Jormungand Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 (edited) So I'm a gay black guy living in one of the worst states (Florida) and my straight best friend who is white says his emotions for me are confusing. I want to add he's only ever dated 1 girl. I'm 26 and he's 23. A week ago we were hanging out, talking for hours like we usually do. We talked about dating other people and stuff and I was telling him about how it's hard dating when you're gay. He knows about my failed relationships. He just gave me a really long hug and I jokingly said "I wish I was a girl so I could date you." And he responds "I wish I was into guys, but you do have me feeling some type of way." My bestfriend is a hetero dude that fights people for fun, loves basketball, and is huge on the gym. I could feel my heart just sinking for some reason. I asked him what he meant by that and he jokes "I don't know, but you're too precious to me and I love you." I didn't want to put him on the spot or make him feel uncomfortable so I changed the subject. We're still talking, hung out today as a matter of fact. My question is for anyone that has ever been close with a hetero person. Did you ever catch feelings for them? Did you confess those feelings? Do you still maintain a relationship with them and if so, how do you react to situations where they enter a relationship? I don't think me and my bestfriend will ever be in a relationship or mess around. Really not trying to be delusional about the situation. My biggest fear in all of this is losing him or him doing something he'll regret. He's always been so kind to me and he's been there for many tear filled nights. Edit: Y'all I'm in shambles because we're in a idk spot in our relationship😭😭😭 I love him so much and he's been getting chubs but I don't say anything about it or try to mention it. He's so big too. Edited November 14, 2023 by Jormungand 1
Jormungand Posted June 5, 2023 Author Posted June 5, 2023 4 minutes ago, wehavetostan said: he's the only genuine friend I have though.
JustHoran Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 (edited) He sounds very confused and could possibly be bi? However, I wouldn't push too much into it because you don't want to make him uncomfortable or lose the friendship. He clearly feels comfortable to you. Honestly, something similar to this happened to me and my straight friend ended up secretly coming out to me and wanted to be with me. Sadly, nothing really happened other than flirting and doing small stuff because we were in school when I'd see him, but yeah. If something is meant to happen it will. Edited June 5, 2023 by JustHoran 1
DamianSolo Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 Don't do it. Just leave it alone and continue to be his friend, and nothing more. Don't complicate it and make it awkward. As soon as he finds a girl he's really into, he's going to go full force into dating and being there for her. Don't take advantage of him during a vulnerable time in his life; and don't let him do that to you either. I've been in a similar situation that I was able to come back from just before I ended up with an egg on my face. I have a friend who would act like that with me, he's now married with several children. 2
Meev Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 No, for some reason straight guys think when they say that, gay guys will feel better about themselves. Little did they know that will only make the gay friend fall hopelessly in love with them 1
Into The Void Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 Uhm idk sounds like he may be curious for real 3
TROPICUM Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 1. If he’s actually into you he was never straight 2. If he’s actually straight he’s just confused You should let things flow and if he finds himself for who he is and something happens between you two then great! 1
Jormungand Posted June 5, 2023 Author Posted June 5, 2023 2 minutes ago, DamianSolo said: Don't do it. Just leave it alone and continue to be his friend, and nothing more. Don't complicate it and make it awkward. As soon as he finds a girl he's really into, he's going to go full force into dating and being there for her. Don't take advantage of him during a vulnerable time in his life; and don't let him do that to you either. I've been in a similar situation that I was able to come back from just before I ended up with an egg on my face. I have a friend who would act like that with me, he's now married with several children. This is what I think will happen...he says he doesn't want another relationship and that he'll never have kids. But he's really good looking so as much as he'd like to avoid a relationship, there are plenty of girls out there that will jump to be with him and one day I can see him settling down.
DamianSolo Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 4 minutes ago, Jormungand said: This is what I think will happen...he says he doesn't want another relationship and that he'll never have kids. But he's really good looking so as much as he'd like to avoid a relationship, there are plenty of girls out there that will jump to be with him and one day I can see him settling down. That's always how it happens. All it takes is that one girl, for a guy in such a state. I remember we were out at a function one day, and a girl was crushing on and entertaining the guy I referenced in my post. I knew then I just needed to back off because of how he started interacting with her, when just weeks prior he was saying he was over girls and wanted to try to just date a guy—because of him being cheated on and messed over a couple of times. He, too, is a really good looking guy, even still. 1
SmittenCake Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 hmm you should let him experience his thoughts first. but you can slowly help unveil the curtains
CottageHore Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 (edited) Who’s to know what he meant? Only he knows what he meant and if he feels compelled to expand upon the message behind what he said, he’ll do so eventually. I wouldn’t pry, ask many questions, and just let it be. Only if you’re comfortable with that. If you feel things feel weird now when you’re hanging with him ever since he said that and can’t seem to get passed it, then definitely find a gentle way to inquire for some clarification. You sound like you have a very stable head on your shoulders and a strong intuition. Just follow your gut. This sounds like a one-off situation and if it continues to happen, then definitely open a conversation about it. But, if you don’t know what your good friend meant by this, none of us will. Edited June 5, 2023 by CottageHore 1
Breathe On Moi Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 what is it with martial arts/fighting guys wanting to bottom for big dicks tbh? I see them all over grindr, there’s a pattern there anyways hun, don’t get caught up, the “I wish I was a girl to date you” is a red flag and it reeks of experimental curiosity and he’ll most likely be bottoming at GHs in no time. 1
Jormungand Posted June 5, 2023 Author Posted June 5, 2023 12 minutes ago, CottageHore said: Who’s to know what he meant? Only he knows what meant and if he feels compelled to expand upon the message behind what he said, he’ll do so eventually. I wouldn’t pry, ask many questions, and just let it be. Only if you’re comfortable with that. If you feel things feel weird now when you’re hanging with him ever since he said that and can’t seem to get passed it, then definitely find a gentle way to inquire for some clarification. You sound like you have a very stable head on your shoulders and a strong intuition. Just follow your gut. If you don’t know what your good friend meant by this, none of us will. That's why I changed the subject. I love asking questions, but I know he doesn't necessarily owe me or anyone an explanation. I'd like to think he'll figure things out on his own and I'll always cheer him on for the best. 12 minutes ago, Breathe On Moi said: what is it with martial arts/fighting guys wanting to bottom for big dicks tbh? I see them all over grindr, there’s a pattern there anyways hun, don’t get caught up, the “I wish I was a girl to date you” is a red flag and it reeks of experimental curiosity and he’ll most likely be bottoming at GHs in no time. Wait no, I was the one that said I wish I was a girl. In hindsight, not my proudest moment. I seriously doubt my best friend would ever bend over for another man, but I could be wrong. I just want him to be ok with his choices, continue to prosper, and to still be a part of his life. 1
Quiqui4eva Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 This reminds me of my straight friend with the “you’re too precious” line. Granted, he was actually curious at some point. But otherwise, I wouldn’t take this as a sign. You started the joke and he seemingly matched that energy. Unless he seemed nervous and was rambling about any potential feelings, it’s not gonna happen. 1
James_Dean Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 Been there, done that. Unless you want to be in dire agony, stay away from acting upon those feelings.
