touya kinomoto Posted May 29, 2018 Posted May 29, 2018 1 minute ago, ultraviolence.xx said: DO IT BITCH! I am not sure if I can put in verses in less than an hour.
ultraviolence.xx Posted May 29, 2018 Posted May 29, 2018 6 minutes ago, KatyCatPH said: I am not sure if I can put in verses in less than an hour. i believe in you! go go go!
Galah Posted May 29, 2018 Author Posted May 29, 2018 9 minutes ago, KatyCatPH said: I am not sure if I can put in verses in less than an hour. Yes you can, oh my god.
touya kinomoto Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 How many minutes do I have from now? I'm still at work.
Galah Posted May 30, 2018 Author Posted May 30, 2018 29 minutes ago, KatyCatPH said: How many minutes do I have from now? I'm still at work. 18 from this post.
Galah Posted May 30, 2018 Author Posted May 30, 2018 The deadline for the 24 hour comeback round is now up. We received comeback entries from the following hopefuls: 1. MattyTacos 2. Nait Phoenix 3. Obsession 4. SeanKevinMusic 5. beatinglikeadrum 6. Bawdee 7. Kunst If anyone else wishes to submit within the next 40 minutes (until the top of the hour) it'll be accepted, but anything after that is too late. Will begin sending these entries to the judges for review! Good luck to everyone.
MattyTacos Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 3 hours ago, Bawdee said: i see what you did there ot: my Gangsta Marilyn Monroe aesthetic is coming to **** these bitches up I am a niykee stan! When tf is she gonna release another masterpiece like bedroom tour playlist
MattyTacos Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 1 hour ago, Aurora said: The deadline for the 24 hour comeback round is now up. We received comeback entries from the following hopefuls: 1. MattyTacos 2. Nait Phoenix 3. Obsession 4. SeanKevinMusic 5. beatinglikeadrum 6. Bawdee 7. Kunst If anyone else wishes to submit within the next 40 minutes (until the top of the hour) it'll be accepted, but anything after that is too late. Will begin sending these entries to the judges for review! Good luck to everyone. A SUCCESS
Temporal Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 Obsession and Kunst wig, #1 chateuses their resilience
Galah Posted May 30, 2018 Author Posted May 30, 2018 1. @MattyTacos – “Souled Ourselves to the Devil” I think this may be your strongest entry of the season. You certainly came back swinging in this comeback round and to conceptualise and execute this in well under 24 hours is honestly impressive. I was loving the vibe and feeling it until the chorus, which I think suffers a little from too many ambiguous or nonsensical lyrics (“war fights” was an odd phrasing, and what does “With the crypt roll of the die” actually mean?) The chorus was the only section I had any issues with though, you definitely do the dark-and-moody vibe very well and while I think working outside of your comfort zone is good, this was definitely a wise choice to show you still deserve to be in this tournament. 2. @Nait Phoenix – “Baila conmigo” Okay, your meter in the first English verse is SO tight, I don’t know if you applied what I said in my critique about your Episode 3 entry to this or if this is just another facet of Nait, but this is exactly what I want to see from upbeat pop entries. The rhythm is unmistakably clear and you don’t even need a beat, impressive. I was unsure what to make of the Spanish at first but decided to go with it and upon translation I was almost as slain by this as I was the first verse. This sounds like a legitimate reggaeton fusion pop hit, and I can see you paid attention to keywords in the brief such as wanting a new global single. If Halara was an actual artist, she’d be CRAZY not to snap this up. The bridge too, okay. This is a certified bilingual bop and I just feel passionate and excited after reading it. If you can’t tell, I really, really enjoyed literally everything about this. Thank you, sir. 3. @Obsession – “Out of Your Orbit” I probably couldn’t even count how many astral/spacey/planetary themed songs we’ve had in Platinum Hit over the past 5 or 6 seasons, so automatically when someone does one there’s a certain standard or point of difference required for it not to pale in comparison to some of the best entries Platinum Hit has seen. Fortunately, you gave us just that. What made this special for me was that you weren’t just cycling through random pieces of intergalactic imagery, but you were actually equating each and every one to a facet of the relationship on a level that was technically accurate. Drifting from the sun/losing the light, screaming out loud but not being heard because sound doesn’t travel in deep space, being torn apart by a black hole (depression/death?)… these weren’t just surface level comparisons, they were layered. There were some lyrics that weren’t as strong as others, but to compose this in under 24 hours is a marvel. 