tournament ? PLATINUM HIT 10.5 ? Farewell pg.220 / Grammys pg.221 ?

[ceremonials]

1 minute ago, Corsola said:

At least I managed to write an actual song even though it was beyond rushed and through writer's block  

Pussypear is too ARTPOP for you, I'm sure. Time is the ultimate truth teller!

 

[ceremonials]

1 minute ago, Gastrodonatella said:tea! the way he's making flops feel better because at least their score wasnt as bad as CEREMONIALS

Flops such as yourself?

 

 

Glad to help hunni. We can't all be iconic

 

[ceremonials]

Just now, Corsola said:

You wish you had a TRUE ahead of its time bop, ''Afflicted Inc''! 

 

but which one is better? pussypear or areola? 

They both scalp Tempogre so I say they're equal!

 

My Hor drag from Areola was kinda my best couplet ever though.

 

[ceremonials]

N I don't have Areola but let me recall it from memory 

 

I'm so tired of this Platinum Payola

When will y'all hop off of Hunter's Areola?

Kelly STOLE Florence's Grammy 

And Delirium flopped, bitch.

 

I'm so tired of this Platinum Payola

When will y'all hop off of Hor's Areola?

At least he has taste if were not counting Hitlor

I wonder if she'll ever find a tampon that fits her?

 

Im so tired of this Platinum Payola

When will y'all hop off of Jackson's Areola?

Talking anout cliches like he doesn't stan for Tit

(I dont remember this line n)

 

Im so tired of this Platinum Payola

When will y'all hop off of 8ths Areola?

Ok there's not much to drag cause he is never here

So let me just (insert K-Pop shade here)

 

 

And Pussypear was only like three lines but I honestly don't even remember they were  something like

 

Free my mind. #pussypear

Rip out my #pussyhair

Temporal is a bitch

Pussypear x

 

Why am I like this? Let me know.

[ceremonials]

Remember that one time someone submitted their song and said "sorry this is really rushed" in the PM and 8th's review was just "Thanks for the apology!"

 

[ceremonials]

1 minute ago, Corsola said:

honestly kinda bopping to areola! 

Oop Stan a bit

[Temporal]

1 minute ago, ceremonials said:

Remember that one time someone submitted their song and said "sorry this is really rushed" in the PM and 8th's review was just "Thanks for the apology!"

 

omg link

[ceremonials]

1 minute ago, Corsola said:

honestly kinda bopping to areola! 

Oop Stan a bit

[ceremonials]

3 minutes ago, Temporal said:

omg link

Mess you were the host

[Temporal]

Just now, ceremonials said:

Mess you were the host

I do not remember that at all

[ceremonials]

Just now, Temporal said:

I do not remember that at all

Serving Slowpoke memory

[ceremonials]

Friendly reminder that Temporal stans for the Slow Brothers and Pelliper

[Speezy]

8 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

Friendly reminder that Temporal stans for the Slow Brothers and Pelliper

Imma pray for his sins 

[ICEY]

3 hours ago, ughgabriel said:

@ICEY - Close My Eyes

I didn't really find the connection between your cover and the song :( I mean I could connect it with the title, but it doesn't really connect with the song's meaning. And I think the song itself didn't quite reflect the story behind it, I believe the dark clouds above my head part was the best line because it really connected with the description you gave us, you could've used that metaphor throughout the whole song and play around it. I think that could've worked.

So my advice would be if you're going to choose a metaphor, you should play with it during the whole song and add new things to it so it doesn't feel monotonous or unevent, just make sure it's cohesive and makes sense.

The using of "oh", "ah", etc... I wouldn't recommend it because it feels like you're using that space for empty words instead of real words that could add something and elevate that line.

If you want feedback on specific parts/lines you can always ask!

drat, i guess I didn't do so well, a lot of my songs focus mainly on specific sentiments or experiences that are a bit hard to explain  so that's sorta my writing style in terms of the metaphorical aspect (maybe I didn't explain it so well). With this one, i think I was touching on the internal struggles with admitting that you're into someone, it interchanges subject a few times throughout like in the chorus/bridge I guess to illustrate the nature of self-reflection.