CottageHore Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 25 minutes ago, Jormungand said: That's why I changed the subject. I love asking questions, but I know he doesn't necessarily owe me or anyone an explanation. I'd like to think he'll figure things out on his own and I'll always cheer him on for the best. To be real, if he’s gonna say something like that to you, you’d be totally valid to expect an explanation from him. I just feel like it may convolute things further and you’d risk having misread what he said and making it awkward
Breathe On Moi Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 53 minutes ago, Jormungand said: Wait no, I was the one that said I wish I was a girl. In hindsight, not my proudest moment. I seriously doubt my best friend would ever bend over for another man, but I could be wrong. I just want him to be ok with his choices, continue to prosper, and to still be a part of his life. oh wow, I retract my statement then but, still it’d be good to be careful either way.
aesthetic bih Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 Guys do this trick all the time. Don't fall for it. 5
Kayseri Mantisi Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 Something so similar happened with me and now our friendship ended . ı literally still think about him sometimes (he probably does the same with me) so try to NOT ruin your friendship first if you're not sure what you're doing.
loveisdead9582 Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, Jormungand said: So I'm a gay black guy living in one of the worst states (Florida) and my straight best friend who is white says his emotions for me are confusing. I want to add he's only ever dated 1 girl. I'm 26 and he's 23. A week ago we were hanging out, talking for hours like we usually do. We talked about dating other people and stuff and I was telling him about how it's hard dating when you're gay. He knows about my failed relationships. He just gave me a really long hug and I jokingly said "I wish I was a girl so I could date you." And he responds "I wish I was into guys, but you do have me feeling some type of way." My bestfriend is a hetero dude that fights people for fun, loves basketball, and is huge on the gym. I could feel my heart just sinking for some reason. I asked him what he meant by that and he jokes "I don't know, but you're too precious to me and I love you." I didn't want to put him on the spot or make him feel uncomfortable so I changed the subject. We're still talking, hung out today as a matter of fact. My question is for anyone that has ever been close with a hetero person. Did you ever catch feelings for them? Did you confess those feelings? Do you still maintain a relationship with them and if so, how do you react to situations where they enter a relationship? I don't think me and my bestfriend will ever be in a relationship or mess around. Really not trying to be delusional about the situation. My biggest fear in all of this is losing him or him doing something he'll regret. He's always been so kind to me and he's been there for many tear filled nights. To be realistic, hypothetically if he was curious and you were the first person he ever fooled around with, would he want to be with you afterwards or would he want to experience everything? This is a difficult situation where you have to be very aware of his thoughts. If he does want to be with you then cool. If he’s wushu washy or non committal, you have to accept that he may be curious but if his friendship means that much to you, you’re going to have to love it and let it go. You don’t want to be his first time experience - especially if you think that he will want to try anything and everything. Also, if you want to remain friends with him - getting intimate or following around could end the friendship. If you are the first time experience it could end in one of the following ways: 1) He fools around and while he enjoys it and wants to explore this side of himself, he won’t want to commit. This will probably lead to an alienation of friendship. 2) He explores and feels awkward and doesn’t speak to you again. Like the first option, he wouldn’t feel comfortable hanging out especially since y’all would have crossed that line. 3) The two of you hook up or start to date and it leads to something. This is the least likely of the bunch but still possible. Most times when a “str8” guy wants to hook up its for an anonymous pump and dump but it is possible that he’s developed feelings for you. This is the least likely to be the case but technically possible. Edited June 5, 2023 by loveisdead9582
Homebrand Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 Some straight guys love the attention and validation from gay men. Not saying your best friend is necessarily like that, but I've seen it time and time again where straight guys borderline flirt or provoke reactions from gay men, purely for their own self esteem (whether it seems joking or not joking) I wouldn't pursue anything if you value your friendship. Lifelong or meaningful friendships >>>>>>>>>> hooking up 2
Bacardo Royale Posted June 5, 2023 Posted June 5, 2023 He sounds bicurious to me like you're the one guy he would give a chance. A straight friend would straight up say I love you but not in that way and make those boundaries clear. I've messed around with "straight" guys and remained friends after, just don't fall in love or expect them to claim you as a boyfriend .
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