Ciel Posted July 15 Posted July 15 The girl, so confusing version with Oktober Knight feat Husband + Boyfriend 9
smartalek22 Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Damn, the complexities of a relationship for gays in this day and age. Seeing this thread made me glad to be single and free of confusion and the mess. So I'd like to thank OP for that. I don't want love unless it feels right. 7
punisher Posted July 15 Posted July 15 honestly, the bar of loyalty was set extremely low the second you invited him to a throuple, you guys don't really care about having that 2 person faithful relationship so why would he as the 3rd wheel? the bar was pushed even lower since you allow him to send nudes and that stuff online, sorry to tell you but in basically every single relationship that is considered cheating. if you want a faithful marriage, dump the 3rd one cause it will NEVER work out im not gonna act like ik the dynamic of your relationship but you set the bar so low he's obviously gonna try to cross the line cause that line is SO thin 1
Curaga Posted July 16 Posted July 16 Yeah he's sixty When bf's on Grindr I don't like what I see 666 with a cheater streak I'm everywhere I'm so thirty-nine, ni-i-i-i-ine 8
brazil Posted July 16 Posted July 16 6 hours ago, Oktober Knight said: Yes I was trying to dodge confusion for the members that didn't know So may as well give the full spectrum. My husband stopped using the apps early on and he doesn't give AF about our bf chatting with other guys. HOWEVER, he did say that if it bothers me so much that I need to speak up. And if our bf isn't willing to comply then a decision needs to be made. My husband is very neutral in this situation. 3
Just a Gay on ATRL Posted July 16 Posted July 16 5 hours ago, Just a Gay on ATRL said: Don't want to be rude but this guy just seems like trouble to me. I don't think he's being totally honest with you and he's not going to change. his refusal to delete the apps is a huge red flag to me. Also this is up to your judgment but personally but I think allowing the exchange of nudes or flirty messages in a closed relationship is a horrible, horrible idea. That is never ever going to work out in your favor. Wait wait wait girrrrlll not me finding out later that you have a whole ass husband outside of this bf. I made my first post assuming you just had a bf who was talking to other people. You have the right to be in an open poly relationship if all parties want that, but this kind of mess that occurs when the people involved have different expectations and miscommunications is why I could never possibly do it myself. I feel like everything with the bf is already too murky and is not gonna get better no matter what, so you may just wanna cut him out and set him free. As far as the husband goes, you and him need to sit down and have a serious conversation. He wants to close and you want to keep open. You need to re-examine why you want to be open in the first place. Do you just want to be free and hook up with other people and are afraid to confront that? I would just think long and hard about it. If he continues not to agree with you on the subject, he may eventually build up resentment quietly even if you don't realize it until it blows over to a point beyond return.
Oktober Knight Posted July 16 Author Posted July 16 Update: spoke with my husband and he understands why it's upsetting me but did say we need to cut him a little slack since he's young and obviously likes talking to guys. But he did have some great ideas such as getting a joint account on the apps and/or him being up front and open on who he's talking to for extended periods of time. He did say though that if he's caught cheating, he's gone and I agree. Either way, the golden rule at home still applies - no signing in on the apps while we're all spending time together. He's coming over tomorrow so we can have a discussion. My husband did a great job at listening to my concerns and calmed me a bit. 2
smartalek22 Posted July 16 Posted July 16 If i were in ur position I'd divorce husband cut off bf move to a different country start a new life and settle
Batsy Armada Posted July 16 Posted July 16 It's being deleted before we even become official and in a relationship with each other. I'm not fighting with that. And if he says something dumb like he's on there looking for friends, in the area we live in, I just won't be able to take him seriously. Everyone already knows or is familiar with each other.
