tournament Golden Hit: Season 5 ⚜️ Congrats to fountain!

[Kern]

11 minutes ago, Aurora said:

2. @stupidjock - “Villa With a Swimming Pool / The History of Masculinity”
Iconic title once again, you’re knocking it out of the park with these ones.  I wish I could say the same for the song itself… Oh wait, my wish just came true! This is definitely my favorite offering from you thus far, and I can already see a tremendous amount of growth between your round one submissions and this one. You start this song on such a strong note with the, “We were a good match,” hitting directly after setting up the two characters of this story being persuasive and easily manipulated respectively. The, “He changed me,” repetitions were so perfectly simplistic, and were just enough to allow the chorus to feel like a chorus, despite the remaining lyrics differing between the two sections. Simultaneously, you’ve got this thread of seaside swimming pools representing external happiness, and the exile desert representing internal sadness. It’s a simple dichotomy, but an effective one. The simplicity of lyrics such as, “When he ordered us tequila soda,” which quite clearly expresses the dominant character’s habit of speaking for the narrator, can’t be overstated. Now I’ve highlighted what I really loved, I do have some constructive criticism: I’m not sure if “vulture” was the correct choice here, while there is definitely a sense of preying-on-weakness, they don’t appear to be entirely malicious. In the second verse, it would have been great to see more examples of how the narrator’s decisions are now being made for them, rather than just being told. You do address this in the chorus, but I think a few more examples in an extended second verse would have really elevated this. The, “screaming above the water,” lyric wasn’t very clear in what it meant. The double use of “desert” in the second verse and bridge could have also been better utilized to introduce a new piece of vocabulary that shared the same feelings and message. I also fear the outro doesn’t feel like a complete resolution… This is both a good and a bad thing because it leaves me wanting more, and hope you follow up on this in a future submission! This can’t be the end of their story. Sorry for the mini novella of a review, but you earned a lot of feedback with this wonderful entry. Great work!

Omg?? Thank you so much. You gagged me with the 'I wish I could say the same for the song itself... Oh wait...', a little adrenaline to my morning coffee  

 

 

btw. @punisher I hope you're gonna share you sing or at least a snippet 

[Kern]

ALSO, not me being in top 8 because 8 people submitted

 

Edited November 11, 2023 by stupidjock

[punisher]

2 minutes ago, stupidjock said:

Omg?? Thank you so much. You gagged me with the 'I wish I could say the same for the song itself... Oh wait...', a little adrenaline to my morning coffee  

 

 

btw. @punisher I hope you're gonna share you sing or at least a snippet 

i don’t think it’s against the rules to share your magic so here!

Spoiler

[Intro]

Once in a while i hear them hoes talk

funny coming from ******* that look like a wild hog!

 

[Verse 1]

You cant beat me in none of this

The only thing you beat is your small-ass dick

***** you’re the bottom of the food chain

Looking like he who must not be named

Play with me, you don’t know i got the ace

I’ll pop you harder than the pimples on your face

i’m the **** no one can replicate

you’ll go broke trying to get the same estate

so full of yourself you’re not your dinner plate 

sitting all day won’t get your bills paid

there’s so many fish in the sea and i got the best bait

 

[Pre-Chorus]

I’ll wish you well

When you’re rotting all the way down in hell

Won’t **** with a *****

The closest to sex you’ll get is-

When i give you this ass to kiss

You cant get close to this

You’re a *****

So morherfucker, get out of the pre-mi-ses 

 

[Chorus]

Got them big ****, slim thick, real *****, got that-

I’m pretty, busy, classy, got that-

Fast car, face card, real job, got that-

None of those things that you have

Motherfucker you’re the off-brand

 

[Verse 2]

Get back move away

What is left to say

My ***** worth more than your pay

***** go away

Sitting at home on a monday

Stress about me, hair turning grey

Your crib’s starting to decay

And you worry about me?

 

You cant come close to me and i see why

You crawl on your knees while i drive

You hit your vape more than you hit the gym

Living on the couch you leave an imprint

I don’t ******* like you do you get the hint

Never once, never did, do i need to drill that in?

