8thPrince Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 17 minutes ago, Citrus said: Ending is really good. Can you explain what you meant by ticking heart? I got that it has to do with driving people to make choices in regards to their relationships, but I might’ve missed whatever else you meant. The ticking noise is a feeling of anxiousness, like the effect of a timebomb, or a clock counting down to an important moment. The longer time goes on, that sense of urgency to make a decision increases, so when the characters "listen to their ticking hearts", they're making a split decision, though it might not necessarily be the best course of action. the maple line is meant to invoke the apple tree saying, but also it refers to the line that follows, as maple trees have winged seeds that spiral to the ground, rather than drop! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funnellegs Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Thank you @Citrus, if I get through to next round I will work on my choruses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I feel like my choruses are usually pretty weak too, I think that's something I need to work on. Also, since gabe was asking for feedback on how to improve, that got me thinking about what my biggest weaknesses are. One is obvi concepts, they're not necessarily bad but have gotten very same-y. I really tried to switch that up this week, even if I didn't work that hard on my song. It seems to just be an issue this season, I think Madness Ends, Unholy Night and Anchor were all cute concepts. (But you probably dont know/remember these n) Also, I think another issue I have is keeping imagery consistent. I dont think I'm necessarily bad at imagery, I just try to do too much with it and it rarely works. Do you agree @keshaspearsxo @Hug @Citrus @swiftie13 ? Or do you have any other comments? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 (edited) I...honestly don't even know how to respond to any of this. I don't think given the verses, jazz/cab and scotch/got are at all forced, especially considering how they're used isn't a reach. I think they fit naturally into the verses. And I didn't use the word enigma because of the round name, I used it because that fits the character being described. Would you not agree he's an inscrutable or mysterious person? A person who is hard to understand or explain? I also think it describes a lot of characters found in film noir films - they're generally known as being shady, mysterious and mischevious, or enigmatic. I don't think it's a weird word to use in a song - certainly no weirder than a lot of the mouthfuls I see submitted in this game. “The girls begin to sing when he tugs at their heartstrings” is just way too long and so awkward." The chorus as a whole is long, yes, but these lines aren't independently long. Could they be shorter, yes, but my verses in this song were never longer than anything submitted last round that placed Top 3. I get if you had said the chorus was long, or it was too many long lines in one spot - I would understand that. But just saying that one line is too long doesn't give me much to go off of. "AND, in verse 1 it says that his lover/wife would smell the scotch, yet he’s going home scotch-free now?" Yes...that was the point. It was a play on words. Maybe you didn't like it, maybe you didn't understand it, you weren't really clear in your comment so I don't really know how to respond to that. "And technicolor has no place here. It’s a weird adjective and actual film noir movies were almost all in black and white. " In the world of cinema, after the black and white, or film noir era of movies ended, "technicolor" was always used to describe something glorious or greater than normal. So, what I was going for was the idea that in her world (even though yes, it was in "black and white") she saw him as being this glorious, technicolor dreamboat, and he'd pretend to be so until nightfall when he'd shed that ideal image to become this mysterious, film noir like character. I've never argued a review before, an I get you don't like the chorus, that's understandable and has been the general consensus, but I think this fell outside of being constructive, and just came off as unnecessarily rude because you didn't like it as a whole. I'm not saying you had to like the concept or the song, but saying things like "This feels like a troll entry designed to be cloyingly bad and off. Like if Jpow’s Magnum Opus was about movies and was written by someone who only sorta knows what they’re talking about." doesn't help me improve. I would hope that none of the judges would think this far into the game I'd be submitting troll entries. I mean, I work on my entry from the moment the round is posted, whereas people brag about starting 20 minutes before the deadline? Or "Oh, you consciously made the choice to do that? Okay girl." Stuff like this was pretty consistent and just felt like you didn't really care since you didn't like the song, so you just decided to tell me in different ways how little of a fan you were. And especially looking at how constructive you were with other songs this round, it just felt unbalanced for you to give me such a poorly delivered review. "Like if Jpow’s Magnum Opus was about movies and was written by someone who only sorta knows what they’re talking about." Well I hope I'd know something, considering I am a film major. I appreciate your review, and I know there's not really much I can do at this point, so if my song really deserved a 2, then I'm cool with it. I'll just sit back and wait until results. Edited February 22, 2017 by SaintWest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 I haven't even done my reviews just calm down! But I'll answer those in it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: I haven't even done my reviews just calm down! But I'll answer those in it pretendstobeshocked.gif But I'm just wondering, cause I feel like I'm not improving and SOMEONE needs to take TotalitarianPrince's crown for at least 1 week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 22 minutes ago, 8thPrince said: The ticking noise is a feeling of anxiousness, like the effect of a timebomb, or a clock counting down to an important moment. The longer time goes on, that sense of urgency to make a decision increases, so when the characters "listen to their ticking hearts", they're making a split