Citrus Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 4 hours ago, Corsola said: If anything this is shading yourself since you have my highest average score by far and I've been your best judge every round except this one You misread it. A theme. :witness:
Galah Posted June 25, 2018 Author Posted June 25, 2018 1. @minho – “Rain Sonata” This song reminded me of your earlier entry, “0503”, in some ways. I liked the composition and the structure, but for me the theme isn’t very interesting and the vibe you have created isn’t one that particularly excites. So while I think it’s a well written song, I’d have preferred if these strong technical elements had been paired with a more interesting subject matter. “It’s melodic, but takes me nowhere” is a lyric which I personally feel applies to this song. There’s nothing particularly bad here, so it may just be that at this stage I’m looking to be moved or made excited or feel inspired rather than just thinking “that was nice.” 2. @Gastrodonatella – “Janine” Clearly another personal offering so props to you for opening yourself up to us. I loved this (first) chorus, the “All–” beginnings in the first stanza and the sentiment of the second. Just brilliant. You needed that strong anchor point though because for me the verses were the most unnatural I think I’ve seen you write in this tournament, which is probably a classic case of sticking too strongly to factual details at the expense of quality lyricism. Everything felt written in a forced way to fit the meter and rhyme scheme to me. I found all of the verses rather poorly written but the best I suppose was the notepad stanza (the inscribed lyric could be deleted) and it was worst in the first half of verse two (not establishing what was found until the third lyric, using “the day that you were wed” over “wedding day”, using a whole stanza to convey what you could have in two or perhaps even one lyric). I wish I had more positive comments to say but I really only liked the first chorus, and the part of the second chorus that was also present in the first. 3. @Kylie Jenner – “Grey Lady” I really loved your take on the challenge and your unique and creative concept and how you actually tried to stick to the ghost orb inspiration rather than taking a more loose approach. I also really like how you started off each of the verses with the similar motif, a great idea. “I'm wishing on a well, can a penny make this right?” was also a standout lyric for me, I love it when common ideas are given a new angle and you did that with this lyric. “Deep eternal lack” felt a bit forced to me, but that was the only lyric I had a problem with. The prechorus was rather long for a prechorus, I think that perhaps could have been tightened up a bit, even some lyrics in the chorus, just to help the progression of the song and keep things from dragging. 4. @ceremonials – “Silent Hills” This seemed very dark, which was reminiscent of your songs from earlier seasons (in a good way). No usage of the word heretic, which was a plus. I know you purposely let the subject matter be vague but I still feel it was clear enough to pick up on what you were putting out so it’s a good thing you didn’t have to explicitly state certain things (which would often bring down an entry like this). The main lyrics I took issue with were, “If I’m trapped in the back of my mind with you” (too long, could be easily rewritten) and the final lyric in the first verse about not letting the antagonist win was a little basic. Loved the growing chorus, liked the overall dark vibes and the progression and the climax in the bridge, had all the good elements I hope to see in a song pretty much. 5. @Citrus – “Naked” If there’s still any uncertainty whether I consider all sex songs to be inherently troll entries or not, let this be testament to the fact that I don’t. This was amazing, really the only part I didn’t care for were the “Well do ya? Do ya?” parts in the chorus, which would probably sound catchy and nice in an actual recorded song but are totally unnecessary and could have been left out here. The subject matter is– it’s actually not that original but it’s relatable in the best way, it kind of reminds me of Zara Larsson’s “Don’t Let Me Be Yours” a bit, or any song about opening up really and revealing one’s self more than physically but emotionally too. Your execution of this subject matter though is what makes it really great to me, love the way the verses are structured, the prechorus is exactly what it’s meant to be, and your chorus creatively sums up the thoughts everyone experiences at some (or multiple) points in their lives. I also like the parallel between the physical and emotional “naked”, which just brings an extra dimension to elevate this song. I love the changes made to the final chorus and feels like a great way to end the song. This has a far more commercial vibe than your other songs but for me I’d argue that’s what your other songs have been missing, and while this has all of the best elements of your other great songs, it has that edge, which is why I’m giving you a 10. 6. @UFO – “Gaia” I looooved this. It reminded me of the brief earth imagery fad in Season 8 that got a few songs to #1 and then was quickly drowned out by astral and water imagery again. #BringBackEarthImagery. I lowkey laughed at the meditating lyric because that meme has ruined the word “meditating” for me, but this was such a well written and gorgeous song. The imagery was strong, the subject matter was thought provoking and purposeful, you had great songwriting techniques like alliterations and the little repetitions in the bridge added another lyrical element that I really enjoyed. The only parts I questioned were “Not as a black-and-white movie” which didn’t really seem to fit the theme of the song literally or metaphorically, and the wording of “Your beauty is wrecked and burned away” was a little off. Otherwise, this was sooooo close to being a perfect 10 for me. I think you showed some restraint here, focusing on a specific idea and running with it, and it really paid off. 7. @Overprotected – “Blue” So far you’re only the second to take a more literal interpretation of the ghost orbs aspect of the challenge, and it’s always good to see people going out of their comfort zone and writing about something they wouldn’t necessarily think of or choose to do. Your first verse is interesting to me because it’s rather lengthy and has multiple sections of different lengths and that made it a little hard to establish a certain rhythm. There was some contradiction with being deep in thought and also hearing strings play, I feel like these two things compete. The usage of “resplendent” was certainly