Maybe it’s time that you took a rinse

Cause that cheap cologne ain’t gonna hide your scent

 

[Pre-Chorus]

I’ll wish you well

When you’re rotting all the way down in hell

Won’t **** with a *****

The closest to sex you’ll get is-

When i give you this ass to kiss

You cant get close to this

You’re a *****

So motherfucker, get out of the pre-mi-ses 

 

[Chorus]

Got them big ****, slim thick, real *****, got that-

I’m pretty, busy, classy, got that-

Fast car, face card, real job, got that-

None of those things that you have

Motherfucker you’re the off-brand

 

[Bridge]

I get the bread and you get the crumbs

That’s why you’re still living at your mum’s

You’re not top **** so take it up the bum

Now i don’t have to fake everytime i cum

My ***** is better than anything you’ve done

I keep receipts, so i can give you the coupons 

(Cheap ass)

Even your own grandmother doesn’t love you 

Wishing her dimentia would erase the memory of you

***** you peaked in motherfucking high school 

(lame)

Now your life is heading towards the fast food 

All you ******* are my mini me’s

So go ahead and inbreed 

I would love to have my own grandbabies 

Everybody around me wants the recipe 

But you can’t even afford the ******* necessities!

 

[Pre-Chorus]

I’ll wish you well

When you’re rotting all the way down in hell

Won’t **** with a *****

The closest to sex you’ll get is-

When i give you this ass to kiss

You cant get close to this

You’re a *****

So motherfucker, get out of the pre-mi-ses 

 

[Chorus]

Got them big ****, slim thick, real *****, got that-

I’m pretty, busy, classy, got that-

Fast car, face card, real job, got that-

None of those things that you have

Motherfucker you’re the off-brand

not half the song being censored 

Edited November 11, 2023 by punisher

[Galah]

3 minutes ago, stupidjock said:

ALSO, not me being in top 8 because 8 people submitted

 

This is why we like to highlight the importance of a song's score during results, and not just its rank! At the end of the day, there is always going to be a "last place"—but that doesn't mean the song isn't good. I think this round in particular we will see that even though everyone is top eight "by default" (or top nine/ten etc. if more people end up submitting prior to results), the scores are still going to be very much on par with the top eight of previous rounds. They at least will be from my score contributions! Everyone did very well overall imo.

[Galah]

Also feel free to share your submissions in the thread any time after the deadline has passed, absolutely. We love and encourage sharing and gassing each other up! 

[Kern]

6 minutes ago, punisher said:

i don’t think it’s against the rules to share your magic so here!

  Reveal hidden contents

[Intro]

Once in a while i hear them hoes talk

funny coming from ******* that look like a wild hog!

 

[Verse 1]

You cant beat me in none of this

The only thing you beat is your small-ass dick

***** you’re the bottom of the food chain

Looking like he who must not be named

Play with me, you don’t know i got the ace

I’ll pop you harder than the pimples on your face

i’m the **** no one can replicate

you’ll go broke trying to get the same estate

so full of yourself you’re not your dinner plate 

sitting all day won’t get your bills paid

there’s so many fish in the sea and i got the best bait

 

[Pre-Chorus]

I’ll wish you well

When you’re rotting all the way down in hell

Won’t **** with a *****

The closest to sex you’ll get is-

When i give you this ass to kiss

You cant get close to this

You’re a *****

So morherfucker, get out of the pre-mi-ses 

 

[Chorus]

Got them big ****, slim thick, real *****, got that-

I’m pretty, busy, classy, got that-

Fast car, face card, real job, got that-

None of those things that you have

Motherfucker you’re the off-brand

 

[Verse 2]

Get back move away

What is left to say

My ***** worth more than your pay

***** go away

Sitting at home on a monday

Stress about me, hair turning grey

Your crib’s starting to decay

And you worry about me?

 

You cant come close to me and i see why

You crawl on your knees while i drive

You hit your vape more than you hit the gym

Living on the couch you leave an imprint

I don’t ******* like you do you get the hint

Never once, never did, do i need to drill that in?

