discussion Anyone here have homophobic parents and how do you deal with them?

[Suilen]

My mother is homophobic (when I came out as trans to her, she basically said "well, at least you aren't a homosexual") and transphobic (while she was supportive at first, at some point she would stop helping me with stuff and years later would admit that she wanted it all to be a phase + she completely disregarded my legal transition and other things). Thankfully, due to her own stupidity, she lost her property rights and now has to rent places here and there while running away from loan sharks, so I don't even interact with her. My grandma, who is as old as WWII, may not understand some things about queerness, but she's very supportive.

[Illuminati]

I'm sorry to hear that, for some reason a homophobic mother just seems worse to me than having a homophobic dad

 

That being said, it doesn't seem like that is stopping you from pursuing gay relationships or living your life which I think is the most important part here. Your family may not approve but it also doesn't have to be their business.

 

Spoiler

I used to watch gay porn on my dad's work laptop and had my own computer full of private stuff be repaired by one of his friends so I'm pretty sure he knows in the worst way possible

 

But his approach was complete denial and silence on that subject, with an occasional joke about me having my own children and going out to see some girl. I kinda accepted that it will always be an awkward topic between us and I'm fine if he never "knows" that I'm gay. I think he's one of those people who think/pray this will never happen to their family.

 

Edited March 12 by Illuminati

[PrettyHurts]

Simply put, she’s sick and devoid of humanity. Try to help but if she doesn’t listen to reason, disconnect from her eventually 

[Jude]

I don't. They don't talk to me anymore and completely cut our connection.

[Subzero]

My father is afro-dominican so it's pretty much ingrained in him to be homophobic, sadly.

 

I'm not sure of even he knows I'm gay, we haven't spoken in years. My sister on his side is bisexual and she had a gf at some point and he treated her pretty badly so I'd never outright come out to him. But at the same time I don't care if he finds out, he's not a part of my life anymore and his opinion holds no actual weight to me anymore.

 

It sucks having a parent not support you unconditionally or have senseless hatred for people like you, but it's best to not allow that type of sh*t in your life tbh.

 

I have my mother, grandparents & siblings who have always accepted me, they're all I need. So just find the people who will be there for you regardless and maybe one day your mom could come around, some people need wake up calls to know what's really important.

 

Your mom may never come around but it's something we have to unfortunately learn to accept. Just live for yourself and maybe one day things can be different, everyone grows & changes in different ways, even the most stubborn people.

 

But I wish you the best OP, sorry you have to deal with that negativity. Just find your people and don't let anyone make you feel bad about who you are

[Bacardo Royale]

6 hours ago, If I'm Dancing said:

yes, and transphobic

 

6 hours ago, glitch said:

My parents aren't homophobic thankfully but my mum is kinda transphobic. I guess that's to be expected on TERF island

 

Yeah my mom despises trans even more than gays. One minute she will cry about the injustice of racism and then in the next breath she will say lgbt people shouldn’t exist/ shouldn’t have rights. She can’t see how her behavior is the  same as the  racist people she condemns 

 

[Redstreak]

Both of my parents are conservative baptists and we live in the deep American south so I never thought it’d go well. I basically got outed in 9th grade after I told an adult I thought I could trust. My parents were obviously not accepting and we fought a lot about it in those years, but I just kept living my life and being my gay self. They already found out so it couldn’t really get worse at that point. By now my parents have known me longer as gay than not gay, so they’ve really come around, my bf even gets invites to family functions and they’ve been to our house several times

[Funnyfatty]

My family is extremely homophobic. Especially my mother and the person that’s supposed to be my brother. Like i got attacked with a knife once and i thought i was going to be dead. 
 

i later on realised that i’m a normal person though. Even nice and sweet. I’m also not ugly like my family would tell me. Like i’m 1.90 cm and have clean skin brown eyes nice hair and a few muscles here and there. They were so toxic and hateful that they made me believe that i’m truly a disgusting person. I mean their book tells them that we are cursed and going straight to hell so its not that weird.

 

today they don’t have a son and even though i’m 29 years old i realised how beautiful life is. Waking up everyday feeling loved makes me feel reborn. 
 

i would wake up being scared when they will finally kill me. Especially my older brother. That person is not only toxic but he also fist fighted my father once and gave him a blue eye  

 

but all that tragedy is over now

 

i lost most of my money but didn’t care. I did set that step and left my whole family, my friends and my country. Now i’m living my BEST life ever. 
 

if you need to talk or a phone call you can DM me  

[MonsterTown]

this is easy, ignore them live your life. 18+ get a job, and leave your house and that's it.

[Bacardo Royale]

5 hours ago, Illuminati said:

I'm sorry to hear that, for some reason a homophobic mother just seems worse to me than having a homophobic dad

 

That being said, it doesn't seem like that is stopping you from pursuing gay relationships or living your life which I think is the most important part here. Your family may not approve but it also doesn't have to be their business.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I used to watch gay porn on my dad's work laptop and had my own computer full of private stuff be repaired by one of his friends so I'm pretty sure he knows in the worst way possible

 

But his approach was complete denial and silence on that subject, with an occasional joke about me having my own children and going out to see some girl. I kinda accepted that it will always be an awkward topic between us and I'm fine if he never "knows" that I'm gay. I think he's one of those people who think/pray this will never happen to their family.