4. @SeanKevinMusic – “Kiss You Again” Everyone is really bringing it for the comeback round, whew. I really liked this, and I think it’s probably my favourite song of yours this season too. It felt like a well constructed pop track (possibly a ballad?) with a good storytelling element. Minor correction, but the first “Seen” in each verse should be “Saw”. I was waiting for the bridge to really give a sucker-punch to the feels but it didn’t quite get there, it was somewhat tame, but that’d be my only suggestion with this song. To really amp up the emotional impact it can have and add a few more specifics, like you’ve done with the note on the counter and the suitcase by the door. Details like that are really nice to read and set the scene. 5. @beatinglikeadrum – “Disco Voodoo Queen” I mean it when I say you really are one of the most conceptually adventurous songwriters PH has seen in a good while. You find inspiration in these incredible people and sources, some of which I’ve never heard of, and I love learning through others’ songwriting. I think it’s interesting that you chose to take a risk and do something you haven’t done for a comeback round, but I admire the bravery, and I think you did well. I was bopping at the “changing my heart into a disco ball” lyric, a visionary. This song made me happy and just shows how diverse you can be when you want to be. All of your influences carried through and I think overall it was a fun entry and I liked where you took it. The chorus could have been improved with a few less mentions of the title, it got a little bit too repetitive at times, but otherwise, this was a solid disco jam. 6. @Bawdee – “Maria” I liked how you used part of your bridge as an intro type section, that was a nice creative decision. I was a little confused because you had a second verse but you didn’t have a first verse? Was that a mistake, or were you counting your bridge/intro as your first verse? It confused me a little. But the one verse you did have, it was good, it just felt a little familiar. The “I know my man is cheating but I can’t bring myself to leave him” arc isn’t the most original and I liked that you incorporated some specifics such as the shopping for new cologne to bring an original element to the song, but overall it did feel a little too predictable. That said, your rhyming was great and you have all of the foundations for a great song here, and to do that in less than a day is still an achievement that deserves praise. 7. @Kunst – “Delights” This is the Kunst we knew and loved since episode one, welcome back! As you mentioned in your summary, this song is very “you”, which is great! We love “you”, and that applies to every songwriter in this competition in a general sense. You are what makes your entries unique. The meter in the verses was snatched and pop-friendly, yet the lyrics were very you. I wasn’t the biggest fan of “Your bruise on my thigh”, but the follow-up lyric of “Just a wound of the high” instantly made up for it. The pre choruses were perfectly simple and simply perfect, and your chorus was the perfect length. Your second verse is even better than your first, and your bridge was a fitting accompaniment to the rest of the song. This really was a song full of delights.
MattyTacos Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 15 minutes ago, Aurora said: 1. @MattyTacos – “Souled Ourselves to the Devil” I think this may be your strongest entry of the season. You certainly came back swinging in this comeback round and to conceptualise and execute this in well under 24 hours is honestly impressive. I was loving the vibe and feeling it until the chorus, which I think suffers a little from too many ambiguous or nonsensical lyrics (“war fights” was an odd phrasing, and what does “With the crypt roll of the die” actually mean?) The chorus was the only section I had any issues with though, you definitely do the dark-and-moody vibe very well and while I think working outside of your comfort zone is good, this was definitely a wise choice to show you still deserve to be in this tournament. Thank you SO much. I just kinda started with the first verse & ended up with a song about selling souls & hating the other person for finding their success afterwards whereas my character just lost themselves in rage & hatred. I totally get what you mean by the chorus, by crypt I meant mysterious, when a die is rolling it's all about the mystery of how it's gonna land & who it'll benefit. I wanted to display a character who was succumbed by this but also felt empathy for how they acted? War fights does sound super weird & I have no explanation for that one I will definitely have to edit that chorus since this is a song I'm actually impressed with & would love to hear it become a slow rock song.
