discussion Struggling With the Holidays…

[Ryan]

First off, I want to say Happy Christmas to all celebrating. I hope you have an amazing day filled with love.  

 

This time of year is usually my favorite but I’m struggling a lot this holiday season. I’m stuck in physical rehab and away from my family. What’s hitting me harder is that my mom passed away unexpectedly in May. This time of year was our special time, and without her, everything feels off.

 

I tried to get into the spirit by getting gifts for my god nieces and nephews. Seeing their smiles was nice, but it’s like a band-aid on a much bigger wound. I miss my mom so much. Our holiday traditions, her laughter, just everything about her. It’s tough to find any real cheer.

 

I feel so lost truthfully. How do you get through the holidays when you’re grieving? If anyone’s been through something similar, how did you cope? Any advice or just a kind word would really help right now.

 

If anyone else is feeling down or alone around this time maybe we can help each other.

[Jjang]

I am so sorry. Take it easy on yourself while grieving and let time do its healing. You’re so strong for sharing this with us 

[imabadkid]

I'm sorry to hear. Send you love!!   

[Devin]

100% understand how you feeling. @Ryan 

 

after losing a parent & several key fam members in December, Xmas always been a pensive time for me – for years i never felt OK to be around fam and friends (even tho they wanted me to come around for love, comfort, etc.) so i used to work on the holidays.
 

first year you should cry, express, accept the grief not many ppl have the same experience. after that start making new traditions to keep ur mind off feeling down (vacations/travel works too). it took me about 8 years to warm up to the idea of feeling the holiday spirit again + wanting to be around others during this time. hope this helps, PMs are open if u needa chat. 

[sexyback007]

I can’t even imagine how hard it must be, hope you can feel better and somehow enjoy this time that used to give you so much joy.

 

I’d recommend trying to keep alive the traditions that make you feel close to your mom, or evolve them into new ones so you stay connected to her during the holidays.

 

She’d love for you to keep enjoying Christmas and to be a part of it in any way. Maybe write her a letter each year, visit her on Christmas day, get her a present or cook any recipes she had?

 

You’ll have to find a new normal that makes you happy and it doesn’t have to exclude her memory, just because she’s physically gone. I send you my best wishes and hope you see your family soon!

 

 

[mons†er]

I totally understand how you feel. I’m so sorry you’re going through this at what is supposed to be a merry time. 

 

I lost my job back in May and I also lost my last residence because my landlord was a slumlord. She also kept my dog and I lost one of my very close friends of 12 years last month along with my uncle. Both from cancer. I have to tell my family that I won’t be seeing them for Christmas because not only am I truly humiliated but I’m sick of asking them to help me. I miss my dog so so much. I keep having crying fits as well as crying myself to sleep at night over my friend and Uncle.My birthday is on thursday and this year I really couldn’t care less about seeing another year.

 

It will be a lonely Christmas but all it means is next year, we have to be even more festive and be more merry. Christmas isn’t over for us, it’s just on pause this year and that’s okay. Next year we will make it joyful for not just ourselves but for everyone around us. Sending you warm and healing vibes along with endless hugs and love. 

[Comedor]

I felt that way when my grandma passed away a few years ago. It’s better now, time really helps.

 

Your mom would like you to be happy and enjoy your holiday break, so aim for that, grieving is also ok as it’s part of the process.

[SimSim]

1 hour ago, Ryan said:

First off, I want to say Happy Christmas to all celebrating. I hope you have an amazing day filled with love.  

 

This time of year is usually my favorite but I’m struggling a lot this holiday season. I’m stuck in physical rehab and away from my family. What’s hitting me harder is that my mom passed away unexpectedly in May. This time of year was our special time, and without her, everythi tried to get into the spirit by getting gifts for my god nieces and nephews. Seeing their smiles was nice, but it’s like a band-aid on a much bigger wound. I miss my mom so much. Our holiday traditions, her laughter, just everything about her. It’s tough to find any real cheer.

 

I feel so lost truthfully. How do you get through the holidays when you’re grieving? If anyone’s been through something similar, how did you cope? Any advice or just a kind word would really help right now.

 

If anyone else is feeling down or alone around this time maybe we can help each other

Hey,

 

First of all, sending bunch of positive vibes to you with the hope of warming you even just a tiny, little bit. And of course, if discussing would make you feel even remotely better, feel free to reach out through PMs.

 

I barely post on the forum but I felt the urge to do it here, I definitely couldn't pass on it after how you've shown us so much emotional strength with writing about this. What you're going through must be devastating. I've been through the death of my beloved Grandma in the middle of December of 7 years ago. She's been so important for me, in every way a parent can be. She was not perfect, but through her good and bed side I learnt who and what I wanted to be and not to be. I owe her so much of myself. She definitely helped me developing as the one I am. 

Part of this process, as also been the concept I learnt from her about Christmas as the most festive time of the year to spend with your beloved ones. Christmas wasn't just a day with her, it was more like a whole escalation from November on until the 24th of December, celebrating non stop until new year.

So it was of course a shock when she left us in December. A total switch on the way we used to spend the holiday as a family. We decided to carry on the traditions, but nothing really felt the same that year.

