discussion MAJOR UPDATE LAST PAGE! Should I talk to my hot work colleague who lowkey hates me?

[Hot Volcano]

1 minute ago, Marvin said:

 

sis he looks like Theo James and everyone is telling him that. Would you be able to stay sane next to him in the office?

[The 1]

3 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said:

sis he looks like Theo James and everyone is telling him that. Would you be able to stay sane next to him in the office?

I won't force myself on someone who clearly dont want me to be his friend. Just do your job and ignore him after work

[Hot Volcano]

4 minutes ago, The 1 said:

Stop bothering him and let it be. 

Stop being so desperate and have some dignity and pride girl

 

Just now, The 1 said:

I won't force myself on someone who clearly dont want me to be his friend. Just do your job and ignore him after work

I'm not bothering him   that's the whole point, I don't exist for him. We don't have any communication and it has gotten worse the last couple of months. At least he used to greet me from time to time and have the usual small talk, but now not even that. 

But the thing is he is very sociable with my other co-workers and I'm hanging out with them. So lets say he organises something, I'm not invited, and it hurts. Someone else organises it, I'm invited. It's been like that for a while. He obviously has an issue with me.

[Dante Silva]

Accept he down-low hates you. (It does not matter if it's unexpressed homophobia or not). Keep your lust under control, you are in the midst of a psychological dynamic that makes you want to be his b*tch and this, (if you let yourself succumb and go with the flow) will lead to your undoing and be your ultimate downfall/ firing.

 

You minimize all contact to the core mechanics of your working relationship.

 

You privately keep your own personal sh*tlst of little things he does that you know your bosses would not approve off (maintaining evidence wherever possible), then when the time is right you go behind his back to someone who likes you (who out ranks him) and has the authority to fire him.

[TROPICUM]

4 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said:

So lets say he organises something, I'm not invited, and it hurts. Someone else organises it, I'm invited. It's been like that for a while. He obviously has an issue with me.

they could literally be the most gorgeous person in the world but if someone did this to me i'd literally not care about them… like not even think about them

 

but the fact that you want them to treat you nice when he's clearly 1. not interested in having a friendship or even camaraderie with you and 2. clearly not comfortable around you….

 

it's basic social skills like unless it affects your job you simply can't get anyone to like you or treat you the way you wanted them to

 

sometimes we're not a person's cup of tea and that's ok

 

 

 

[Dolce Vita]

no shade but honestly u need to accept that some people just don't like you for whatever reason that may be and you don't need to care about that. it seems like ur bothered bc you think he's attractive and he hangs out with your colleagues or w/e but like why would you want validation or friendship from a guy who isn't making an effort to like you back?? idgi 

[glitch]

I feel like I've seen multiple threads of you talking about this man  All this time and energy spent worrying about someone who barely acknowledges you exist...

[Lil' Oz]

1 hour ago, Hot Volcano said:

sis he looks like Theo James and everyone is telling him that. Would you be able to stay sane next to him in the office?

Girl, have some self-respect. Stop giving that idiot an ego boost.

[WEEKND]

No offense but u sound stupid

 

let him be and worry about urself

[Red Velvet]

1 hour ago, Hot Volcano said:

 

I'm not bothering him   that's the whole point, I don't exist for him. We don't have any communication and it has gotten worse the last couple of months. At least he used to greet me from time to time and have the usual small talk, but now not even that. 

But the thing is he is very sociable with my other co-workers and I'm hanging out with them. So lets say he organises something, I'm not invited, and it hurts. Someone else organises it, I'm invited. It's been like that for a while. He obviously has an issue with me.

Maybe you stare at him too much and he noticed now feels uncomfortable? 

[worldwide angel]

 

1 hour ago, Hot Volcano said:

sis he looks like Theo James and everyone is telling him that. Would you be able to stay sane next to him in the office?

not your boss is cameron from the white lotus s2

 

but uhm i think he might just be homophobic  

[nostalgic]

 

[torturedpoet]

American urge to be friends with their colleagues is so disturbing to me. I WISH my colleagues would leave me alone. 