ultraviolence.xx Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 U MAGAZINE THIS WEEK'S TRACK REVIEWS @MattyTacos – "Souled Ourselves to the Devil" “you lost to every high but rose above me” scalped me. “war fights” is a bit redundant—“fights” kind of weakens the “war” statement. i don’t know why, but “down another hill i go” SENT me. i envision the narrator rolling down a hill and being totally unable to stop. (that’s not your fault, just me having an odd mental image. anyway.) also, what is a “crypt roll”? did you mean cryptic? or does this mean something i don’t understand? that last line is a haunting ending. the rhyming toward the beginning of the bridge felt really forced, but aside from that, this is technically really good. aside from those few technical points above, i think this is great! one of my favorite entries from you this season. @Nait Phoenix – "Baila conmigo" jesus christ, this METER! this would be a latin into you if it were made into a real song, i’m calling it now. RULE those dance floor charts! the meter throughout is flawless, but i’m stunned by it in the spanish verse particularly. i’m not fluent in spanish—i got to about 20% in duolingo—but what google translate gave me was wonderful. the only line i didn’t love was “i wanna see your body language talk to me”—this feels a bit awkward to me. the rest of it though, wow, i’m blown away. @Obsession – "Out of Your Orbit" i feel like a song with a celestial theme like this needs really powerful language to match the power of the image. the weakest parts of this for me are the most conversational. lines like “i’m freaking out” and “it’s scary to…”take me out of the song because they feel too basic. there are moments that feel elevated and really wow me, though, like “maybe i’ll keep falling / and another sun will greet me” and “i was beautiful while we lasted / i was illuminated” (the latter of which really got to me!). the “this is not my moment” line felt like it was there just to rhyme with a line before it, because it didn’t really make sense in the context. overall, i like this a lot and think it’s a great song for a 24-hour challenge, but i think a little more polishing/replacement of weaker lines would go a long way in making this shine like a star! @SeanKevinMusic – "Kiss You Again" this is very cute and made me kind of squirmy in a cutesy way, but you fell into some traps with the rhymes. the “counter/flowers” opening couplet is strong and doesn’t feel shoehorned in, but the “door/before” and “better/letter” and “go/so” lines feel like you wrote those lines just so you’d have something that rhymed. they also feel somewhat clichéd compared to the other lines. i’m envisioning the “forever and ever and ever” line having a cute vocal melody—i love when reading words inspires some sound in your head. overall, yeah, i think this is cute, but i think it could use a tad more originality and specificity in some of the lines. it sounds for the most part like a story we’ve heard before, and you need to bring in some unique details that make it stand out from the breakup-song crowd. @beatinglikeadrum – "Disco Voodoo Queen" ok girl, this chorus has me SHOOK. this is one of the catchiest choruses i’ve seen in my PH career. bops are a good direction for you, i think! switching it up from your normal thing. your meter is vastly improved from your early rounds—your lines are shorter and more manageable, your rhymes are very good. i am slain at your improvement over the past few rounds! i feel like you’re really listening to what the judges say and incorporating that feedback into your song. i want to run to the nearest club and shout “i just wanna lose myself in your disco love” on the dancefloor. i’m so impressed! @Bawdee – "Maria" wow, an opening. this structure is so experimental—there’s a verse 2, but no verse 1. i’m wigless. i’m loving the concept of this song, by the way, having a conversation with the other woman. i don’t think i’ve seen that before. it’s very fun, i’ve got to say, and i like how it strikes a balance between being somewhat conversational but also somewhat poetic. i feel like it’s a spicy bop, something that sounds like “she loves control,” hiding some deep **** in the lyrics, which is my favorite kind of song. for a 24-hour song (or even for not) this is really good, but there are still some rhymes that feel forced, like you’re writing the lines just to have a line that rhymes. “more/before” in verse 2 falls prey to this (but i loved the “wrong/wants” at the beginning of that section, and i also like the “insecure/unsure” pairing later). overall really good! @Kunst – "Delights" whew, this westworld-themed chorus! stan a critically-acclaimed HBO series. (i know it’s actually from romeo and juliet, don’t clock me, but westworld borrowed it.) ok, the first two lines already slayed me. what the hell does “give up the ghost” mean? there are elements of a great kunst song in here, great couplets that light my wig on fire, but also some lines that lean toward cliché in a way i haven’t seen from you yet. i feel like if you had more time you’d be able to pinpoint the weaker parts and replace them with better lines. this is mostly the case in the verses (the “scars” line is a bit clichéd; the “crime/time” rhyme feels forced; the phrases “summer thing” and “stupid games” feel too colloquial); the chorus is really good and when i finished the bridge i noticed my scalp was cold. (it was because my wig had gone missing. so i called 911 and reported it to the police. i’ll let you know within the first 48 hours if i hear back—that’s when you have the best chance.)
