Cupid Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 56 minutes ago, Corsola said: where have you even heard this superstition bc ive never heard of it in my life It's one of the most common superstitions ever.
FCKNAmbrosia Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 Can someone review my draft please? I need some opinions regarding the chorus
SaintWest Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 11 minutes ago, FCKNAmbrosia said: Can someone review my draft please? I need some opinions regarding the chorus moi
Glassmouth Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 15 hours ago, ughgabriel said: As Vikar's representative I will say that he wants your lyrics to stand out, by a non-conventional way he meant that he wants you to write something that is fresh and innovative, it's not about the structure, it's about the lyrical content! Just try to be as creative as you can yay
Glassmouth Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 kii @ Gastrodonatella serving Azealia Banks for the competition
ceremonials Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 37 minutes ago, Glassmouth said: kii @ Gastrodonatella serving Azealia Banks for the competition Drag her
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 2 hours ago, Gastrodonatella said: you wall messaged me before and i explained this was just fun drama for the sake of drama and you expressed understanding and didnt take personal offense. what changed? why am i suddenly wearing a miserable mask with an unvisited basement (huh)? what problems am i projecting? what insecurities am i hiding? there are a lot of unanswered questions sis Yeah that's true. But my name keeps coming out of your mouth. (Buy Swish Swish on iTunes and stream it). My fave will release album of the decade in 6 days. So then we can start have some drama which I will enjoy. I don't know what you feel about it. Go inside and taylor swifted it, it's a competition for songwriters after all. And f*** off for 6 days my beautiful honey g.
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 6 hours ago, ICEY said: just submitted i s2g if i flop again Each song I submitted flopped, so I can teach you how to handle it. My fave recently made a live stream while she was doing yoga exercises and I replay it once a week. It is actually really cool.
Galah Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 (sorry I'm such a flop and these took so long to do, will step upT my game for Round 3!) Batch 2 14. @SaintWest - Ship [Water] Okay, I honestly liked this entry, but there were definitely things that I didn’t like about it. The “O captain! My captain!” thing was a really odd motif to have, I found. It detracted from the vibe you were going for, I felt, and made it seem more like a sea shanty than the water imagery-laden song. “Do gently apart” was this meant to be just “Do gently part”? Either way, rhyming apart with apart/part wasn’t cute. The prints in the sand was straight out of Sia’s “Footprints”, and it felt a little disjointed from the out-to-sea imagery. “I kept...to keep” in the same lyric, watch things like that. “But you won me over so I let you stay” feels clunky. “Before I drowned amidst” again, is this supposed to be “drown”? Keeping consistent with your tenses is crucial. The bridge didn’t really serve a purpose, it didn’t bring anything new to the table. The outro was really nice, though. Suggestion(s): - You’ve got a good understanding of a lot of core elements that we look for, so I think the next step for you is vibe and progression. Make sure the vibe of the song stays consistent, yet the story or message you’re conveying progresses from verse to verse to bridge, or whatever structure you use. - Check your tenses. 15. @FCKNAmbrosia - Dance of the Dragons and the Epitaph of Medieval *****s [Dragon] I really enjoyed this from a technical standpoint, but the actual subject matter was something I did question. You certainly committed to the “dragon” imagery, but it almost felt like a parody in parts. You clearly have the ability to craft a song around a central metaphor, stick to a rhyme scheme, have a tight meter with a good flow etc. but the song itself didn’t really do anything to showcase this knowledge in a positive light. Lyrics such as “as my throat got the power of a torch jet lighter” succeed in conveying that dragon imagery, but it’s not a strong lyric in its own right. That’s the balance I’d suggest you strive for, someone that not only fits the vibe/theme you’re going for, but would stand out as something pleasant or enjoyable to read in any context. Suggestion(s): - Perhaps try applying your skills to a less niche subject matter, or use those niche concepts and ideas as a metaphor for something more everyday and relatable. 