discussion MAJOR UPDATE LAST PAGE! Should I talk to my hot work colleague who lowkey hates me?

[The Music Industry]

On 3/25/2024 at 12:09 AM, Hot Volcano said:

there is no obvious reason and thats whats killing me.

There is an obvious reason, and people in this thread kept repeating it to you. You just don't want to hear it and move on

[RussianRoulette]

You lot are still patting his delusion? 

 

He's obviously trolling at this point

[Hot Volcano]

16 hours ago, John Slayne said:

get a new job + a hobby, this situation has been going on for so long for absolutely no reason. it's very clearly not good for you.

 

I love my job, cant afford to quit now

 

 

12 hours ago, The Music Industry said:

There is an obvious reason, and people in this thread kept repeating it to you. You just don't want to hear it and move on

I'm a funny, charismatic guy, everyone else adores me. So no, you are wrong

 

 

40 minutes ago, RussianRoulette said:

You lot are still patting his delusion? 

 

He's obviously trolling at this point

Why would I troll about this?!

[Hot Volcano]

Anyways,

 

Day 4

 

- I was by myself, smoking, he came. I just glanced at him once, didnt say a word. After like a minute of us being quiet, he asked me whats up with me, why do I seem so bothered. I simply said how tired I am and annoyed at work related stuff, he kept asking more questions and we ended up having a legit conversation  I even made him smile a couple of times since I was complaining about one guy. 

- later on, we were commenting something in the office, I joined in and he looks straight at me, listening to everything I said and he did not look bothered

[Capris Groove]

Day 5, you need to speak to a qualified therapist about why you are so obsessed with this random man's approval. You shouldn't need everyone to like you. That's no shade, you really have to look into this.

Edited March 28 by Capris Groove

[Hot Volcano]

7 hours ago, Capris Groove said:

Day 5, you need to speak to a qualified therapist about why you are so obsessed with this random man's approval. You shouldn't need everyone to like you. That's no shade, you really have to look into this.

I know so, this thread is my therapy.

 

Its one thing not to like me and its a completely other thing to act that way.

[znake]

Girl , just ignore him, why do you care that much? 

[Hot Volcano]

20 hours ago, znake said:

Girl , just ignore him, why do you care that much? 

Idk, trying to figure it out. I came to conclusion that most likely it could be one of these two

 

• I have a "main character syndrome", meaning this guy being the team lead who is in control of everything is bothering me since I'm not included a lot of times and I feel neglected, unimportant and I always wanna be one of the main characters. That is why I'm craving for his attention, trying to make him "see me" and treat me like everyone else
• I'm deeply in love with this super hot motherfucker

 

Anyways,

 

Day 5

 

• -no contact, out of the blue, he decided to join he rest of us at lunch. Did not even glance at him once, kept minding my bussiness, even tho he asked what am I eating, someone else responded instead of me
• later on, I was smoking with two other colleagues, he joined us, I simply turned my back and went to the other side, in silence. After a few minutes he asked the other guys what have they done to make me angry. And then he started making jokes what could be the reason. I gave him no reaction. But it felt good that he was talking about me/at me. 

 

So now its this weird feeling like wtf is wrong with me. Sure, he is super hot and I'm still craving for him, but I need to chill the **** out  Not sure if this thread helped me or him finally ancknowledging my existence did it, but hopefully this means I'm over it!

[Dante Silva]

56 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said:

Idk, trying to figure it out. I came to conclusion that most likely it could be one of these two

 

• I have a "main character syndrome", meaning this guy being the team lead who is in control of everything is bothering me since I'm not included a lot of times and I feel neglected, unimportant and I always wanna be one of the main characters. That is why I'm craving for his attention, trying to make him "see me" and treat me like everyone else
• I'm deeply in love with this super hot motherfucker

 

Anyways,

 

Day 5

 

• -no contact, out of the blue, he decided to join he rest of us at lunch. Did not even glance at him once, kept minding my bussiness, even tho he asked what am I eating, someone else responded instead of me
• later on, I was smoking with two other colleagues, he joined us, I simply turned my back and went to the other side, in silence. After a few minutes he asked the other guys what have they done to make me angry. And then he started making jokes what could be the reason. I gave him no reaction. But it felt good that he was talking about me/at me. 