 

With the cover, I literally searched something on google and wrote the song around what I saw/felt when looking at the image, It might not have translated but that's what I got from it, I think I created a little story around the person in the photo. 

 

lol i usually write around a beat or chords and I've noticed that there should be some breaks or ohs/ahs (they can add a nice touch) so the singer can breathe, or so it doesn't sound like a mouthful, I'm super into melodies so when i write anything i usually have them in mind. 

 

anyways ill try and make the next one a little bit more sensical i like have super abstract ideas i can never seem to explain properly so that was my fault on my part, but thanks for the feedback! 

[ceremonials]

12 minutes ago, Speezy said:

Imma pray for his sins 

Someone has to!

[Temporal]

34 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

Friendly reminder that Temporal stans for the Slow Brothers and Pelliper

Yes, talent only!

[ceremonials]

 

I LOVE this photo. Her POWERFUL stance. The self-assertion. The way it just screams 'I KNOW I am the BADDEST BITCH IN THE WORLD'.

Ahhh, my ****ing fave.

 

 

[Temporal]

13 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

 

I LOVE this photo. Her POWERFUL stance. The self-assertion. The way it just screams 'I KNOW I am the BADDEST BITCH IN THE WORLD'.

Ahhh, my ****ing fave.

 

 

Choke me with your psychic daddy  

[fountain]

1 hour ago, Aurora said:

I'm doing mine right now. Are there two batches?

Nah, they're all in the Google doc I sent. You can post them however you want, split it batches or all in one, whatever's better for you

[Aurora]

who wants some reviews

[fountain]

23 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

 

I LOVE this photo. Her POWERFUL stance. The self-assertion. The way it just screams 'I KNOW I am the BADDEST BITCH IN THE WORLD'.

Ahhh, my ****ing fave.

 

 

Psychic types always win

[Speezy]

3 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

Psychic types always win

+1. Except Delphox*

Edited May 22, 2017 by Speezy

[Aurora]

  Batch 1

 

1. @Gastrodonatella - Beat Me Up Like Your Pup

What a strong start to this season. I honestly had to stop reading around the second verse because I just got too emotional. The juxtaposition of the dog and owner imagery is something that’s never been done before in Platinum Hit. The second verse and outro especially felt like something cupcakKe - the greatest talent the world has seen this millennium - would craft. My only criticism would be the fact that the cover seems to be more of an afterthought rather than the main source of inspiration. Otherwise, great work, and I look forward to seeing what you submit next week!

 

2. @beatinglikeadrum - Emotions of My Broken Heart

This was nice. It reminded me of “Jar of Hearts” in a way. My first suggestion would be to dig a little bit deeper. You mention a lot of blanket terms… lies, shadows, fears, but what are these things? Don’t be afraid to really take apart and explore a particular emotion, that’s where the unique and memorable lyrics are often derived. I’d also suggest perhaps finding a writing partner to shoot ideas and lyrics back and forth between, as there were a few oddballs “on my barks”... what? Otherwise you’ve definitely shown potential and I’m excited to see you grow. As for the cover, it definitely relates to the title, and I like that the title is more representative of the song than just a lyric in the chorus.

 

3. @Nait Phoenix - Raven

I… hmm. I loved parts of this. I loved the Edgar Allan Poe references (you even used the same rhyme scheme in the verses), and I especially loved the refrain, it’s honestly brilliant. Sadly, that’s where my love ends. The rhymes were so elementary and the lyrics were so cliche during the verses… plane/name/game/same, I know you can do better. Couple that with something about love being a game and nothing being the same, it’s all been heard before. The chorus was a major improvement on the verses, but still somewhat underwhelming. The cover relates to your title in a superficial way, sure, but what does a raven in a pack have to do with your song aside from that first lyric in the refrain? It doesn’t feel like much inspiration was derived from this cover specifically. (I’m only being super harsh on your because I want to see your bring your A-game next week!)

