DawnAnti Posted July 15 Posted July 15 2 minutes ago, Stepfon said: That's NOT your BF, that's everyone's BF. His bf said ✨SHARING IS CARING✨
Daddy Posted July 15 Posted July 15 24 minutes ago, Oktober Knight said: So may as well give the full spectrum. My husband stopped using the apps early on and he doesn't give AF about our bf chatting with other guys. HOWEVER, he did say that if it bothers me so much that I need to speak up. And if our bf isn't willing to comply then a decision needs to be made. My husband is very neutral in this situation. *****, you have a whole ass husband at home, let your little boyfriend get some on the side too! 1 12
Darkgalord Posted July 15 Posted July 15 (edited) Don't waste your time and run. - NVM. Just found out OP has a husband. Pls be serious. Edited July 15 by Darkgalord 2 2
Oktober Knight Posted July 15 Author Posted July 15 5 minutes ago, Dear Reader said: Yes it can. The people clutching their pearls making fun of the situation as if "regular" couples don't break up are very funny. OT: I feel like I'm repeating a lot of the advice but yes, it does feel like he's gaslighting you and if you guys have a closed relationship between you three, it seems like he's not being totally honest with you both. I assume one of your rules might be open conversation and that seems like it's not happening at all. Thank you, and yes I know it can work. We just need to have a fully honest conversation about the matter between the 3 of us. 5 minutes ago, X~MoviePoP said: Literally me. Except we were just exclusively hooking up but we said we wouldnt see other guys and he even told me he loved me but then i caught him on grindr numerous times and also in person and he gaslit me and tried lying. Then he promised me he wouldnt do it again and that he doesnt wanna hook up with other guys but a week later i made a fake account and he was on it still. So i immediately felt so dumb and stupid...(i kept having s*x with him tho but it ended badly and now i regret all of it because it was a waste of time, money and emotions) Yeah, I fear this would be the case. I never want to be THAT GUY but if I caught him on there after we agreed to let go of the apps, I'd be devastated. 4 minutes ago, brutal said: I was on your side until I learned about the husband thingy. How you have a full husband but you're mad he is engaging with other guys Hunny, we're all in a relationship together, it's not a side bf. 1 1
Bacardo Royale Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Don't dump him until you have proof of cheating. A lot of guys on grindr are not necessarily looking to hook up, they just use it for entertainment or to boost their ego
EtherealCat Posted July 15 Posted July 15 you can have a husband but he cant be on grindr? your being unreasonable 2 2
Twilish Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Obviously i dont know the specifics of your situation but I'm confused why what the boyfriend is doing is bothering you so much when you have a whole husband i would assume anytime i felt insecure, i would just go be with my husband instead. If i was your husband I'd be a little concerned why you're so wrapped up in this when he doesn't seem to care. I think you need to set the boundary now where if he's essentially living with you at this point he's going to have to respect your feelings 1
Daddy Posted July 15 Posted July 15 8 minutes ago, Daddy said: *****, you have a whole ass husband at home, let your little boyfriend get some on the side too! No but seriously, I feel your pain but you gotta see what happens. You will either get disappointed but have the clarity to kick him out or he's gonna prove you wrong. Maybe you can learn something from your husband here. Throuples are so tricky, so many variables to slip up. I would say either tighten the boundaries clearly or yeah - wait and see. Being in a relationship means countless evaluations of a commitment and updating rules within the relationship. Nothing's forever, maybe you can vet his dates he's interested in, ones you and your hubby like too and you can watch him getting ****** or vice versa or make it a 4some. I don't know how close your throuple is exactly. Just some thoughts here.