16. @Cupid - The Life You Should Have Known [Psychic] I enjoyed this song just as much as your last, so you’re already serving #consistency which is good to see. This was another good example of a tribute song or ode done right, it was tasteful, it was based on a real event and it wasn’t too graphic. “Psychic” definitely was the hardest type I believe because it’s not a physical entity like “water” or “earth”, which you can use a ton of metaphors for, but you pulled it off, with the images of a ‘mind’s eye’ and ‘flashes’. Honestly, there wasn’t really anything wrong with this entry, but it lacked that punch or unique quirk in the lyricism that I was looking for. What is a ‘Cupid’ song? That’s probably the question I have to ask. Suggestion(s): - Develop and refine your personal style. I’m liking what I’m seeing so far, but I’m not 100% convinced yet. I’m still looking for that special something that makes me go, “Yep, that’s a Cupid original.” 17. @Corsola - Fire Entry [Fire] 1.0 is a 10 with a bonus decimal point! Suggestion(s): - Try. 18. @ceremonials - Currents [Water] You already know you did well because you almost won this round, but I wasn’t as shook by this entry as the other judges. You had that classic ceremonials flavour throughout most of the song, however that first couplet is SO Jackson. The “moon” lyric in the chorus really irked me, for a few reasons. Your chosen challenge was water imagery, and moon imagery doesn’t fit that at all, but moon imagery is pretty so you wanted it in there, so you tried to make it fit by saying the moon “swam” and that just didn’t work for me at all. Also, the moon doesn’t technically have rays, so that was another thing that just made me wish you’d scrapped that entire lyric and committed to the water imagery a bit more. Using a cliche such as “time and again” was also a no, and sank/waves is not a rhyme (you set up expectation for a rhyme with breathe/peace). In short, the chorus was weak, and dragged your entry down a bit, personally. In Verse 2, the first two couplets especially, it was almost as if you’d started writing a song for something else before copy pasting it onto this song. Nothing about it is water imagery related (you didn’t even use ‘skipping pebbles’ instead of ‘throwing pebbles’). It was a pleasant read from top to tail but it didn’t absolutely commit to one kind of imagery which I feel was important for this challenge. Suggestion(s): - The darkness will always be there. Try writing about something else for a change! 19. @Auburn - Silver Fight [Steel] This elephant in the room, and I’m just going to say it, is that this would have been SO much stronger if you basically just took what you have and used it as a metaphor for something else. You nailed the steel imagery, but this song is not lyrically moving or conceptually original, I’m afraid. Imagery and metaphors are a match made in heaven, evoking imagery which is supposed to be taken literally and at face value is almost never as impactful or interesting as evoking imagery to be used as a literary device for visually linking two otherwise non-associated concepts. It didn’t push any boundaries, it didn’t raise any eyebrows etc. It was a safe entry and I’d like to see something with more of a personal touch. Suggestion(s): - If you take on another imagery-based song, don’t take it quite so literally as “Oh, I have to write a song about [something made from] steel”. 20. @ONIKACRAZY - Thoughtography [Psychic] This was a slay and I loved the originality and thought that went into this concept. I love it when writers introduce new concepts that haven’t really been explored before and completely own them, and that’s what you’ve done. It was possibly the best angle of objectifying psychic imagery. There were some issues I had with the way certain lyrics were set up that made them feel unnatural (the first couplet of verse 2 is a good example) but overall I enjoyed the unique feel this entry had. I would have loved a unique bridge too to aid with the progression of the song (instead of a prechorus reprise) but it was still a strong entry. Suggestion(s): - Don’t twist and turn lyrics on their heads just to form a rhyme. If it doesn’t sound natural, it might be better to find a new angle or lyric altogether that does sound natural. - Keep experimenting with unique concepts! 21. @OreGuy - Hold On, Trust Me [Water] The biggest flaw of this song was how familiar it all felt. Almost every lyric was a cliche or overused lyric in pop. Having one or two scattered in a song isn’t so bad, but when your chorus is simply the biggest and most overdone cliches all strung together, it doesn’t bring anything new to the table. Where is your voice in this? I want to know what an OreGuy song feels like. Your bridge shows real potential. That’s the kind of vibe the rest of the song should have. It also had the strongest connection to water imagery in your whole song. Suggestion(s): - Aim to write something that hasn’t been said or done 1,000 different times and ways before. Think of unique ways to convey common ideas. Instead of saying “I’m never gonna let you down”, use a metaphor to SHOW us HOW you’re not going to let the person down. 22. @Lane Boy - The Ebb and Flow [Water] Like I already told you, you were my #1. You really nailed this challenge for me. You never wavered from the central metaphor and essentially every lyric came back to the water in some