 

4. @Cupid - Road to the Well

Firstly, without even reading your song, I love the cover and title. Very mysterious. Secondly after reading your brief explanation, I’m in awe! That sounds fantastic. I was picturing this massive brick-laden thing with a bucket and couldn’t figure out how that would work at first. The song itself is really well crafted (see what I did there?) and easy to read, especially with water imagery I think flow is very important. The “light to guide” lyric is probably the only notable flaw here, it’s just a bit overdone. A few more memorable and impactful lyrics would have really elevated this, though. I definitely feel like you derived inspiration from your cover.

 

5. @ICEY - Close My Eyes

I believe you’re new to Platinum Hit? Welcome! One thing you’ll realise sooner rather than later is that this type of competition puts far more weight on the actual lyrics rather than a good melody. I can tell you have a melody in your head with all the “oohs” and “ohs”, but we don’t necessarily share your vision. All we see are… “oohs” and “ohs” when there could be a meaningful word taking place of that syllable. I hope that makes sense. I just wanted to get that out of the way. Otherwise, there’s definitely promise here. “In my defense there’s a right side to every bed” is great, I loved that. I also liked the way the chorus was set up, so that the second part changed “everything” to “I” etc. The repetition of “I don’t wanna hurt forever” is good, but the lyric itself isn’t the best. You’ve got a lot of the technical aspects down, you’re using interesting devices to make a song feel like a song rather than just rhyming every other lyric, which is great. But the lyrics themselves definitely need more focus and refinement, and individuality, rather than something you’ve heard in countless songs on the radio in the past year. Also, I don’t really feel like your cover represents the song at all, sorry.

 

6. @Glassmouth - Magic Kiss

This was interesting, and had some good moments. The titular lyric was probably my favourite in the whole song (“and soak me in those magic lips”), in fact that whole stanza was good. The “in within” lyric in the first stanza didn’t work for me, and I like the idea behind the waves lyric, but “shake you loose” was clunky. The French was also completely unnecessary. The second half was definitely an improvement over the first half, so I’d recommend channeling those vibes in the future. The cover was clearly made for the song rather than the other way around, which wasn’t the goal of the challenge, either.

 

7. @Hug - Drowned In Neon

Ooh, an animated cover #edgy. It’s already very… you. Honestly, this was excellent. I never would have considered combining a club song and water imagery, and I’m kinda mind-blown right now, because it works so well. My only minor, and it is very minor, issue is the usage of neon and technicolor so much throughout the song. Literally drowned in neon! I feel like there are other synonyms you could have used, at least in the bridge, to show that diversity. Otherwise, great start to the season! Assuming you found this .gif on Google Images or something, you’ve definitely derived a great song from it.

 

8. @Speezy - Stars and Memories

I enjoyed this, for the most part. Starting off with “twinkle twinkle” wasn’t the best start, but thankfully it got better. “New moon/longest day” was a great couplet, and the prechorus was also great. There were some problems with word choices “did right” (should be done right), “ever was” (should be ever were) etc. but proofreading and maybe getting a writing partner would be an easy way to fix those things. It wasn’t the most original song in terms of subject matter, but it was relatively well written and had some really nice moments. Incorporating unique themes and lyrics is your next hurdle, I think. The cover was great too and I could see how inspiration was derived from it.

 

9. @OreGuy - Curtain

I’m a bit confused as to what this song is actually about, if I’m honest. Moving forward I think it would be best to make sure each lyric is important and connects with the previous one in some way. For example, in the first verse, you mention walking on eggshells, and then the next lyric isn’t related to this at all, it seems like it’s just there to rhyme “crack” and “back”. There has to be some kind of consistent story or angle being shown. What is the significance of the button and the wheel in the chorus? How does it relate to the lover? How is he seeing through a tiger’s eyes? Does it have significance or is it only there because it sounds good? I’d like to know this things, if you’re happy to explain them. I don’t understand what the cover has to do with this, either.

