discussion Friend being really dramatic about turning 27 in a few months. How to "console" him?

[Specter]

So; tl;dr:

 

-Good friend, has a lot of serious trauma and also has age-related anxiety (this is for his personal reasons, and I could explain but tbh it's not super relevant + is very long);

-At Grad School with me currently. Really hard worker/does pretty well in his class from what I hear (different program).

-Is currently 26; and he keeps feeling...I dunno, lament? at this fact; will be 27 in a few months.

 

I don't know what to do. He keeps bringing it up and as passingly mentioned in a different thread, I have my own **** going on + I have an age gap thing in my family too — bothers me, but not like this. He KEEPS bringing it up and I feel like I have to console him, and no matter what I tell him he just doesn't believe me?? I mean if you're going to compare yourself constantly to 21 year olds you will always feel old, but he doesn't stop.

 

He's pansexual, so I am also assuming that some of the "gay death" or whatever nonsense the community tortures itself with is a factor here. He keeps going off about his life failing, the fact that he should've started his degree during the pandemic (? why tho) and so on. I can't be around this, because I have my own proximal insecurities and they keep flaring up around him because he never shuts up. But with that said, I have recently let go of a friend group and he's one of the few people I talk to when I am not working 24/7. I have my own problems too, you know

 

His mental health (& mine) have been **** for a long time, but in very different ways. So I am just unsure of how I should engage with any of this...

[Asscatchem]

help him find healthy outlets to realize the full potential of his youth instead of wasting energy complaining to you. only he can define what that means to him

[conquxror]

I only know one way to console a fellow male friend… but I don’t think it’ll work in your case 

[May]

i have major age anxiety too and the best thing u can probs do is just delude him with some fake compliments like ‘omg u look so young lately’ 

[MusicLoverDude]

Honestly, age is truly just a number the older you get. I just turned 30 last month. It doesn't feel that much different from my late 20s so far. I still listen to all my favorite songs. I still watch all my favorite movies. I still go to work. I still do everything I was doing before I turned 30. 

 

I'm a bear, so my experiences are different. But honestly, he needs to understand that everyone has a different path to take in life and that it is totally ok to not have everything figured out at 27. You are still learning and growing up every day. You can still make mistakes. Just don't beat yourself up over them. I've also noticed that older men tend to be a LOT better to us than guys our age are. 

[Cheers]

Like.. what exactly is he scared of? Does he think his body is going to start aching and decaying that day or something lmao. So many people would be grateful to have made it to 27 but unfortunately weren't able to.

 

People peak in their 30's btw  

[EtherealCat]

agree with him

[Revolution]

Even if he was younger, that wouldn’t help him. Because he’d still be insecure, in poor mental health and unsure of what he wants in life.

 

So the issue here isn’t his age. But his fragile sense of self. Comparing himself to others doesn’t help with that. 
 

if your self-esteem depends on something that will inevitably get taken away from you like youth, then you will be in trouble regardless.

 

 

[nostalgic]

The only happy ending to his dilemma can come from your mouth 

[Luckitty]

If it's affecting him a lot he should see a therapist (if he can afford it) 

 

it sucks that therapy is unaffordable for many people (including me) 

[Jonver]

tell him "you're an old fart now"

[Illuminati]

11 minutes ago, May said:

i have major age anxiety too and the best thing u can probs do is just delude him with some fake compliments like ‘omg u look so young lately’ 

Unironically this My mental state relies on the occasional kind cashier asking for my ID because she thinks I look young

[Maxxie]

Tell him to get a grip. 27 is no age

[getBusy]

Is he an Android user though

[WildAmerican]

at least it's not 30 

[Price of Fame]

 

gen z is gonna handle aging so foolishly 

[Mocha]

 

Get him a gym membership, age doesn't matter if your body is snatched 

[Cesar]

 

 

[CottageHore]

27 is a pretty significant time. It’s typically when the prefrontal cortex is finally fully developed and with this comes this “settling in” feeling (I’m 27). You start to take life a bit more seriously and you really begin to compare yourself to the friends getting married and having kids, even if those aren’t things you want. Obviously, age is just a number but The 27 Club and even the Saturn return happening after 27 years of being alive does confirm that 27 is kind of a significant age with a lot of pressure around it. To me, 27 is the first time I felt like a true adult, for better or worse.

 

Your friend’s feelings may be slightly irrational or as you put it “dramatic”, but they’re still valid. It’s not your job to console him or to help him emotionally regulate. Like you said, you’ve got your own ****. Is that even want he has expressed needing? Maybe he just wants someone who will listen or connect with and validate what he’s feeling. Don’t focus any energy into helping this friend regulate. Focus on just being there and listening and if you find it’s overwhelming you, try having a very gentle discussion with them about it or just starting setting some more subliminal boundaries.

[magazine]

You know damn well

 

[#Beautiful]

43 minutes ago, Cheers said:

Like.. what exactly is he scared of? Does he think his body is going to start aching and decaying that day or something lmao. So many people would be grateful to have made it to 27 but unfortunately weren't able to.

 

People peak in their 30's btw  

all of this but especially the bold

[Flower]

Tell him to stop b****ing and get his s**t together Life goes on duh

[Rev8]

He will get over it with time

Once he lives thru the age that he fears, he will realize that it isn't as scary as he thinks it is

 

 

 

If he is youthful looking, u can assure him that age doesnt matter more easily (as long as he feels good)

[Femalien]

something that consoles me is the harsh fairness of aging, in that it happens to everyone. the people he's grumbling about who are young will age as well and he can take solace that they will be sad too. I always find that comforting

 

furthermore he can be told that getting older is a privelege as some people have the misfortune of dying early. 

 

I am also comforted by changing my perceptions to more of a "sour grapes" POV, where i insist that young people aren't that hot and that daddies are hotter anyway. he can still be very sexy until about age 44 or so, there's lots of time left to feel hot

[John Slayne]

1 hour ago, Phantom said:

the fact that he should've started his degree during the pandemic (? why tho)

to this point specifically - i was in my 2nd year of university when the pandemic hit and let me tell you, it sucked ass. i think people who got furlough during the pandemic had it the best, students and essential workers were fvcked over majorly during that time