. This style helps convey the strong emotional message of the lyrics, even if it prevents any singular line as standing out as most memorable. Like you already kind of mentioned, the bridge feels a bit out of place. You mention that you felt like you needed to include that section, and I think there are ways you could have included it while incorporating it better into the rest of the song. Specifically, I think the word “corporate” pulls me out of the song – this is a place where showing or explaining rather than telling could have been helpful. I also found the love/like lines in the outro to be a bit redundant. Regardless, this piece was jammed completely full of emotion. It was also a unique and refreshing take on the challenge, making it so personal and regarding your chosen place as somewhere with mixed emotions rather than an escape. I can’t wait to see what you do next! @stupidjock – Rijeka I briefly read your first song, and I’m happy to say that I think this one is an improvement! The first song had some good moments, but it also did feel generic at times, where this song has a lot of personality to it. I had never heard of Rijeka before reading this, but I felt like I was on the Croatian coast by the end of the song. I love all the specific references to parts of the city in the lyrics – things like “concrete over water” and “city museum, oil painting on the wall” help build the setting really well. Details like “I lost my swimming trunks, I have nothing underneath but me” were also great additions. The song was a little short and disjointed at times. You had a lot of great single lines, but they weren’t always woven together in a way that told a cohesive story. I’d recommend trying to think of an overall story and trying to fit pieces together in a way that conveys the emotional arch of the lyrics just as well as you describe the images and events of the song. Still, this is an extremely solid entry, especially for a first-time participant. You’ve already shown that you have a way with words and a great understanding of the blocks to build a great song. I hope to see you continue to experiment with putting those pieces together to craft some truly great songs! @worldwide angel – Babel What a cinematic return, starting your song off with an operatic array of strings accompanied by soaring synths and trip-hop. I’m glad to see you back again. Your style is unique but always refreshing. This song had a slightly darker tone than some of your entries, which I appreciated. Even without the *ascending chorus of glistening harps*, I could feel the crescendo throughout the chorus. “Concrete” is such a forceful word to use in a chorus, but it feels earned here. I love both the symbolism and imagery in the verses, from “wheat made of gold” to “let’s fill up the void/with bands of blessed, burned souls”. As is common on songs with such deep symbolism, there were certain lines I didn’t fully understand. I’m not sure what the significance of Victoria was, for example. Although the song has tinges of optimism, Babe typically has a negative association, as the tower was ultimately struck down. This muffles some of the optimism for me – whether or not this was intentional, I liked the conflicting emotions. This was a very complex first entry, but ultimately a great song. @Antikythera – Amsterdam (Lekker D) Love to see multiple Dutch entries this round. Welcome to Golden Hit! Slutty pop anthems are always welcome here, and I’m glad to see something more light-hearted this round. Right away in the first verse, I loved “let me get it straight or bi-“ – this was such a clever, fun lyric. Other than this lyric, the first verse was a bit generic, but there was enough personality in the rest of the song to more than make up for it. I LOVED the interjections of Dutch profanity. I kinda screamed after putting “geil” into Google translate – I didn’t realize we were going there with this song! While normally I don’t love highly repetitive sections, I thought the “and you can call me whatever (slet slet slet slet)” section entertaining. My only other criticism is that the song was on the shorter side. I would have loved to see what other Dutch smut you could conjure up. I’d love to see an even more ambitious song from you in future rounds. I’m already excited to see where you go from here! @Hey Dude – High You always come through with the media education. I had never heard of Ratchet & Clank or been aware of the prevalence of abandoned airfields in 2000’s video games. I’m glad to see you back this season and with a new muse. This song was so PoKi. I loved the spoken word radio host section – it had a lot of personality and helped set the tone of the song. You’re always unabashedly yourself in this competition, and there’s a lot to love about that. While the amount of personality in the song is often a good thing, there are times where your lyrics become so hyper-specific that they’re hard to relate to, such as in the spoken post-chorus or the lyric “I wanna make my dough as a talk show host”. I love the amount of personality you show, but it’s a bit jarring to see “PoKiTaurus, bro” in the middle of your song. Elsewhere, I think you captured the desert, wild west theme well, such as “I walk by, they tell me ‘howdy boy!’”