discussion Would U Date Someone Thats HIV Positive?

[Headlock]

1 hour ago, Ascareus Kratos said:

Nope. I think there are still plenty hiv negative people i can choose

Do you get tested with your partners before every sexual encounter? Because that's the only way you would know.

[McNulty]

no

[Oktober Knight]

My husband had HIV when we met and he's still undetectable and healthy 7 years later. No issues at all! 

 

 

[naval23]

27 minutes ago, boubour said:

don't think so. only because they would have to actively take their meds for there to not be a risk, but what if one day they forget to take them, or maybe they go on vacation and they forget their meds...scenarios like this just would make it uneasy for me. 

this for me too. 

 

[Taylucifer]

no, just because we still don’t really have proper healthcare in my country

[Ascareus Kratos]

31 minutes ago, Headlock said:

Do you get tested with your partners before every sexual encounter? Because that's the only way you would know.

Every quarter.

[Headlock]

5 minutes ago, Ascareus Kratos said:

Every quarter.

With your partner? If so good for you 

[HeavyMetalAura]

1 hour ago, Headlock said:

I'm aware of that, I never said anything about those people  My entire point was the ignorance of the disease would lead to exacerbation of an already underlying predisposition to health anxiety, and that combating that with education should be done.

Well it seemed like you were trying to negate my point. I never suggested that those with health anxiety weren’t aware that U=U - I’m saying that more often that not, the anxiety persists despite that knowledge.
 

It’s true that ignorance is often the reason behind why people fear dating HIV+ people and the basis for some anxieties. But I’m talking about - and was always talking about - people whose anxiety runs beyond ignorance. Ignorance is rarely the issue for those with phobias. Suggesting people with anxiety or phobias are “ignorant“ further stigmatizes those who struggle with extreme anxiety or phobias. Most people with phobias know their fear is irrational. Save the “ignorant” label for those who wouldn’t date someone with HIV and don’t suffer from hypochondria. I was defending those who do.

Edited May 12, 2022 by HeavyMetalAura

[Delirious]

8 hours ago, Daddy said:

Testing. Heterosexuals never really got tested because it started out as "gay cancer". Less tests for heterosexuals = less confirmed cases.

 

In the UK there's been more HIV infections detected in heterosexuals than in gay men for the very first time this year.

 

Straight people missed decades of education on the matter. 

 

Plus the fact that the chance of an infection via anal infection is 18 times higher than getting it through vaginal penetration.

ooo ok thanks for the info that makes sense now!

[TheArgonaut]

My boyfriend is HIV positive. It just takes a condom loves, not that y'all are familiar with the concept but so you know.

[lostcause]

1 hour ago, Headlock said:

I'm aware of that, I never said anything about those people  My entire point was the ignorance of the disease would lead to exacerbation of an already underlying predisposition to health anxiety, and that combating that with education should be done.

“And how much do you want to guess a part of their hypochondriacal feelings towards HIV has to do with being uneducated about U=U “

This is your exact response to @HeavyMetalAura empathizing with my post. Your point was to generalize people struggling with hypochondria as “uneducated”. In fact, I am educated on the subject. I have lifelong friends who are HIV+. None of this changes the fact that my irrational hypochondria would inject an unhealthy level of anxiety into a relationship with someone regardless of their U=U status. My health anxiety has lead to many deep irrational fears. I have been tested following sex with a long term partner using a condom. It doesn’t matter that I know the statistics and science backing condom efficacy, my hypochondria is real. This has even been used against me by an abusive ex. They put on an accent, distorted their voice and called to tell me they tested positive for every STI using a blocked number. He told me he was behind the “joke” a year later, after successfully ruining my mental health for all those months. 

So no, my hypochondria is not based on ignorance. If anything, it is comorbid with a deep distrust of others. For me to begin a relationship with an U=U HIV+ person, I would have to trust a stranger to stick to their stringent ART regimen as to not become detectable. These trust issues combined with my hypochondria mean I am not someone who should be in an intimate relationship with someone who is positive. It would be an unfair burden on both of us. 
 

and if you are so wedded to the DSMV discontinuing the term “hypochondria”, you shouldn’t have used the term in your initial response. Perhaps you only just googled “hypochondria” and found that the latest manual changed its name? If that’s the case, you should know that the DSMV has been widely denounced by previous contributors for being the first edition to make its task force sign an NDA. “70% of the task force members have reported direct industry ties” to Pharmaceutical companies. It is not a respected DSM in the least. So I’ll continue to call my hypochondria by the name I have always known it by, regardless of whatever new name shows up in your quick Google search. 

