UFO Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Damn, thank you Saint!!! I don't know how to put these feelings in words... this... unexplainable experience. *cuts to commercials*
MattyTacos Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 10 hours ago, Aurora said: I don't even know if you'll read this but I feel obliged to respond since you directly mentioned me not once, but twice, so it's clear most of your frustrations are directed towards me. In your own words, "Each chorus takes on a different murder theory." It's clear you've written from the perspective of the father, mother and brother as if they were the murderer, outlining their motives as to why they'd do such a thing. How is that assessment "stupid" when it's literally what you did? A murder theory involves someone being accused of murder, which is what you're describing in each scenario. You retold three popular murder theories from the perspective of the suspected murderer(s). Where is this truth? They're all theories, and none of them your own. We know you didn't set out to disrespect JonBenét but the way you approached this delicate subject matter wasn't very tactful. The only other song this distasteful in recent memory was one written from the perspective of the Pulse shooter. I can't apologise for not enjoying reading about murder theories which involve multiple people cracking open a little girl's head for personal gain, I just can't. There is no need to resign. I hoped you wouldn't take this personally and understand you made a poor decision with your choice of subject matter and more importantly the execution of it, but it's not really indicative of your talent as a great writer, which we all know you are. We were all rooting for you after the comeback round and that fantastic entry, so it's upsetting to see your time in this tournament end like this. Whatever ill feelings you may have towards me (and Hug) now, I hope in time you'll understand how important you are to the PH family. I do have to say that although I get why it came off that way, I was not intending to write it from the POV of the murderers themselves. The song is trying to focus on the media and people's obsession with the case and how they come up with various theories and explanations for how she died... much like the theories and conspiracies involving the case, I think the song represents that bluntness and insensitivity that these theories represent. If you want a good explanation as to why I wrote it this way, watch "Casting Jonbenet". The movie takes on a similar approach and features countless people from the area showing their own theories about the case and often being super insensitive, gruesome, and vulgar. The song may come off insensitive but the point is to exemplify the oversaturated theories and conspiracies surrounding the case. I understand it came off as insensitive but my point was not to write the song in the POV of the murderer rather to write it in the pov of the conspiracy theorists,I think the bluntness and how real the song is is why it works, and obviously you don't have to agree... but I think you're viewing it at face value rather than taking the concept i was supposed to run with (UNSOLVED MYSTERIES) and making a song that critiques the constant theorizing and insensitive way people try to prove their own thoughts on a case they don't have all the facts for. I came off super negative last night but I do not have any resentment, and I appreciate the sentiment. I have to respect your decisions & criticisms if I want to make it in any type of industry, & I do, but I'd still would like to resign and allow my spot for a new talented artist if possible.
UFO Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 H U M M I N G B I R D The song of beauty your wings deliver It carries me higher than clouds of cinder
ceremonials Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 @Aurora yes that’s what I meant by that line in the chorus. there’s a lot of switching tho so I agree it’s confusing
Auburn Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 44 minutes ago, UFO said: H U M M I N G B I R D The song of beauty your wings deliver It carries me higher than clouds of cinder king of writing a song with only 2 lines and placing in the top ten
UFO Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 5 minutes ago, Auburn said: king of writing a song with only 2 lines and placing in the top ten thanks sis!!!!!! my 2-line song did exactly that.
