discussion My colleague still can't stand me

[Hot Volcano]

I've made threads with similiar topic before, guess its time to give you guys an update 

 

So, colleague who sits in front of me basically never had a good relationship with me. He's on a much higher position so my work is affected in a way. Started working here nearly 3 years ago. In the beginning he was open, offered help and was communicating with me. Over time he simply stopped communication, started avoiding me and actively excluding me from social gatherings, general chat in the office etc.

 

A lot of people started working after me, he has a great relationship with everyone, I'm the only exception. In a way he's in the center of everything, very influential guy. At times I did make some jokes, was somewhat rude but in a playful way. I do that with everyone, and nobody minds it. But I doubt its that, but literally the only thing that comes to my mind.

 

I tried everything - changed my behaviour, wasnt as loud in the office, started inviting him for a coffee/cigarette, tried my best to befriend him. At times it looked like it was working but over night he would go back to how it was. This kept bothering me to the point I had no choice but to talk to him about it. He acted oblivious for the most of it, only gave me an example of me being rude in a certain situation and thats what irritated him.

 

After that for a short period of time he started acting better. But again, as always with this guy, over night he changed. So another cycle of me trying to ignore it and focus on work started. Again, I couldnt handle it so I asked for another convo. He had a dumb excuse that did not make any sense for every situation I brought up. But still I felt relief. Again, he started communicating again, was somewhat including me etc.

 

Around November last year, something switched again, but this time it was work related. I had no choice but to complain about him to our boss. But it was nothing too much. So another cycle started but this time I truly did not give a **** for the first few months. I started despising him.

 

We are forced to sometimes hang out with each other since we have common friends. Most of the time we wouldn't communicate even in those scenarios. For the last 4-5 months I've been feeling bad about it again. But now it doesn't make any sense to call him out on it AGAIN. I would look like a lunatic.

 

So last week I called him for a drink after work. He was surprised that I called him, thought it would be work related. He was super nice, it was a lovely conversation and we actually stayed there longer than planned, like an hour. Were talking bout private and business releated stuff. After that I was relieved and kinda was hoping things would go back to being somewhat okay. But its been a week now and he still keeps ignoring me, excluding me...dont know what to think. Was I supposed to confront him about his behaviour? Why was he SO great during that one hour and then it clearly meant nothing?!

 

Its very hard to ignore it when the guy sits right in front of me and is so damn influential, in the center of everything, I cant avoid him even if I tried.

 

 

[May]

girl are u sure he aint just got autism? 

ppl's symptoms can be selective w certain people's vibes too

 

cuz i have autism and this is one of the reasons i started working from home  making friends w my colleagues just resulted in them being hyper-paranoid on my off days

[Devin]

6 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said:

I tried everything - changed my behaviour, wasnt as loud in the office, started inviting him for a coffee/cigarette, tried my best to befriend him.

tbh this is exactly where u messed up at.

[ScorpiosGroove]

maybe he found out you're a gaga stan 

[AshleyLovescats887]

Imo you should just stop trying to befriend him. He is obviously either fake, or he is just not that interested in being friends with you or maybe some other reason, and that's perfectly fine. A friend to all is a friend to none, as one person said. Just focus on other people and the work 

[KatyPrismSpirit]

You should stay true to yourself. Don't change yourself for validation of others! Screw that guy lol.

 

Maybe see if you can help him out if he ever needs something and just remain friendly. Not everyone will like you or wants to be your friend as well. Rejection is something you might want to deal with if this person still doenst want to get closer to you.

 

Im sure theres people there that appreciate you and your presence. And if it really does bother you, maybe ask him if he has a minute once during coffee break and ask if there's anything wrong. Maybe talking to him can help.

[Sad Beautiful Tragic]

5 minutes ago, ScorpiosGroove said:

maybe he found out you're a gaga stan 

[RussianRoulette]

Is that the crush you were fawning over for that last 2 years? 

Leave him alone. I have no idea why you need to be close to him so bad. 

I would understand if he talked about you behind your back or bullied you, but he just minds his business...? You're creepy.

[Uncatena]

some people are just not going to like you. that's kind of the end of that, and you shouldn't cater to him to make him like you. just do your work and only (politely) interact with him when its necessary. if he does something off, tell your boss. 

[mons†er]

The colleagues at work are NOT meant to be your friends. As long as you can work together effectively & efficiently that's all that should matter. It sounds as though you're trying entirely too hard to be friends with someone instead of just going with the flow.

 

I enjoy the fact that you take the initiative to make a connection, that's the first step to effective change and incredibly admirable. However, how about you do yourself a favor and don't take it as personal? Maybe he's going through something outside of work or it may be something deeper. Give him some grace and give yourself some grace for being human, control what you can and let your peace be a priority. You deserve it. 

