Overprotected Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 47 minutes ago, hurricane326 said: @Courtney Love thank you so much here's the poem: 'The Journey' The dying dandelion in the wind She cannot separate from him She fragments, rides the current away She wants no more but to stay Yet she descends to Earth once more For no matter her cries to the skies implored She knows he will, but knows not when He will catch hold of her again The worker ant is tired, floored The weight of the leaf his late friends bore Til they dropped of exhaust in their quest to serve Replaced in the manner they were birthed As they replaced the toiled before them The cycle shall start itself again The honeybee is airborne, alert Repelling those who try to divert His search for ambrosia never to cease Until collected, upon which they will all feast On the delicacy on which life depends The search for more shall commence again I can't help but wade through the reeds Follow the stream that leads down to the sea Immerse myself in the raging storm Of which I had been so forewarned And in that state of disregard I found it not easy, but not too hard To let the water into my wounds to mend To resume my journey once again This is really good, snapped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckystrike Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 5 minutes ago, Posh Spice said: my indie foray is over pop posh is COMING to serve what Victoria Beckham never could not your folklore scrapped this soon pls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8thPrince Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 @Courtney Love thank you for the in-depth feedback! I'm going to take notes and hopefully I'll get to fully realize themes in future rounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TROPICUM Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 @Courtney Love tysm for your review and critique! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rence Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 2 hours ago, hurricane326 said: @Courtney Love thank you so much here's the poem: 'The Journey' The dying dandelion in the wind She cannot separate from him She fragments, rides the current away She wants no more but to stay Yet she descends to Earth once more For no matter her cries to the skies implored She knows he will, but knows not when He will catch hold of her again The worker ant is tired, floored The weight of the leaf his late friends bore Til they dropped of exhaust in their quest to serve Replaced in the manner they were birthed As they replaced the toiled before them The cycle shall start itself again The honeybee is airborne, alert Repelling those who try to divert His search for ambrosia never to cease Until collected, upon which they will all feast On the delicacy on which life depends The search for more shall commence again I can't help but wade through the reeds Follow the stream that leads down to the sea Immerse myself in the raging storm Of which I had been so forewarned And in that state of disregard I found it not easy, but not too hard To let the water into my wounds to mend To resume my journey once again We- This is beautiful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dessy Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Thanks for the crits Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dweebz Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 (edited) This is mine... laugh if you want. Its really a male pop/broadway song. (Sung to the instrumental of Earth by Sleeping at Last) Phoenix Verse 1: 0:19 I feel like a disappointment I’ve let so many people down Why can’t i get my **** together Why can’t i make my people proud I go through all of the emotions I know im trying my damn best Why can’t i get my **** together Why can’t i make these people proud Chorus: 0:51 But, I rise just like a phoenix Soaring through the open sky Watch my colors as i go by Through the night sky Verse 2: 1:06 Breath in, Breath out. Is what I keep sayin I know Ill get out of this drought Cause one day ill look back to my past And that day ill make my people proud And I know Ill get out of this drought Cause one day ill look back to my past And that day ill make my people proud But wait now… I have self doubt Chorus: 1:39 But, I rise just like a phoenix Soaring through the open sky Watch my colors as i go by Through the night sky Yes, Ill rise just like a phoenix Soaring through the open sky Watch my colors as i go by Through the night sky Bridge: 2:10 (Whisper) Breath in…. Breath out (repeated overlay voices) 2:43 You are… Per-fect In every Way (x2) (The second time, hold out “way”) Chorus/Outro: 3:19 But, I rise just like a phoenix Soaring through the open sky Watch my colors as i go by Through the night sky Yes, Ill rise just like a phoenix Soaring through the open sky Watch my colors as i go by Through the night sky Edited September 1, 2020 by dweebz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Will i submit or wont i? Stay tuned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 Well, here is my song for this week if anyone wants to read it :shy: It's about thinking of how things were before the downfall and how things change after that. How one wishes to be kept as a ruin in somebody's heart; a fragment of the beauty that once was there. Spoiler "ruin" [verse] beautiful tales are buried in the history of the ruin legendary wonders that graced us before the undoing these scriptures have retraced the past of our land; as time has consumed me in a contrite quicksand fragments of glory have turned into sacred remains to honor those things our temple used to contain as faith was lost through the curse of broken oaths; an exiling spell forcing the search of different gods [chorus] i will remain as a monument of the disaster you were eternal proof for the future of what lovers would dare surviving through flaming skies and violent seas; the chaos that made a ruin of me