discussion More Rude: Not Replying vs Stating you're not interested

[Johnny Jacobs]

None of them r rude. 

 

No one is obligated to write back. And saying you're not interested is the truth so why lie? It's a reasonable decline 

[BrokenMachine]

On 1/4/2025 at 9:22 AM, John Slayne said:

it might be controversial but in my opinion no response is a response. why should i waste my time typing up a message to someone i don't want and why should i be wasting their time by making them read the message? especially on hookup apps like grindr, if someone doesn't respond to your hello just keep it moving. i never understood why some people are desperate to hear someone else say they're not interested, like... there's plenty of fish in the sea, go message someone else. 

 

edit: this is especially true for blank profiles that demand a response... like literally who are you and why should i talk to you? 

Well, this. Of course the people who we meet in real life, or the ones we spent some time chatting with deserve a response, but not the ones in hookup apps after three messages.

Edited Monday at 12:47 AM by BrokenMachine

[BrokenMachine]

On 1/4/2025 at 9:36 AM, Dante Silva said:

Blocking someone: For the above reason - only they keep trying to engage you in chat and say things like "I will send my face pic once we've arranged to meet".
 

I find this ridiculous as viewing someone's face pic is essential to helping you decide whether or not you are in to them enough to even want to meet them in the first place.

I declare myself guilty of falling into that a few days ago 

 

I was like 'his body looks fine' so whatever. He sent a view-once-pic of him from a distance where you can barely see his face, and I'm like 'ok, whatever'.

 

A week later he talks to me to my Whatsapp, where I have a profile face pic, while his was blank. We arranged a meeting. I asked him for a face pic. He sent a close-up one, and I just got turned off, not even in the sense where he was ugly, he was good-looking, but I just saw in his face that our personalities wouldn't compliment well 

 

I didn't have enough courage to say no to him, since he was very insistent the first few times we chatted, so I blocked him everywhere, and I felt bad for him, but my social anxiety got in the way and that's the best I could come up with 

[Quiqui4eva]

I don't see anything wrong with not replying to begin with, but I do think ghosting after establishing a connection or carrying a decent conservation is a little rude.

[Rotunda]

Ghosting is rude if yall have already meaningfully connected. Ignoring someone is not rude if someone sends you an unsolicited message/pic.

[Saddy]

Not Replying is more rude. It hurts when someone says that they are not interested but at least you know the truth and won't end up wondering and creating things in your head 

[slobro]

Neither is rude, but I definitely prefer (both to get and give) no reply. Most people understand that no reply means no interest.

[YouSmellLikeHospital]

I find it best to not reply... especially if they have shown you that they cannot respect boundaries or have other unhinged behavior. Like others have said, saying you are not interested is like pouring fuel on the fire and usually sets them off to retaliate against you. Both options are kind of rude, but at least with not replying you can back away easier.

 

I'm very liberal with the blocks as well. I only want to see people that I am actually interested in. Especially when the free version of a certain app is so limited with who it lets you see. You methhead get a block, you weirdo get a block, you 80 year old get a block, you blank profile get a block, if I am not attracted to you, you get a block too.

[Gladiator]

Not replying is more rude, 100%.

[Alldeezy]

I can't tell the guy im not interested so I try so hard not to reply as much to give him the hint but its been nearly 12 months and he gave me the I love you so guessing its not working 

[Gesamtkunstwerk]

Not replying is way more rude, and I cannot believe how trigger happy some of you are on the block option. I've only ever blocked unhinged weirdos that got aggressive, or men I sleep with but have no intention of entering a relationship with. They don't need to find my friends and family   

 

[cOe]

Imo neither are rude, really, but if I had to choose:

Stating you're not interested > not replying > stating you're not interested AND criticizing without being asked (e.g. you're too fat/thin/old/nerdy/fem)

[Dante Silva]

11 hours ago, BrokenMachine said:

I declare myself guilty of falling into that a few days ago 

 

I was like 'his body looks fine' so whatever. He sent a view-once-pic of him from a distance where you can barely see his face, and I'm like 'ok, whatever'.

 

A week later he talks to me to my Whatsapp, where I have a profile face pic, while his was blank. We arranged a meeting. I asked him for a face pic. He sent a close-up one, and I just got turned off, not even in the sense where he was ugly, he was good-looking, but I just saw in his face that our personalities wouldn't compliment well 

 

I didn't have enough courage to say no to him, since he was very insistent the first few times we chatted, so I blocked him everywhere, and I felt bad for him, but my social anxiety got in the way and that's the best I could come up with 

Perhaps it's just me, but I use WhatsApp only for family and close friends. It freaks me out if I'm having a WhatsApp chat with a family member and (for example) - a rando I spoke to on Grindr suddenly appears in my WhatsApp DM's wanting to chat.