Maybe it’s time that you took a rinse

Cause that cheap cologne ain’t gonna hide your scent

 

[Pre-Chorus]

I’ll wish you well

When you’re rotting all the way down in hell

Won’t **** with a *****

The closest to sex you’ll get is-

When i give you this ass to kiss

You cant get close to this

You’re a *****

So motherfucker, get out of the pre-mi-ses 

 

[Chorus]

Got them big ****, slim thick, real *****, got that-

I’m pretty, busy, classy, got that-

Fast car, face card, real job, got that-

None of those things that you have

Motherfucker you’re the off-brand

 

[Bridge]

I get the bread and you get the crumbs

That’s why you’re still living at your mum’s

You’re not top **** so take it up the bum

Now i don’t have to fake everytime i cum

My ***** is better than anything you’ve done

I keep receipts, so i can give you the coupons 

(Cheap ass)

Even your own grandmother doesn’t love you 

Wishing her dimentia would erase the memory of you

***** you peaked in motherfucking high school 

(lame)

Now your life is heading towards the fast food 

All you ******* are my mini me’s

So go ahead and inbreed 

I would love to have my own grandbabies 

Everybody around me wants the recipe 

But you can’t even afford the ******* necessities!

 

[Pre-Chorus]

I’ll wish you well

When you’re rotting all the way down in hell

Won’t **** with a *****

The closest to sex you’ll get is-

When i give you this ass to kiss

You cant get close to this

You’re a *****

So motherfucker, get out of the pre-mi-ses 

 

[Chorus]

Got them big ****, slim thick, real *****, got that-

I’m pretty, busy, classy, got that-

Fast car, face card, real job, got that-

None of those things that you have

Motherfucker you’re the off-brand

not half the song being censored 

Spoiler

I get the bread and you get the crumbs

That’s why you’re still living at your mum’s

You’re not top **** so take it up the bum

[fountain]

1 hour ago, Aurora said:

 

8. @fountain - “🎭”
NAWT the emoji song title, and here I thought Jackson and I having a song titled simply, “?” was authentically minimalistic. This was certainly a concept piece. I definitely got the impression that every lyric that came after the next wasn’t necessarily anticipated, which made for some really great moments, and some others that took a while to build up into something great. The highlight of this entire piece for me was actually the bug crawling across your coat section—if this legitimately happened and inspired this section of your song I would consider it a rather serendipitous moment because it was a striking centerpiece for this song, and made for a brilliantly natural segue into breaking the fourth wall again and acknowledging the audience. This obviously doesn’t capture the same imaginative brilliance of “Cognisance”, nor the poignancy of “The Square”, but I can absolutely see this earn a place among what’s sure to be an EP of magnificent songs by the end of your season.

Ffff well, to expand on this song since I didn’t in my submission, I have some mixed thoughts about it. I do genuinely enjoy it but I can’t help but feel that with more time I truly could have aced your mentality challenge. Not that I don’t think this song does a good job of it - because I do and I think it’s very honest and unique - but at the same time it’s not really specifically what I imagined my submission would look like due to time limitations. Still, I suppose there’s no certain thing that my submission ~should’ve~ looked like, so I chose to embrace and submit this piece ultimately. Speaking specifically about the bug section, yes that really was happening as I wrote the song; actually, the whole song came out in about 15 minutes and was just my stream of thoughts, observations and feelings in that moment. I did spruce it up somewhat afterwards, editing words and throwing in a couple extra lines here and there because I was uncertain about submitting it, but what you see here is essentially what I wrote, thought and wanted to say in 15 minutes (not that I didn’t spend more time than that on it overall) and in the end I appreciated and wanted to submit it for that honesty and interesting look into the mind. Even if it’s not the most traditional of submissions and “songs”, I thought: how fitting for this mentality brief? This was my moment of pondering, and I thank you for enjoying it!

[Jackson]

my reviews and round 4 will both be coming in the next 2-3 hours 

[Jackson]

2 hours ago, Jackson said:

my reviews and round 4 will both be coming in the next 2-3 hours 

the way i haven't written any reviews since posting this  

[fountain]

3 minutes ago, Jackson said:

the way i haven't written any reviews since posting this  

i….