 

So now its this weird feeling like wtf is wrong with me. Sure, he is super hot and I'm still craving for him, but I need to chill the **** out  Not sure if this thread helped me or him finally ancknowledging my existence did it, but hopefully this means I'm over it!

He's realised your vibe has changed. Whereas he was in control before, he realises he's not anymore and he's psychologically confused and trying to breadcrumb you with cues that surefire would have worked on you before.

 

Its never going to be over, dynamics simply don't just evaporate. The worst thing you could do now is to use his tactical display of warmth towards you as a justification to respond in kind (putting him back in control).

 

You have gained a little leverage over him by having the self discipline to play the long game and it has given you an edge. 
 

You may be in love with him (more likely it's lust), however neither negate from the fact that by giving in to the temptation and falling back in to your old, instinctive way of relating to him, that it's going to re-establish and bring back the passive aggressive displays of behaviour you were met with from him before (and with that the re-assertion of his psychological control).

 

Its a cliche to say "treat them mean to keep them keen", but in this case it's true. Do not surrender your new found power.
 

If you want to expand upon your longer term influence and promotion in the work place and value your career over the lust you feel for this dude who is ultimately never going to give you access to his lower private area, then you need to stick to the core dynamics of your working relationship (even though on the inside you may be jello and dying at the thought of your lust being denied).

 

Always maintain complete relaxed neutrality with him during any and all interactions because the default response of and one thing a person like him loves to do when they realise the love supply has been withdrawn is to claim you have gone too far the other way and are actively and outwardly expressing hostile and passive aggressive behaviour towards him.

 

At that point he will start to outwardly express any microscopic example he possibly can to justify this view and seek validation for this view amongst fellow work colleagues.

 

It's something an individual does viscerally out of frustrated desperation when they realise their former control over the relationship dynamic is not coming back to them anytime soon.

 

You do not want to be so cold with him that observers start to think he may have a point. You need to keep colleagues onside to have opportunity to reinforce down-low to them that he is being paranoid so that this becomes the default view amongst co-workers and staff members.
 

 

 

 

Edited March 30 by Dante Silva

[shyboi]

empowered 

 

unbothered 

 

thriving 

 

 

OP's anthem from now on

 

 

[Hot Volcano]

On 3/30/2024 at 12:24 PM, Dante Silva said:

He's realised your vibe has changed. Whereas he was in control before, he realises he's not anymore and he's psychologically confused and trying to breadcrumb you with cues that surefire would have worked on you before.

 

Its never going to be over, dynamics simply don't just evaporate. The worst thing you could do now is to use his tactical display of warmth towards you as a justification to respond in kind (putting him back in control).

 

You have gained a little leverage over him by having the self discipline to play the long game and it has given you an edge. 
 

You may be in love with him (more likely it's lust), however neither negate from the fact that by giving in to the temptation and falling back in to your old, instinctive way of relating to him, that it's going to re-establish and bring back the passive aggressive displays of behaviour you were met with from him before (and with that the re-assertion of his psychological control).

 

Its a cliche to say "treat them mean to keep them keen", but in this case it's true. Do not surrender your new found power.
 

If you want to expand upon your longer term influence and promotion in the work place and value your career over the lust you feel for this dude who is ultimately never going to give you access to his lower private area, then you need to stick to the core dynamics of your working relationship (even though on the inside you may be jello and dying at the thought of your lust being denied).

 

Always maintain complete relaxed neutrality with him during any and all interactions because the default response of and one thing a person like him loves to do when they realise the love supply has been withdrawn is to claim you have gone too far the other way and are actively and outwardly expressing hostile and passive aggressive behaviour towards him.

 

At that point he will start to outwardly express any microscopic example he possibly can to justify this view and seek validation for this view amongst fellow work colleagues.

 

It's something an individual does viscerally out of frustrated desperation when they realise their former control over the relationship dynamic is not coming back to them anytime soon.

 

You do not want to be so cold with him that observers start to think he may have a point. You need to keep colleagues onside to have opportunity to reinforce down-low to them that he is being paranoid so that this becomes the default view amongst co-workers and staff members.
 

 

 

 

Wow, I'm shook

 

Are you a therapist or something? Can I book a session sis? I enjoyed reading this, thank you

 

 

Edited March 31 by Hot Volcano

[Dante Silva]

32 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said:

Wow, I'm shook

 

Are you a therapist or something? Can I book a session sis? I enjoyed reading this, thank you

 

 

I know about human psychology, yes. However, I was also in the exact same situation once.