i will endure as a monument of life before disarray the last immortal reminder of the glorious days as you’ll pick up all the fragments of the wonders we’ve seen and piece them together as a ruin of me [verse] our story was carved as a riddle on the pyramid’s halls where words that were said have turned to hieroglyphs on the walls the past has been sealed within these words in disguise but they lose all meaning when lying in front of your eyes sacred havens were built in the desert where we faced destiny the kingdom of dunes that granted us the days of serenity a vision of former mirages to help me get through where i give end to this drought in an oasis of you [chorus] i will remain as a monument of the disaster you were eternal proof for the future of what lovers would dare surviving through flaming skies and violent seas; the chaos that made a ruin of me i will endure as a monument of life before disarray the last immortal reminder of the glorious days as you’ll pick up all the fragments of the wonders we’ve seen and piece them together as a ruin of me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 4 hours ago, ceremonials said: Will i submit or wont i? Stay tuned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rence Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 5 hours ago, ughgabriel said: Well, here is my song for this week if anyone wants to read it :shy: It's about thinking of how things were before the downfall and how things change after that. How one wishes to be kept as a ruin in somebody's heart; a fragment of the beauty that once was there. Reveal hidden contents "ruin" [verse] beautiful tales are buried in the history of the ruin legendary wonders that graced us before the undoing these scriptures have retraced the past of our land; as time has consumed me in a contrite quicksand fragments of glory have turned into sacred remains to honor those things our temple used to contain as faith was lost through the curse of broken oaths; an exiling spell forcing the search of different gods [chorus] i will remain as a monument of the disaster you were eternal proof for the future of what lovers would dare surviving through flaming skies and violent seas; the chaos that made a ruin of me i will endure as a monument of life before disarray the last immortal reminder of the glorious days as you’ll pick up all the fragments of the wonders we’ve seen and piece them together as a ruin of me [verse] our story was carved as a riddle on the pyramid’s halls where words that were said have turned to hieroglyphs on the walls the past has been sealed within these words in disguise but they lose all meaning when lying in front of your eyes sacred havens were built in the desert where we faced destiny the kingdom of dunes that granted us the days of serenity a vision of former mirages to help me get through where i give end to this drought in an oasis of you [chorus] i will remain as a monument of the disaster you were eternal proof for the future of what lovers would dare surviving through flaming skies and violent seas; the chaos that made a ruin of me i will endure as a monument of life before disarray the last immortal reminder of the glorious days as you’ll pick up all the fragments of the wonders we’ve seen and piece them together as a ruin of me This is hauntingly beautiful I- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Live footage of me still waiting for reviews. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rence Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 started reviewing batch 2. this was a very strong round. im so proud of you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overprotected Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Overprotected said: Well. I'm on yours right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overprotected Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Prisoner said: I'm on yours right now Take your time beautiful judge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 3 hours ago, Prisoner said: started reviewing batch 2. this was a very strong round. im so proud of you all Review mine too, king Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prisoner Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 1 hour ago, ughgabriel said: Review mine too, king Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted September 2, 2020 Author Share Posted September 2, 2020 So… how has your day been? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 1 minute ago, ughgabriel said: So… how has your day been? I've been...idk today just went by quickly, tonight will go quicker still Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted September 2, 2020 Author Share Posted September 2, 2020 18 minutes ago, Hug said: I've been...idk today just went by quickly, tonight will go quicker still https://cdn.discordapp.com/emojis/713289623068999762.png?v=1 My day has been pretty slow, actually ? Hopefully results will come soon enough so you can start writing for the next challenge! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted September 2, 2020 Author Share Posted September 2, 2020 Let me promote my upcoming album too Spoiler Welcome to the universe A tale of the obscure stories that once took place in this town "Take a walk through this forest, where the willow trees will guide you as they echo the stories of our hometown's past views" ? tracklist 2. ruin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, ughgabriel said: Let me promote my upcoming album too Reveal hidden contents Welcome to the universe A tale of the obscure stories that once took place in this town "Take a walk through this forest, where the willow trees will guide you as they echo the stories of our hometown's past views" ? tracklist 2. ruin Not you already having an era planned I...don't know what my theme is yet, nothing's speaking to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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