discussion MAJOR UPDATE LAST PAGE! Should I talk to my hot work colleague who lowkey hates me?

[Hot Volcano]

5 minutes ago, Rotunda said:

Yeah I don't doubt the rest of the office likes you, and I don't think any of us can identity the cause of his original issue with you, all we can really tell you is the way you're going about it isn't necessarily helping matters.

So this is my plan, to look at it as a challenge 

 

Day 1

 

- did not greet him in the morning

- not even a single glance entire day

- waited for him to go back from the cigarette break and only then went

- he greeted me in front of the toilet so I said hi without any eye contact

 

I sound like a lunatic  but this works for me. My goal is 10 days for now and then hopefully I'll keep extending it!

 

[Funnyfatty]

1 hour ago, Hot Volcano said:

So this is my plan, to look at it as a challenge 

 

Day 1

 

- did not greet him in the morning

- not even a single glance entire day

- waited for him to go back from the cigarette break and only then went

- he greeted me in front of the toilet so I said hi without any eye contact

 

I sound like a lunatic  but this works for me. My goal is 10 days for now and then hopefully I'll keep extending it!

 

I mean you put a goal on it and if you can do it this will be a huge success because those simple things mean a lot to you because you are in love. 
 

Just feel the pain till it doesn't hurt no more. Maybe you can search for past life therapy too. I know from myself that i was married to him in my past life. I did cut that spiritual bond and since then i don't care. 

[SinnerCity]

1 hour ago, Hot Volcano said:

So this is my plan, to look at it as a challenge 

 

Day 1

 

- did not greet him in the morning

- not even a single glance entire day

- waited for him to go back from the cigarette break and only then went

- he greeted me in front of the toilet so I said hi without any eye contact

 

I sound like a lunatic  but this works for me. My goal is 10 days for now and then hopefully I'll keep extending it!

 

You do not sound like a lunatic, you are behaving like an obsessed lunatic over someone who's not even part of your team. Four pages worth of replies and you still don't get the point. Do you?

[LustSpell]

Girl just reading this thread from the beginning to the end, you are way too desperate and hung up over the approval over someone is brazenly and openly creating distance from you. If some girl just came up in your space and relentlessly tried to date/talk to you knowing you're one of us would you not be uncomfortable? He likely feels the same way and you going out your way to now be petty is not a good luck. Please look in the mirror before it's too late. No one has to like you because you think you are a good person or not. People simply will dislike you for no reason and that's life.

 

Don't make a challenge trying to be cold and petty. Just move the hell on. Do your job, live your life, and find some cute guy to ****. Just not him.

Edited March 25 by LustSpell

[Hot Volcano]

10 minutes ago, SinnerCity said:

You do not sound like a lunatic, you are behaving like an obsessed lunatic over someone who's not even part of your team. Four pages worth of replies and you still don't get the point. Do you?

It is not THAT easy 

 

This thread is serving as my personal diary. Like a therapy session. 

 

 

[Hot Volcano]

2 minutes ago, LustSpell said:

Girl just reading this thread from the beginning to the end, you are way too desperate and hung up over the approval over someone is brazenly and openly creating distance from you. If some girl just came up in your space and relentlessly tried to date/talk to you knowing you're one of us would you not be uncomfortable? He likely feels the same way and you going out your way to now be petty is not a good luck. Please look in the mirror before it's too late

But I'm not harrassing him, we barely ever talk fand even when we do, we exchange like a few words

 

 

Edited March 25 by Hot Volcano

[SinnerCity]

23 minutes ago, Hot Volcano said:

It is not THAT easy 

 

This thread is serving as my personal diary. Like a therapy session. 

 

 

I'm not being shady and I don't want to be disrespectful toward you but you are high-key obsessed with the idea of befriending this person as if that would give you the validation you need. it's a workplace where you behave like you were in a schoolroom.  Is that energy you put out there what's most likely repelling him and making him feel uncomfortable to be around you. You're controlling the narrative that he's the one avoiding you but based on the behaviour you're showing in this thread. You are the one that's most likely making him feel uncomfortable. 