Auburn Posted June 7, 2018 Posted June 7, 2018 Just now, UFO said: thanks sis!!!!!! my 2-line song did exactly that. and to think one of my "interludes" didn't even make the top 20, your power
SaintWest Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 @Overprotected - Ugh. If you said presence instead of existence in the opening lines, that would've been a wig off. This song had lots of -ence rhymes. Those can be hard to do. The existence one didn't do it for me (although I loved the idea of a thousand footprints proving you were there) but the remembrance/transcendence was a slay. As a whole, this entry was interesting, but needed a bit of fine tuning. There were a number of lines where a couple of words could've been moved around or exchanged for better words to make the lines really POP. Dopamine is one such case of needing to be exchanged. I also did find it strange that they were so calm when facing death, since the mystery said it was more of a panic than a gentle release. It seems like it would be really cold on a pure white hiking trail, and I can barely keep it together when my thermostat goes 3 degrees below my preferred temperature, so I admire this character's endurance. @Auburn - Your meter being good here was an asset for you because it helped the transition of the events feel a lot smoother. It's always nice when the different sections of a song don't just flow nicely within that section, but also flow nicely as they transition from verse to chorus to verse etc. The outside-in perspective was also cute because it made it feel like I was... reading a movie? It was interesting. This song could've used a stronger connection to the case though. Zodiac bliss and one reference to Geminis was really the only actual connection the entry had with the Zodiac Killer specifically. It could've been about any unsolved serial murder mystery, really. Zodiac bliss also didn't make much sense in the context of the line. Maybe saying the Zodiac's grasp would've worked better? I'm not sure. Regardless, this was a definitely an interesting take on the challenge, and the perspective was what really made it stand out for me. @Kylie Jenner - This is my favorite murder entry of this round, first of all. Second of all, your first pre-chorus really went there. The death held hands with fame line is honestly peak lyricism, that was excellent. You tackled the subject in a way that was mindful of the sensitive topic, and I felt captivated while reading it. This drew me in. It felt like I had just finished watching the episode that comes before the season finale of a murder mystery show and this song was the commercial preview of the finale, with the tagline "I didn't know death holds hands with fame". It was dramatic in a good way. I do still have some small problems with it though, so I'll get to those now. The second prechorus was not as good as the first one. It felt less inspired, less impactful and a little blander. The use of the word secrecy felt like it was just put there to fit the rhyme, as Diana's death was far from a secret. It was a multinational headline for weeks. The line about "turning me into a conspiracy" also felt off since there was no theory until after her death. I'll end by saying that in spite of those problems, this entry still did that. @Achilles. - I think this song bit off more than it could chew. There were many references scattered throughout it, and your explanation did help me understand them, but due to the large number of references, it felt like none of them got fully fleshed out or had their potential recognized. Of the references you included, the line about pandora's box and optimists dying first was my favorite. Unfortunately, because that theme was abandoned after just one couplet, it didn't get the chance to get fully fleshed out or have its potential realized. I'm not against using multiple themes, but if you're going to include multiple themes, they should each be fleshed out and build off of one another. This entry ultimately needed more focus, either on expanding on each reference while making sure they connect to each other, or on one central theme that the song can revolve around. @Speezy -The opening four lines were really great. They were romantic, the imagery was right, it was all cohesive, and it was well written. I also loved the way it ended on those same four lines, but the meaning was more somber because we know that it didn't end happily. Unfortunately, the rest of this entry wasn't quite on the level of those lines. The second half of verse 1 wasn't as strong as the first half. The last line shouldn't have started with "that", and saying she was on her way to be "caressed by his ways" doesn't make much sense, so it felt like you just used ways for the rhyme. "Like buoy" should've also read as "like a buoy". Still, the first four lines were