Just a Gay on ATRL Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Don't want to be rude but this guy just seems like trouble to me. I don't think he's being totally honest with you and he's not going to change. his refusal to delete the apps is a huge red flag to me. Also this is up to your judgment but personally but I think allowing the exchange of nudes or flirty messages in a closed relationship is a horrible, horrible idea. That is never ever going to work out in your favor. 1
HardBambi Posted July 15 Posted July 15 (edited) 1 hour ago, Oktober Knight said: My bf and I have been together for 10 months and and have had a closed relationship since December. We decided to be closed after he hooked up with a couple of guys during our dating phase as he assumed we would be open; he understood my disapproval but insisted he could still use the apps to flirt or connect with others for friendships (I don't mind flirting or nude exchanges). Just recently I noticed he never mentions me when he's chatting with others despite his profile staying he's in a relationship, and even when we're out and about and he's logged in, his responses to guys are "I'M doing fine" or "I'M just hanging out at home" and it's never "WE'RE hanging out at home" or "I'm with my bf." I brought up this concern and he quickly changed his profile to make it more obvious, stating he's proud to belong to his bf on his profile description. Last night, his phone fell on the floor and as I picked it up to put it back on the charger, I hit his Snapchat notification by accident and I saw a reply that said "you were hot." I scrolled through their conversation and they have been snapping each other every day for a week and it seems he was a guy he hooked up with years ago that contacted him recently. They exchanged nudes, flirted a lot, and talked about how much fun they had years ago in bed. There was no indication of any potential meeting plans, but my bf once again left me out of the conversation and didn't mention that he was in a relationship, although he did tell me the guy he's not looking for anything romantic, just friendship. My unreasonable rule has always been to not be on the apps while we're together as our time together should be undivided, which he agreed to do. But some of these snaps were sent during the weekend and he stays here Friday through Sunday. I brought it up last night and he didn't think he did anything wrong. He also pointed out that he never attempted to meet this guy and never will, although his messages were very specific on what he would do to him (I suppose this was just sexting and not that he's ACTUALLY gonna go to the his house and do these things) but one message that stuck out to me was a reply to an opened snap that said "I'd be down for all that." I don't know what he was replying to as the snap couldn't be reopened. He made it a point to say that he has no time to even meet others even if he wanted to as he's at my house 90% of the time. He's here everyday except Mondays where he stays with his parents and even then we're in constant contact. However there's concern that he's chatting with guys and getting a little too attached with them (lingering messaging force hours or days) which he claims is strictly just for fun and excitement. When I asked about us deleting the apps all together, he gave a firm no, claiming that he wants to make more friends for us and likes flirting with others without any intention to meet them. Our "argument" didn't get too heated and he repeatedly assured me that he loved me no matter what and would never betray me and asked if I can just trust him. Now I feel like shite cause I accused him of doing something he probably had no intention of doing and I think he feels I'm being too strict or paranoid. Am I overreacting? I have no proof or belief that he's met anyone since November but I always have paranoia when it comes to things like this. His reasoning for being a dedicated to the apps was he grew up with Grindr and Scruff since he was 18 and that's the only way he knows how to approach other gays. He doesn't understand the old fashion approach (what I prefer) is just striking up conversations in person at gay bars or events. Thoughts? I would have dumped him 100 times already in 10 months Either you're heading to an open relationship or you're simply not enough for him unfortunately My 2 cents Edited July 15 by HardBambi 1
tost1 Posted July 15 Posted July 15 18 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said: I would be open if my primary partner wasn't my main source of sex. If my primary source of sex was my partner then i would be down to play together. I like having sex almost every day. Whether that is sex with myself or with someone else, daily physical contact with someone of the same sex i find hot in a sexual way is important. I have come to find that i am actually a Vers. And i have also come to find i only get jealous of my partners if we do not have a strong connection and mutual respect. Well, that is a lie, i still get jealous but i try not to let it get in the way of our relationships. And i also know that with my partners there is no way they can ever emotionally get unattached to me because i have found ways to remind them of my existence on the daily even if we haven't spoken for the better part of a decade. So i am not worried because i know how to be unforgettable. So no, i would not make my man/men delete Grindr and i would not expect them to make me delete it either. Oh wow, you sound very RARE 1
jadeabove Posted July 15 Posted July 15 (edited) What's striking to me is that perhaps you both have different conceptions of what it means to be in a relationship? Edit: Oh there's a husband in addition to all of this? Well… Edited July 15 by jadeabove
єѕℓαм Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Now why tf would you do that to yourself in the first place ? If he's allowed to be on apps and exchange nudes then clearly someone is gonna end up cheating anyways it doesn't seem like a "relationship" at all sorry
Thuggin Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Oh dear. This is what happens when you make the boundaries gray in your relationship with all these various degrees of openness in MY opinion. The cat is already out of the bag and can't be put back in. Even if you're okay with your boyfriend "just chatting" with strangers and even if he isn't actively hooking up with anyone, do you really want to be monitoring his Grindr and Snapchat activity forever? Sounds exhausting and like easily avoidable drama. I do believe a lot of guys just want the validation that comes from attention from and flirting with random strangers, but this would still be crossing a boundary in my own relationship, though I'm completely monogamous with my boyfriend so do with that what you will. 2
Kern Posted July 15 Posted July 15 For me it's insane to be in a relationship and flirting with other ppl so openly it would make me feel unwanted 1
Ponzi Posted July 15 Posted July 15 This thread Anyways, if you're not feeling well with your situation with your bf it's probably because things don't work between you three. Your husband may be ok with it, but if you don't and you feel forced to agree with it then I'm sorry, but that sounds to me like a ticking bomb. You might have a lot of love for him, but if he doesn't respect your terms then that love's not fully reciprocated. Really think about your boundaries and make sure that you're actually comfortable with your relationship!
