tournament Platinum Hit 12: ST☆RDOM

[ultraviolence.xx]

1 minute ago, ceremonials said:

oh wow

 

this entry serving polarizing

 

@ultraviolence.xx it was basically just like... the idea that they could still be together in their memories, but the narrator questions whether their partner's mind takes them to the same "place", or if they've moved on.That was my logic in the lines you pointed out, other than the staring into the sun one.

ohhh, ok, i see this now. so the lying was metaphorical. ugh your mind

[ceremonials]

Just now, ultraviolence.xx said:

ohhh, ok, i see this now. so the lying was metaphorical. ugh your mind

Yes it's kinda not explained the best so I don't blame you tho

 

I think making it longer would've helped to bridge the gap a bit, but alas.

[ultraviolence.xx]

Just now, ceremonials said:

Yes it's kinda not explained the best so I don't blame you tho

 

I think making it longer would've helped to bridge the gap a bit, but alas.

dont worry its not like you have a horrible score or anything. i could see expansion helping a lil but alas indeed !

[ultraviolence.xx]

@Citrus

in all seriousness, i like the simplicity of the delivery here and the way what seems like simplicity is actually hiding serious, deep meaning, kind of like (good) modern country does. the starkly informal “the truth’s i’m” in v1 is messy, though, followed by the comparatively stilted “will not” in the chorus. but the “been” and “ain’t” in v2 feel very authentic, and the second stanza of v2 feels straight out of a country song (in a good way, not in a derivative way.) also the first two lines of v3 are knockouts. and the one right after those. also the entire next stanza. i think v3 is my favorite. ugh, you really didn’t need this review, did you? blah blah blah you did great and here’s one nitpicky thing i noticed. ugh. OH also i loved the last stanza of the bridge.

 

@Temporal

not appreciating the heteronormativity of the first line (i mean i guess it makes sense , but overall this has some very clever wordplay. i’m loving the “thick white liquor” reference to the NSFW chat. the heart beat line is clever, considering it’s not just the heart that’s pulsing. “monstrous moans” made me scream out loud. lines 4 and 5 are legit amazing, but the “signed, sealed, and delivered” felt too convenient. this definitely doesn’t feel like your average temporal song and i appreciate the switch-up. i guess my only major complaint is that it just kind of peters out at the end. (unless you’re trying to make some postmodern statement about unsatisfying hookups.) there isn’t really an obvious

climax, aside from the literal one. the temperature simmering line doesn’t feel resolute. minor issue tho

[ultraviolence.xx]

hints

 

gastrodonatella: the other woman finds time to manicure her nails

kunst: you're falling hard, i push away, i'm feeling hot to the touch

minho: but blessed with beauty and rage

auburn: beat poetry on amphetamines

citrus: but blessed with beauty and rage

speezy: life is beautiful, but you don't have a clue

ufo: am i the girl that you dream of?

overprotected: hallelujah, i wanna take you for all that you got

ceremonials: but that's not what this bitch wants

kylie jenner: shared my body and my life with you

achilles.: i can't break through your world

temporal: lay me down tonight, riviera girls

[UFO]

@Hug thank you KING!

I wanted to write a more pop-orientated track this round to show y'all my range, I 100% could've written another Hummingbird-type song (which is why the outro is very much that writing style since I wrote the outro FIRST yas backwards queen) but I wanted to take a stab at a pop song since my pop bops slay too  and also I feel like I served more ARTpop than pop for the pop round with The Renaissance so I wanted to rectify that.

