swiftie13 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 the host didn't have a life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 what when did Hugamari change his name to Hug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 like last week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 on nuTRL you don't have to wait 3 months to re-change your username right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 2 minutes ago, Jackson said: on nuTRL you don't have to wait 3 months to re-change your username right? 3 changes per 90 days, can use all 3 in a row Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 6 minutes ago, Jackson said: We want reviews Do you really? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 1 minute ago, Hug said: 3 changes per 90 days, can use all 3 in a row OK, cause I might temporarily change my username for promo while I have this free ATRL+ 1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said: Do you really? yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 4 minutes ago, Jackson said: OK, cause I might temporarily change my username for promo while I have this free ATRL+ yes k Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Can I donate one of my 3 name changes to hor? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 The poor sis really needs that one name change. Swigie, swigie13, Hor, #3, all acceptable names Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Hor3 would be cute and kinda a double entendre Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 "#3" shut it, sugadadi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 wHor3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Cute Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 the way i invented swigie and his entire being. amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 peaches never caught on, my lack of impact Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 no #1, no impact, nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 I don't feel safe here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 Pears Reviews -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOCyvf7kl2g@keshaspearsxo - This was amazing, truly! Somehow you transverse the line between having really beautiful poetic language, and also being simple and sweet - you totally avoided being overly grandiose and I never felt like this entry was compensating for a lack of depth by inserting unneeded advanced vocabulary. Your imagery was powerful and so consistent - you truly embodied everything that you aimed to, not only from the imagery but from the emotion throughout. You perfectly made me feel both euphoria and melancholy which is a true art form. Your subtlety is perhaps the best thing, you keep me fully engaged in the song with all the mysterious subtle lyrics that totally hook me in. The way you describe the relationship is so beautiful, pure and real - and the idea of being able to capsulate this in a bottle for somebody else to find, and doing so in an aid to keep the relationship safe in the ocean, is simply stunning. This is far from a one sided entry and I truly felt every word here! 10/10. @funnellegs - I think some parts of this work quite well, but others let it down. I really like the first verse, but the "overgrown" rhyme slightly taints it. Usually I'm not one to point out rhymes but that did feel somewhat forced. I really like the pre chorus too, which I find quite rhythmically pleasing. The first half of the chorus, with the "I'll do the trick that you taught me" line is too vague and needed following up if you wanted that line to have any resonance because it's too vague to have any meaning as just this - the "pull the plug" mention is also a bit lacklustre and could've been worded better. The second half is an improvement, but I can't help but feel like a rhyme was needed for some reason. The second verse is another let down, while you put across the continued feel of the breaking relationship with lines like "this pill doesn't taste as sweet as it used to", it doesn't actually add much else to the song other than fitting the overall feel - the extent of lyricism here is a little lacking and again lines like "i'm scraping my knees on these city streets" are a little too vague to know what you're really referring to. The bridge is okay, and I especially like the final couplet, but overall I feel like this entry just wasn't polished enough and needed to be a bit more thought out. @ceremonials - First off, the meter is really nice. I enjoyed the first verse and chorus a lot - but then once you introduced the second verse with the "I'll hide this somewhere, away from you and Dad" the style changed too much and it was too direct for me and lost it's mystery and intrigue, it felt awkward. If you were adamant on making a statement like that to show what the relationship was here, you probably should've saved it for the bridge - the second chorus is a weird place where you probably should've been backing up the song with more story and it would've been better to save the reveal for later. While you describe what I assume is a relationship falling apart between a mother and a father, from the mother's perspective - you never actually explain or even allude to why this is happening, thus the song needs a lot more context and depth to actually succeed in telling a more compelling narrative. And now, looking at your note at the bottom