way, shape or form. On top of that, the actual lyrics showed your unique identity and personal voice as a songwriter. It had a good sense of growth and progression and was interesting from beginning to end. I’m almost wishing I hadn’t dropped your score back a little bit now, honestly, but what made me do it was that there were points where it felt more like a spoken word piece or a poem of sorts rather than a song. With a few alterations to the structure of the song, and the addition of a few more elements to make the song really tight and flow from verse to verse in a way that let you definitely know “OK, this is a chorus, we’re back to the chorus”, it could have been a 9+ entry. Suggestion(s): - Structure is one of the most important aspects of this competition I believe (because we can’t judge things like melody, unconventional rhythm, production etc. like an actual song would have) so try your hand at applying everything you’ve already proven you’re skilled at to a more traditional song base. You can always add, alter and divert from that as you go, but establishing a good base structure can really help. 23. @Lucky#17 - Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark [Dark] This was definitely stronger than your last entry. This almost gave me a “Dance In The Dark” tea conceptually, but you brought a unique element to it by showcasing both sides of the story, so that differentiated it enough. You still had those elements of repetition and radio-friendly quirks but they were a lot more welcome in this song as you weren’t being reliant on them, they were just there as an additional creative tool. The bridge is a really clever way to bring everything together and expand on it. Overall I think it was a nice entry. Did it fully commit to the dark imagery? It was sort of just over halfway for me. Like many others doing dark this round, you combined both dark themes with dark imagery, yet I didn’t feel like you fully committed to either the dark imagery or the dark themes. I wanted MORE darkness. More detail. More imagery than just “lights out”. That aside, you still stepped it up a long way from last week, and I hope you continue to progress like this. Suggestion(s): - Keep bringing that originality and your personal voice and ideas to your songs. Your personal take on something that might be considered common is always a good angle. - Use repetitions and other traditionally radio-friendly elements sparingly, don’t centre your entire song around them. 24. @8thPrince - Boxing with Shadows [Dark] Another 8thPrince enigma. Songs like this I always have to read at least twice to make sure I’m understanding the intended message, because sometimes it gets to a point where I realise what I’m thinking isn’t the case, and when I read back the first verse or so, it changes my perspective of the entire piece… which as you can imagine might be a good thing or a bad thing depending on the situation. In this case, I feel like your song really picked up around the first refrain, when it became abundantly clear what the song was actually about. The second verse is excellent, especially that second couplet. Did you intentionally end your song with the bridge? It made it feel like it was building up to something and then… nothing. I think using speech/quotations in your songs is something you enjoy, but I can’t help but feel like there’s a better way to convey what you wish to convey without resorting to that. Something more lyrical. You also used deep/depths in the same verse which I questioned, as well as the “darknet chatroom” lyric, which seemed out of place? Overall you definitely embodied the darkness brilliantly and everything between the two refrains was 10/10. I even liked the bridge, but as I said before, it just felt a little rushed/unfinished (it also reminded me a little of that “a child frightened by branches tapping on the windowpane” lyric you wrote last season). Suggestion(s): - Perhaps try not using speech/quotations in your songs? 25. @DripDrip - No Crowns [Fire] This was an enjoyable read. I like that you committed to your theme throughout the song, and it was an almost Lorde’s “Royals” take on the idea of two lovers feeling like a king and queen but they’re anything but royalty. I really liked the idea behind the “beauty/passion/hot fire cracker” lyric, but the execution was a little undeveloped. In fact, that’s probably an issue I had with a lot of the song. It almost feels like a first draft. You’ve got all the ideas down, they all rhyme etc. the next step to really bring the FIRE to this song (pun definitely intended) would be to make sure each lyric has some kind of unique element, or carries that fire imagery. That DripDrip touch. The what king of your what dreams? Don’t be afraid to get descriptive, it adds more character and personality to a song. Imagery wise, it was there, but it could have been even more prevalent throughout. Suggestion(s): - Develop the uniqueness of your lyricism, be more descriptive, really show us every lyric and give us an image to latch onto. Make us WITNESS (preorder on iTunes) your song.