 

sdkfljdsklf length is definitely an issue  I always try to over-compensate by adding extra **** but I'll definitely work on that because I know I can do it since I've done it BEFORE. the appreciatiion for the transition between the pre-chorus and chorus!!! AH     that's definitely something I had a vision for, I wanted to make sure it flowed and that it would scalp in an actual song. Like I was thinking how it'd sound like in an actual song. And "We dance dance dance ..................... IN. THE RAIN" would slay the **** out of me in a real song so I was like ooooooooooh

 

Thanks again for stanning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

 

1 hour ago, ultraviolence.xx said:

ufo, “dance in the rain” – i’m not sure how i feel about “pitter patter”; on one hand, it’s suggestive of rain, so i like the contrast that holds with the fire imagery around it, but it also feels kind of… juvenile? also, i’m not really in love with the last line of the intro; i feel like it’s kind of obvious already. tbh tho i’m like a mega-fan of the theme of this song – i love best-friend-or-more? stories) and the lyrics are really beautiful. “i wish to be taken by you” UFO serving sex, i’m here for it! the “rage” word choice in the second stanza of the first verse (or, i guess, the only verse hihi) felt odd… is it really rage? the grammar in the third-to-last bridge line is a bit whack. living for that rainbow imagery, YES rainbow YES pride month. wait, christ, this is a long song. eight-minute closer teas. WAIT BITCH. the plot twist in the outro. ugh. whew. emotions.mp3. ok, overall, this slayed me.

 

wait. once again the bolding in your explanation is killing me. some implied homosexual themes. used to symbolize sexual intercourse. asjdfl;aksdhf bitch

 

sis i love you     

 

ffffff the last line on the intro, I was anxxxious that the changing tenses would be too confusing so I was like OK let me make it reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy obvious  i wish y'all were there when i write my songs. it's such a mess and a KII

 

YES YES YES I love stuff like unrequited love, best friends love, homosexual love, forbidden love so I was like let me write a s o n g

 

Thank you     "I want us to be more", I wish to be taken by you  yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas COME THRU SEX     me stanning for myself sdk;fjdsk;gl

"the grammar in the third-to-last bridge line is a bit whack."

I'm SHOUTING

biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch stan my rainbow imagery. I wanted to do something where it's like the heat+rain come together and i was like WAIT... a rainbow! I mean obviously heat+rain doesn't create rainbows but the sun produces heat so   not me serving physics these past 2 rounds.

But yas, it was an ORGANIC executive decision. I definitely did not want to shoehorn rainbows in there so i'm glad you like it

 

YES PRIDE MONTH    it's my first EVER gay bop. it's only my second LGBT song (after the timeless classic transgender anthem duet 'Subconscious Being') I've always wanted to write a song like this, and everything came together perfectly.

 

nnnnnn yes that's why I didn't do a second verse because I KNEW it would be too long  yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss STAN my plot twist in the outro. I wanted to give the song more depth and also be realistic but without being too sad or too happy but still a cute gay bop and I think I pulled it off!

 

The outro adds a lot more dimension to the song and is kind of a call-back to the intro. Is he imagining his lover's voice or is that actually his lover coming back? Who knows?

 

 

"wait. once again the bolding in your explanation is killing me. some implied homosexual themes. used to symbolize sexual intercourse. asjdfl;aksdhf bitch"

    I'm so OTT sometimes. this is why i do noT do explanations. i yelled when i typed that out, not gonna lie   

 

 

[Achilles.]

The judges are noT feeling the contrast between my “dark” verses and “light” chorus so far. Eep. 

 

1 hour ago, Corsola said:

I think if you served more lines related to a mask like what was introduced in the bridge, that would lead for a cuter chorus, for example

The “brave face” is the mask. I thought that would be clear from all the references to “putting it on” or “wearing it” like a mask.  

 

This also ties into the “paper tiger” reference (which, in turn, was the inspiration for the jungle-themed imagery in the verses). “Paper tiger” means something appears strong / intimidating but isn’t, while “brave face” mean to act strong / brave when you’re not.  

 

The mask<-brave face:paper tiger->jungle imagery connections all made sense in my head, and I had thought I executed it fairly well in terms of tying it all together in the bridge... but maybe not.  

 

And the thing with the pre-choruses is that the word choices were meant to connect each of the different stanzas. “Tying you down” connects to the vines, “holding you back” to the webs, “hunting you down” to the predators, “freaking you out” to being lost and seeing monsters everywhere. So they kinda had to go in the order they did.

