Hug Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said: Hug - Fantastrophe / Nostalgia This was a really, really interesting approach. I will say that Fantastrophe is definitely the superior half, and even with the written transition the shift was still jarring. I think a combined chorus with both “songs” at the end would’ve been a killer finale assuming you could’ve made it work. What is there to say about you at this point in your PH career? You're perfect, you're beautiful, you look like Linda Evangelista, you're a model everything about you is perfect! Did you stone those tights? Just keep doing what you’re doing, I love it and it’s obviously been working out for you very well. I took inspiration from legund Gabe, even though I was the biggest detractor of Prologue / Epilogue, I really enjoyed the concept so I suppose I did it how I felt like it should've been done. Hmm, I thought the stars thing was cute for a transition, but I do also see how it can be sudden and jarring. I also never even thought of that, but I probably should have combined the choruses because the ending felt abrupt to me when I sent it, Also, is the Valentina reference supposed to mean I'm not winning, but I'll get Miss C? I'll take it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 was gonna say something but i forgot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 Gabe's Final Reviews @beatinglikeadrum @funnellegs @Nait Phoenix @Gastrodonatella @Glassmouth@Hug @mxtthewdelrey @FCKNAmbrosia @Tsareena @SaintWest @RihsusChrist(ATG) @UFO @Lane Boy @OreGuy beatinglikeadrum: Well, I understand how it can be hard to choose the right words to express what we're trying to say when we're writing in a language that is not our native one. I feel like the word choice here was the main problem because it reads like a theatrical monologue at most instead of a song, I didn't think you had a good flow or a rhyme scheme. I feel like you could've sticked with the imagery and metaphors you chose in the beginning (avalanche, waterfalls, stones) and that way the song would've been a little more interesting. However, when you started to throw all the swearing and these 'in your face' lines the song started to go down for me. I feel like a little less bluntness would've helped you to make the song more interesting for me. I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! funnellegs: I don't think this was bad but I didn't get much of what you were trying to express. Your description gave me much more of what your song did and I don't know if it was because you were trying to it in a subtle way or I'm just dumb and didn't get the message haha! I really liked the second verse though, how you express this feeling of 'been there, done that' but I'm still looking for that one thing which is my faith. I think you did a really good job on that. I think both of your choruses could've been stronger. I loved the post chorus and I think that part was what gave me an actual trace of what you were trying to convey. I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! Nait Phoenix: I actually really liked the verses and the progression of the song. I liked the message you chose and the language you used to express it was fitting in my opinion. I will say that the prechorus and chorus were not as strong as the verses. I did get what you were trying to convey but it was overly simple and didn't manage to keep me interested. I feel like you could've played with these parts a little more and make them a little more dynamic because it didn't add much to what you already expressed on the verses. I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! Gastrodonatella: I think that the song was too short for the story you wanted to tell. I feel like you told us the story but on a superficial level, so I would've liked to see more depth on this one. I want to know details of the story to know how close you are to it; a little more explicity during the narration of the events would've elevated the song to make it more powerful. I really liked how you sticked to the imagery you chose and it was very consistent and made sense when reading it. I think you had a good flow, meter and rhyme scheme! I think this was a good song overall and I think you had a pretty good first season so I'm looking forward to what you bring on future seasons! Glassmouth: Throughout this competition you've brought great and interesting ideas and concepts. And I think you did a great job on this one! You told a story in your own way without being too blunt but at the same time mentioning details from the actual experience that carry a big meaning to you. I really liked the shaking hands/nervous laugh couplet because even though it was pretty simple I feel like it's something a lot of people can relate to and it feels very genuine. I'm sorry you had to go through this but you got a great song out of the experience, and I bet a better person is waiting for you! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! Hug: Well I loved the idea behind the song! I really liked the fantastrophe concept you created to tell your story. I will say that I thought the fantastrophe part was great, the pre chorus could've been left out, but everything else was really good! I don't know if it was that I didn't like the film/cinematography metaphors you used or that they struck me as if the song was about an old movie star that was remembering their glory days instead of you looking through your memories. And on this case I thought the prechorus was the only part where I got a sense of what you were trying to convey. But I have to say it again, your concept was really really good! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! Mxxthewdelrey: Well, since I'm the only one who is actually in Mexico, let me say it... Ay papi! "You kind of look just like my mother / except with sort of grosser teeth" is probably gonna win couplet of the season, so touching, I like the subtle approach to the Oedipus Complex. DE-LIGHT-FUL! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! FCKNAmbrosia: Well I really liked this and I feel like you have a very unique vision and imagination. I actually appreciate the title you chose for this song, it's very original and it's kind of your trademark I think. At first I don't know why but I thought this was going to be like a Rockabye kind of song. I actually really liked this! The concept was great in my opinion and the execution was very good, although I will say that the AAAA rhyme scheme limited you a bit in some parts. I think you could've chose better words to present what you were trying to express, but the rhyme scheme you used didn't let you do that. A very interesting song overall! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! Tsareena: Well I feel like this was a fun song. I can't take it too seriously cause it doesn't have a lot of meaning for me. I finally understood the message of the song when I read the outro. And I thought it was a fun approach, I just don't think it was what I expectef for a final song but I admire that you sticked with your idea! As I said, there's not much going on on this song so I can't say a lot about it. The chorus was lackluster for me. I feel like you've done really good songs because you had great concepts but your concept was lacking this week :/ I still stan for the bowling metaphor you used. I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! Saint West: I think this was a nice closure to the Midsummer/S.A.D. story you've been telling on your previous songs and what I liked about this song was its bittersweetness. Like, someday you'll only be a thought or a memory which won't hurt me anymore. Bittersweet endings are my favorite, they give stories more realism in my opinion. I liked the subtleness you used on this one because I think it worked with the theme of trying to forget and leave everything behind. Afterthought was the better half in my opinion, aging reminded me a lot of 8thPrince's Erased, which is not a bad thing but it didn't excite me as much as the first half. I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! RihsusChrist(ATG): Well, this could've been funnier if you wrote actual lines on the verses. I think the song lacked connection between the sections. I WAS EXPECTING A MADE IN CHINA JOKE! Note: I don't like rice. Sorry. I think it's nice to see that sometimes you like to take the funny approach but I'll say that I do see potential on doing great heartfelt songs. I really enjoyed some of your entries from the season! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! UFO: I really loved the concept. I found it to be really easy to connect with. Sometimes we don't like the reality we're living in so we try to find ways to escape it such as our dreams or drinking. That's what I really liked about the first verse. I really liked the twist you gave the song to make it about how we, as humans, are living in the world and how disappointed you are with our own actions and mistakes. This song has a lot of depth and I think this might have been my favorite song this round. Great song! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! Lane Boy: I really like the story behind the song because it's something that tends to happen. A lot of people lose the desire of living and instead of trying to be well and finding that desire in themselves, they look for it in someone else, sooner or later they'll see that person as their reason to live for. A very heavy topic. I really liked the storyline on the song but I don't feel like it was as strong as some of your previous entries. I feel like you drowned your song in neon in a way that some lines didn't make a lot of sense and I was left wondering why did you decide to describe some things with the adjectives you chose, I think you overused the neon imagery :/ I still think you are the newbie of the season! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! OreGuy: I feel like this song was not very innovative, it's probably something I've heard or read before and it didn't add something new or fresh. I feel like the repetition of some lines didn't help the song at all. I can't say a lot about this song because there wasn't much going on. I think I just want to encourage you to experiment and try new ways to express your feelings or tell a story! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 4 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: was gonna say something but i forgot just like you forgot the finale Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 i want a rap challenge next season @Jackson FORCE these girls out of their comfort zones Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatinglikeadrum Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Not me being King of High Expectations Even Though I have no language skills whatsoever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RihsusChrist(ATG) Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 2 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: RihsusChristATG - Asian Delight Mkay… Your Starlord era has arrived. You’ve been an… interesting writer this season. Your Round 4 and Round 5 entries were rather good, while the rest were so sporadic and *unique*. I’m not sure what you’re going for in this game, whether it’s to really improve your writing or have fun (both approaches are perfectly acceptable), but if you want the former, your Round 4 and 5 entries are what you should be focusing on more for sure. Pears did say write what ever I wanted, and I was eating some Ramen Noodles when inspiration hit. I like to have fun...writing sad, melodramatic songs all the time gets a tad boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Thank you @ughgabriel!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 1 minute ago, SaintWest said: just like you forgot the finale well i didn't forgot, i was just asleep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) 3 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: Glassmouth: Throughout this competition you've brought great and interesting ideas and concepts. And I think you did a great job on this one! You told a story in your own way without being too blunt but at the same time mentioning details from the actual experience that carry a big meaning to you. I really liked the shaking hands/nervous laugh couplet because even though it was pretty simple I feel like it's something a lot of people can relate to and it feels very genuine. I'm sorry you had to go through this but you got a great song out of the experience, and I bet a better person is waiting for you! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! I don't even know what to say, thank you @ughgabriel Edited July 6, 2017 by Glassmouth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 ok, next, basically will be a normal results show where i reveal the rankings for the final round one by one. i just wanna make it super clear by the way that this is ONLY the rankings for round 6, not for the season. don't b confused plz ;;;; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RihsusChrist(ATG) Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said: Gabe's Final Reviews RihsusChrist(ATG): Well, this could've been funnier if you wrote actual lines on the verses. I think the song lacked connection between the sections. I WAS EXPECTING A MADE IN CHINA JOKE! Note: I don't like rice. Sorry. I think it's nice to see that sometimes you like to take the funny approach but I'll say that I do see potential on doing great heartfelt songs. I really enjoyed some of your entries from the season! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! Aww...thanks for the positive feedback, Gabe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mxtthewdelrey Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Next season there definitely needs to be a Katy Perry challenge where everyone is handed an iconic terrible lyric from Witness and has to create a song around it ideas: - Chinese water torture - Open sesame - Robot taking up oxygen - Pendulum, it all comes back around - I saw a balloon floating away etc. @Jackson @Aurora Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted July 6, 2017 ATRL Moderator Share Posted July 6, 2017 3 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: Tsareena: Well I feel like this was a fun song. I can't take it too seriously cause it doesn't have a lot of meaning for me. I finally understood the message of the song when I read the outro. And I thought it was a fun approach, I just don't think it was what I expectef for a final song but I admire that you sticked with your idea! As I said, there's not much going on on this song so I can't say a lot about it. The chorus was lackluster for me. I feel like you've done really good songs because you had great concepts but your concept was lacking this week :/ I still stan for the bowling metaphor you used. I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! I started with a "fun" song so I wanted to end with another one. Thanks for the review Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 Round 6 rankings At #14... King of ramen noodles @RihsusChrist(ATG) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatinglikeadrum Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 1 minute ago, RihsusChrist(ATG) said: Aww...thanks for the positive feedback, Gabe Don't be surprised we will steal rice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RihsusChrist(ATG) Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: Round 6 rankings At #14... King of ramen noodles @RihsusChrist(ATG) Was it ever in doubt? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 1 minute ago, mxtthewdelrey said: Next season there definitely needs to be a Katy Perry challenge where everyone is handed an iconic terrible lyric from Witness and has to create a song around it ideas: - Chinese water torture - Open sesame - Robot taking up oxygen - Pendulum, it all comes back around - I saw a balloon floating away etc. @Jackson @Aurora The balloon lyric is good tho? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 Round 6 rankings At #13... @OreGuy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mxtthewdelrey Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 5 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: Mxxthewdelrey: Well, since I'm the only one who is actually in Mexico, let me say it... Ay papi! "You kind of look just like my mother / except with sort of grosser teeth" is probably gonna win couplet of the season, so touching, I like the subtle approach to the Oedipus Complex. DE-LIGHT-FUL! I encourage you to keep trying on future seasons and apply all the feedback the judges give you to grow as a writer. Thanks for this wonderful mini-season! So much beauty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 5 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: Well I loved the idea behind the song! I really liked the fantastrophe concept you created to tell your story. I will say that I thought the fantastrophe part was great, the pre chorus could've been left out, but everything else was really good! I don't know if it was that I didn't like the film/cinematography metaphors you used or that they struck me as if the song was about an old movie star that was remembering their glory days instead of you looking through your memories. And on this case I thought the prechorus was the only part where I got a sense of what you were trying to convey. But I have to say it again, your concept was really really good! Yeah I suppose the pre-chorus could've been left out, but I felt that for two songs, my entry was short as is It seems pretty split as to if Fantastrophe or Nostalgia is the better part, but it seems Fantastrophe is winning among the judges. Thank you for your review <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 Round 6 rankings At #12... @beatinglikeadrum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 im running thru this bit cause obviously it's a bit boring and i could just post it all at once but isn't that anti climatic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mxtthewdelrey Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Just now, Aurora said: The balloon lyric is good tho? ddd I love it too. but I also think Hey Hey Hey is the best song on Witness by far so no one gonna listen to my opinion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Hug finally getting the acclaim she deserves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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