discussion Why do we shame gay men (but not straight women) for not being attracted to fem guys?

[RoseGold]

Why are gay men even worrying about what straight women are thinking or doing or judged/not judged for is a better question.

[Bitter Aging Twink]

37 minutes ago, RoseGold said:

Why are gay men even worrying about what straight women are thinking or doing or judged/not judged for is a better question.

I've tried to understand this too, and this is the conclusion I've come to: Besides gay men, straight women are the only other group on the face of the earth to exclusively experience attraction to adult human males. It's only natural that gay men would draw parallels between a straight woman's experience with dating men to their own experience with dating men.  It works in reverse too, though.  Straight women often ask gay men questions about what men really think, what they like in bed, how to give better head, etc.  It's not that deep.  It's just human curiosity and a desire to compare and contrast each others' experiences.

[princedonte]

I like men cause I'm not attracted to femininity if so I would be bi.  It's the masculine male form, image and culture as well. 

Edited 4 hours ago by princedonte

[RoseGold]

1 hour ago, Bitter Aging Twink said:

I've tried to understand this too, and this is the conclusion I've come to: Besides gay men, straight women are the only other group on the face of the earth to exclusively experience attraction to adult human males. It's only natural that gay men would draw parallels between a straight woman's experience with dating men to their own experience with dating men.  It works in reverse too, though.  Straight women often ask gay men questions about what men really think, what they like in bed, how to give better head, etc.  It's not that deep.  It's just human curiosity and a desire to compare and contrast each others' experiences.

"It's not that deep" if it wasn't you wouldn't be having a discussion about it and I do think it's pretty deep since this clearly based on negative stereotyping in the gay community.

[Johnny Jacobs]

6 hours ago, Claymore said:

Cause you're the fem one in the equation?

First of all.. How is that relevant to the question. Secondly, i wouldn't call myself femgay. Im not the most masculine guy, but not fem either. 

 

Anytging else? 

[MonsterTown]

girl there is a whole fandom who like fem boys aka army and more fandoms who like fem boys.

[Alldeezy]

thats a lie I love my twirk femmy boys who wear makeup, us straight women are most likely more attracted to fem guys than most gay men .

 

 

[Bitter Aging Twink]

58 minutes ago, Alldeezy said:

thats a lie I love my twirk femmy boys who wear makeup, us straight women are most likely more attracted to fem guys than most gay men .

 

 

I think you are misunderstanding what I mean when I say "fem."  The terms "fem" and "masc" have a slightly different nuance in the gay community, since the average gay guy is significantly more feminine than the average straight guy.  In the straight community, a man "being fem" is more about him being a bit on the softer side, not afraid to show his emotions, and maybe not afraid to wear a little makeup or dress up (think Timothee Chalamet or a K-Pop star).   In the gay community, the term "fem" is more about exhibiting over-the-top flamboyance.  For example, when you watch this video clip, I guarantee you that you (and 99% of straight women) will feel no attraction whatsoever to the "gay fem" energy presented by the man in this clip.  The only difference is you guys aren't shamed for disliking this, while we are.

 

 

 

[Alldeezy]

10 minutes ago, Bitter Aging Twink said:

I think you are misunderstanding what I mean when I say "fem."  The terms "fem" and "masc" have a slightly different nuance in the gay community, since the average gay guy is significantly more feminine than the average straight guy.  In the straight community, a man "being fem" is more about him being a bit on the softer side, not afraid to show his emotions, and maybe not afraid to wear a little makeup or dress up (think Timothee Chalamet or a K-Pop star).   In the gay community, the term "fem" is more about exhibiting over-the-top flamboyance.  For example, when you watch this video clip, I guarantee you that you (and 99% of straight women) will feel no attraction whatsoever to the "gay fem" energy presented by the man in this clip.  The only difference is you guys aren't shamed for disliking this, while we are.

 

 

 

ooo I got ya. Yeah when I think fem is exactly how you described it    

sadly video unavailable but I think I know what you mean  im guessing like Jeffery star level? 

[Bitter Aging Twink]

16 minutes ago, Alldeezy said:

ooo I got ya. Yeah when I think fem is exactly how you described it    

sadly video unavailable but I think I know what you mean  im guessing like Jeffery star level? 

Haha, no worries!  I think I am just bad at explaining myself sometimes + the thread titles on ATRL can only be so long, so it's hard to condense what I mean into such a short sentence.  But yeah, you're absolutely right: think someone like Jeffree Star or James Charles.  That's what a "gay fem" would be.  The K-Pop boys you stan would be considered "neutral" to us, lol. 

[Orsay]

1 hour ago, Alldeezy said:

thats a lie I love my twirk femmy boys who wear makeup, us straight women are most likely more attracted to fem guys than most gay men .

 

 

HERES the tea from one of the few actual women on here 

 

on average straight women are totally fine with men being in touch with their feminine sides. It's gay men that often have weird hang ups about masculinity (cause they're men themselves)

[godmess]

I promise you that none of this is real and that you can just live your life and date and never face these stupid topics irl. 

[alexrex]

Instead of shaming, we could be more open to embrace the difference and actually make sense of what "diversity" means for this supposedly open community. You can date whoever you like, but shaming people because you don't like how they are really goes against this acceptance we are always preaching about. 

 

If it weren't for trans people and queer and feminine individuals, you wouldn't have any LGBT+ rights. So be grateful and open to embrace it, instead of making fun of it and forcing an outdated view of what it is to be a man in 2025. 

 

As for straight women, well you can't generalize. Some women tend to be more open and accepting about it.

Edited 2 hours ago by alexrex

[cOe]

My hot take is that straight women like feminine guys/twinks often because they like the contrast between them "topping" a girl and having feminine traits. That's not really the case with fem gay bottoms

[T.O.A.D.S.]

6 hours ago, Colmillo said:

I know feminine gays that complain about masc gays not finding them attractive, but they also don't find other feminine gays attractive because they only want "masculine guys", would that also count as internalized homophobia or does that only count if it's a masc gay rejecting a feminine gay?

 

Fem gays don't need to cry about "masc" and "straight-acting" gays rejecting them when they can just find a genuinely masc "straight" man instead, or one who is into femboys.
 

The steroid muscle "masc4masc" gays who pop their bussies behind closed doors can have each other.