tournament ? PLATINUM HIT 10.5 ? Farewell pg.220 / Grammys pg.221 ?

[fountain]

imagine if i didnt pre-make these

[Aurora]

Just now, Hug said:

Whew I got steamrolled  Not even removing Candle would get me to first I don't think

I feel like it's between you, Saint and Lane for #1 but honestly I can't tell. Us judges haven't even seen the final scores for any round until now.

[fountain]

Round 5 Scores

 

@Hug @funnellegs @OreGuy @Glassmouth @FCKNAmbrosia @UFO @Tsareena @Nait Phoenix @Gastrodonatella @Lane Boy @SaintWest @Auburn @mxtthewdelrey @beatinglikeadrum @RihsusChrist(ATG)

 

 

1.FCKNAmbrosia	The Curator	9.5
2.Hug	I Do, I Do...	8.75
3.auburn	A Moon Hangs in the Sky	8.5
4.lane Boy	Melancholy Boy	8.25
5.funnellegs	For What It's Worth	8
6.gastrodonatella	Advice	7.75
7.mxtthewdelrey	I Can't Kill You	7.55
8.ufo	Magic Tricks	7.5
9.Glassmouth	Behold Digital Afterlife	7.25
10.Tsareena	Cirque de Soi	6.65
11.SaintWest	Ticking	5.9
12.Nait Phoenix	Inception	5.65
13.RihsusChrist(ATG)	Queen of the World	5.25
14.beatinglikeadrum	Wonderland	3.5
15.OreGuy	Blood	1.75

[Aurora]

Just now, keshaspearsxo said:

imagine if i didnt pre-make these

*flashes back to me during the S8 finale when I was just winging everything*  

[fountain]

Just now, Aurora said:

I feel like it's between you, Saint and Lane for #1 but honestly I can't tell. Us judges haven't even seen the final scores for any round until now.

#Enigma

[SaintWest]

4 minutes ago, Aurora said:

I feel like it's between you, Saint and Lane for #1 but honestly I can't tell. Us judges haven't even seen the final scores for any round until now.

6 minutes ago, Hug said:

Whew I got steamrolled  Not even removing Candle would get me to first I don't think

1. Lane Boy

2. Hug

3. Saint

 

I dropped drastically this round and Hug rose. I don't think my score for the final round will be high enough to put me to #1.

Edited July 6, 2017 by SaintWest

[mxtthewdelrey]

1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said:

Round 5 Scores

 

@Hug @funnellegs @OreGuy @Glassmouth @FCKNAmbrosia @UFO @Tsareena @Nait Phoenix @Gastrodonatella @Lane Boy @SaintWest @Auburn @mxtthewdelrey @beatinglikeadrum @RihsusChrist(ATG)

 

 

1.FCKNAmbrosia	The Curator	9.5
2.Hug	I Do, I Do...	8.75
3.auburn	A Moon Hangs in the Sky	8.5
4.lane Boy	Melancholy Boy	8.25
5.funnellegs	For What It's Worth	8
6.gastrodonatella	Advice	7.75
7.mxtthewdelrey	I Can't Kill You	7.55
8.ufo	Magic Tricks	7.5
9.Glassmouth	Behold Digital Afterlife	7.25
10.Tsareena	Cirque de Soi	6.65
11.SaintWest	Ticking	5.9
12.Nait Phoenix	Inception	5.65
13.RihsusChrist(ATG)	Queen of the World	5.25
14.beatinglikeadrum	Wonderland	3.5
15.OreGuy	Blood	1.75

 

[fountain]

Just now, Aurora said:

*flashes back to me during the S8 finale when I was just winging everything*  

i'm pretty sure i did that for Diamond Hit

 

there was just a lotta **** to make for this one with all the scores, and having to make individual tributes for everybody who played 

[Tsareena]

I'm still a little salty y'all didn't get cirque de soi but it's one of my faves from this

[Hug]

Just now, SaintWest said:

1. Lane Boy

2. Hug

3. Saint

 

I dropped this round and I don't think my score for the final round will be high enough to put me to #1.

I'm near 100% positive you're beating me in averages as of Round 5.

[beatinglikeadrum]

Ahh... My most personal ballad to date doing the worst. Still Top 15 though.

[Aurora]

i still need to read the R5 entries whoops

[mxtthewdelrey]

Just now, Aurora said:

i still need to read the R5 entries whoops

I hope you'll be proud of me!

