discussion TW: Trans woman cries because men rejects her

[Bussea]

I think it’s very much rooted in transphobia. I feel like things like this shouldn’t matter if you truly view her as a woman. 

 

But on the same coin, people are allowed to date who they want and look for the things that they want in a partner, as long as they’re not being nasty to the person that they’re not attracted to. If i’m attracted to a white person and they turn me down because of my skin color, why would I be sad over that? Will it hurt? Absolutely. But did I dodge a bullet? Yes. People like her, need to understand that no amount of tears, think peaces or guilt tripping, is going to force someone who doesn’t want to be with you to be with you because there’s plenty of people out there who will    It’s VERY disheartening but you have to keep in mind that they’re the ones missing out because of their narrow minded and ignorant view point and that you’re NOT the problem.

Edited December 30, 2023 by Cult Leader 𐕣𐕣

[Bloo]

2 hours ago, Archetype said:

It’s not that, it’s more like, this is part of trans life.  Rejection is unavoidable, sad but true.  She is right to feel frustrated and sad, but that’s also part of what comes with being queer/gay/bi/trans/etc.  
 

Hopefully she doesn’t give up, she’ll find the right person that will love her unconditionally one day.  

No, that was the implication of that statement. The idea that “well, you should consider that when deciding to transition” pretty directly suggests that being trans is a choice, it’s not. 
 

While, yes, it’s true that being trans is likely to complicate your life in terms of finding compatible romantic and sexual partners. However, she’s still able to vent about it. I complain about the difficulties of dating as a gay cis man all the time. Straight people complain about how online dating sucks. Why shouldn’t trans people be allowed the space to vent about their dating frustrations without their identity (and rationale to be true to themselves) being called into question?

[dumbsparce]

22 minutes ago, Sebastián Muñoz said:

I don't think that not deciding to date trans people is transphobic. But, can someone explain to me why they also believe this? Like, what are the valid reasons for people to say "I don't feel sexually attracted to you once I find out you are trans". 

 

Again, this is not me judging, I just want to hear more opinions and valid reasons to justify and understand my own intuitions. 

 

I do think it is valid that, for example, a gay person is not turned on by trans men because they don't have dicks, but this also can change through surgery. So, what are your opinions on it?

Just being brutally honest here, once I learn that a guy I like is a trans-man I just can't get the image of what he potentially looked like as a girl out of my head. It's not about them passing or not but once that seed is planted in my brain I just can't stop scanning them trying to spot the "woman" on their face, body etc which is sth I tried to work on but, despite my efforts, the boner never came back.

Edited December 30, 2023 by dumbsparce

[2NE1]

1 hour ago, Joesuxx said:

But if this is an individual you see yourself pursuing a romantic relationship with surely that infers some prior relationship. If you’re reciprocal to flirting and then allowing yourself to entertain ideas without having had that conversation then surely there’s a 50% chance that that’ll not end well. 

It’s not that simple. You are at risk of being killed, fetishized, or alone. Very few of us are able to find love.

[2NE1]

54 minutes ago, dumbsparce said:

Just being brutally honest here, once I learn that a guy I like is a trans-man I just can't get the image of what he potentially looked like as a girl out of my head. It's not about them passing or not but once that seed is planted in my brain I just can't stop scanning them trying to spot the "woman" on their face, body etc which is sth I tried to work on but, despite my efforts, the boner never came back.

That’s really weird though. You’ve never known that person as a woman so there should be nothing for you to try and clock. Imagine someone staring you in the face and you know exactly what they’re doing. That’s not cool.

[baelani]

Male validation ain’t **** 

[dumbsparce]

28 minutes ago, 2NE1 said:

That’s really weird though. You’ve never known that person as a woman so there should be nothing for you to try and clock. Imagine someone staring you in the face and you know exactly what they’re doing. That’s not cool.

It's not which is why I avoid dating trans men bc I'd never want to make them feel uncomfortable. I'm also not obligated to get turned on by a man who has clockable feminine features, trans or not. For better or for worse, that's how sexual attraction works.

Edited December 30, 2023 by dumbsparce

[Venice B]

I know a couple of trans women and the struggle is real. The amount of men that seem into them and suddenly push them away once they find out they're trans is... too much. Y'all can scream all you want claiming this is not transphobia but what other reason would explain a man being turned off once he finds out a woman is trans when they don't even know if she's pre-op, pos-op etc? They just start assuming a lot of things based on... well... transphobia. I just hope my trans sisters out there hold on and find someone who will accept them as they are 

[Femalien]

That was heartbreaking to watch. 

 

Maybe she is looking in the wrong places though. I see tons of personal ads from transgirls on sniffies and ads from their admirers seeking them out explicitly. 

[shyboi]

56 minutes ago, dumbsparce said:

Just being brutally honest here, once I learn that a guy I like is a trans-man I just can't get the image of what he potentially looked like as a girl out of my head. It's not about them passing or not but once that seed is planted in my brain I just can't stop scanning them trying to spot the "woman" on their face, body etc which is sth I tried to work on but, despite my efforts, the boner never came back.

 

Thank for sharing. Your experience is valid and important too.

 

We need to understand that this journey is different for each one of us and attraction and sexuality are complex topics

 

We should strive to create a place free of judgement and full of respect where everybody can feel safe and comfortable enough to open up and express their emotions and opinions

 

We all are learning as we go

 

 

[Take Me Apart]

33 minutes ago, Venice B said:

I know a couple of trans women and the struggle is real. The amount of men that seem into them and suddenly push them away once they find out they're trans is... too much. Y'all can scream all you want claiming this is not transphobia but what other reason would explain a man being turned off once he finds out a woman is trans when they don't even know if she's pre-op, pos-op etc? They just start assuming a lot of things based on... well... transphobia. I just hope my trans sisters out there hold on and find someone who will accept them as they are 

Maybe they want children? Maybe they felt betrayed that their partner held such an important information from them? Maybe they're only attracted to biological genitalia? 