Popular Post Rotunda Posted July 16 Popular Post Posted July 16 (edited) 11 hours ago, Oktober Knight said: Update: spoke with my husband and he understands why it's upsetting me but did say we need to cut him a little slack since he's young and obviously likes talking to guys. But he did have some great ideas such as getting a joint account on the apps and/or him being up front and open on who he's talking to for extended periods of time. He did say though that if he's caught cheating, he's gone and I agree. Either way, the golden rule at home still applies - no signing in on the apps while we're all spending time together. He's coming over tomorrow so we can have a discussion. My husband did a great job at listening to my concerns and calmed me a bit. Y'all sound like parents trying to discipline a child who snuck out the house rather than 3 people in a relationship. The fact that he's almost 30 but your partner doesn't expect him to carry himself like an adult tells us everything we need to know. He's a plaything you want ownership of. He's not an equal part of this relationship. Edited July 16 by Rotunda 4 1 16
tost1 Posted July 16 Posted July 16 3 hours ago, Oktober Knight said: Update: spoke with my husband and he understands why it's upsetting me but did say we need to cut him a little slack since he's young and obviously likes talking to guys. But he did have some great ideas such as getting a joint account on the apps and/or him being up front and open on who he's talking to for extended periods of time. He did say though that if he's caught cheating, he's gone and I agree. Either way, the golden rule at home still applies - no signing in on the apps while we're all spending time together. He's coming over tomorrow so we can have a discussion. My husband did a great job at listening to my concerns and calmed me a bit. 1
Cain Posted July 16 Posted July 16 3 hours ago, Oktober Knight said: Update: spoke with my husband and he understands why it's upsetting me but did say we need to cut him a little slack since he's young and obviously likes talking to guys. But he did have some great ideas such as getting a joint account on the apps and/or him being up front and open on who he's talking to for extended periods of time. He did say though that if he's caught cheating, he's gone and I agree. Either way, the golden rule at home still applies - no signing in on the apps while we're all spending time together. He's coming over tomorrow so we can have a discussion. My husband did a great job at listening to my concerns and calmed me a bit. Y'all sound like parents 😭 idk girl I don't think this is gonna work out 3
Yayo94 Posted July 16 Posted July 16 "I've had Grindr since I was 18, I don't know how to communicate without it" is ******* hilarious 1 11
Sir Galahad Posted July 16 Posted July 16 I'm sorry, but this whole thing is silly. There are so many imbalances here - age, shared history and the fact that two in the relationship are married. I'm sure you all know this isn't end game for him, as he won't be able to compete with that, and it's naive of you expecting him to accept that. It's even worse that you're trying to control him. Odds are he'll find someone else and they'll be happy together, whilst you're left scratching your head and finding new ways to fill holes in your relationship. You purposefully missing out important information here is telling. You know that not all's right with the situation from the off. 4 1
LegaMyth Posted July 16 Posted July 16 Either you do something about it or accept that he may be getting d***ed down and pounding a**. Choose your battle.
Lawssance Posted July 16 Posted July 16 (edited) Almost 40 with a 60 year old husband and you both have a 28 year old boyfriend who is cheating but you and thrusband are also treating him as if you're both his parents who need to ground their son. Girl dump him and set him free from this mess He's going to dump y'all eventually anyways, this is clearly temporary for him, your husband is over twice his age and is clearly not taking him serious. If y'all really are dead set on a third, you should probably get a boyfriend who's closer in age to y'all if you want to avoid infantilizing someone. Edited July 16 by Lawssance 3 2 2
Topaz Posted July 16 Posted July 16 Dated a guy like this for two months, dropped his azz because I was not about to be gaslit because they will always want to be this way and will be in their 30's and 40's with that excuse. Find someone else who has similar values like you.
NextBish90 Posted July 16 Posted July 16 I see you're feeling insecure and you want him to respect you more and especially respect your time when you're both together. If you have to remind him this again and again I'm not sure where is this going in the future. Still I don't see a major problem here. Every couple is making the rules for themselves that makes them happy. If you try to ''restrict'' him more he will try to do the opposite more and more, in the end you could find something worrying at least. Just try to talk to him, but not confronting, just act mature and confident. Also, are you doing all the same things as he does with the chats and nudes and flirting online?
katara Posted July 16 Posted July 16 1 hour ago, Lawssance said: Almost 40 with a 60 year old husband and you both have a 28 year old boyfriend who is cheating but you and thrusband are also treating him as if you're both his parents who need to ground their son. Girl dump him and set him free from this mess He's going to dump y'all eventually anyways, this is clearly temporary for him, your husband is over twice his age and is clearly not taking him serious. If y'all really are dead set on a third, you should probably get a boyfriend who's closer in age to y'all if you want to avoid infantilizing someone. I feel like OP had a longterm plan to replace the husband with the new BF for obvious reasons (just look at the ages) and is now mad that the BF isn't behaving as intended. From the perspective of the BF: he knew exactly that when he joined a 9 yo relationship that the power dynamics would be screwed and in his disadvantage so he always knew this is just a temporary thing and he just takes advantage where he can until it's over. I would not at all be surprised if there is also some financial benefits here for him which is not at all uncommon in such big age differnce gap relationships. 2 1
Sombre Posted July 16 Posted July 16 girl not you nagging about your boyfriend still having grindr and snapchat when you share a HUSBAND? 5
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