[Speezy]

Thanks Corsala I could handle a drag  . I’ll find my niche outside of sex bops 

[Temporal]

3 hours ago, Corsola said:

In fact, your entire refrain could be removed, to be hones

NOT when the refrain is the best part, bitch  

[Temporal]

Regarding my song, I *do* wish I could've made some edits to it because I do understand the criticisms (mostly), but 1) I didn't have the time and 2) I think the time crunch actually pushed me to be more outside the box and to be more blunt. Regardless, I'm really proud of the wordplay in it, I was really thorough with my word choice in the song *especally* in the refrain.

 

So, all in all, it was a double-edged sword. But if people are getting their kiis from it regardless of how it's scored, that's fine by me.

[smholiv]

1 hour ago, Corsola said:

You lied several times  

gather him

[ceremonials]

decimate her barbz :weary:

 

[Aurora]

 

Hi everyone, sorry for my sporadic activity this week. As some of you know I've recently moved out of home and into a new place. Paired with my busy work schedule this week, I've been very exhausted all week with limited time to do anything else. These are my reviews, sorry if they're not very helpful; honestly this was my least favourite episode as far as submissions go (fortunately for y'all this seems to be an unpopular opinion), but there were also some gems!

 

1. @Gastrodonatella – “Anger Point”
This was interesting. I loved this as a piece of creative writing and I liked it in general but I didn’t love it as a submission for this challenge or for this tournament. I can’t really critique it based on traditional songwriting elements because, as you said, it’s meterless, structureless, repetitionless, and rhymeless, which puts me in a difficult position. I did get spoken interlude or even Björk vibes as you suggested, but without music that isn’t enough to make it a song, and Platinum Hit has always been about how you make a song a song with just lyrics, and technical elements are therefore a big asset you’ve unfortunately done away with. Without self-inserting too much, I got Match Without Flame/Confessions vibes from this and feel obliged to mention this as the criticisms I got for those songs do somewhat apply to this too. You’re a great writer, we all know this, I think your biggest challenge is demonstrating your versatility in the right manner.  You don’t have to do something on the complete opposite end of the spectrum like this to show you’re not a one-note writer with a strict structure or style you always fall back on. Find that balance of diversity while retaining the quality, rhythmic sensibility and melodic presence we know you can. Otherwise, this was still a nice read.

 

2. @Kunst – “Rooster Flight”
I love that you said you proofread it, bless you. Aside from the questionable rhyming at times, I kinda liked this. I enjoyed the approach you took to the challenge and how you found a personal connection with this zodiac sign despite it not being your own and made it work as this kind of “taking control of your own destiny” anthem. I liked the song conceptually more than I liked the execution, I did feel the rhymes let it down a bit, there were far too many that felt unnatural or forced, and the eating lies image in the first pre-chorus really didn’t sit right with me. I also didn’t get the “to be means to be perceived” lyric, I wasn’t sure if the wording was wrong (despite your proofreading) of it I just didn’t get it.

 

3. @minho – “Sentimental”
“Your words capture the perfect mood”
Yes, yes they do.
Extra point for the PRISM reference.
Although, I actually laughed irl at “I open my eyes, only to close them”

 

4. @Auburn – “Devotion of Mine”
Whoa, this was kinda your best song. No, it was definitely your best song. Very pop, very to the point, and very good. That thing I said about you getting better every week? Yeah, you’re still doing it. That chorus, I– your mind. I love the usage of “rive”. The whole flecks of rust burning thing wasn’t really tea, though. I like that you decided to focus on one aspect of your sign and really deliver, rather than trying to loosely intertwine random unnecessary tidbits that would just cloud up your song. The pacing in the verses were very pop, I got Teenage Dream/Legendary Lovers teas, which is obviously a good thing.