 

All of these are valid reasons, to call the relationship off in my opinion.

 

And in reality, they're not even obligated to give a reason. People shouldn't feel obligated to date trans individuals just because they have a hard time... sorry.

[Happylittlepunk]

I feel so sorry for her. She is a beautiful gorgeous woman. I am sure with time she will find someone. Time is on her side. Every new generation seems more open minded regarding sexuality. I am not sure how her dating life is. Is she seeking specifically only straight men to date? Is she allowing herself or open minded to date  gay/bisexual men who are attracted to trans women? Maybe that will allow her to open her choices more. I truly feel sorry for her and I hope she finds love. 

[imabadkid]

omg this is so sad to hear. wow. what country is she in? in america it's the opposite... I was on TikTok and a trans girl (I think she's on OF?) was saying she can't keep up with the amount of men that are in her DMs and she's tired of married men not getting called out for cheating on their wives with trans girls but then being transphobic and saying disgusting things about trans women on social media. EITHER WAY, it's all v toxic and speaks to a larger societal issue.

 

are men transphobic because they refuse to date transwomen? no. idts. but it's all about how you go about it.

[Zefierce]

6 hours ago, Sebastián Muñoz said:

I don't think that not deciding to date trans people is transphobic. But, can someone explain to me why they also believe this? Like, what are the valid reasons for people to say "I don't feel sexually attracted to you once I find out you are trans". 

 

Again, this is not me judging, I just want to hear more opinions and valid reasons to justify and understand my own intuitions. 

 

I do think it is valid that, for example, a gay person is not turned on by trans men because they don't have dicks, but this also can change through surgery. So, what are your opinions on it?

Since you asked and this is my genuine opinion - I just have a hard time finding attraction toward a surgically created p.nis made by the tissue of a forearm/thigh. Not my cup of tea. Even if someone is post-op, people might still have a preference for biological genitals and that's totally valid IMO.

Edited December 31, 2023 by Zefierce

[Communion]

How could people who are cis begin to conceptualize if something wasn't transphobia?

 

I think it's pretty clear how one can find it transphobic if someone torts out the argument: "I can't be attracted to you because I like women" or "I can't be attracted to you because I'm straight". Trans women are women. Being attracted to a trans woman is not at all at odds with a man being heterosexual. Why not just simply say "I'm not personally attracted to you?". 

[MonsterTown]

Nah is not. you can't just force people to like you....when sexual attraction is in the middle.
everyone who is gays likes something else like bears or twinks who like latin people or fems  gays who like masc gays whatever.. so that means everyone is homophobic bc you don't like certain group of gays and you should like all gays? NO..and no one is calling homophobic to eachother.... or if you are both TOP and someone reject the other bc isn't a bottom its homophobic? no. bc there is sexual attraction in the middle. 

[Cheeky]

A lot of straight men want children. It's not transphobic to reject someone that won't be able to produce them. It's unfortunate for both parties at the end of the day. 

[DamianSolo]

It's not transphobic for someone to not want to date a transsexual, even when it's said plainly like that. With the added complexities and nuances here, that's a lot for someone to reconcile when selecting a partner for a multitude of reasons for both men and women. And I don't believe someone should be held at fault for that, as that's not something trivial. People aren't obligated to date you just because you feel like they should, and I feel to believe so is quite arrogant as it dismisses the other person's own desires, wants, feelings and needs. It's another thing, entirely, to be confident in yourself enough to know that there is someone out there for you. Life is a journey and rejection is part of that journey, we all face it—some more than others, for a large variety of reasons.

 

I can empathize with someone in such a situation, but focus on those who you do have a chance with and stop crying over people who have rejected you—whatever the reason is. That's something I, myself, had to learn and have.

[Richie.Valdez]

It’s a tough subject but no, it’s not transphobia.

[Distantconstellation]

On 12/30/2023 at 8:59 PM, imabadkid said:

omg this is so sad to hear. wow. what country is she in? in america it's the opposite... I was on TikTok and a trans girl (I think she's on OF?) was saying she can't keep up with the amount of men that are in her DMs and she's tired of married men not getting called out for cheating on their wives with trans girls but then being transphobic and saying disgusting things about trans women on social media. EITHER WAY, it's all v toxic and speaks to a larger societal issue.

 

are men transphobic because they refuse to date transwomen? no. idts. but it's all about how you go about it.

you are confused. trans chicks do get flooded by straight dudes hitting them up constantly but its for sex and not for dating or getting married most of the time. They just see them as sex objects. I should know because my trans brazilian friend use to show me her dms, full of hot str8 jocks, but they only wanna **** then move on.

[UnusualBoy]

It's not transphobia, at least not explicit. She should just stop trying to get validation from men because it seems to start taking a toll on her.

[Lyrica]

Again this tired topic  stop policing people's sexuality and who they are attracted to

[Theshigo Washidu]

Well....99% of straight men (I'm assuming they were rejecting her) prefer a cis-woman.

That's just how it is.

 

Maybe she can try pursuing bisexual or pansexual men (including trans-men).

[Aethereal]

Rejection sucks but I really wouldn't cry in public about that. 

[Dante Silva]

I don’t know what medium she’s using to engage with them but it’s clearly the wrong one. It’s not pleasant to witness someone in such distress without any apparent source of comfort.

 

She sounds like she’s from Brazil or somewhere and there atypically tends to be no shortage of admirers there (or anywhere else). The video does not give any external insight but I have a feeling she needs to physically relocate somewhere else.