. Regardless, I love that you constantly craft such authentic fun songs, and I’m excited to see even more from you this season. @blackoutbaby – Paris ***** You say this song takes a few reads to get, but I thought it was a pretty instant smash. Right off the bat you hit us with “My body’s like The Louvre/It’s a ******* work of art” – being completely honest, I love the brashness of this. I could see this song kicking off with heavy synths and drums, matching the sensuality of the lyrics. Much like Antikythera’s entry, I think the repeated words worked here because they specifically related to the challenge, and the repeated “oui oui” brought a campiness to the lyrics. If anything, I think you could have taken the lyrics farther in a couple places. I liked the Eiffel Tower reference, but I think it could have been slutted up a bit more by making reference to the sex position of the same name. You also mentioned “like a fire/light your fire” a couple times – rather than repeating lines an a fairly short song, I would have loved to see another double-entendre. “Lick me slow like escargot” honestly has to be a contender for line of the season already, absolutely fabulous work there. I also laughed at the random Lady Marmalade sample at the end. This was such a fun song to read, and I could feel that you had a blast writing it. I’d love to see other sides of you in future weeks, but this was a great first entry. @Invisibility – Corchito Welcome back! Apologies if I’m misremembering, but I believe you started playing in GH3 when I was on hiatus, so I don’t think I’ve read your writing before, but this is an excellent first entry! The words you use are extremely vivid – I can practically see myself diving into a cenote and see the light twisting through green and blue waters as salt and freshwater mix. I love the fresh-salt sea simile you used and how you connected the setting of the song with yourself. The specific imagery of the mangroves, the blurred waterline, and open airways allowed me not only see what you’re describing, but feel the air leave my lungs and water hit my skin. There were a few lyrics that felt out of place to me, most prominently the “Mach 2” line, which didn’t fit the vibe of the rest of the song. Otherwise, this was one of my favorite songs this round, and I’m excited to see your future entries! @fountain – The Square Welcome back, and welcome to your first season of Golden Hit as a contestant! I already made this point in hurricane’s review, but “strife” is almost always a forced rhyme, and this song is no exception. There were a couple other lines that felt forced to fit the rhyme scheme as well, such as “a childhood filled with lack”. I wanted to get a couple small criticisms out of the way, because otherwise I thought this was a lovely song. I loved the experimentation with structure – despite the “lack” line, the rhyme scheme of that verse was very engaging. I like the way the rhythm wasn’t consistent throughout the song, echoing the changing emotions from childlike innocence to feeling stuck as an adult. Apart from the hook 3, the bridge was my favorite part of the song. I think a lot of us can relate to the fear instilled within us, being told that you can’t leave the place you are because the rest of the world is terrifying and terrible, continuing a cycle of fear. I could go through the rest of the lyrics and mention all the little things I love, but I would be mentioning most of the song. I’ve been excited to see your writing this season, and this song just makes me even more eager to see what else you come up with! @Prisoner – The Fishpond Behind My Grandfather’s House I’m happy to see you back, but the tardiness! I’m also happy to see your return to form with the long Lana-esque titles. I love these types of songs where you just linger in a moment, savoring the sights and sounds. I also love the way you paint everything as bigger than life, just like a child would, with the “grasses stood too high” and “the most glorious fish pond in the entire world”. There’s such a strong sense of nostalgia and happiness, but also a longing for a past that can’t come back. My favorite lines are “I’d hopped onto the air and knew I had flown/when grandma calls out from afar after dinner’s ready” - you show that naive sense of childlike wonder brought back to reality by the call of a parent or grandparent so well. Technically, everything