 

44 minutes ago, HeavyMetalAura said:

Well it seemed like you were trying to negate my point. I never suggested that those with health anxiety weren’t aware that U=U - I’m saying that more often that not, the anxiety persists despite that knowledge.
 

It’s true that ignorance is often the reason behind why people fear dating HIV+ people and the basis for some anxieties. But I’m talking about - and was always talking about - people whose anxiety runs beyond ignorance. Ignorance is rarely the issue for those with phobias. Suggesting people with anxiety or phobias are “ignorant“ further stigmatizes those who struggle with extreme anxiety or phobias. Most people with phobias know their fear is irrational. Save the “ignorant” label for those who wouldn’t date someone with HIV and don’t suffer from hypochondria. I was defending those who do.

Thank you for advocating for those of us who deal with hypochondria on a daily basis. Nuance and understanding are rare on this forum, and I’m grateful for your thoughtful voice. 

[Apolonio ₃₄]

No

[JoanneActII]

as long as they're on medication which makes it undetectable and untransmittable then sure why not 

[Comedor]

If they are undetectable why not. Diabetes is way worse tbh.

[Ascareus Kratos]

4 hours ago, Headlock said:

With your partner? If so good for you 

Yups. And always use condom spf 50+ with uva uvb protection

[illia]

no tbh

[MadonnasBoyfriend]

need to see the abs or you can keep him

[Egon Schiele]

Yeah, it didn't really last because we were looking for different things in a relationship though. He told me lots of horror stories about random gheys being extremely hostile towards him. 

[Danny789]

13 hours ago, Delirious said:

Now im gay myself but i just wanted to ask, but why do gay oeople have a higher precentage of hiv+ than straight people?

 

it it unsafe sex? Condoms breaking?

It’s because anal sex is the best way to get it. Penetration causes little tears and that’s how the virus gets in. It’s almost 20 times higher risk than vaginal sex. 

[Alldeezy]

cant some people be born with it? i know when watching degrassi! there housemate had it! and Paige went nuts at him  so straight people can have it too. honestly I don't do much sex so if he was hot and amazing person ofcourse I would. 

[Daddy]

7 hours ago, boubour said:

don't think so. only because they would have to actively take their meds for there to not be a risk, but what if one day they forget to take them, or maybe they go on vacation and they forget their meds...scenarios like this just would make it uneasy for me. 

 

7 hours ago, naval23 said:

this for me too. 

 

Not taking the pill one day isn't doing anything. Plus no HIV+ person would forget their meds on a vacation...

[Daddy]

4 minutes ago, boubour said:

you don’t know that. it might be the case for most HIV+ people, but I don’t wanna have these constant thoughts in my mind “what if he forgets? “has he been taking his meds lately?” etc. it’s both unfair on me and on him cuz I don’t wanna have to police him, it’ll be draining for both of us. 

Maybe that's for the better, they wouldn't wanna date a person like you either. 

[Jynx672]

Maybe, but I'd still be terrified of catching HIV from him.

[John Slayne]

some of you guys are so ignorant, it's not the 80s anymore

 

to answer the question, yes i would because i'm mature enough to understand hiv positive people are still people and as long as they stay undetectable the chances of them passing it onto you are basically zero

 

[Headlock]

9 hours ago, HeavyMetalAura said:

Well it seemed like you were trying to negate my point. I never suggested that those with health anxiety weren’t aware that U=U - I’m saying that more often that not, the anxiety persists despite that knowledge.
 

It’s true that ignorance is often the reason behind why people fear dating HIV+ people and the basis for some anxieties. But I’m talking about - and was always talking about - people whose anxiety runs beyond ignorance. Ignorance is rarely the issue for those with phobias. Suggesting people with anxiety or phobias are “ignorant“ further stigmatizes those who struggle with extreme anxiety or phobias. Most people with phobias know their fear is irrational. Save the “ignorant” label for those who wouldn’t date someone with HIV and don’t suffer from hypochondria. I was defending those who do.

Just as an aside, phobias are type of anxiety disorder. They're the same thing.

 

Stating that ignorance would contribute to someone's anxiety isn't negating a point at all, it's identifying a possible cause. And when you identify a cause, you can combat it with treatment to eliminate that cause, and hopefully, eliminate some of the anxiety. THat's how CBT for illness anxiety disorder works.