[TotallyHot]

Get a new job. Boom. Problem solved.

[Hot Volcano]

Day 6 

 

- kept ignoring him, these last couple of days havent even noticed he got a new haircut, usually I notice every single detail on him

- when I was on a break, he joined with another colleague. They started talking about a certain topic, I turned my back and went to the other side. He tried to include me "Do you agree, Hot Volcano?", I said "Sure" in a very annoyed way. Then he said, "seriously, come here". I came and he started talking more and said that topic will be interesting for me too (work related and it was indeed interesting for me), in the middle of his sentence I grabbed the door handle and was about to leave, he stopped me and said "arent you gonna wait for me to finish?", I replied that the other colleague is gonna tell me about it. Felt so good to leave him like that, cuz usually when he is with someone talking, ofc I join them and he completely ignores me and keeps talking to that person even when I try to join the convo. The tactic I'm doing is working for sure.

 

Day 7

 

- today, no contact at all. He only once referenced me in the office telling other colleague I could know more about some topic and thats about it.

 

Getting closer to my goal of 10 days

 

On 4/1/2024 at 4:34 AM, TotallyHot said:

Get a new job. Boom. Problem solved.

Yea, but this job is perfect for me, salary very good, I just asked for a raise two weeks ago. It will be really hard to find a similiar job with that paycheck. They kept increasing it over the last ~3 years. And I finally feel like I'm making quite some progress.

 

 

Edited April 2 by Hot Volcano

[Hot Volcano]

On 3/31/2024 at 2:44 PM, Dante Silva said:

I know about human psychology, yes. However, I was also in the exact same situation once.

And how did you resolve it, if you dont mind me asking

[welham]

On 3/26/2024 at 12:13 PM, rhaenyra said:

 

 

Or maybe he is closeted and wants you too

Please don't put that idea in this poor soul's head 

[P.O.P]

On 3/30/2024 at 2:24 PM, Dante Silva said:

He's realised your vibe has changed. Whereas he was in control before, he realises he's not anymore and he's psychologically confused and trying to breadcrumb you with cues that surefire would have worked on you before.

 

Its never going to be over, dynamics simply don't just evaporate. The worst thing you could do now is to use his tactical display of warmth towards you as a justification to respond in kind (putting him back in control).

 

You have gained a little leverage over him by having the self discipline to play the long game and it has given you an edge. 
 

You may be in love with him (more likely it's lust), however neither negate from the fact that by giving in to the temptation and falling back in to your old, instinctive way of relating to him, that it's going to re-establish and bring back the passive aggressive displays of behaviour you were met with from him before (and with that the re-assertion of his psychological control).

 

Its a cliche to say "treat them mean to keep them keen", but in this case it's true. Do not surrender your new found power.
 

If you want to expand upon your longer term influence and promotion in the work place and value your career over the lust you feel for this dude who is ultimately never going to give you access to his lower private area, then you need to stick to the core dynamics of your working relationship (even though on the inside you may be jello and dying at the thought of your lust being denied).

 

Always maintain complete relaxed neutrality with him during any and all interactions because the default response of and one thing a person like him loves to do when they realise the love supply has been withdrawn is to claim you have gone too far the other way and are actively and outwardly expressing hostile and passive aggressive behaviour towards him.

 

At that point he will start to outwardly express any microscopic example he possibly can to justify this view and seek validation for this view amongst fellow work colleagues.

 

It's something an individual does viscerally out of frustrated desperation when they realise their former control over the relationship dynamic is not coming back to them anytime soon.

 

You do not want to be so cold with him that observers start to think he may have a point. You need to keep colleagues onside to have opportunity to reinforce down-low to them that he is being paranoid so that this becomes the default view amongst co-workers and staff members.
 

 

 

 

You are terrible at reading this situation

[Dante Silva]

6 hours ago, Hot Volcano said:

And how did you resolve it, if you dont mind me asking

I carefully concealed I was watching out for misdemeanors he was committing in context of his job role. Over time I realized his skillset was lacking in a certain area essential to his role and he frequently cut corners in that area.
 

I sat back and said nothing for 18 months (but kept evidence whenever I could). Then one day one of his misdemeanors was more extreme than what had preceded it and I shared my 'concerns' (historical evidence of wrongdoing) with someone senior to him whom I got on well with (unbeknown to my rival) and he got fired.