ONIKACRAZY Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 7 minutes ago, Aurora said: 20. @ONIKACRAZY - Thoughography [Psychic] This was a slay and I loved the originality and thought that went into this concept. I love it when writers introduce new concepts that haven’t really been explored before and completely own them, and that’s what you’ve done. It was possibly the best angle of objectifying psychic imagery. There were some issues I had with the way certain lyrics were set up that made them feel unnatural (the first couplet of verse 2 is a good example) but overall I enjoyed the unique feel this entry had. I would have loved a unique bridge too to aid with the progression of the song (instead of a prechorus reprise) but it was still a strong entry. Suggestion(s): - Don’t twist and turn lyrics on their heads just to form a rhyme. If it doesn’t sound natural, it might be better to find a new angle or lyric altogether that does sound natural. - Keep experimenting with unique concepts! omg thank you! I'm trying to make my next entry follow a unique 'never seen before' concept too And yea, sometimes I really like a lyric, but I can't get it to work, so I try and twist and it ends up real messy. Noted!
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 8 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: there's a LOT going on here That's good. The more beautiful twisted fantasy you have inside the better songs. Look at Kanye, he's a mad man. You are Kanye or Mrs Banks of this base but less acclaimed. Both are talented so like be messy because it is the best and transform it into art. So like, do it beach. I may be wrong though, each song of mine flopped in the competition. So I know nothing.
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: im almost entirely convinced ur living in a different reality than mine at this point Probably, I breathe fresh air while u are closed in four walls of basement onanising to photos of 1D members. Edited June 3, 2017 by beatinglikeadrum
ONIKACRAZY Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 3 minutes ago, Corsola said: I'm really offended by it because I feel that I genuinely did try last round! ? What's going on with you? You gave me really good advice for this challenge!
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 4 minutes ago, Corsola said: I'm really offended by it because I feel that I genuinely did try last round! ? Honey, if I felt offended every time critics crush me, I would end up being Trump or worse Gastronella.
ONIKACRAZY Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 1 minute ago, Corsola said: I'm just joking. I couldn't think of anything to submit/write last challenge so I submitted like 6 troll lines. I'm glad I was helpful to you tho and I can be any time Lowkey thought you were joking cause the title was 'Fire Entry' and thanks sis
FCKNAmbrosia Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 (edited) Not me thinking about putting 2 songs in one My Knew Better/Forever Boy is coming Edited June 3, 2017 by FCKNAmbrosia
FCKNAmbrosia Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 2 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: my song last round was the length of 8 songs and i wasnt COMPLETELY critically panned so anything is possible oh well prolific queen!
FCKNAmbrosia Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 2 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: 416 words poor the judges having to read my monologue waiT I already have 436 words and I've just finished the intermission between the 2 parts
FCKNAmbrosia Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Just now, Corsola said: Well Afflicted Inc won like 2 grammies and had more nominations so it was my moment of critical acclaim over chart success. Your Artpop could mean anything
ICEY Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 4 hours ago, beatinglikeadrum said: Each song I submitted flopped, so I can teach you how to handle it. My fave recently made a live stream while she was doing yoga exercises and I replay it once a week. It is actually really cool. omg is this that messy katy vid? shes been so extra recently but i love it
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 32 minutes ago, ICEY said: omg is this that messy katy vid? shes been so extra recently but i love it Yeah queen has been showing flexibility and kamasutra skills. Queen Of Youtubers
Bandito Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 I've been super busy with work and doing family stuff ( ) so I haven't been to actually able to sit down and write my song. BUT, I already have a title and several lines written, I just have to get it all tied together.
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