Oktober Knight Posted July 15 Author Posted July 15 5 minutes ago, Colmillo said: Wait let me get this straight you have a husband, and you and your husband have a boyfriend, the three of you have a closed relationship, but your boyfriend is talking to other guys on Grindr (apparently not to hookup, just to make friends and exchange nudes) and you don't like that but your husband doesn't care, am I right or did I miss something? You're correct on everything. Hubby doesn't care that he talks to other guys but I do. So he's kinda playing referee. He just doesn't want my feeling hurt and also doesn't want our bf's freedom taken away
SapphireSky Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Your husband don't give af so why should you? Let him have his fun 3
Popular Post NEX Posted July 15 Popular Post Posted July 15 (edited) 1 hour ago, Oktober Knight said: My husband stopped using the apps early on and he doesn't give AF about our bf chatting with other guys Edited July 15 by NEX 21
Trash Posted July 15 Posted July 15 (edited) If someone has you heated enough to write all that, just break up with them. It's not worth the emotional exhaustion, baby. Edited July 15 by Trash 2
Illuminati Posted July 15 Posted July 15 The vibe I get is that the reason your husband doesn't mind/care about your boi/bf dating others is because he wasn't the one that needed a third in your marriage to begin with. He sounds indifferent and just rolls with it because it was either your idea to open up the marriage or he felt guilty not being able to satisfy your needs. The bf probably understands it and doesn't see this last very long, maybe he needs options. It could be that he also only agreed to a closed relationship because it was something you wanted and he wanted to please you and deep down he still wants to hoe around. It's hard enough navigating a two person relationship but there's so many ways a three person relationship can go wrong. And it almost always starts with one person needing it and the other one just tolerating it. My honest suggestion would be to just let him stay open so that he would at least stop hiding it from you 3 3
harwee Posted July 15 Posted July 15 being on the apps and saying he has no intention of meeting anyone 1 2
selena_lavigne Posted July 15 Posted July 15 (edited) I would be open if my primary partner wasn't my main source of sex. If my primary source of sex was my partner then i would be down to play together. I like having sex almost every day. Whether that is sex with myself or with someone else, daily physical contact with someone of the same sex i find hot in a sexual way is important. I have come to find that i am actually a Vers. And i have also come to find i only get jealous of my partners if we do not have a strong connection and mutual respect. Well, that is a lie, i still get jealous but i try not to let it get in the way of our relationships. And i also know that with my partners there is no way they can ever emotionally get unattached to me because i have found ways to remind them of my existence on the daily even if we haven't spoken for the better part of a decade. So i am not worried because i know how to be unforgettable. So no, i would not make my man/men delete Grindr and i would not expect them to make me delete it either. Edited July 15 by selena_lavigne 3 3
Popular Post Cheers Posted July 15 Popular Post Posted July 15 5 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said: I would be open if my primary partner wasn't my main source of sex. If my primary source of sex was my partner then i would be down to play together. I like having sex almost every day. Whether that is sex with myself or with someone else, daily physical contact with someone of the same sex i find hot in a sexual way is important. How yall be fawking every single day? 15
nasa Posted July 15 Posted July 15 1 minute ago, Cheers said: How yall be fawking every single day? Some people out here there be having a husband AND a boyfriend 14
Colmillo Posted July 15 Posted July 15 16 minutes ago, Oktober Knight said: You're correct on everything. Hubby doesn't care that he talks to other guys but I do. So he's kinda playing referee. He just doesn't want my feeling hurt and also doesn't want our bf's freedom taken away Well then it's difficult, because your husband is also part of the relationship so he also has a say, and since he doesn't care and wants to continue with the relationship there's not much you can do, unless you convince him to dump the boyfriend, or convince the boyfriend to break up with you, or just let the boyfriend message other guys
Popular Post Price of Fame Posted July 15 Popular Post Posted July 15 Was it you that posted about being in a throuple a while back and got defensive when people said it seemed destined for failure? 1 18
Illuminati Posted July 15 Posted July 15 25 minutes ago, X~MoviePoP said: Literally me. Except we were just exclusively hooking up but we said we wouldnt see other guys and he even told me he loved me but then i caught him on grindr numerous times and also in person and he gaslit me and tried lying. Then he promised me he wouldnt do it again and that he doesnt wanna hook up with other guys but a week later i made a fake account and he was on it still. So i immediately felt so dumb and stupid...(i kept having s*x with him tho but it ended badly and now i regret all of it because it was a waste of time, money and emotions) I'm kinda in the same situation right now. Exclusively hooking up and it was his suggestion to not see other guys. Acting like a couple for over a year and all, but we're not really together. It always feels like it will all go away any moment. I take the fact that he's often on grindr as a confirmation that he's always gonna look for more and instead of trying to lock him down against his will I just try to enjoy his company without putting any future hopes into it
Robert Posted July 15 Posted July 15 (edited) Honestly, it seems he wants an open relationship and you don't and I dont think that's the type of thing you can compromise on. Edit: After the updates, it sounds like the bf is the one being exploited and is better off outside of this triangle. Edited July 16 by Robert
Quiqui4eva Posted July 15 Posted July 15 Maybe the mechanics of your relationship(s) is too ahead of its time for certain people. It really depends on how he came into you an your husband's life IMO. If it was mainly your idea, I think you should cut your losses. Otherwise, you need to have a sit down with all three of you and reassess the relationship i.e. is this the right thing at the right time for all parties involved?
John Slayne Posted July 15 Posted July 15 47 minutes ago, Oktober Knight said: Well accident by opening the snap unintentionally but yes once the text caught my attention, I had to scroll up and read the rest. Who wouldn't? But you're right - I don't want to ever have to constantly worry who he's talking to or what they're saying. He likes the attention so much. I mean he did go from being a **** to suddenly in an unexpected LTR with us so I don't think he truly knows how boundaries work in relationships since this is his first one. He's so loose and thinks everyone should be open in the gay community and that's not what I want. My hubby and I were open intermittently for 2 years and I'm honestly over it. I think he knows, he just doesn't want to be monogamous, but he doesn't know how to tell you because he knows it'll ruin the relationship and that'd suck because he has feelings for you.
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