[Hot Volcano]

2 hours ago, TROPICUM said:

they could literally be the most gorgeous person in the world but if someone did this to me i'd literally not care about them… like not even think about them

 

but the fact that you want them to treat you nice when he's clearly 1. not interested in having a friendship or even camaraderie with you and 2. clearly not comfortable around you….

 

it's basic social skills like unless it affects your job you simply can't get anyone to like you or treat you the way you wanted them to

 

sometimes we're not a person's cup of tea and that's ok

 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, Dolce Vita said:

no shade but honestly u need to accept that some people just don't like you for whatever reason that may be and you don't need to care about that. it seems like ur bothered bc you think he's attractive and he hangs out with your colleagues or w/e but like why would you want validation or friendship from a guy who isn't making an effort to like you back?? idgi 

The thing is, there are 7 of us in the office working in that department. He is friends with literally everyone else. So whenever something is happening I'm being left out. It could be a random conversation where he is including everyone but me, or an event I wasn't invited to. So its kinda hard to swallow it every single time. Especially since everyone loves me in that ******* office  I'm hanging out privately with 3 guys from that group, we are together all the time. I've never felt ONCE that someone was bothered by me even outside our department. And whenever some of the other guys notice I'm being left out, they include me, which is very nice of them. But still I have this urge to know if there is any specific reason. Like what have I done?! I like to gossip sometimes, maybe someone told him something? I cant recall the last time I gossiped about him, but I believe I have. But c'mon that couldn't possibly be the reason, since it was nothing serious. 

The worst thing of it all, it took me so much energy and time to confront him a year ago. We sat down for an hour. I gave him a bunch of examples where he had left me out or moments when I felt uncomfortable in the office. I could really sense that he felt bad. He did try to include me more but that lasted only a couple of weeks/months until it returned to how it was. And just when I accepted that, he started behaving MUCH worse these past 2 months. Ugh, this is killing me, can't stop thinking about it....

[Into The Void]

4 hours ago, feelslikeadream said:

He sounds very unprofessional. Go above his head and complain to his boss that he is creating a toxic work environment.

This 

[The 1]

3 hours ago, Hot Volcano said:

 

I'm not bothering him   that's the whole point, I don't exist for him. We don't have any communication and it has gotten worse the last couple of months. At least he used to greet me from time to time and have the usual small talk, but now not even that. 

But the thing is he is very sociable with my other co-workers and I'm hanging out with them. So lets say he organises something, I'm not invited, and it hurts. Someone else organises it, I'm invited. It's been like that for a while. He obviously has an issue with me.

Clearly he don't want to be associated with you, so you must accept it and move on sis for your own sake. 

 

Just be civil and just talk to him only for job related concerns

[Into The Void]

37 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said:

 

The thing is, there are 7 of us in the office working in that department. He is friends with literally everyone else. So whenever something is happening I'm being left out. It could be a random conversation where he is including everyone but me, or an event I wasn't invited to. So its kinda hard to swallow it every single time. Especially since everyone loves me in that ******* office  I'm hanging out privately with 3 guys from that group, we are together all the time. I've never felt ONCE that someone was bothered by me even outside our department. And whenever some of the other guys notice I'm being left out, they include me, which is very nice of them. But still I have this urge to know if there is any specific reason. Like what have I done?! I like to gossip sometimes, maybe someone told him something? I cant recall the last time I gossiped about him, but I believe I have. But c'mon that couldn't possibly be the reason, since it was nothing serious. 

The worst thing of it all, it took me so much energy and time to confront him a year ago. We sat down for an hour. I gave him a bunch of examples where he had left me out or moments when I felt uncomfortable in the office. I could really sense that he felt bad. He did try to include me more but that lasted only a couple of weeks/months until it returned to how it was. And just when I accepted that, he started behaving MUCH worse these past 2 months. Ugh, this is killing me, can't stop thinking about it....

