discussion ATRL, what would you do in this MESSY situation?

[PoisonedIvy]

I'll try to make a long story short, but here's the TLDR if you don't wanna read the paragraphs below:

 

Spoiler

Had been seeing 2 separate guys the past few weeks, just ended things with the main guy tonight but still have the side guy. I also want to end things with the side guy but I agreed to a group outing on Sunday with him, where I am set to meet about 10 of his friends / coworkers. Should I follow through with the date and end things after, or cancel on him + end things prior to the event?  

About one month ago I met a guy, 22, we'll call him Kevin. Kevin and I had insane chemistry (in bed), like the best of our lives. It sparked a pretty fast paced romance and our dating life was accelerating intensely. One day, about 1 week into the situationship, Kevin asked what we were and expressed he wanted to work towards being boyfriends. I agreed and asked him on our first formal date.

 

The date came and it was a perfect lakeside picnic, literally the most thoughtful date I've ever hosted for someone. He loved it, and asked me to stay the night. Later that evening, he asked me to leave out of the blue, and said he thought he was ready for a relationship but upon reflecting on the day, he realized I was far more prepared for one than he was. I thanked him for letting me know, apologized if I did anything to scare him off, and left for the night.

 

The next morning he blew my phone up, begging for a second chance, basically stating he let an emotional mood swing get the best of his rationality. I went over and talked to him, basically saying that he should have just told me he wanted to slow down and I would have respected that. I agreed to give him a second chance, but let him know that since we were slowing down / moving backwards, it meant I was going to resume courting other guys as well, instead of committing to a monogamous dating situation with him as we had agreed upon before. He understood and accepted those stipulations.

 

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, and I met this guy, 19 (  ?!?!?) at a nightclub. We'll call him Devin. Devin was WAY too young for me to even pretend to be interested in, but we still fooled around a bit that night and he gave me his number. I told him not to get his hopes up for anything more than what had happened that night and he agreed.

 

Well, over the last couple of weeks, I've basically been splitting my time between Kevin and Devin.  My feelings for Kevin faded, mostly because the magic was gone after he admitted he wasn't ready to commit. I was 110% ready for a serious relationship with him but that killed my momentum and the feelings basically petered off for me, so I finally decided I had to end things with him. The problem is, with me casually fooling around with Devin as well, he seems to be growing feelings for me. And I have to cut that off too because, as I have repeatedly told him, I refuse to date someone so much younger than me  

 

So tonight, about 3 hours ago, I texted Kevin saying "we need to talk, it would be best in person." And he responded saying "I can already tell what you're going to say. There's no need to talk. You haven't been hiding your change in feelings very well, but I understand. I saw this coming and I'm very happy to have met you. You're one of the greatest guys I've ever crossed paths with and I hope life treats you kind. I'm not sad or mad, I just didn't want things to end so soon. But everything has a cycle and if our time together has reached its end, then I can accept that." I damn near shed a tear because I've never been met with such dignity and grace during the termination of a relationship  

 

With Kevin out of the picture, I now only have Devin. I agreed to go with him to one of his coworker's birthday event this coming Sunday, but after that I have to end things with him too.  Should I even go or should I have the conversation beforehand and not meet like, 10 people in his life despite the knowledge that I will be making an exit shortly thereafter.
 

 
 

PS Kevin posted some thirst traps on instagram not even 30 minutes after our exchange tonight, and then unfollowed me.  So much for not being mad or sad chile.. (jk, I too grieve the loss of someone by grasping for the validation of social media likes and online admirers  ) 

[SapphireSky]

Just end things now. What's the point of going then breaking up afterwards? 

[flower moon]

end things prior to the event

[PoisonedIvy]

7 minutes ago, SapphireSky said:

Just end things now. What's the point of going then breaking up afterwards? 

 

2 minutes ago, flower moon said:

end things prior to the event

I can save him the embarrassment of showing up alone after hyping me up to all of his friends and coworkers this whole week..

 

[Prodigal Self]

right

[Mordecai]

1 minute ago, PoisonedIvy said:

 

I can save him the embarrassment of showing up alone after hyping me up to all of his friends and coworkers this whole week..

 

It will be more embarrassing when his friends ask what happened to you and he says you ended things after that night

 

[flower moon]

Just now, PoisonedIvy said:

 

I can save him the embarrassment of showing up alone after hyping me up to all of his friends and coworkers this whole week..