Popular Post Kern Posted July 15 Popular Post Posted July 15 Oh you have a husband too you know what sis, just do whatever makes you feel good because this is way beyond my understanding. Like why are gay relationships always so extra 2 7 20
Prodigal Self Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Even without the husband nonsense, why would you be in a relationship with someone who's on hook up apps? Have some pride jesus
JayJay Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Im sorry but dump him. It would be a red flag for me even if you were on an open relationship if he was on the apps while "spending" time with you. And if you've reached a point where you're monitoring his apps and stuff,,, listen its not worth it. 10 months are nothing
Chiidish Posted July 15 Posted July 15 1 hour ago, Oktober Knight said: Yes I was trying to dodge confusion for the members that didn't know So may as well give the full spectrum. My husband stopped using the apps early on and he doesn't give AF about our bf chatting with other guys. HOWEVER, he did say that if it bothers me so much that I need to speak up. And if our bf isn't willing to comply then a decision needs to be made. My husband is very neutral in this situation. I extra say cut him out. There's literally no reason to be sneaky or not forthcoming with needs or desires in an already established throuple. Communication is the foundation of making relationships work especially a relationship with three people. I agree with your husband you should speak up before this starts getting even worse. I understand they seem to not be getting a hint, maybe be even more direct with boundaries maybe with the new house/apartment you mentioned.
HRHCOLLECTION Posted July 15 Posted July 15 I don't think i could date someone who has snapchat in 2024, nothing good comes out of that 6 2
cuteboyzay Posted July 15 Posted July 15 (edited) Wait you have a HUSBAND? And you're writing all this over your THIRD? I live with a couple who also happens to be my bestfriends who have been together for like 7-8 years who are currently doing something with a third. And if one of them was this upset over the third having Grindr I'd be confused af. I understand with Throuples, especially when you were initially part of the central unit, adding another guy in can be risky and them doing other sexual things outside of y'all can be risky. But girl… I think you need to have a talk with him if it bothers you this much. But if he's not budging and keeps lying. For the sake of you AND your husband, stop being with him romantically/sexually. It's not worth it. I've seen **** like this happen and it can potentially ruin you and your husband's relationship. … Regardless tho, this lowkey sounds hot af and I would love to know where I could sign up. Edited July 15 by cuteboyzay 2
Mr. Peanutbutter Posted July 15 Posted July 15 (edited) Aren't you married for like 9 years? Looks like your boyfriend knows you and your husband has a long relationship he can't compete with, so he's sexting on Grindr hoping to find someone else, while using you and your husband as a backup. Edited July 15 by Mr. Peanutbutter 2
jjmed59 Posted July 15 Posted July 15 (edited) my man and i are open but we both get to do our thing and its nowhere near as one sided as this. we've been together almost 8 years and have been able to navigate our relationship successfully because we respect each other's boundaries at the end of the day. i fear this man is just full of it sistren edit: just saw you have a husband WRHTJBTFOL Edited July 15 by jjmed59
selena_lavigne Posted July 15 Posted July 15 25 minutes ago, Cheers said: How yall be fawking every single day? It's normal to experience an orgasm on a daily basis wym?
chosensparkles Posted July 15 Posted July 15 I dated that kind of guy... only to learn he was in a relationship on the side anyway, I get the whole being ok with staying on dating apps while you're only dating cause you never know, you're learning to get to know each other and you never know if it's gonna last but I know after 10 months of relationship, I wouldn't be ok with that
selena_lavigne Posted July 15 Posted July 15 21 minutes ago, tost1 said: Oh wow, you sound very RARE Naw. For some reason only people who aren't sexually compatible with me want to date me. So i've been forever single. I just like to pretend i get it every day. But after the head of my favorite porn studio got murdered by one of his models, i have found a new online porn home.
Popular Post tost1 Posted July 15 Popular Post Posted July 15 2 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said: Naw. For some reason only people who aren't sexually compatible with me want to date me. So i've been forever single. I just like to pretend i get it every day. But after the head of my favorite porn studio got murdered by one of his models, i have found a new online porn home. I absolutely NEVER know what to expect from your posts 17
Cain Posted July 15 Posted July 15 50 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said: there is no way they can ever emotionally get unattached to me because i have found ways to remind them of my existence on the daily even if we haven't spoken for the better part of a decade. So i am not worried because i know how to be unforgettable. What
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