 

What you've got is a fixation and an unhealthy pattern of obsession that you have to work on. 

[Hot Volcano]

2 hours ago, SinnerCity said:

I'm not being shady and I don't want to be disrespectful toward you but you are high-key obsessed with the idea of befriending this person as if that would give you the validation you need. it's a workplace where you behave like you were in a schoolroom.  Is that energy you put out there what's most likely repelling him and making him feel uncomfortable to be around you. You're controlling the narrative that he's the one avoiding you but based on the behaviour you're showing in this thread. You are the one that's most likely making him feel uncomfortable. 

 

What you've got is a fixation and an unhealthy pattern of obsession that you have to work on. 

I'm completely aware of the situation. At moments I can't believe or even understand why am I acting like this  It's like I have these moments of clarity and I snap out of it. But sadly that never lasts for too long

[blackoutbaby]

Maybe just focus on your actual job instead?

[P.O.P]

Send me his pics, my DM is open sis.

[White Rabbit]

Tbh if you take out the context of this being a work related issue, it is kinda giving crush like other users have said. Maybe try and process your feelings from that angle if you're not already?
I know you've gotten a lot of condescending responses but I think it's really good that you kinda have a plan to try and work on this though instead of trying to find ways to justify the more unhealthy parts of it.

If there's a girlie you can trust at work, it might help to ask how obvious it is that you're crushing on your boss and what behaviors exactly make it seem so. Would give you an idea of what things to maybe tone down.

[TROPICUM]

nawt 4 pages my gawd!!!

 

i thought you wouldve got it after the 10th post!!!!!!

 

bless your soul

 

[aesthetic bih]

Only talk about him when it's work related, maybe he just likes to keep it professional with most people, and chooses his "friends"

 

If he hangs with other people but not you, then it just means he doesn't wanna be friends with you outside of work, and that's okay, that's his choice. Him not liking you as a friend is not the end of the world, always keep in mind that he is not the only hot guy in the world! Anyway, there are other nicer people who would actually enjoy hanging out with you, you will find them eventually, don't force being friends with people you don't have a connection with, you're only got get hurt. Don't harass him, only communicate when it's needed (e.g., work purposes), and if he is being difficult working with him, take it to the HR.

[Bussea]

girl stand up omg 

[rhaenyra]

This is very much a you problem sis

Look inwards and ask yourself, who are you and what do you want?

 

Or maybe he is closeted and wants you too

 

Either scenarios are possible 

[Romova99]

 

[alexrex]

On 3/25/2024 at 11:44 AM, Hot Volcano said:

So this is my plan, to look at it as a challenge 

 

Day 1

 

- did not greet him in the morning

- not even a single glance entire day

- waited for him to go back from the cigarette break and only then went

- he greeted me in front of the toilet so I said hi without any eye contact

 

I sound like a lunatic  but this works for me. My goal is 10 days for now and then hopefully I'll keep extending it!

 

Come on dahling, you know he's straight. Just leave him alone and do your job. 

Why no investing these energy in someone available and gay? 

 

This hopeful plan will just backfire and hurt you even more. Love yourself. 

[Hot Volcano]

22 minutes ago, alexrex said:

Come on dahling, you know he's straight. Just leave him alone and do your job. 

Why no investing these energy in someone available and gay? 

 

This hopeful plan will just backfire and hurt you even more. Love yourself. 

Anyways....

 

Day 2 was much better than yesterday, especially since my BFF was there.

 

But, there's a bit of a twist. Basically today was the fifth time this month I had to work extra time to catch up on everything and modify some things because the hot guy did not give me any information and he failed to include me in some crucial emails. So I sent a shady email to our boss

 

Well, if he did not have a reason to hate me, he sure will have now

 

Inb4 I have a meltdown when the boss calls him out.