 

and when you break up and they find out you didnt even want to be there with him/them in the first place

[Paddy]

3 minutes ago, PoisonedIvy said:

 

I can save him the embarrassment of showing up alone after hyping me up to all of his friends and coworkers this whole week..

 

End it with him now. At least his firends will be able to tell him you didn't deserve him. 

[PoisonedIvy]

3 minutes ago, Mordecai said:

It will be more embarrassing when his friends ask what happened to you and he says you ended things after that night

2 minutes ago, flower moon said:

and when you break up and they find out you didnt even want to be there with him/them in the first place

2 minutes ago, Paddy said:

End it with him now. At least his firends will be able to tell him you didn't deserve him. 

So if yall were in his shoes, you would seriously want to go to this event alone after telling everyone all week long you were coming with someone? It's so hard for me to rationalize how that could be less painful than at least giving him the courtesy of one last outing. 
 

I'm honestly not good with emotions but I'm trying to be considerate of what would hurt him less in this scenario, I think I handled things with Kevin properly and gracefully, and I wanna do the same with Devin 

[KatyPrismSpirit]

Just end it? Why would you meet all his friends and coworkers if you dont like him. That makes no sense

[Gelato]

step 1: unstan taylor

 

i will update when i have more time

[glitch]

@Devin not you hooking up with a Swiftie, I thought you had standards smh...

[PoisonedIvy]

6 minutes ago, KatyPrismSpirit said:

Just end it? Why would you meet all his friends and coworkers if you dont like him. That makes no sense

Well the irony is I do like him, a lot  

 

But I just can't date someone that young. For (1), I couldn't introduce him to my friends and family, and (2) I also know how much people change between 19 and 25. It's pretty much like signing up for a failed relationship. 

[PoisonedIvy]

4 minutes ago, Gelato said:

step 1: unstan taylor

 

i will update when i have more time

Baby I'm a Gaga stan now KEEP UP 

 

 

[Dear Reader]

I agree with everyone else, I'd end things before that event. At least if I was in his shoes, I'd rather go to the event alone than introducing a guy to my friends and the next time say things ended

[PoisonedIvy]

4 minutes ago, Dear Reader said:

I agree with everyone else, I'd end things before that event. At least if I was in his shoes, I'd rather go to the event alone than introducing a guy to my friends and the next time say things ended

The problem is the event is basically couples only because it's a paired up event center / competition night for bowling, laser tag, and rock climbing.. so I'm not even sure if he CAN go alone, that's what makes this worse on me. If I bail he might miss out completely on a really fun night with his friends..  

[The7thStranger]

Don't make somebody your consolation prize. End it with Devin.

[ChooseyLover]

1 hour ago, PoisonedIvy said:

I'm honestly not good with emotions but I'm trying to be considerate of what would hurt him less in this scenario, I think I handled things with Kevin properly and gracefully, and I wanna do the same with Devin 

That's very considerate of you. Personally I think it won't make much of a difference. If Devin is really romantically interested in you and has talked about you to his friends in that way it's gonna hurt anyway.

 

And I don't wanna sound like a douchebag but he got it coming, you were straightforward telling him you would never have something with a 19 yo.

[Mr. Peanutbutter]

1 hour ago, PoisonedIvy said:

The problem is the event is basically couples only because it's a paired up event center / competition night for bowling, laser tag, and rock climbing.. so I'm not even sure if he CAN go alone, that's what makes this worse on me. If I bail he might miss out completely on a really fun night with his friends..  

I'm sorry but I feel like you're the one not wanting to miss out a fun night with friends.  Just end it and move on, it's gonna suck for him but at least he won't feel used by you for a quick little night out where he expressed love in front of his friends only to be discarded the next day

[prézli]

1 hour ago, PoisonedIvy said:

 

I can save him the embarrassment of showing up alone after hyping me up to all of his friends and coworkers this whole week..

 

Who are you? Mother Teresa?

[KahnumDash]

leave him before the event; why would you want to meet 10 of his friends that you'll never see again? the likelihood of all 10 being losers is very high in today's climate anyway.

 

or just tell him you died

[Spicy Pisces]

I have a feeling you wanna cling to this event in hopes of finding another man there.

 

Keep us updated 

Edited September 26 by Spicy Pisces

[Devin]

1 hour ago, glitch said:

@Devin not you hooking up with a Swiftie, I thought you had standards smh...

i would never 

[Dolce Vita]

definitely tell him before! like you said, you already told him prior that you didn't want things to be serious & you don't need to waste ur time going 

[jesus del rey]

Does Devin have an iphone or an android?