Ever since, every time Christmas comes around, I still can't help as a rush of memories just hit me. First years of course it was saddening, and I would lie if I'd say it would completely change through time, but time helps and now it's just leaving me bittersweet. But if anything, the whole thing had the whole Christmas concept strengthening within me. As a family, the more time pass the more we don't have time to spend together, so this time of the year is getting even more special and awaited by each of us. Plus, we learnt that you never know what's going to be on the following year, so might as well take the best while we're at it. And well, we are all sure that everywhere she might be, she's surely happy that we're celebrating just as much she would've if she were with us.

 

So this Christmas I just wish you'll find your own way to make it through this difficult moment and your own way to make it meaningful.

 

 

[sexyback007]

47 minutes ago, mons†er said:

 

It will be a lonely Christmas but all it means is next year, we have to be even more festive and be more merry. Christmas isn’t over for us, it’s just on pause this year and that’s okay. Next year we will make it joyful for not just ourselves but for everyone around us. Sending you warm and healing vibes along with endless hugs and love. 

I loved that, amazing attitude! Sending you all strength to cope this year and hope you feel the joy back soon!

[Just a Gay on ATRL]

I'm very sorry for what you're going through. this time is difficult for a lot of people. It is your first christmas without your mom so it's quite a shift and would upset anyone.

 

Take it easy for the holidays this year and take time for yourself. Get fresh air if you can, or have someone in the rehab facility take you outside if you can't yourself. Getting outside helps me so much when my head feels foggy and I'm down. Watch movies and shows that you can. Get a good night's sleep. Make friends in the rehab facility if you're feeling lonely and need to feel some connection. Find little things that bring you joy no matter how little they seem.

[mons†er]

37 minutes ago, sexyback007 said:

I loved that, amazing attitude! Sending you all strength to cope this year and hope you feel the joy back soon!

thank you so so much for this. I hope you enjoy your holiday and are surrounded by nothing smiles, love and warmth. 

[gopobo]

I felt the same way a few years ago when my grandma passed away - she would always gather the whole family around at her place for lunch on Christmas Day. It has not been the same ever since then and the days around Christmas feel kind of weird. It's a mix of loneliness and nostalgia of the past because it had been a constant tradition of ours for years. It will get better though, I promise. People say that time heals and it truly does. Make the most of your holidays and have an amazing start of 2024.

[Bears01]

3 hours ago, Ryan said:

First off, I want to say Happy Christmas to all celebrating. I hope you have an amazing day filled with love.  

 

This time of year is usually my favorite but I’m struggling a lot this holiday season. I’m stuck in physical rehab and away from my family. What’s hitting me harder is that my mom passed away unexpectedly in May. This time of year was our special time, and without her, everything feels off.

 

I tried to get into the spirit by getting gifts for my god nieces and nephews. Seeing their smiles was nice, but it’s like a band-aid on a much bigger wound. I miss my mom so much. Our holiday traditions, her laughter, just everything about her. It’s tough to find any real cheer.

 

I feel so lost truthfully. How do you get through the holidays when you’re grieving? If anyone’s been through something similar, how did you cope? Any advice or just a kind word would really help right now.

 

If anyone else is feeling down or alone around this time maybe we can help each other.

I am so sorry king, I know exactly how it is. The first holiday after the death of a close loved one will be Rough, but I promise time heals everything ❤️ I wish I could take your pain away and help better, but just keep your head up buddy 

[Davidoff]

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. It’s tough to lose a loved one I imagine, I'm grateful I haven’t experienced that pain yet but I know that I eventually will. Nobody lives forever. 
I guess my only advice would be is to embrace the grieving process and know that this is an unavoidable part of life that everyone eventually has to face. Try to enjoy the positives that you have in your life and know that although your mom is not with you in the physical world, she’s there in spirit and is always watching over you. 

[BletaRexher]

Christmas died with my grandma to me. Now I look forward to it just being over. I just skip family holidays unless they drag me out. The holidays are dumb and played out anyways.

[dussel_06]

Sending you love.
 

It’s the same for me. My father died last July and I’m currently alone in a another country working. I just avoid gatherings and spend most of my time having a video call with my siblings. It’s hard but this year taught me a lesson to not expect anything from anybody and at the end of the day, I’m on my own. I planned in traveling to Europe but after getting the visa, the embassy revoked it for no reason at all. I will be on leave from work for the whole week without any plans til new year.

 

 

This year is the worst year of my life and I’m just hoping that in time, things will get better. Like even in the law of the universe, you can’t be down all the time.

[She-Rah]

Sending you a hug and sorry to hear that you’re struggling.

 

i lost my mom a few years ago a week after Mother’s Day so that holiday is particularly hard for me. 
 

be kind to yourself but if you need to cry and grief allow yourself because is part of the process of healing. It’s taken many years for me to accept my mom’s death and the holidays just hurt extra but know that they would love for you to have a nice time during the holidays. 

[MonsterJohn]

I think time is only medicine for grieving, sending you love

 

At least you always have the beautiful memories together with her  

[GardenPanty]

Sorry to hear about ur mom. I agree with everyone else here, especially to let yourself feel your feelings. Dealing with loss is never easy especially with someone of much importance to you. But at some point in time it will get easier. Letting it all out and coming to terms with it is the first step to getting back on ur feet <3