here is pretty sound as well. My only wish is that the end of the song could have been explored further. Although the “pond that has since dried up” line gets the point across, I think there are some really powerful feelings that could have been tapped into deeper had you explored that part of the story more, perhaps by revisiting the pond as an adult or likening it to the aging of the grandparents. In all, though, this is a really strong entry - perhaps one of my favorites from you. Great job! @réveuse – London Welcome to Golden Hit! I’m so happy to see you submit something, as I’ve been looking forward to seeing your writing since you originally posted in the songwriter’s thread. As you mention in the Google doc, this is a very short song, so I feel I didn’t get enough of YOU in it. Since it’s so short, every lyric needed to be absolutely packed with personality and meaning, and I don’t think it was necessarily the case. I really appreciated the London references, but I would have loved even more to make the song stand out. I realize this may have been a last minute entry, so I really hope to see you create something with more time next week and show us more of who you are as a writer. updated to include @réveuse
Jackson Posted October 29, 2023 Author Posted October 29, 2023 lemme promote my Halloween song entry from last year 2
Kern Posted October 29, 2023 Posted October 29, 2023 I actually wanted to skip this round and suddenly inspiration struck 1
Galah Posted October 29, 2023 Posted October 29, 2023 Just a quick update on results: It looks like we'll have to reschedule them for tomorrow as the last of the reviews and scores are still coming in! In the meantime, what are some of your favourite Halloween bops? They don't even necessarily have to be Halloween-specific songs per se, but songs like Lady Gaga's "Monster" or Katy Perry's "E.T." could certainly be considered great Halloween party playlist additions. Perhaps now even "Bloody Mary"!
Galah Posted October 29, 2023 Posted October 29, 2023 3 minutes ago, stupidjock said: Sweet but Psycho Ghost Don't forget "Sleepwalker", the way Ms. Max has Halloween in a chokehold. The "Halloweenie" series from Ashnikko are also fantastic! 1
XO_Life Posted October 30, 2023 Posted October 30, 2023 (edited) Okay guys!!! I really enjoyed this round. You are a bunch of amazing writers and I look forward to your next entries. @blackoutbaby - Paris ***** Did I get this entry on the first listen? Let's find out below... First of all, this whole entry gave me a lot of Sex-Pop vibes, which I love. Let me just say, overall I like short songs that get to the point better than songs that leave too much room for ambiguity. Your writing style seems to be very sexual and poppy. With this combination you created one of my favourite entries this round. I like how you incorporated French into the song, you used just the right amount. The pre chorus was my favourite part of your entry. It just felt like a real song. My only criticism for you is that some lyrics were just too on the nose and at times felt a bit cringe. I thought you could've gotten to the point by using different examples they may be less vulgar. But this is a really strong entry! Thank you @Invisibility - Corchito This whole entry felt like the color blue and light brown. Just like the beach. I think it's always special if you read something and it gives you a color. To me this is proof that a writer understands what they are doing! Extremely well done! The whole scenery of the song gave me daydreaming vibes but just as you are about to "truly" drift away you come back to reality. I liked your song and additional information about it a lot. The only part I didn't get is why you choose to switch up the pre-chrous and then used the second one twice. I would've like a third pre chorus. Also I thought your chorus could've been a little bit stronger. You verses were really impressive but your chorus lacked a bit of a punch in comparison. But overall this is another strong entry! @fountain- The Square This is probably the entry I was most excited about to read. You have given me great advice throughout my seasons so let me return the favor. Yes, your entry is probably the longest this round. I often find that the longer a song is the more useless sections or words are added to keep it going. I couldn't think of any useless words in your entry. I thought the combination of poetry and pop style writing bleed flawlessly into each other. Your song was very interesting to read. You had a tight rhyme scheme, especially in hook number 2 and number 3. Hook number 3 was my favourite part of the whole song. It just felt so damn good to read. I loved how you stayed on theme and even gave us a finish at the end by finally letting this cough out. To me this song is a combination of