 

Thanks I think it's worse too especially considering I've been much closer to my mom my whole life, I went through a lot growing up because of my identity so it hurts that she lacks empathy when it comes to lgbt issues.  I've never had a proper discussion about it with my dad but I've never heard him say anything bad about gay people. One of his friends had a gay son who committed suicide and I think that affected his views.

 

My dad also knew about my gay porn history but couldn't look me in the eye when he asked about it, he just asked me if I was watching adult videos  

[TaggedGalaxy]

We can’t choose our family but we can choose to cut them out of our lives

[harwee]

8 hours ago, Suilen said:

My mother is homophobic (when I came out as trans to her, she basically said "well, at least you aren't a homosexual") and transphobic (while she was supportive at first, at some point she would stop helping me with stuff and years later would admit that she wanted it all to be a phase + she completely disregarded my legal transition and other things). Thankfully, due to her own stupidity, she lost her property rights and now has to rent places here and there while running away from loan sharks, so I don't even interact with her. My grandma, who is as old as WWII, may not understand some things about queerness, but she's very supportive.

 

The twist ending

 

 

[Saddy]

My parents. We don't usually talk about LGBTQ, but sometimes happens that on TV something related to LGBTQ pops up and they start talking shitty things, I just start to ignore them and don't say a single world. They just stop talking since they see that I'm not interested in this topic.

 

They don't even know that they have a bi daughter and it's so sad cuz my friends parents are not against LGBTQ community and I feel so good when I talk with them about this stuff 

Edited March 12 by Saddy

[Bacardo Royale]

4 hours ago, Funnyfatty said:

My family is extremely homophobic. Especially my mother and the person that’s supposed to be my brother. Like i got attacked with a knife once and i thought i was going to be dead. 
 

i later on realised that i’m a normal person though. Even nice and sweet. I’m also not ugly like my family would tell me. Like i’m 1.90 cm and have clean skin brown eyes nice hair and a few muscles here and there. They were so toxic and hateful that they made me believe that i’m truly a disgusting person. I mean their book tells them that we are cursed and going straight to hell so its not that weird.

 

today they don’t have a son and even though i’m 29 years old i realised how beautiful life is. Waking up everyday feeling loved makes me feel reborn. 
 

i would wake up being scared when they will finally kill me. Especially my older brother. That person is not only toxic but he also fist fighted my father once and gave him a blue eye  

 

but all that tragedy is over now

 

i lost most of my money but didn’t care. I did set that step and left my whole family, my friends and my country. Now i’m living my BEST life ever. 
 

if you need to talk or a phone call you can DM me  

Wow your family sounds horrific, I'm glad you managed to get away and heal yourself. Appreciate you for sharing this 

[Bacardo Royale]

4 hours ago, DockDock said:

this is easy, ignore them live your life. 18+ get a job, and leave your house and that's it.

I don't live at home, but we see each other regularly/ talk on phone. My mom would probably have a heart attack and die if I cut her off  She's a nice person except when it comes to that subject, so it's quite complicated like @AvadaKedavra's situation on previous page

[Funnyfatty]

3 minutes ago, Bacardo Royale said:

Wow your family sounds horrific, I'm glad you managed to get away and heal yourself. Appreciate you for sharing this 

Well it was really the craziest moment of my life. I remember i hit myself so hard and called myself dumb for everything i experienced. I now realise that i was NEVER the problem. I have always been a real man. Never lie and told the truth. My father even once told me that i should lie to him because he doesn’t want to hear any of it  

 

8 months since i left them. It feels very spiritual but those people always told me, once you close the door for the bad, god will open a new door for you. 
 

i left everything and everyone and moved to a different country. Just in 2 weeks i met so many new people and they were all like “i know you are gay”   i was so shy and my boss told me “i don’t know your past but here in this country EVERY ONE IS FREE” don’t stop yourself from enjoying things. Live your life. Even if you don’t respond to me or don’t want to talk with me about this topic know that we support you” 

 

i was in shock. The things my parents should have said to me are said by a man i knew for 2 weeks.. he is still my boss and he is still very accepting and understanding. He asked me once the difference between gay and fagogt though  

 

BUT I HAVE HEARD WORSE THINGS IN MY LIFE SO I DIDNT CARE 

 

There are nice people out there baby i’m sure you can find it  just keep your heart clean

[MonsterTown]

7 hours ago, Bacardo Royale said:

I don't live at home, but we see each other regularly/ talk on phone. My mom would probably have a heart attack and die if I cut her off  She's a nice person except when it comes to that subject, so it's quite complicated like @AvadaKedavra's situation on previous page

the thing is, they are not able to know, understand, o listen... if they don't go to therapy to talk about this topic.. they will never click it.. they don't care... and you should not wait for anything from them..maybe they will understand it when its too late,. because when reality shook you then you understand it, when your children goes away... they will understand or they will live with their truth and beliefs... imagine i am the childen who's parents and family are pastors leaders in church, like not just my parents but unclesSsS auntieSsS... so you can imagine...