[fountain]

ok next, let's hear what the judges had to say in their final reviews! (for the record, i saved my comments for the tributes that will be posted when i'm counting down everybody's season end placements)

[Aurora]

1 minute ago, Corsola said:

Considering The Curator is SOTS (so far) in pure score you should  

hopefully my score wouldn't have brought it down

 

1 minute ago, mxtthewdelrey said:

I hope you'll be proud of me!

i'm always proud of you love  

[fountain]

Jackson's Reviews

 

@beatinglikeadrum @funnellegs  @Nait Phoenix @Gastrodonatella  @Glassmouth@Hug  @mxtthewdelrey @FCKNAmbrosia  @Tsareena @SaintWest  @RihsusChrist(ATG) @UFO @Lane Boy  @OreGuy 

 

 

Beatinglikeadrum – Stone

This reads as if you wrote a song and put it through a few iterations of google translate. I get what you’re trying to say, and some of the sentiments are cute; namely the Jackson trademarked nature-themed imagery, from waterfalls to avalanches. The biggest problem I have here, though, is how quickly your song transitions from a modern bluntness (iPhones and cookbooks) to prose-y and poetic (waterfall of your words). The swear words are a little out of place too, and give the song’s angst a contrived feeling when you could have used better words to convey the same angry feeling. As far as positives: the titular motif was strong and not overused, and with some tweaking could have been powerful.

 

Funnellegs – No Saviour

“I wanted to write a song about questioning my faith” I SEE you pandering to the guest judge. Unfortunately, I’ll have to give you a 1 for your spelling of Savior. Your song definitely suffered from forced rhyme disease. Although faith and grace fit the scheme well, and I appreciated your experimentation with internal rhymes, trace and face didn’t add much of anything to your verse. You used more uncommon rhymes in the verses, which I liked, but an ABAB rhyme structure may have benefited you more in this instance. The second verse was AWESOME, despite being familiar thematically, I loved the double meaning in the first line (or at least one that I perceived) where the sky represents both heaven and a figurative state of mind. DELETE dark blind, though. I thought the progression in the second chorus was a bit too harsh and kind of unnecessary, but both choruses otherwise work well.

 

Nait Phoenix – Amber

“Invested in this commitment” is kind of redundant. The hook is really short, but in my opinion effective for the type of song it is. The difference in tenses was a bit confusing, moving from present tense throughout much of the song to “they say we were moving”, as if the relationship is over when the rest of the song alludes to it still being in motion. Eventually/intentionally was a cute rhyme. Speeding/bleeding was not. You have to be really careful rhyming multiple syllables, as it sounds forced probably 2/3 of the time. Although the chorus worked in the context of the verses, I found it less effective before and after the bridge. Since both sections used a lot of concise, simple language neither had much impact or contrast which drew my attention to them.

 

Gastrodonatella – Uprooted

I’ve never read a song written by you for this competition, so this was fun to get acquainted with your style. I feel like you’re the type of writer that’s going to peak two or three seasons in. This is a good start to a song. My biggest issue with the verses is the lack of flow. Especially in the controlling/growing rhyme, the words flow in a way that disrupts the way I read the verse. Your syllable count could be a bit more consistent as well, but that’s not a huge issue at this stage of your writing. The chorus had amazing flow, however. Try to keep that feeling throughout your song and the words therein will become much more effective. This song was really Pokemon-y, and I’m not sure if that was intentional, but it made the song appear more juvenile. I know bits of your love life, and the song reads from the point of view of someone that hasn’t actually experienced love from someone I know has.

 

Glassmouth – Anthony

Oh wow. When I judge songs, I look at three things equally; technical writing, imagery/word choice, and emotion. The latter two categories, especially the third, were flawless. I could feel every emotion, it was as though I was in that cab with you. And it was excruciating, in a good way. I may have gotten a chill or two. There were some excellent individual lines. “I’m speaking tongues that the driver won’t know” just hit me for some reason. The whole song was so confessional, but I couldn’t tell if you were confessing to yourself or your crush. I think that’s a great thing. The middle section, the whole “If I was a different guy/If I lied to you” was brilliant as well. Now, the one area I found a bit lacking was the technical aspect of the song. I know English isn’t your first language, and that showed a little. “Songs that were in the #1” was the most blatant example of this. A few other lines, like “the stars suddenly turned into flashing lights” left a lot to be desired. Overall, I loved the song as a reader/potential listener. The song really hit home for me, but I couldn’t quite overlook some of the technical errors.

 

Hug – Fantastrophe / Nostalgia

N sis, what is that title? I kinda like it but it sounds like a Fantasia album or something. You’re serving Gabe with that title too. Is he a judge this season? The pandering! Let me start with what I don’t like. The whole prechorus could be deleted. I’ve seen practically the same words written over and over during my tenure as a PH judge, and I don’t really feel like the fancy color names add anything to the song. “Those of a child” just sounds a little awkward to me. Maybe it would work better sung, but it seems awkward on paper. Now to the positives: Nostalgia. Basically the whole song. Honestly, just delete Fantasia and you’ve got a 9+ song. That first verse PUNCHES. “Even if I reprised my former role/I’d rather not go behind the scenes” woo lawd. Whereas Phantasmagoria’s emotion all seems contrived and forced into big words, Nostalgia feels natural and real, all while staying wrapped in a clever metaphor with great execution.

 

Mxtthewdelrey – 22, A Million (feat. thecptz)

Wow, that title serving indie pretentiousness. “Don’t wanna grow old without you, like a tree” what does this mean? In fact, what does any of this mean? I was about to say, this sounds a lot like THINK IN CAPS or whatever that song was called, but I’m pretty sure you literally just copied it.