If he treats u different then everyone else on the team then u should probably speak to his manager and tell them ur being disrespected. 

[Pop Life]

Not everyone has to like us. Sometimes people will decide they dislike or even straight up hate you for no discernible reason and there's nothing you can do about it – that's just life. I'd even go so far as to say it's none of your business.

The fact that you're still so bent out of shape about it after all this time lets me know you're still holding onto the delusion that you can change things but what you need to realize is that his disinterest really has nothing to do with you. 

Maybe you just need to get laid

[Hot Volcano]

15 hours ago, torturedpoet said:

American urge to be friends with their colleagues is so disturbing to me. I WISH my colleagues would leave me alone. 

I'm from Eastern Europe

 

 

14 hours ago, Into The Void said:

If he treats u different then everyone else on the team then u should probably speak to his manager and tell them ur being disrespected. 

We are not on the same team. 

[Hot Volcano]

11 hours ago, Pop Life said:

Not everyone has to like us. Sometimes people will decide they dislike or even straight up hate you for no discernible reason and there's nothing you can do about it – that's just life. I'd even go so far as to say it's none of your business.

The fact that you're still so bent out of shape about it after all this time lets me know you're still holding onto the delusion that you can change things but what you need to realize is that his disinterest really has nothing to do with you. 

Maybe you just need to get laid

Well yea, I get what you are saying. But its kinda hard when it happens every single day. He's the first one to come to the office, I'm the 2nd one. So thats how my day starts, I say good morning and there is no response. And if I dont say it, it feels weird to just enter the office and sit down. And then others start to come, after we all check our emails, usually we go to the kitchen to hang out and have some coffee. Since he's the team lead of the 4 guys there, he's the one always telling them guys lets go and have some coffee. I did go a few times with them but it felt kinda uncomfortable since he's the one leading every single conversation.

 

My BFF works only on certain days from the office and whenever he is there, I feel much better and I'm not that bothered by everything. But when I'm "by myself", I guess I notice more things happening around me....

[PoisonedIvy]

You are wasting way too much of your time and energy over this. He is literally just a guy. He does not matter. You don't need to be included in everything. You don't need to force him to change whatever opinion you think he has of you. And you don't need to care that he's "attractive.” There are plenty of attractive men in the world, don't go feral over one  

[ThousandMiles]

The lashings 

 

I've been there sis, when I was emotionally immature and young.. Hot coworkers that aren't into you from the beginning, give you every sign that they don't want to be around you, which makes you crave closure and their validation even more.. So you almost subconsciously fight for their attention, which makes them hate you even more The best you can do is just distance yourself and forget about him as best you could, while keeping it professional of course. He will eventually lighten up to your presence after you prioritise distancing yourself first. But you need to do that for your own well being, don't do it for the idea that he might come around to liking you in the future. he's trash! 

Edited March 24 by ThousandMiles

[torturedpoet]

38 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said:

I'm from Eastern Europe

Girl in that case he's homophobic so leave him be (I can say it, I'm from EE too). 

[Alldeezy]

Leave it and just keep it work related.

[Hot Volcano]

29 minutes ago, ThousandMiles said:

The lashings 

 

I've been there sis, when I was emotionally immature and young.. Hot coworkers that aren't into you from the beginning, give you every sign that they don't want to be around you, which makes you crave closure and their validation even more.. So you almost subconsciously fight for their attention, which makes them hate you even more The best you can do is just distance yourself and forget about him as best you could, while keeping it professional of course. He will eventually lighten up to your presence after you prioritise distancing yourself first. But you need to do that for your own well being, don't do it for the idea that he might come around to liking you in the future. he's trash! 

You could't have explained it better! Its just that we already are distanced, so I feel like there is no way for me to distance myself even more. I guess I could stop checking when he's going to a cigarette break and to go there aswell just to have a chance to chat with him a bit  Thats the only desperate thing I sometimes do