light and dark, it has some very light elements but also goes deeper into more complex thoughts. Such details make for very good songs and keep the reader engaged. Very well done! @Prisoner - The Fishpond Behind My Grandfather's Home Ok, so here we have a poetry entry. Let me start of by saying what I was missing: I really wanted to know about more about this whole story. I was really engaged reading it and thought it was a beautifully written story but, and you usually don't hear me say this very often, I thought it could've been longer. I enjoyed it so much that I wanted to know more about it. This is something I rarely find happen to me when reading or listening to songs. You did an amazing job and captured my interest. You had some clever rhymes in there as well. I would like to challenge you to enhance your next entries by adding more song elements like a chorus, intro, pre chorus, bridge and so on. @réveuse - London Mhh... this is a really, REALLY short song. It's kinda difficult for me to review this. Your Verse had a tight rhyme scheme which I liked very much and it gave me a glimpse of the potential you have. The chorus and pre chorus were fine as well. The chorus felt very poppy and cute, I thought it would be a banger. But for me, this is just too short. I think your next entry should show us the potential you have as a writer even more. This is just a little glimpse. @Antikythera - Amsterdam (Lekker D) Well... hello there... ;) Get that guy, girl or whatever and have fun! This song screams good time, drinks, getting ****** up and going home with a 10, waking up with a 2 and loving it. I really liked your rhyme scheme in verse 1. This verse immediately captured my attention. I love how you incorporated a different language as well. This is something I could see Kim Petras sing. The lyrics feel very now. "Let me get it straight or bi- What I wanna do is try To forget you and ride On different vibe (and guy)" I mean come on, serve that gay pop perfection! I really enjoyed this entry. This is such a cool take on the challenge. Overall this is a very good entry. I feel like your style will make for very interesting and fun entries this season. Sometimes the lyrics were too much on the nose tho, maybe use a metaphor once in a while too boost up the imagery. But this is a fun entry and I enjoyed it very much! Great start for you! @worldwide angel - babel Your entry feels very "now" if you know what I mean. The lyrics were composed beautifully and every Word seems to have been selected with precision. Something tells me that you have a lot of expierence when it comes to writing songs. I really enjoyed that you morphed each chorus. This is a very difficult technique and can lead to mishaps. You did it flawlessly. Your rhyme scheme was very diverse too. There were some AA - BB and some ABAB. For me this keeps a song interesting. My only slight critique would be that you sometimes missed a rhyme. For example: "but can i conceive? (A) conjure up a dream world? (B) like they sang of in greece (A) The fields of Elysium" (C) But then again... not everything has to rhyme. I just prefer a very tight rhyme scheme. Your storytelling and imagery is on a whole different level. I really could feel the longing for "babel" This is such a diverse entry - I myself haven't written anything on this level. Really, I have nothing left to say but what an amazing artist you are. This makes me very excited for your next entry. With this being said I would like to challenge you to write something really stripped down. No special imagery, no poetic lines. Just a raw song. I know that this is very difficult especially in a writing contest but you have the chops to pull it off and give it a chorus that just ties the whole thing together and makes it amazing. @stupidjock - Mountains and the sea First, welcome to golden hit! It's always great to see New people participate to keep this iconic game going. Love it. Overall your song felt very romantic and gave me "wanderlust" to travel the world with that special someone. The chorus and first verse were definitely the highlights of your entry. "Hundred miles up from my soul to your eyes and back" is a lyric to die for. Well done! I don't know for how long you have been writing songs but this is a very strong entry to kick off your season. I liked that your chorus felt "real and raw", yet very relatable! The beginning of Verse 2 kinda lost me tho but quickly took me back in. I didn't understand "paying by card" part. Maybe it's just me. I also didn't understand the part "ten days is enough". In my opinion this lyric could've been scrapped. I liked how you incorporated countries that are near the sea and mountains, I really liked this detail a lot. Overall this is a strong entry and makes me excited for your future entrie @stupidjock - Rijeka Okay