 

There is a very real danger you might think you are in a different WhatsApp chat from the one you are actually in and inadvertently ask a close family member how big their dick is!
 

That would be beyond embarrassing and it is unlikely your family member would have that level of awareness of your sex life!

 

Just imagine how excruciating that would be if you were to inadvertently ask that question of your mom! 

 

Obviously giving someone on Grindr your WhatsApp means that they have your actual phone number and that is simply not safe!
 

Yes - you will be asked casually by guys on Grindr for your WhatsApp but you will also be asked by them for your Snap. In all honesty Snapchat is much safer because:

 

A) The guy has a way of contacting you out-with the Grindr app that does

not involve the share of your actual phone number.

 

If he refuses to do so, it's likely that he uses his real name as part of his Snap handle and doesn't want you to see it.
 

However if you are giving your address and he won't even give you something as disposal as his Snap, then that raises questions about why you are supposed to feel okay with sharing your address with a stranger but at the same time - he (the stranger) is not comfortable with you knowing their name!

 

B) If you are past the chat stage - whereby you have decided you have compatibility and want to meet IRL - then If/ when it comes time to sending your address (provided you are the one who will be hosting the meet), - Snap offers you an additional level of security in that you will know for sure your address will expire from their screen and if they take a screenshot of your address before it does expire then that starts to get creepy and questionable.

 

There is no need for them to know anything more than your rough zip code area prior to an hour before the actual meet itself!

 

Then, the moment the meet is over and the door has closed behind him as he leaves - your first move should be to get back on your Snap and ensure you have deleted the message that detailed your address anyway!

 

In these moments (after the meet is over) and the guy has gone and navigating his way out of what may not even be a familiar neighborhood to him - that is a key time when he is unlikely to be on socials.
 

He will be more interested in navigating his way back to his own neighborhood that he is familiar with.

 

Yes - he may have already copy/ pasted your address in to Google maps, but it's easy for it to get lost in there. It is still best to covertly and strategically delete your address from Snap, knowing he's not going to get a notification about that deletion!

[B-Luke]

Block them right away if they're obviously on some bs. Say you're not interested and block them right after otherwise.

[imabadkid]

eh... I usually just don't respond. I don't think it's that srs? As long as you don't say 0oMG UR uGLYYYYyy or smth else that's rude, I think it's OK

[T.O.A.D.S.]

On 1/4/2025 at 5:30 PM, UnusualBoy said:

Not replying, that says a lot about your manners.

 

As people have said, you can say I'm not interested and move on, if the person starts bugging, block them and end of it.

This is the correct answer  

[Khal]

If we're being literal, not replying is obviously the rudest option, but it's just easier imo.

 

The amount of times I've replied 'not interested' and received insulting essays in response makes it more convenient to just ignore. No response is a response and I apply that to myself and keep it moving when someone blanks me, but some people don't seem to get that

[katara]

14 hours ago, Quiqui4eva said:

I don't see anything wrong with not replying to begin with, but I do think ghosting after establishing a connection or carrying a decent conservation is a little rude.

Exactly this. On dating apps you are gonna have tons of unwanted attention from guys that are not your type. It would waste too much time to reply to all of them. Not to mention that a lot of creeps take a written decline as an invitation and will bother you even more . So just ignoring or blocking is actually the better way to go.

 

When you have established a connection with someone either through texting or meetting and then you suddenly ghost, then it's rude af and a sign that the person is an awful communicator. 

[Dante Silva]

I'm literally in a situation right now where someone who does have a face pic on their profile - contacted me three weeks ago and I blocked him without responding to their 'Hi' on the basis of me not liking his face pic.

 

I never unblocked him.

 

Today he came back from a new profile with the same face pic as before and said 'Hi' again - only this time, his profile hits different for some reason.

 

So I chatted with him and unexpectedly we have chemistry and our tastes appear to align. He never referenced the previous occasion when I blocked him and I never brought it up either.

 

Does it make me superficial that we are both depending on the other not bringing up my previous blocking off him up in a previous chat to avoid the current chat from getting uncomfortable?

 

Has anyone else had an experience of blocking someone once or more and then (for whatever reason) - that same person comes back when you are in a different mood and they hit different and you both end up chatting without bringing previous blocks up in conversation?

 

Edited Monday at 06:46 PM by Dante Silva

[byzantium]

It depends if you have engaged in a conversation.  

[Namie-Knowles]

Lots of thirsty gays in here. Weird.

 

No response is a response. If we haven't been chatting for a while and met up and have a connection? Then you're a stranger. Me not replying on a sex app to your advances are clear as day. 

[Princess Aurora]

Not Replying