 

 

[reymiu]

On 3/30/2024 at 6:24 PM, Dante Silva said:

He's realised your vibe has changed. Whereas he was in control before, he realises he's not anymore and he's psychologically confused and trying to breadcrumb you with cues that surefire would have worked on you before.

 

Its never going to be over, dynamics simply don't just evaporate. The worst thing you could do now is to use his tactical display of warmth towards you as a justification to respond in kind (putting him back in control).

 

You have gained a little leverage over him by having the self discipline to play the long game and it has given you an edge. 
 

You may be in love with him (more likely it's lust), however neither negate from the fact that by giving in to the temptation and falling back in to your old, instinctive way of relating to him, that it's going to re-establish and bring back the passive aggressive displays of behaviour you were met with from him before (and with that the re-assertion of his psychological control).

 

Its a cliche to say "treat them mean to keep them keen", but in this case it's true. Do not surrender your new found power.
 

If you want to expand upon your longer term influence and promotion in the work place and value your career over the lust you feel for this dude who is ultimately never going to give you access to his lower private area, then you need to stick to the core dynamics of your working relationship (even though on the inside you may be jello and dying at the thought of your lust being denied).

 

Always maintain complete relaxed neutrality with him during any and all interactions because the default response of and one thing a person like him loves to do when they realise the love supply has been withdrawn is to claim you have gone too far the other way and are actively and outwardly expressing hostile and passive aggressive behaviour towards him.

 

At that point he will start to outwardly express any microscopic example he possibly can to justify this view and seek validation for this view amongst fellow work colleagues.

 

It's something an individual does viscerally out of frustrated desperation when they realise their former control over the relationship dynamic is not coming back to them anytime soon.

 

You do not want to be so cold with him that observers start to think he may have a point. You need to keep colleagues onside to have opportunity to reinforce down-low to them that he is being paranoid so that this becomes the default view amongst co-workers and staff members.
 

 

 

 

Gurl you're so good at this are you a Scorpio 

[Dante Silva]

4 hours ago, reymiu said:

Gurl you're so good at this are you a Scorpio 

Thanks, lol and Virgo.

 

What about you?

[reymiu]

25 minutes ago, Dante Silva said:

Thanks, lol and Virgo.

 

What about you?

Ah I see, you have very detailed explanation.

 

I'm a Leo Sun + Libra Moon

[Hot Volcano]

On 4/3/2024 at 12:23 AM, Dante Silva said:

I carefully concealed I was watching out for misdemeanors he was committing in context of his job role. Over time I realized his skillset was lacking in a certain area essential to his role and he frequently cut corners in that area.
 

I sat back and said nothing for 18 months (but kept evidence whenever I could). Then one day one of his misdemeanors was more extreme than what had preceded it and I shared my 'concerns' (historical evidence of wrongdoing) with someone senior to him whom I got on well with (unbeknown to my rival) and he got fired.

 

 

 

I lowkey wanna do this but I am at this weird phase when I hate him and love him at the same time. 

 

We were at the cafe today, 3 of us and he joined us. Kept my cool, did not even look at him. He asked me a work related question. Later on I asked him a question aswell. So as long as it stays like this, I think I'll be fine. Just give me some minimum contact you ******* *******, is it too much to ask for?!

[Bears01]

6 hours ago, Hot Volcano said:

 

I lowkey wanna do this but I am at this weird phase when I hate him and love him at the same time. 

 

We were at the cafe today, 3 of us and he joined us. Kept my cool, did not even look at him. He asked me a work related question. Later on I asked him a question aswell. So as long as it stays like this, I think I'll be fine. Just give me some minimum contact you ******* *******, is it too much to ask for?!

Hopefully one day you grow up and get over this man once and for all, because lord I am cringing reading this thread 

[Hot Volcano]

Guys

 

 

A major shift happened

 

Spoiler

he's getting married

 

And now suddenly I feel a major relief and I havent been happier in months  Some other work related things lined up aswell so my mood has to do with that too, but as soon as I heard this news its Like my mind started smiling cuz I can now finally let him go!

 

Dont wanna jinx it, gonna have to test myself in the next couple of weeks, but the relief was so strong

[Chris]

Suck his dyck.