well... to me this is a completely different song. I will judge it seperatly. Well... you kept the part "paying by card". You had some rhymes in this altered entry as well. In this entry your rhyme scheme is AA - BB but all in one sentence. This is fine and works well here. I would like to encourage you to use a more complicated rhyme scheme. Maybe something like ABAB for your next entry. I really enjoyed the chorus of your last entry. Unfortunately you deleted this part. I get it - sometimes it's hard to put the pen down. Ultimately you have to be happy with your entry, this is the end goal. I will keep it straight tho, to me this is sadly a downgrade from your original entry and too much editing has been done. This is not a bad entry by any means. It's very short and could serve as an intro. I prefer your original entry. @Legend E - Lands Thank you so much for your entry and allowing us to peak insight your mind. For me this felt like an introduction to you as writer and showed me the things/feelings you are going to write about this season. I am excited to see where those emotions will take you lyrically. The song itself is more of an poem (maybe even an intro to an album?) Which is completely fine but I was missing some elements. I would've appreciated a chorus and a tighter rhyme scheme. The lyrics also felt very real and descriptive which further allowed me to understand you as a person. Especially the background information for this song were really interesting and made this entry stronger. I just love when an artist explains what their art is about. I really liked that the entry is really raw and emotional, you didn't use a lot of abstract imagery which I think worked to your advantage for this entry. This entry is really intriguing and I am really looking forward to your next entry and give us the opportunity to get to know your story even more! With this being said, I would like to challenge you to go for a more standard song writing structure for your next entries and explore more abstract imagery while still remaining in the realm of the rawness you showed here. This might be tricky but I believe you can pull it off! Great entry! @Hug - Sea of stars Omg I can totally relate to this. I have had this thought a million times. I sometimes really think that there might be another planet out there with someone that is perfect for me... but with that being said, let's talk about your entry. You know that you are a very talented writer, and your experience shines through in your lyrics. The rhyme scheme is very tight and doesn't feel repetitive. It just makes sense. I myself sometimes tend to overdo it, but you did a really good job here. Every lyric felt completely at the right place. The feeling of endless possibilities and feeling useless here is something a lot of people (if not everyone) can relate to. You captured this feeling completely with your entry. Yes, the song is very magical, but it also relates to the real world, e.g., not feeling you are needed at work. The build from the pre chorus to the chrous was executed very well, it build my anticipation and didn't let me down. For me, this song is about breaking free from a situation or feeling you feel useless in and can only escape from it in your mind. Amazing entry! I don't really have any pointers for you. Just keep going and maybe find a way to use your talent to write something that may be triggering, provocative, raw, and brutal. Maybe an entry without a magical element? That is something I would like to challenge you to do. @hurricane326 - The City (An Ode to Pittsburgh) A very deep poem that got me thinking... thank you for taking us on your journey. I could tell that those lyrics are really important to you! I liked that you used a more poetic style. Your storytelling was very effective and kept my attention. I can tell that you are an expierenced writer not everyone can pull this type of song off! You did it very well and took us on your journey. I could almost feel the emotions you had writing this. Amazing entry! You had some good rhymes in there and executed them very well. I would've loved a traditional chorus tho but I can see why you didn't want to repeat an chorus over and over again as this would not have matched with your entry. The whole part of the firing line till " changed my mind" was epic to me. With this being said, I challenge you to deliver us pop perfection in at least one challenge! @Kayseri Mantisi - Land Of The Rising Sun What a way to start the season! Wheew! Your song blew me away. It definitely has a pop feel to it which I love. The lyrics are so colorful and really took me to Tokyo. The whole song felt very romantic and simply beautiful. I imagined going to Tokyo with the love of my life and everything felt rose pink. I immediately felt a deep connection to your song, you