[worldwide angel]

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

 

 

6. @worldwide angel - “I Don't Miss You”
Ooh, our first double feature of the round, look out! It’s always risky to attempt multiple challenges because honestly I would rather have one fully-realized challenge than two half-baked ones. Fortunately for you, this isn’t the latter! I’m going to skip ahead a bit and highlight your chorus—this is perhaps one of the strongest choruses we’ve seen in the tournament thus far. It’s so natural in its rhythm and flow, and it’s impossible not to hear it in a sing-song manner that would be perfect as a TikTok sound or Instagram caption, yet still packs a ton of emotional weight. Really, really good balance there. I skipped ahead to that because the first verse didn’t draw me in instantaneously unfortunately, it felt very “Smash Hit” challenge coded but at the expense of feeling a lot more basic than your typical lyricism, particularly in sections such as, “there’s more meaning to this life / than just breathing / its more than seeking / don’t stop believing,” which was giving mid-2010s empowerment mantra a bit. The image of seeing the sun and stars “stand” before you also didn’t work for me. The second verse was a lot more in line with your usual lyrical stylings, which makes me think you oversimplified your writing for the Smash Hit challenge in the first half of the song. Keeping the simpler lyricism to the typically repeated sections, such as a pre-chorus and chorus, while ensuring your verses are packed with personality and punch may have been a better way to toe the line between these two challenges. I’m glad that you showed some restraint and didn’t mark this as a diss track also because I couldn’t have given you a passing grade for that criteria, but you’ve done well to balance the other two as effectively as you have.

thank you

[Jackson]

8 minutes ago, fountain said:

i….

i posted that and then my bf asked if i wanted to go on a run and get coffee  but i only have 3 reviews left to write so i think i can still deliver on my timeline 

[fountain]

12 minutes ago, Jackson said:

i posted that and then my bf asked if i wanted to go on a run and get coffee  but i only have 3 reviews left to write so i think i can still deliver on my timeline 

Leak mine and @worldwide angel since we are here

[worldwide angel]

3 minutes ago, fountain said:

Leak mine and @worldwide angel since we are here

 I concur 

[Jackson]

2 minutes ago, fountain said:

Leak mine and @worldwide angel since we are here

you submitted like 8 hours ago - do you really think you were one of the first 5? . you did make a cameo in @worldwide angel's review though 

[Jackson]

 

What a strong week! At this point, I've given everyone somewhere between a 7-9, which is a testament to how competent and consistent you all are. Round 4 will be coming very very soong.

 

hurricane326 – Your Perversion 

Wow, you’re on a roll this season! You’ve earned a 9+ from me each round this season so far, and you’ll absolutely be continuing that streak this week. This was an unconventional diss track, but it absolutely fits the brief. Yet again, you’ve shown a mastery of all the core pillars of songwriting. Your structure is solid, and the outro at the end is such a highlight. As usual, each of your lyrics is seeping with emotion. Lines like “How dare you feel pleasure?/How dare I feel pain”  show such a raw emotion that, whether this is a personal song or not, feel autobiographical and pull the reader into the story. Each word here feels precise, almost handpicked for optimal impact, but not in a contrived way. “When I tug and jerk until pleasure nears” certainly paints a vivid picture, no matter how uncomfortable. Some of these more intimate lines, like “when my cavity aches for entry” are a bit uncomfortable, but I think feeling discomfort is a further testament to how well you immerse the reader in your lyrics. This is an uncomfortable subject matter, and you don’t shy away from it. So far, whatever advice I would offer this season wouldn’t be much good, because you’ve continually impressed me each round. Great job again!

 