 

Ambrosia – Weekdays Faded Star, Weekend Cheap Pornstar - She and the Other She

McQueen/cuisine… is this a Katy Perry album or Platinum Hit? OK, not gonna lie, I was expecting the worst of that verse to be worse than it was, but it was actually enjoyable and well written. Not to say the rest of the song exactly followed suit. The prechorus wasn’t atrocious, but definitely filler. The risk with an AAAA rhyme scheme is that you eventually run out of rhymes and start writing lines for the sake of continuing the rhyme scheme, which you fell victim to a few times.

 

Tsareena – John Hancock

OK, no tea no shade, I don’t think I’ve seen you on ATRL before so I’m not really sure what your style is or if this is typical for you, but I didn’t really like the approach. It seemed very Joanne, ie, cowboy/country in a very disingenuous way. The belly/telly rhyme wasn’t even your most egregious mistake (cc: Temporal). Apart from the chorus being a nonevent, the rap made me downright cringe. I couldn’t wait to get through it. The John Hancock double entendre was clever, I’ll admit, but it was executed in maybe the worst way possible.

 

Saint West – afterthought / aging

WHAT is it with the pretentious titles this round? I don’t even know how to type that symbol in your title. Anyway, the second man on the moon’s story is pretty well-known, but I actually love that line and what you’re trying to say there. I think I preferred afterthought over aging, but both were actually good. Technically, there’s really nothing to critique. There were a few lines that didn’t quite make sense (the moon one in a way, water vapor is what makes humid days so dreadful, etc) but looking past the face values of those lines they make sense in the context of the song. I do wish you were a bit more focused. on a couple metaphors instead of moving to a new one every couple lines. But still one of my favorites I’ve read so far.

 

RihsusChrist(ATG) – Asian Delight

I cringed just typing that title into my word document. Potsticker was better, please ask fefe for advice next time you try to write a racist bop.

 

UFO – Dear Whoever Is Listening

Your meter itself is good in the verses, but the words don’t exactly flow like I’d like them to. I liked a few lines in the verse, like “the birds sing my nightmares back to me”. I liked the “mind-locked” stanza as well. Vodka seemed a little harsh in the context of the more poetic verse surrounding it. The song could have used a little trimming overall. The theme was very heavy already, and the weight of the extra lines made it sink where it could have been more poignant with less words. I was a little confused as to the meaning of the song overall, but I assumed the chorus was kind of like someone praying to a God they may or may not believe in? If so, it was quite clever. 

 

Lane Boy – Neon Shadows

This song was full of almost clever lines that just didn’t quite connect. “By replacing a hand for a knife” was maybe a little too blunt, and not quite grammatically sound enough for it to mean what you probably meant it to mean. The candle/mirror line would have been clever if candles and mirrors were object that made any sense together. The big words in the chorus seemed contrived and really had no purpose other than being AP English words. A good example of a metaphor that worked was “hotter than the Red Light District after midnight”, especially because it tied into the overarching theme, and unlike “black heart/method to this madness”, wasn’t a tired cliche. The outro was the best part of the song, but it came a little too late for me to really enjoy the song as a whole.

 

OreGuy – Why Do We Need To Say Goodbye

This song was kind of just a nonevent through and through. The lines were short, the phrases were direct, and the theme was nothing I haven’t read a couple hundred times before. You didn’t really make the most of the structure of your song, and with little imagery and metaphors to fill in the spaces, there was a lot left to be desired.

[mxtthewdelrey]

Just now, Aurora said:

i'm always proud of you love  

omg don't get me started, I will end up crying tonight

[SaintWest]

Not Jackson not scalping me for the Gods

[fountain]

Just now, SaintWest said:

Not Jackson not scalping me for the Gods

he's so rude

[Aurora]

RT if you've ever felt personally victimized by Jackson.

 

[Aurora]

Just now, Gastrodonatella said:

just because somebody isn't blindly complimenting you doesn't mean it's a scalp. he literally said it was one of his favorites from this round too tbh...

Not you not seeing the double negative

[fountain]

Just now, Gastrodonatella said:

just because somebody isn't blindly complimenting you doesn't mean it's a scalp. he literally said it was one of his favorites from this round too tbh...

ok i noticed this too tho, like bitch: 

 

4 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

one of my favorites I’ve read so far.

 

[fountain]

Just now, Aurora said:

Not you not seeing the double negative

ok wow

[fountain]

well this is the highlight of the final i think

[Tsareena]

5 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

Tsareena – John Hancock

OK, no tea no shade, I don’t think I’ve seen you on ATRL before so I’m not really sure what your style is or if this is typical for you, but I didn’t really like the approach. It seemed very Joanne, ie, cowboy/country in a very disingenuous way. The belly/telly rhyme wasn’t even your most egregious mistake (cc: Temporal). Apart from the chorus being a nonevent, the rap made me downright cringe. I couldn’t wait to get through it. The John Hancock double entendre was clever, I’ll admit, but it was executed in maybe the worst way possible.

welp