described the the scenery flawlessly. You execute your rhymes in a very good manner and didn't over do it. I could totally see this song being real and recorded. I liked that the song was short and sweet. Sometimes the less words the better. The only lyric that felt... let's say "off putting" was: "I wanna taste your sushi, explore each hidden room". The song didn't need this. It kinda felt out of place for me and took away some of the magic and momentum you build. Excellent song! @Hey Dude - High Hello there thank you very much for your entry! I liked that you used a different structure for this song while still using some basic elements of a pop song. The spoken intro here worked to your advantage and fitted very well to the theme you were going for. I totally see this as country-pop song that is in the veins of "Morgan Wallen - Last Night". This type of music is pretty popular right now (kinda always has been tho) so your song feels very current and in the now. I liked that your chorus brought out a strong country pop theme. Throughout the song you maintained a good rhyme scheme which is always welcome in my book. Your imagery was placed very well throughout the song and helped to set the scene. I wasn't a fan of your post-chorus. I thought it could've been part of the chorus. I also didn't like the spoken post chorus, it's not that I didn't like this stylistic choice, I just thought it took away from image I was building in my mind up to this point. Overall I enjoyed this entry a lot and think you did an amazing job. Edited October 30, 2023 by XO_Life 3 3
Kern Posted October 30, 2023 Posted October 30, 2023 Thank you. It looks like overthinking really did me wrong, so let me keep it cute this round 1
XO_Life Posted October 30, 2023 Posted October 30, 2023 1 minute ago, stupidjock said: Thank you. It looks like overthinking really did me wrong, so let me keep it cute this round Well it happens... I really liked your original entry tho! It was amazing! 1
Kern Posted October 30, 2023 Posted October 30, 2023 Just now, XO_Life said: Well it happens... I really liked your original entry tho! It was amazing! This is surprising to me, especially since @Aurora shares the same sentiment because that first song was very ‘judge-pleasing’ and I thought I was wrong for using real instrumental music as inspiration to the lyrics while the other was more of a poem, but let me do that again then and see what comes out. I guess listening to some instrumental songs and writing around that was actually good idea
XO_Life Posted October 30, 2023 Posted October 30, 2023 6 minutes ago, stupidjock said: This is surprising to me, especially since @Aurora shares the same sentiment because that first song was very ‘judge-pleasing’ and I thought I was wrong for using real instrumental music as inspiration to the lyrics while the other was more of a poem, but let me do that again then and see what comes out. I guess listening to some instrumental songs and writing around that was actually good idea It all depends on what technique works for you best! Keep in my mind: This is just the opinion of three people you met on the internet. We very well could be wrong. But using real instruments or coming up with a melody of your own and building your song around it, usually results in better rhyme schemes and ties a song better together. 1
Kayseri Mantisi Posted October 30, 2023 Posted October 30, 2023 32 minutes ago, XO_Life said: @Kayseri Mantisi - Land Of The Rising Sun What a way to start the season! Wheew! Your song blew me away. It definitely has a pop feel to it which I love. The lyrics are so colorful and really took me to Tokyo. The whole song felt very romantic and simply beautiful. I imagined going to Tokyo with the love of my life and everything felt rose pink. I immediately felt a deep connection to your song, you described the the scenery flawlessly. You execute your rhymes in a very good manner and didn't over do it. I could totally see this song being real and recorded. I liked that the song was short and sweet. Sometimes the less words the better. The only lyric that felt... let's say "off putting" was: "I wanna taste your sushi, explore each hidden room". The song didn't need this. It kinda felt out of place for me and took away some of the magic and momentum you build. Excellent song! Thank you so much I agree that sushi take was a bit extra, should've scrapped it lol
Kayseri Mantisi Posted October 30, 2023 Posted October 30, 2023 Just sent my entry for the new round 1
XO_Life Posted October 30, 2023 Posted October 30, 2023 8 minutes ago, Kayseri Mantisi said: Just sent my entry for the new round Well... let me take a look then. 1
Antikythera Posted October 30, 2023 Posted October 30, 2023 For Halloween this comes to mind, MJ not so famous sister, but still great 1
Recommended Posts