@stupidjock – Villa With a Swimming Pool / The History of Masculinity 

Whew, I could already tell this was ambitious just reading your title. I can already see similarities between this and some of your past entries, specifically in round 1. I’m starting to get a feel for your style, and I think you’ve continually developed and improved it each week. I’m happy you went for a longer, riskier entry this week, because it gave your lyrics room to grow and time for the storyline to play out. What I loved most about this entry is that you went all in with metaphors and descriptive imagery, things you’ve played with but not fully invested in in the past. The song built throughout as well. The outro/part 2 section is the absolute highlight for me and pretty near perfect. “There is no me before him anymore/Most of what I was, I drowned in the swimming pool/The rest rests in the sea” was a perfect run of lines, and exactly the type of writing I hope you continue in the future. There were a lot of other highlights for me, from “I went outside of myself so he could love me/Then he left me to my internal exile” to “I’m just not sure who is making the decisions/Is it me or is it his voice coming from within?”. There were a few times where I felt like you were setting us up for a big punchline or profound moment, but then didn’t quite take us there. “It’s by the sea”, for example, didn’t feel integral to the story other than putting the villa in a geographic location. Elsewhere, “desert running through your veins” was a brilliant metaphor, while “when your mind sends you a receipt” didn’t add much. Similarly, the hand on the leg and buying the narrator a villa build the image of a manipulative or all-consuming man, but the tequila soda line didn’t have the same effect. In short, this was an excellent song with a lot of thought and attention to detail, my only suggestion would be to give us even MORE of that in future rounds, where every single lyrics feels purposeful and impactful. Regardless, this song was a triumph and made me extremely excited for what else you have in store for us this season.

 

@Hug – Romancing Saga 

I love this Hug Cinematic Universe you’re building this season. I’m really glad you chose XO’s challenge. I think you have a knack for writing fun, witty pop songs, and this was a cool concept to choose, although I think you could have leaned into it even more. When you mention seeing Mr. OF “ ‘round the town”, “at the bar”, “walk[ing] in a room”, it detracts a little bit from that sense of distanced idolization elsewhere in the song. Perhaps these real-life situations are imagined, but if that’s the case, I think making them less realistic and more fantastical would help build that feeling. In terms of crafting a convincing pop song, though, you’ve absolutely hit the mark. Even small things like the internal rhyming in “pep in his step…/fly as the sky” and the apostrophized words help build that casual, trendy sound. I could absolutely see the instagays eating this up, and as you mention, this could end up being more of a Montero than a Rush and catch on universally. Regardless, I think writing a niche gay TikTok song fits the challenge as well! More specifically, lyrics from the rap like “But right below the waist is how he rakes in the cash” and “He’s a size king’s dream/And god damn does he own it” would work perfectly as thirst trap captions. This is absolutely a solid pop song and fits the challenge well - I think the main thing you could have done to make this even stronger would be to commit even more to the online lover/OF theme.

 

@Legend E – Childhood Dreams 

I like your technique of presenting your song as if it’s a story told on stage. I can imagine the lone spotlight on you, the curtains opening, and the candid emotions being spoken out. You do a great job of setting the scene here, with references to foggy mornings and crowded stairs. I really love the first verse and references to a place that both made and destroyed you. A school is such a formative place that shapes the entire rest of our lives, but it also is a source of trauma for so many people. I love the candor throughout the piece, as it makes the emotional elements feel very real and raw. Because of that, I think the air balloon motif was a bit out of place. Having that imagery only come up a couple times makes it feel unnecessary. I think you should have either expanded upon that theme or left it out, and really I don’t think it was needed here. There were a couple other words that seemed imprecise. Slaughtered, for example, is probably a bit too harsh for a pensive song like this. Otherwise, I think this was a very strong piece. I love how you tackle the human mind. The “reflection” line near the end is one of my favorites from any song this season, and you end the song on a high note. For me, this is an improvement from last week and one of your best I’ve read.

 

@punisher – Off-Brand 

Not the wild hog line right at the start - you didn’t come to play with these hoes! You absolutely understood the assignment. This was exactly what I was envisioning when I wrote my challenge. There are so many clever lines here. “The only thing you beat is your small-ass dick” is iconic, as is “I’ll pop you harder than the pimples on your face”. It’s hard to provide shock value when you already start so in-your-face, but you continued to deliver strong lines throughout the song. “You’re not top **** so take it up the bum” (and rhyming “mum” with “cum” and “bum”) made me choke - you really delivered on this challenge. Not every single line had equal impact - I don’t think “he who must not be named” really fit, and “your life is heading towards the fast food” was a bit awkwardly phrased. These felt like lyrics meant to be rapped, so I think creating a more consistent meter would have also done a lot of accentuate the sharpness of your lyrics. For example, “when you’re rotting all the way down in hell” was a few too many syllables to be impactful. Still, I think you absolutely hit the mark with your chorus. The repeated “got that” hook was catchy, and it was an example of a section where your flow helped strengthen the lyrics. This was a great song, and it seems like you had a lot of fun writing it, so great job this week.