Buyonce1814 Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 Mess sorry for not sending. It's Ramadan. I fell asleep
beatinglikeadrum Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 (edited) @Corsola Voodoo as a religion can be very dark and light and the same time. That's why I used both themes. I used drums bcuz they are often used in a voodoo rituals. Also imagine, bodies next to each other, touching, hands all over in a club you it is quite sinful. That's why I used the line on purpose. Person doesnt want the night to be over so also, wants to have fun longer, asks the Goddess to reunite for one night with sun. Edited May 30, 2018 by beatinglikeadrum
Kunst Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 @Aurora @Corsola @ultraviolence.xx thank you i was so scared that the short notice reflected in very “standard” lyrics and the fact that i couldn’t go over the lyrics too much either so once i had the concept i just sang it to myself once (for the metric) and sent it. but, again, thank you for the chance and your prompt rihviews, i was scalped by them
Kylie Jenner Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 1 minute ago, Corsola said: Quick stream it if you want extra PHU from me go won is a skinny talent
Kylie Jenner Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 Just now, Corsola said: God Won getting the best lines in the chorus for love4eva i could NOT believe it she didn't need quantity to stand out, she is a girl of QUALITY
beatinglikeadrum Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 (edited) I recommend you to read about voodoo, it's such an interesting subject. Don't use only Wikipedia on that. Deep more. I was amazed and impressed. Like, they can use flowers and animals in the same ritual as a sacrifice. Don't wanna take a pleasure of educating yourself but if u have time just do it. Edited May 30, 2018 by beatinglikeadrum
Hug Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 MattyTacos - Souled Ourselves to the Devil Thematically, your song makes sense for this round in context of the game, at least to me! The idea that you and someone else did the same things chasing fame, but that other person was the one to get that fame and you’re just looking on in jealousy. Concept? TBH! The attempts at wit fell a bit flat to me at times (“Souled” isn’t as cool in practice as it is in theory.), and the meter between the verses is a lot different, so it’s hard to imagine this being an actual song. Though I don’t imagine this as a club banger, I would try keeping your meter more consistent OR have a reason to change the pace of the song, such as short parts to show rising escalation or longer parts for dread, etc. etc. Nait Phoenix - Baila Comingo I wasn’t actually that big on the Spanglish thing...or rather, I hope it’s not something that becomes commonplace. The chorus would’ve been fine, especially since I get you’re going for an unapologetically pop vibe, but as far as giving criticism in this game goes, it’s a bit hard to critique a language you don’t speak, and the language that I DID understand had...well not the most intriguing lyrics. The ice/fire part was the most interesting, but drawing metaphors from those themes isn’t exactly new, and the familiar language didn’t really help matters much. Still, for what you WERE going for, it was overall a solid effort, but pop doesn’t have to be basic! Obsession - Out of Your Orbit The language here felt very conversational, if not TOO conversational at times. (“I’m freaking out” actually kinda made me laugh more than anything.) Everything you want to say, emotionally, you just put out there, and it’s not very effective. There’s no pull to anything your saying, so it becomes hard to feel invested in anything that happens. Even by the end, when there’s no longer an orbit, and the person is crying...I didn’t feel that. There was an attempt at progression here, but really, the overly plain language is what kills the song. Simplicity is one thing, but this took it a bit too far. SeanKevinMusic - “Kiss You Again” Uninspiring. That’s about it. Everything here has been seen, heard, and regurgitated a multitude of times, both in PH and in actual music, and there’s no compelling selling point that makes this stand out in any manner. If there were really ANY details here to make this feel more personable, or even give us a better sense of setting, it would have maybe done something for this, but as it stands it’s plain through-and-through. Beatinglikeadrum - “Voodoo Disco Queen” I want to say, I’m glad you gave us something FUN to read, it’s not always gloom and doom! I can only say I’m sad it took a comeback round to get it out of you because I would say this was your strongest contribution to this season. That said, there are some parts that could have easily been fixed (“felt on my knees”, “my heart into (a?) disco ball”.) Also, disco was 70’s sis, we don’t need to bring the 80’s into this. Still, I found this to be the most entertaining entry of the bunch, despite the issues it has, so way to go. Bawdee - Maria This was a worse Jolene, if we’re being honest. It overall felt very reductive. Kunst - Delights True, it did feel very you, but I think it’s you getting back on track after a bit of a stumble. It might be a bit typical for PH, but still it’s a solid entry. I would like to say that the pacing felt a bit weird in the entry, I can’t really describe it, but it almost reads more like rap than a sung song by how the pacing is. It’s not an objective flaw, but maybe something to consider as far as what you’re aiming to go for.
Hug Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 1 minute ago, Aurora said: did @Corsola piss in @Hug's cereal or Stop I served helpful this round!
beatinglikeadrum Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 @Hug my country was communistic in 40s- late 80s. And everything American was bad. Disco came later to my country. But I should do my research. Thanks. And mess, at not putting (a). I thought I did I hate writing on my phone on Google Docs.
Hug Posted May 30, 2018 Posted May 30, 2018 6 minutes ago, beatinglikeadrum said: @Hug my country was communistic in 40s- late 80s. And everything American was bad. Disco came later to my country. But I should do my research. Thanks. And mess, at not putting (a). I thought I did I hate writing on my phone on Google Docs. It was a minor thing, anyway.
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