[Gov Hooka]

On 3/23/2024 at 3:36 PM, Hot Volcano said:

 

The thing is, there are 7 of us in the office working in that department. He is friends with literally everyone else. So whenever something is happening I'm being left out. It could be a random conversation where he is including everyone but me, or an event I wasn't invited to. So its kinda hard to swallow it every single time. Especially since everyone loves me in that ******* office  I'm hanging out privately with 3 guys from that group, we are together all the time. I've never felt ONCE that someone was bothered by me even outside our department. And whenever some of the other guys notice I'm being left out, they include me, which is very nice of them. But still I have this urge to know if there is any specific reason. Like what have I done?! I like to gossip sometimes, maybe someone told him something? I cant recall the last time I gossiped about him, but I believe I have. But c'mon that couldn't possibly be the reason, since it was nothing serious. 

The worst thing of it all, it took me so much energy and time to confront him a year ago. We sat down for an hour. I gave him a bunch of examples where he had left me out or moments when I felt uncomfortable in the office. I could really sense that he felt bad. He did try to include me more but that lasted only a couple of weeks/months until it returned to how it was. And just when I accepted that, he started behaving MUCH worse these past 2 months. Ugh, this is killing me, can't stop thinking about it....

Organize an outing and don't invite him. 

[Gov Hooka]

On 3/23/2024 at 3:36 PM, Hot Volcano said:

 

The thing is, there are 7 of us in the office working in that department. He is friends with literally everyone else. So whenever something is happening I'm being left out. It could be a random conversation where he is including everyone but me, or an event I wasn't invited to. So its kinda hard to swallow it every single time. Especially since everyone loves me in that ******* office  I'm hanging out privately with 3 guys from that group, we are together all the time. I've never felt ONCE that someone was bothered by me even outside our department. And whenever some of the other guys notice I'm being left out, they include me, which is very nice of them. But still I have this urge to know if there is any specific reason. Like what have I done?! I like to gossip sometimes, maybe someone told him something? I cant recall the last time I gossiped about him, but I believe I have. But c'mon that couldn't possibly be the reason, since it was nothing serious. 

The worst thing of it all, it took me so much energy and time to confront him a year ago. We sat down for an hour. I gave him a bunch of examples where he had left me out or moments when I felt uncomfortable in the office. I could really sense that he felt bad. He did try to include me more but that lasted only a couple of weeks/months until it returned to how it was. And just when I accepted that, he started behaving MUCH worse these past 2 months. Ugh, this is killing me, can't stop thinking about it....

Organize an outing and don't invite him. 

[Cyanide]

5 hours ago, Hot Volcano said:

Anyways....

 

Day 2 was much better than yesterday, especially since my BFF was there.

 

But, there's a bit of a twist. Basically today was the fifth time this month I had to work extra time to catch up on everything and modify some things because the hot guy did not give me any information and he failed to include me in some crucial emails. So I sent a shady email to our boss

 

Well, if he did not have a reason to hate me, he sure will have now

 

Inb4 I have a meltdown when the boss calls him out.

Quoting this to come back for the tea

 

You're in love with him— like you said if you weren't attracted to him you would just focus on your job, the reason why it bothers you so much is because you want his approval, attention, and ultimately his affection. Which is okay!
 

Just don't go too far because straight men are insane and he could easily snap and kill you! xx

[Hot Volcano]

15 hours ago, Cyanide said:

Quoting this to come back for the tea

 

You're in love with him— like you said if you weren't attracted to him you would just focus on your job, the reason why it bothers you so much is because you want his approval, attention, and ultimately his affection. Which is okay!
 

Just don't go too far because straight men are insane and he could easily snap and kill you! xx

I'm afraid of this  

 

I feel like I would've controlled it if we had any kind of communication. 

 

Day 3

 

- absolutely no contact

[K$Ellie]

the lashings  OTHs never win

[Chris]

This thread.

 

 

[John Slayne]

On 3/23/2024 at 5:46 PM, Hot Volcano said:

Nah. I've actually been quite cold to him. I have my dignity. However it's eating me up INSIDE. 

 

I keep listening to olivia's lacy, it's so relatable with this situation.

get a new job + a hobby, this situation has been going on for so long for absolutely no reason. it's very clearly not good for you.