 

@worldwide angel - I Don’t Miss You 

The smash hit challenge was a good one for you. I agree it fits all three to an extent, but it definitely has more aspects of XO’s. Despite still having your signature dreamlike qualities, these lyrics feel a bit more grounded due to the poppy structure. The highlight for me is the chorus. Even though the lyrics are fairly simple, they have an excellent flow - “i don’t miss you, i don’t try/think about you? nevermind” rolls off the tongue so easily. This is also the section of the song that I think best fits the smash hit challenge. I could easily see those lyrics being a caption to an insta post or the background to a TikTok. In the verses, “deadlines are a figment of fake time” was my favorite line (@fountain would agree), and the line where the theme of escapism is most tangible. I do think the verses are bit generic, and although this is a pop song, I think you could have retained that commercial quality while being more devoted to a theme of being away from a negative parent, ex, boss, etc (I actually think choosing one of these would have strengthened the song). Other than the “deadlines” line and “fall in streams of dream, i make believe”, there aren’t any standout catchy lyrics in the verses that I could see dominating social media. Still, there aren’t any bad lines, and your chorus and those few other lines stand on their own to make this a pretty solid entry.

 

@Hey Dude - The Cheering You Up Song (I’ll Always Be There) 

I’m glad you decided to submit! This was a really cool take on the challenge. I love these kinds of empowerment songs. Golden Hit songs tend to be more somber or pointed, and those songs are excellent as well, but having some positive songs like this provides much-needed balance. Verse 2 was my favorite. It reminds me of “You Can’t Win” by Kelly Clarkson, and “can’t seem to get it right, but that’s alright” is a strong line. The second pre-chorus continues this strength with “you’ve crashed off-course, you’re bruised and sore/hurts even worse inside your soul” - the flow of these lines is immaculate, and further strengthens the strong lyrics. There were a few lines that veered into cheesy/generic territory. Armor taking blows, keeping safe and sound, and flames dimming aren’t exactly new concepts in this type of writing. They can have a place, but I would encourage you to find new ways to convey well-trodden concepts if you’re going to incorporate them, or use imagery or metaphors that convince us that they’re needed. I also almost loved the “shoulders” line, but I think it would make more sense for the broad shoulders to be on someone else (people don’t lean on their own shoulders). Thankfully, you ended the song on a high note with that post-chorus. In all, this was a strong song and perhaps my favorite from you this season, and with a few more edits to strengthen some of the less necessary lines this would have been even more impressive.

 

@fountain - 🎭 

Of course you would choose this challenge - “mentality” is kinda the thread that weaves together all of your songs. This title too - can I refer to this as “Mask Emoji”? I need to make a small comment that has nothing to do with how I’m scoring you, but its vs it’s has been beating your ass the past couple weeks. I don’t want to be the grammar police but it does distract me slightly. This was structured like a very typical fountain entry - the breaking the fourth wall, the personification of a bug, the exploration of very mundane topics, and I love that for you. You’re one of those writers where I know we’re going to get a solid entry every week, regardless of the challenge or how you feel about your own song. I do think some of the soliloquy wasn’t integral to the song, particularly the first section. And although I appreciated the rambling structure, perhaps the song could have benefited from a bit of focus. Last week’s entry was a great example of a song that had all of the aspects of a peak fountain song while still revolving around a central theme. Don’t be confused though - this is still an excellent song and will be scored as such. I love how you make me think of things I would never otherwise stop to contemplate. Focusing on the phrase “freeze to death”, talking about the worth of a bug and it being your “captive audience” - honestly brilliant. Lines like “so, wind, wrap around me/do your worst/I promise/I don’t really care” almost veered into pop songwriting territory in a delightful way. This song feels like you at your most genuine, even if it doesn’t take any risks, but for a writer of your caliber, that’s not a bad place to be.

[Jackson]

R4 is ready to post but I'd rather post it on the top of page 30 for visibility

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