[Pavement Princess]

Girl as long as you guys work amicably and get work done I wouldn't say he necessarily needs to be your friend and I think it would do you more justice not feel the need to appease him! 

[Devin]

5 minutes ago, KatyPrismSpirit said:

You should stay true to yourself. Don't change yourself for validation of others! Screw that guy lol.

 

Maybe see if you can help him out if he ever needs something and just remain friendly. Not everyone will like you or wants to be your friend as well. Rejection is something you might want to deal with if this person still doenst want to get closer to you.

 

Im sure theres people there that appreciate you and your presence. And if it really does bother you, maybe ask him if he has a minute once during coffee break and ask if there's anything wrong. Maybe talking to him can help.

[2] its narcissistic behavior. just bc hes in a high position OP giving him too much power and he feeds off that knowing he can flip and activate that desperate-confused reaction.

 

once OP stops and begins to redirect happiness & attention amongst other colleagues his tune will change or start being equally confused.

[jesus del rey]

Is this the same man about whom you made that Roof thread before? If so, for the love of God, let it go sis

[RideOrDie]

why are you obsessed with this guy  i understand he's a higher up and important member of the team but you don't need to be besties, you don't need to interact or chat outside work... are you infatuated with him? do you want the D sis? he might be trying to distance himself cause you act thirsty without realizing... let the man be sis and get a dildo 

Edited August 9 by RideOrDie

[Raphy23]

Are you sure he's ignoring you? Having a bestie in the office that he's always with doesnt mean he's ignoring/excluding you. 

 

I had this situation in my work, where I became bestfriends with one of the girls there, she would come and sit in my office for most of the day and we would work together. I loved everyone at my job, but me and her were bestfriends. One of the other ladies (which was over a decade older than us) complained to the manager that we are excluding and ignoring her.  It was not the case at all, it's just my bestfriend would come and sit with me and it became a habit, but the other lady never did that. When I finally talked to her about it turns out she suffered some trauma from a past relationship and was dealing with issues of trust and being belittled/ignored from her past relationship. I did my best to invite her everyday but sometimes she was just mad at us.  Mental health is so important!

[Cesar]

if you don't have to interact with him, don't interact. just avoid him at all costs, pretend like he doesn't even exist

[LoveInStereo]

16 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said:

At times I did make some jokes, was somewhat rude but in a playful way. I do that with everyone, and nobody minds it. But I doubt its that

 

I had no choice but to talk to him about it. He acted oblivious for the most of it, only gave me an example of me being rude in a certain situation and thats what irritated him.

Ignoring all the emphasis on how hot he is that was included in your past posts.. you can recognize that you have been rude to him without a shred of remorse or regret, he's told you he doesn't like your rudeness & yet you're still trying to figure out what the problem is? He just doesn't gel with your personality. Why is this impacting you so significantly? He told you what you did to offend him & you shrugged it off. Pro-tip, stop roasting people indiscriminately. Read the room & choose your audience & targets selectively. But I don't get why you want him to like you so badly. If someone I liked in any capacity told me that I hurt their feelings, I'd feel some kind of guilt about it. Feels like you're just hungry for universal validation

[feelslikeadream]

Not this story again.

 

[prézli]

Not this drama again.

 

 

Girl, if your co-worker bothers you but you still like your workplace, stay at there as a contractor/freelancer.

[prézli]

7 minutes ago, Raphy23 said:

Having a bestie in the office that he's always with doesnt mean he's ignoring/excluding you. 

This has happened to me, also. Notice he/she's still your co-worker because it's a WORKPLACE after all, not a bar hanging out with friends.

[RussianRoulette]

5 minutes ago, Devin said:

[2] its narcissistic behavior. just bc hes in a high position OP giving him too much power and he feeds off that knowing he can flip and activate that desperate-confused reaction.

 

once OP stops and begins to redirect happiness & attention amongst other colleagues his tune will change or start being equally confused.

Gurl, he's been obsessed with this man for years. Idk how many threads he made about him at this point. 

I remeber it was eating him inside at how perfect this man is and how he can't have him 

[Vespertine]

Are you sure you aren't in love with this guy?

 

If I ever found out one of my coworkers was writing multiple multi-paragraph threads about me on an online pop girl forum… I'd be concerned to say the least  

[Raphy23]

1 minute ago, prézli said:

This has happened to me, also. Notice he/she's still your co-worker because it's a WORKPLACE after all, not a bar hanging out with friends.

True. I'm glad I work from home now away from all that drama. 

[Devin]

1 minute ago, RussianRoulette said:

Gurl, he's been obsessed with this man for years. Idk how many threads he made about him at this point. 

I remeber it was eating him inside at how perfect this man is and how he can't have him 

oh i wasnt here for the earlier threads.

 

lemme retract.

[ImsoLOUD]

29 minutes ago, May said:

girl are u sure he aint just got autism? 

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