beautiful, and the concept you used was fascinating. The second half of the chorus was good. Your bridge was also strong, and it really delivered the message the song was sending while helping set up for the ending, which I enjoyed. Proofreading this entry and smoothing out some of the grammar errors would've helped it shine a little more, but it was still good despite those missteps. @Kunst - I know this entry was rushed because you had to take care of things in real life, and I'm glad you made real life your priority. There were some proofreading errors and weak lines that were probably a result of the lack of time you had to work with, but this actually had a lot of standout moments for me. The bloody handed writer, the gun loaded with empty clues, and the victims meeting god in the eye of the killer's gun were all really strong one liners. You also had a really neat concept by taking the perspective of the person trying to hunt down the zodiac killer rather than using the perspective of one of his victims or of the killer himself, and lines like the bloody handed writer really elevated that for me. It's sad that this entry didn't get the chance to be as great as it had the potential to be due to the circumstances, but it's far from a bad entry. I liked it a lot, and it's admirable that you pushed through. I'm excited to see what you'll bring next week. @Nait Phoenix - This was a lot less serious and more lighthearted than the rest of these entries were, so that helped separate you from the crowd. There were some creative lines, and the rhyme of negativity/reactivity was really fun. The second verse in general was the best part of this for me, but that stood out the most.This did feel a little bit surface level, though. There weren't many ambitious lyrics, and while the first half of the chorus was a nice couplet that could've been a good setup for a climax, the second half just felt like a reiteration. Some of the lines also were a bit off. I know what you were trying to say when you said you were a billion of a kind, but objectively, that means you're like... extremely common and not unique. Moments like that kind of pulled me out of it. Still, this was quirky and fun, and I appreciate it for that. @ceremonials - This was really pretty, and the myth you chose was fascinating. The second prechorus (I think? Go back to labelling your entry, it helps) where you talked about realizing your life was never this person's to lead was gripping. It felt authentic and emotionally charged. The imagery throughout this song was well done, although it was a little off on occasion (the moon you've forged from me was not my favorite). Your meter was tight and the imagery had meaning to it beyond just being pretty. I was lowkey irritated when you said the black night's symphony when your mystery was the black knight though, so I'm taking off four points for that. I think the weak area here for me was the bridge. I think the combination of the AAAAAAAA rhyme scheme and the short lines locked you into having some basic/weak lyrics that weren't present throughout the rest of the song. Still, it was very strong as a whole. Just be sure that your rhymes enhance your writing rather than hold it back. @Temporal - This song has a lot going on, and most of it is really good. There's a meaning that's subtly incorporated into the song without having to be spelled out for me, and I can pick up on it amidst all the imagery. Speaking of the imagery, there was a lot of it. It was well written and very beautiful, but it did lack continuity at times since you kept changing from marble to mosaics to currents to fabric to iridescent personas and all. I decided to chalk it up to this being your metamorphosis era which is why you keep changing, but consistency in the imagery is always helpful. I also felt like the pre-choruses were somewhat weaker than the rest of the entry. They felt a little basic and more conversational in comparison to the overall entry which was very elevated and formal. These are far from glaring issues, though. This entry was one of the strongest this round and I think you're well aware of that, I'm just giving some feedback on things you could've done to help take it even further. This was a job very well done.
Citrus Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 25 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: WE ? NEED ?RESULTS ? NOW ??? Too bad we don't have scores xX
OreGuy Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 thanks for the reviews @ultraviolence.xx, @Aurora, and @SaintWest. They were really great and they are very helpful. The water connections was not enough it seems but I was really using the Star Challenge 1 where it said that use the inspiration in a more relatable way, so I guess it doesn't stick well. But hey, whatever happens I'm gonna be okay! Thanks!