decision, though it might not necessarily be the best course of action. the maple line is meant to invoke the apple tree saying, but also it refers to the line that follows, as maple trees have winged seeds that spiral to the ground, rather than drop! Thank you for explaining! I didn't know that about maple trees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 (edited) @Citrus Aurora's song is not about mexicans fff, that is my song. I think you got confused. Temporal did too Edited February 22, 2017 by ughgabriel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 OMG these judges are so dumb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 @SaintWest I'm on mobile so I'll respond later xo @ughgabriel Aurora had a post script explaining that it was a metaphor for Mexicans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 These idiots not knowing Tijuana is in Mexico Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 Just now, Citrus said: @SaintWest I'm on mobile so I'll respond later xo @ughgabriel Aurora had a post script explaining that it was a metaphor for Mexicans. Uh that's the intro into Gabe's entry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Just now, Citrus said: @SaintWest I'm on mobile so I'll respond later xo @ughgabriel Aurora had a post script explaining that it was a metaphor for Mexicans. but what about me bitch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Jsjsjsjjxjsjsw well then I blame Pears for his confusing formatting of the songs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said: These idiots not knowing Tijuana is in Mexico I KNEW that but then Aurora has a song about "not knowing the mountain" and then there's a lil blurb saying "people don't try to know us" so I'm SORRY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 3 minutes ago, Citrus said: @SaintWest I'm on mobile so I'll respond later xo @ughgabriel Aurora had a post script explaining that it was a metaphor for Mexicans. That was Gabe's pre-script Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 kkkjsd i kinda wanna read Sam's song now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 It has nothing to do with Mexico and I am positive he wouldn't claim it as such Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 2 minutes ago, Citrus said: Jsjsjsjjxjsjsw well then I blame Pears for his confusing formatting of the songs THERES A BARRIER IN BETWEEN THE TWO JUST LIKE BETWEEN ALL THE entries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Just now, Hug said: It has nothing to do with Mexico and I am positive he wouldn't claim it as such Ok but reply to my mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 What was your question to the judges @ughgabriel and if anybody else wants to ask something do it now before I review @Aurora @Jackson @Corsola @8thPrince @funnellegs @SaintWest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 7 minutes ago, ceremonials said: Ok but reply to my mention Okay, so here are some differences between your song this week, relative to prior weeks: - It doesn't have such a grave premise. It's fine to do that once in a while if you pull it off, but I think it was far too often, so you changing the pace a bit was appreciated by me. - Your entry this week felt more like an actual song, rather than a poem. I really felt like I was reading a rhyming obituary at times, so seeing something that I could imagine a rhythm to was nice. - You didn't go for a well...the best way I can describe it is 'complicated' approach. It wasn't too blunt nor too subtle. If you want to know about your choruses, they've always felt like the rest of the song to me where I thought everything was okay but not amazing. If *you* think you need to work on your choruses, go for it. I've always been an advocate of the chorus being the strongest part of a song, so do what you need to get to that point. And honestly, where I want more conceptual ideas from everyone else. I'd like more simple ones from you. This week, your entry was one of my favorites (only behind 8thPrince, really), so refer to that to see what it is I would like to see from you. (I don't consider death to be a simple topic, if you were wondering) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: What was your question to the judges @ughgabriel and if anybody else wants to ask something do it now before I review @Aurora @Jackson @Corsola @8thPrince @funnellegs @SaintWest Oh thank you! I just asked for some advice in my reviews, to help me elevate my songwriting and do better because I don't want to feel like I'm stuck in the same place from where I started and haven't been improving :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Just now, Hug said: Okay, so here are some differences between your song this week, relative to prior weeks: - It doesn't have such a grave premise. It's fine to do that once in a while if you pull it off, but I think it was far too often, so you changing the pace a bit was appreciated by me. - Your entry this week felt more like an actual song, rather than a poem. I really felt like I was reading a rhyming obituary at times, so seeing something that I could imagine a rhythm to was nice. - You didn't go for a well...the best way I can describe it is 'complicated' approach. It wasn't too blunt nor too subtle. If you want to know about your choruses, they've always felt like the rest of the song to me where I thought everything was okay but not amazing. If *you* think you need to work on your choruses, go for it. I've always been an advocate of the chorus being the strongest part of a song, so do what you need to get to that point. And honestly, where I want more conceptual ideas from everyone else. I'd like more simple ones from you. This week, your entry was one of my favorites (only behind 8thPrince, really), so refer to that to see what it is I would like to see from you. jkjnjbghgg bitch but ok thx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Oh, and as for Gabe. I legit can't think of anything except maybe sit on your songs a bit longer so you can make some fixes to your entry. Just small ones that would elevate your work further. I've always found your entries to be enjoyable (except for Prologue/Epilogue just because it was way too long, but the attempt at being different was appreciated, at least) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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