El Chico Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 This is essentially a rant so whatever but my sister who’s recently been getting clean has been asking me lately if I love her. I don’t tell her outright no but a simple “I want what’s best for you” clearly giving her a answer but not directly and she gets so emotion Keep in mind she’s been a terrible sister, daughter, mother others having to raise her child and being addicted to heroin for 7 years just terrible. I feel like I’am not a d**k for feeling how I do it’s probably how most would react Just to be clear I loathe her like seeing/hearing about her brings out the worst in me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skwonderfactory Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 (edited) Not at all. Your response is perfectly valid given the situation. Edited July 18, 2022 by skwonderfactory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CandleGuy Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 You answered with your truth. Maybe you can learn to separate the person that your sister is from the addiction and the terrible things the disease has made her do. You can let her know how her addiction has affected you and everyone else around her and you are proud that she is getting clean. You can encourage her by showing excitement to get to know her in her sobriety, in hopes that your relationship will be different than it was at the height of her addiction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProudLBS Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 No, f*ck her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Last of Us Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 I don’t think you’re a terrible person for feeling what you feel. Especially given the circumstances. I virtually have zero relationship with my brother for reasons I won’t disclose, but it’s just one of those things. At the end of the day, we don’t choose our family and sometimes they don’t turn out to be people we like, which is fine. I’ve never been a believer of the whole “blood is thicker than water” expression because if you’re a shitty person, you’re a shitty person. You don’t get a free pass because we’re related. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve had to endure with your sister, but it seems like you know deep down how you feel about her, so just trust your gut. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dystopian Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 no, she's just trying to guilt trip you by getting emotional. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Chico Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 3 minutes ago, CandleGuy said: You answered with your truth. Maybe you can learn to separate the person that your sister is from the addiction and the terrible things the disease has made her do. You can let her know how her addiction has affected you and everyone else around her and you are proud that she is getting clean. You can encourage her by showing excitement to get to know her in her sobriety, in hopes that your relationship will be different than it was at the height of her addiction. The thing is she was always a terrible person even before the addiction. She got in physical fights with our parents, me, our siblings. She hit our sister over the head with a paper towel holder and knocked her out. I’ve always told my family that she was extremely toxic and ****** in the head to the point of wanting to move out of the house at 13. I don’t feel like our relationship will ever be okay but I try not to tell her these things because I don’t want to effect her sobriety. Which is why I don’t understand her need to dig for a answer from me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Chico Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 7 minutes ago, Rourke said: I don’t think you’re a terrible person for feeling what you feel. Especially given the circumstances. I virtually have zero relationship with my brother for reasons I won’t disclose, but it’s just one of those things. At the end of the day, we don’t choose our family and sometimes they don’t turn out to be people we like, which is fine. I’ve never been a believer of the whole “blood is thicker than water” expression because if you’re a shitty person, you’re a shitty person. You don’t get a free pass because we’re related. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve had to endure with your sister, but it seems like you know deep down how you feel about her, so just trust your gut. ? I couldn’t agree more Thanks for the advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breathe On Moi Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 After reading some of the things she’s done, you shouldn’t feel ashamed for not lying to her. People like that need to be held accountable. You’re showing enough love by being around her to begin with and that should be enough for her, and for yourself. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOOMBAYAH Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 You haven’t done anything wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Link Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 Family ties are toxic and should be disposed of asap. You must be able to choose who you are tied to. Siblings and parents are up for consideration but not mandatory by any means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bad guy Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 No. You're feeling towards her is 100% valid. You can care about her well being but you don't have to fall for that manipulative "do you love me" bullshit. Love and respect must be earned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny789 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 Your feelings are valid and you don’t owe her anything, the fact you’re being as considerate as you are is nice enough. Is therapy part of her recovery cause it sound like she needed some help even before the addiction? People can heal and change but you’re not required to be there just because she’s your sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GentleEarthquake Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 she seems like an awful person, i'm surprised you even want the best for her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Chico Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 1 hour ago, Breathe On Moi said: After reading some of the things she’s done, you shouldn’t feel ashamed for not lying to her. People like that need to be held accountable. You’re showing enough love by being around her to begin with and that should be enough for her, and for yourself. Hang in there. Thank you for the kind words 16 minutes ago, Danny789 said: Your feelings are valid and you don’t owe her anything, the fact you’re being as considerate as you are is nice enough. Is therapy part of her recovery cause it sound like she needed some help even before the addiction? People can heal and change but you’re not required to be there just because she’s your sister. I did overhear her talking about seeing a counselor of some sort. But yes she’s always been troubled and the idea of her seeing a therapy was something I brought up years ago 19 minutes ago, GentleEarthquake said: she seems like an awful person, i'm surprised you even want the best for her I don’t tbh but for the sake of my nephew and him having a mother I hope she stays on the right path Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alldeezy Posted July 19, 2022 Share Posted July 19, 2022 No your not a terrible person, it's fine to pull away and not want the negative engery around you. Unless she really shows change and improvement. Your doing right thing being blunt with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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