 

5. @Citrus – “Trash”
**** you with this troll ass title and genre. Serving “Genre: Spooky”. That opening tercet, wig. I kind hated it at first and then it hit and I realised I don’t think anyone has ever said so much with so little in this tournament before, at least I’ve never seen it. The symbolism is real. Similarly, I wasn’t snatched by the first tercet of the second verse, but it was a nice set up for that absolutely brain-damaging scalp of the following tercet. Your mind really is quite fascinating, I don’t think anyone else would be able to think up such a thing and make it… work. The third complete verse is all a slay, whereas the other two definitely had one tercet better than the other (I’ve said tercet too many times for one review, so let me stop it here). The only “weak” sections of this song were the second half of the first verse and the first half of the second verse for me, I get the personal connection to the passport/biscuit tin lyric after reading your description but it’s one of those things that just doesn’t translate as well as it probably works for you as you’ve lived that. You’re not trash to me x

 

6. @Speezy – “Sadity Down”
You went all in with this song, it was clear that you studied various aspects of the horse and tried to include as many as possible in a creative way, which was neat. Unfortunately, some did feel a little unnatural and clearly (horse)shoe-horned in there (I couldn’t resist that pun) for the sake of it (referring to horses lyrically twice, brown diamonds, the whole red/yellow light metaphor in general really). I also kind of struggled to get where this song was taking us at times, was she sadity or wasn’t she? The wording felt wrong in many places and that also hindered being able to get a good grasp of what the message of the song really was too. I liked the structure though and how the verses and even chorus were split up, giving a sense of conclusion to each section.

 

7. @UFO – “Dance in the Rain”
My last two braincells trying to read your Corsola-essay of an entry, **** you.
I don’t want to fault you for doing too much, but, this is really too much. The fact you had to cut it down to a single verse (and even still the song is so long!) is kinda proof that there is a lack of refinement here. Not all of these sections and lyrics were essential and if you’d just honed in on the best ones your song would have been inarguably stronger as a result. There is no need for an intro and an outro in every song you do, nor a pre-chorus and a post-chorus on top of your already longer-than-usual verse and chorus. I can’t even pinpoint specific sections because there’s just too much. It’s kind of frustrating because you definitely have the makings of a fantastic song here but you haven’t cut the fat and perfected this the way you probably should have.

 

8. @Overprotected – “Uptempo City Number”
I like the city setting. This might seem like an odd comment, but your writing here seems very minho, I’m not sure if a lil bit of his style rubbed off on you after your collab on Day One but this was very similar to his entry in episode 2 (I’m pretty sure he even used the term “umbrellas unfurling” verbatim), it’s probably just coincidence but noteworthy regardless. The structure was fun, I liked the way you broke up the verses. “Many destinations yet no clear direction” was a pretty apt lyric because I was kind of struggling to find the clear direction the song was going amidst all the city metaphors, and also how it all tied in with your zodiac (a brief memo would have helped here).

 

9. @ceremonials – “Goldenrod”
Love the growing chorus tactic, we stan. I take issue with the “sun never descends” lyric followed by “twilight never ends”, while the imagery is nice and all, the sun kinda has to descend for twilight to exist so… imagery is broken there. You also used river twice in the final chorus (and once again in the bridge) which was a bit like, surely there’s something else you could have used? Eh. The concept is actually delicious, the whole what-we-could’ve-been-if-we-didn’t-have-children and heavily nostalgia-driven lyricism is a big yes. There was also some weird issues with the tenses used (we’ll/we’d)? I still liked it overall but just felt like you could have done more with this great base structurally and lyrically, it lowkey felt like a demo i.e. first draft.

 

10. @Kylie Jenner – “Men”
The cover is serving Missy Elliott, we stan. This was definitely solid, but perhaps not so much as your other recent offerings. The subject matter and “all men are the same” trope was a little unoriginal and you didn’t do much to elevate it past that. There was also a lot of quotations, almost to the point of overuse. You’re great with setting the scene and imagery and I would have rathered seen more lyrics like those in the chorus which do a fantastic job of this. Using the word “snake” twice in three lyrics (end of chorus, second lyric of verse two) was a major no-no for me. I think your bridge is the most perfect accompaniment for this song, though, it’s so well written.

 

11. @Achilles. – “Brave Face”
Not me suggesting you write a song more similar to “Brave” and then you literally write “Brave Face”, I– really liked this, actually. It was another one of your better commercial pop songs, there was definitely an element of Miss Swift’s influence (the whole monsters/trees lyric screamed her, OOTW her impact). Verses were obviously stronger than the chorus, as one might expect in a pop song, but your chorus wasn’t an overly basic cringe mess either like it could have been. I could definitely pick up a sense of rhythm and lyricism and it felt really catchy and cool.