about it being about a mother dying during childbirth - it kind of shows this. You don't make this apparent anywhere in the entry, so it's lacking. Not only do I think it needed more context in that way - but now knowing this, I don't think a lot of this makes sense. Throughout the song you make it sound as though this was a mother's choice to leave, but obviously if you're dying you have no control over the matter, so I think it's a little weird. If I had to guess why these trip ups happen, it's probably because you aren't a mother dying at childbirth. Maybe try something more personal. @Corsola - This is one of your better entries. You are definitely improving a lot. I totally see the Melanie Martinez comparison with the "mommy" childlike manner, but it isn't anything that takes away from the entry. The main thing I would say that is, I did feel like the metaphors and imagery at times actually took away from the entry - for example, the second verse was lacking in these and felt more like your true thoughts, but in the bridge you went back to them with lines about the volcano and sea - while I get why you went for these, I actually preferred it when you didn't - it felt like a much more natural expression of your emotion. @Aurora - This meter was oddly unnatural for you. Nothing about it went smoothly, from the meter itself to the vocab. The second part of the chorus is probably the highlight of the entry, you got rid of the intense vocab and it was the most believable part. "We are two magnets side by side, you're positively attractive" is AWFUL and one of the worst things I've read all season, but I enjoy the rest just enough to not find the vocab choices overbearing. I do agree with your critique that this is style over substance - the actual concept is very simple, but you fluff it up with uncommon vocabulary which I find pretty see through. Find a middle ground instead. @ughgabriel - I can't help but feel like this is dark and emotional just for the sake of being so. You do a great job with the storytelling, but I feel as though this is lacking in personality - there's not much here which I identify with being your style, both in the concept and in the lyricism. I think in coming toward the end of the competition, subtle things such as that will be more and more important, and I felt as though that was lacking here - this feels like an entry anybody could've thought up, and just overall lacked you. Though, I really loved some of the lines - such as the second verse of Prologue, which is one of my favourite things this round. And overall with the Prologue and Epilogue thing - I don't feel like the second part added much that was left out of the first, although the final post-chorus and outro were a nice addition in Epilogue, and I also loved the small reference to Artificial Life - these were nice touches. @Jackson - My version was, and is, better. I find the imagery inconsistent and unneeded in a lot of instances - punchlines like "I build a wall of pillows so you can't see in my head" were the highlights. The chorus seems totally different from the rest of the song, like something taken from elsewhere. The metaphor definitely isn't carried enough throughout the song to make a big enough lasting impact, for me. Thus the verses obviously carry the song heavily. Meter impeccable. I really enjoy the confessional feel of this entry - it does feel like you're genuinely getting thoughts and feelings off of your chest, you did a fantastic job in that aspect. The chorus, though, delete it. @SaintWest - What do I say.... this is really not good. When I read it I thought, "wow I should've let him resubmit" .. but I read the other version and it's no better. This is just the type of song you shouldn't write. The 9/11 plot is so poorly handled. Just don't do it at all, honestly. It's not at all lyrically strong, or powerful, it's just an emotional reference without purpose - a really cheap way about going for an emotional entry, honestly. @jpow - This is definitely an early round entry. I'm talking like, week one or two. It isn't necessarily bad but there's just nothing going on at all stylistically - it's pretty banal and uneventful, but there's nothing otherwise that makes it bad, it's just boring and pretty underbaked (it's not long enough). @8thPrince - The verses and bridge give this a slight mysterious vibe that I enjoyed. I think it could've been played with a little more - it gave me black and white detective teas. It could've used some more plot or something - it was quite one sided in just solely being about this person falling for somebody they shouldn't, but your lyricism is nice throughout. The pre-chorus is definitely the highlight here for me - the "someone tell me why __" sections are really compelling. But, the chorus is quite a let down a thing. It's a little too simple. I do think you could've went further with this entry, in general, from the chorus to the overall story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 We'll start results shortly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 the blue is so hard to read no tea no shade Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 Just now, swiftie13 said: the blue is so hard to read no tea no shade Luckily you were eliminated a long time ago so it's not something that should concern you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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