 

10. @Buyonce1814 - Revisitation

The cover, a mess. I love it. I was a bit triggered at the beginning because “waking through the hands of time” doesn’t really work as a metaphor for me because you can’t really walk through hands, but thankfully that was pretty much the only issue I had. The “wanted to die” is a bit specific, but if you wanted it to be that way instead of wrapping it in a metaphor, that’s your prerogative. “Life gave me wings then stole the sky” LOVE this. I love the ancient misty tomb vibes the song embodies as it progresses too, and then it kind of comes to a light at the end of the tunnel feeling, without having to use that cliche in the lyrics. The entire piece felt like an intro to your season, which was also a nice touch. The cover, eh, it’s not the strongest link, and was clearly made after the fact, but the song itself is good.

 

11. @ONIKACRAZY - Lovesick

This single cover is actually pretty great and I can tell it’s going to do a good job of summarising the song. The song is a bop, which is nice, but every great bop still needs great lyrics. Things repeated in brackets and notations like *heavy breathing* might all sound good in your head, but first and foremost Platinum Hit is a lyric writing competition, and they’re essentially just empty space. The hook has good things about it, but the lyrics are not one. It’s catchy, it has a good flow, it’s tight etc. If you can apply these technical aspects which you’re clearly good at to a more unique concept with interesting lyrics rather than just “I feel so sick”, you’ll definitely be crafting better songs because of it. But you’ve definitely got good ideas as far as structural and technical methods to make a song catchy, it’s just knowing how to use them to also make the lyrics impactful and clever too.

 

12. @Lane Boy - Breakthrough

Once again, love this cover just from appearance. The text-lessness is perfect and it still captures that “breakthrough” vibe. This is what I would consider a perfect take on the challenge brief as far as the cover is concerned. Ooh, a storytelling song! I love this style and as of late they’ve rarely made their way into PH. “Safe and sound”? You’re not a Taylor fan by any chance, are you? The song is definitely well written. The subject matter is relatable. It’s ticking those boxes. I’m looking for something more unique, though. The “tennis shoes” line is a huge step in the right direction, because it’s clearly specific, it’s not something that just anyone could have written. I’d like to see more of that, because at times it did get a little too familiar. But this is still quite good!

 

13. @Tsareena - Nutty Butter

“Warning! Contains Peanuts” *YAWNS* I feel embarrassed saying this but I actually had to Google what a “thrussy” was and got taken to an article citing an ATRL member’s thread from last month as one of the origins of the word. ATRL its impact. Anyway. You didn’t have to censor sex, we’re all adults here. This entire thing is a mess and you know it, but I’m kinda living? cupcakKe if she lost her damn mind teas. *EDM drop* isn’t necessary for the beautiful lyricism you’ve provided us. The cover is a perfect fit.

 

14. @Pecinta Mariah - An Imperfect Being

This is quite an interesting one for me. I feel like it’s honestly a bit too short to be considered a song. It probably wouldn’t last much longer than a minute when read aloud, and that’s somewhat of an issue unless you’re specifically writing an interlude or something. Lyrically, it’s quite good. The use of the title in both the verses and chorus, especially with such a short song, just makes it feel more like a poem though. There’s no clear distinction between the verse or the chorus to really classify the chorus as anything other than just another verse. I know you’ve competed before and so this is probably just you taking a risk, but moving forward I’d like to see more distinction between the elements that make up the song, don’t be afraid to flesh out individual lyrics more rather than just leaving them so short i.e. “I’m just a mortal”. Descriptors add colour to otherwise lifeless lyrics. The cover reminds me of The E.N.D a bit, but I guess it’s fitting.

[fountain]

7 minutes ago, Aurora said:

who wants some reviews

Me

[Aurora]

Sorry I could only get half done before work, so I just decided to post them as "Batch 1" instead of making everyone wait another 8+ hours. I do tend to ramble on, sorry, but if you have any further questions don't hesitate to tag me.