 

12. @Temporal – “Byzantine”
I am legitimately SCREAMING at you taking my (very good) advice and literally ***-staining it. *****. I’m somewhat conflicted by whether this was a genuine risk for you or if you were so sucked dry of inspiration (pun definitely intended) that you just submitted this rather than quitting, but this is definitely your Pony moment. I’m kinda crying. The “Jesus Christ!” lyric, okay I know you’re trolling with this ****. Please… if you make it through this week, don’t pull this ****ery again. I–

[Kylie Jenner]

here comes my elim

[Aurora]

let me think up some hints

[UFO]

"My last two braincells trying to read your Corsola-essay of an entry, **** you."

oh wOw  me bringing out the dominant in everyone  

 

fffffffff I definitely do too much sometimes but hey, I'd rather do too much than do too less   I also agree that not every song should have an intro and/or outro but every time I've used an intro and/or outro this season has been for a reason and that should be recognised too (it's not like I throw random **** together without direction or structure), but I understand that that critique is mostly for future reference! But thanks  @Aurora

 

I really should trim the fat   dklfjlkdsajfla but I can't RESIST

[UFO]

I'm screaming @ my review compared to everyone else's

 

Fefe... is that you?

[Aurora]

my hints

 

3:48 | en

3:51 | fe

3:55 | fr

3:48 | te

3:52 | et

4:33 | tn

3:47 | ne

3:26 | oe

4:09 | sx

4:08 | te

3:32 | sn

4:01 | to

[UFO]

Dance In The Rain

Uvie - #2

Corsola - #3

Hug - #4

Aurora - #12

Saint - ??

 

Top 5 streak (starting from collab round) GONE. Aurora a confirmed homophobe

[UFO]

2 minutes ago, Aurora said:

my hints

 

3:48 | en

3:51 | fe

3:55 | fr

3:48 | te

3:52 | et

4:33 | tn

3:47 | ne

3:26 | oe

4:09 | sx

4:08 | te

3:32 | sn

4:01 | to

Are these Bible verses?

 

 

i know they're song lengths don't @ me kunts dkslfjkd

[Kylie Jenner]

4 minutes ago, Aurora said:

my hints

 

3:48 | en

3:51 | fe

3:55 | fr

3:48 | te

3:52 | et

4:33 | tn

3:47 | ne

3:26 | oe

4:09 | sx

4:08 | te

3:32 | sn

4:01 | to

wtf is this

[UFO]

i know they're song lengths don't @ me kunts dkslfjkd

 

ok so these song lengths must be from a Samantha Jade album or a Skylar Tryke album, let's see

[Aurora]

25 minutes ago, Aurora said:

my hints

 

3:48 | en

3:51 | fe

3:55 | fr

3:48 | te

3:52 | tn

4:33 | et

3:47 | ne

3:26 | oe

4:09 | sx

4:08 | te

3:32 | sn

4:01 | to

updated because ufo's entry frying my last two braincells made me mess up the hints

[UFO]

Kii @ my song this week being so POWERFUL. frying braincells and causing power outages

 

"frying my last two braincells" an LGBT song. an LGBT song. DURING PRIDE MONTH. ONE DAY AFTER QUEER EYE SEASON 2 PREMIERES. 2 WEEKs BEFORE RPDR S10's grand finale. blasphemy

 

 

My exploitation of homosexuals doesn't deserve THIS. where's my honorary #1??? where's my badge. where's my bouquet so I can whack a bitch when i throw it. where IS my gift bag

 

 

[UFO]

where's my honorary #1 where's MY badge

where's my bouQUET

so I can WHACK a bitch when I throw it.

WHERE IS MY GIFT BAG

gift bag gift bag gift bag gift bag

 

WAITTTTTTTTTT not this actually slapping   what kind of freestyle sdkfljslakdf

i've been listening to a lot of Onika lately and the lyrics FIT "where's my honorary #1" ddddddddddddd 

i feel like if i ever wrote a rap song it would STOMP so hard