Galah Posted June 8, 2018 Author Posted June 8, 2018 Hello. Just a quick update. Results for this episode will be in about 9 hours. Sorry they’re a bit later than usual, as some already know I’ve been very busy irl at this time with work and a move into a new place and I’m v tired but I’ll make sure these are done first thing in the morning for me so y’all have the weekend for the next challenge x
Citrus Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 1 minute ago, Aurora said: Hello. Just a quick update. Results for this episode will be in about 9 hours. Sorry they’re a bit later than usual, as some already know I’ve been very busy irl at this time with work and a move into a new place and I’m v tired but I’ll make sure these are done first thing in the morning for me so y’all have the weekend for the next challenge x Minor wig at you and I being on similar timing
Galah Posted June 8, 2018 Author Posted June 8, 2018 Episode 5 Chart Analysis Welcome to your first Chart Analysis as signed recording artists, Top 15! The stakes have never been higher, and after a very successful period in which you all wrote, recorded and released your debut singles, the reviews and ultimately the final PHU sales figures have been counted and logged. The Top 3 artists for this episode will have a slight advantage heading into the next challenge, while the Bottom 3 artists will unfortunately be leaving Platinum Records' roster. Perchance, one artist from each group of five (in order of submission) made the overall Top 3, and one artist from each group of five (in order of submission) found themselves in this episode's Bottom 3. Thus, results will be split up as shown… Schedule Antarctic Chart unveiled (Polarise) Batch 1: Top 3 / Bottom 2 Oceanian Chart unveiled (Auria) Batch 2: Top 3 / Bottom 2 Asian Chart unveiled (Nociro) Batch 3: Top 3 / Bottom 2 European Chart unveiled (Uvicial Charts) Overall Top 3 North American Chart unveiled (Hugboard) Overall Bottom 3 Global Chart unveiled (Platvia HitList) Episode 5 Congratulations & Farewells @Citrus@minho@Gastrodonatella@OreGuy@UFO @MattyTacos@Overprotected@Auburn@Kylie Jenner@Achilles. @Speezy@Kunst@Nait Phoenix@ceremonials@Temporal
Galah Posted June 8, 2018 Author Posted June 8, 2018 Rank Songwriter Song Title PHU ? Kylie Jenner "The Queen's Pawn" 1,680,000 ? Temporal "The Currents Underneath" 1,620,000 ? Citrus "Willow Creek" 1,540,000 4 ceremonials "Symphony of the Night" 1,520,000 5 UFO "Hummingbird" 1,400,000 6 Gastrodonatella "Good Boy" 1,380,000 7 Speezy "Acute Basin" 1,280,000 8 minho "Tell Me Your Story" 1,160,000 9 Kunst "Letter to the Editor" 1,100,000 10 Achilles. "A Better Place" 1,060,000 11 Overprotected "Cold Whispers" 990,000 12 Auburn "Zodiac Bliss" 920,000 13 OreGuy "Thank God For Immune System" 800,000 14 Nait Phoenix "Aliens (In Your Own Home)" 750,000 15 MattyTacos "JonBenét" 399,000
Speezy Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 Imma give Anartica a private tour and charity events for the penguins
Kylie Jenner Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 Just now, Achilles. said: John Bennett didn’t deserve this. i don't know him
Galah Posted June 8, 2018 Author Posted June 8, 2018 Batch 1: Top 3 / Bottom 2 May the following artists visit the CEO's Office to discuss your future at Platinum Records… @Citrus@minho@Gastrodonatella@OreGuy@UFO Congratulations, three of you proved yourselves undeniably deserving of your Platinum Records contract. Our star artist for this release period was Citrus, congratulations, you are in this episode's overall Top 3. Please wait in the Recording Studio while we inform the other successful artists and regroup. Gastrodonatella and UFO were also very successful this week, you are moving on to Episode 6. You can celebrate at the Stardust Bar if you wish. Which means minho and OreGuy, you will need to wait in the Lobby until we determine whether or not you keep your Platinum Records' recording contract. Stay tuned.
Kylie Jenner Posted June 8, 2018 Posted June 8, 2018 congratulations CitRu!!!!!!! and Gas and UFO xxxxxxx
Galah Posted June 8, 2018 Author Posted June 8, 2018 Rank Songwriter Song Title PHU ? Temporal "The Currents Underneath" 1,920,000 ? UFO "Hummingbird" 1,860,000 ? Citrus "Willow Creek" 1,780,000 4 Kylie Jenner "The Queen's Pawn" 1,700,000 5 ceremonials "Symphony of the Night" 1,620,000 6 Gastrodonatella "Good Boy" 1,580,000 7 Auburn "Zodiac Bliss" 1,520,000 8 Overprotected "Cold Whispers" 1,460,000 9 Kunst "Letter to the Editor" 1,400,000 10 minho "Tell Me Your Story" 1,340,000 11 Achilles. "A Better Place" 1,300,000 12 Speezy "Acute Basin" 1,260,000 13 Nait Phoenix "Aliens (In Your Own Home)" 1,160,000 14 OreGuy "Thank God For Immune System" 900,000 15 MattyTacos "JonBenét" 500,000
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