a choice, but it worked in the usage you intended for it I suppose, so at least there’s that. The last two stanzas of your first verse felt like a pre-chorus of sorts, but would be too long to be a pre-chorus, so I could see why they were kept as an extension of the verse, yet that two-line chorus came along and that just didn’t work for me at all. I love a growing chorus but I think the first chorus still has to have some body to it to make it feel like a chorus, which is better suited to a quatrain as your starting point. The second verse has even more structural anomalies than the first, and the second chorus, bridge and final chorus combined are shorter than either of your verses which just shouldn’t happen– there’s flaws here on a technical level which are difficult to look past. I think conceptually you have something here, but just needed some more time to find a better way to convey the intention of your song. 8. @Achilles. – “My Idea of Heaven” I didn’t really know what to expect going into this song because songs about love and sex and relationships in general wrapped up in religion metaphors have been very overdone (some better than others) in the past, but this one actually still managed to feel rather fresh and I really enjoyed it. I was a little put off by the first line since “flicker” would have worked SO much better than “glimmer” there, but alas. Issa small thing. I loved the chorus and the holy war imagery reference, I just wish it was made more apparent what the actual war we were talking about here was. I figured it was hinting at equality but there was nothing that really confirmed that (besides maybe the marriage lyric, which in itself wouldn’t be enough of a confirmation since same-sex marriage is legalised there but I guess would still apply on a more global scale). Otherwise, this was all really well written and had a strong melodic presence and showcased a good use of metaphors. 9. @Auburn – “Avarice” This was really cute. I almost forgot this was a ghost orb challenge and was uncertain what was going on here until the second verse, and everything made more sense. The meter here, especially in the chorus, was so skinny and snatched. Wig. Lyrically, I loved the first part of the chorus, but kinda hated the second half. “Roam” felt like an odd word choice (“go” would have suited better) and the idea of a ghost “safely float[ing] home” (once I realised it was about a ghost) was purely comical and I’m sure that wasn’t your intention. The whole vibe of the song was really unique though and I liked your interpretation of the challenge, almost like an angry old man scolding the younger generations telling them not to make the same mistakes as he. “Silver sparkle of the wind” is also something that I feel works more on paper than in practice. I know this was a bit rushed for you, and I think you definitely submitted something creative, and should be proud of. It’s not my favourite entry from you, but it was definitely stronger than it was weak.
Citrus Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 Average ranks---- Minho - 5.2 UFO - 7.8 (bc her first three were like 14-11-11) Auburn - 11.3 Overprotected - 13.6 (biggest rise in terms of her change in average rank) Jake - 8.5 Will - 3.0 Ceremonials - 5.83 Kylie Jenner - 6.66 (dark sided) Citrus - 3.17
Overprotected Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 I guess that's it for me Thank you judges, points were made
ultraviolence.xx Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 U MAGAZINE THIS WEEK'S TRACK REVIEWS @minho minho, “Rain Sonata” – this song is difficult for me. on one hand, i like the concept a lot and the second verse really shines. on the other hand, the chorus feels very uninspired and so do some of the lines in the first and (presumable) bridge. the “lit/it” couplet feels very bland and like you can do better. you say at the beginning that this is a song about “confusion, self-doubt, and the magic of nighttime,” but the first two don’t come through for me as well as they should. i understand the nighttime parts, but the others aren’t coming through very well. also, king of using “it’s melodic” in songs. overall, i’m on the fence as to how i feel about this. @Gastrodonatella Gastrodonatella, “Janine” – wow, king of using four orbs. the pronunciation guide is MESSy omfg. don’t say ‘013, just say ’13; no one’s going to think you’re talking about the 1900s considering we’re in a new millennium. also, the word “silly” kind of made me scream. overall this is cute, in a literal cute way, not in a “cute-next-to-gorgeous” way. actually, kind of both. also “I forget the sounds of words / When the one speaking them is you” is, in my opinion, very poorly phrased. i’m really not sure how i feel about this song; it feels like a Gastrodonatella song without any of the elements that make Gastrodonatella songs shine—the wordplay, the images, etc. the meter is good, but that’s the only thing that really shines for me. it also feels like it’s been done before? reads more like the american bjork than the icelandic katy perry. @Kylie Jenner Kylie Jenner, “Grey Lady” – oh wow, oh wow. queen of delivering. do you always use AABB rhyme schemes? every song of yours i can think of uses AABB rhyme schemes. i’d like to see you branch out and flirt with other patterns in the future. aside from that, i liked your language a lot and your imagery. there were a couple moments i noticed that felt like they went too far and were kind of corny. the first is the use of the word “fright” relating to the ghost; it felt very typical and kind of comedic in an over-the-top halloween song kind of way. also, the “penny” line felt like too much to me—i think “wishing on a well” half of the line covered it and the penny question felt… extra? that may have just been me though. overall, i’m super happy with this. @ceremonials ceremonials, “Silent Hills” – whew, king of rhyming “you” with “you”! okay, this is very eerie and there are some couplets in here that really wowed me. i like the chorus a lot and the way it grows/morphs over the course of the song. the subject matter is very vague, but i feel like that works for the song—it leaves possibilities open in a mysterious, turning-over-a-rock way. i don’t really understand the end of the second verse about why you don’t need to leave—clarification on that would be nice. yes so overall, this is very effectively creepy and gives me a second-half-of-ceremonials vibe if it were to be translated into song. @Citrus Citrus, “Naked” – ok, i’m ready for the second consecutive song about me. oh my god hold up, okay wait. this. waaaaaiiiiiittttt. asdfkhadjsf okay CANCEL the “well do ya?” CANCEL IT FAT, DEPORT IT TO HELL but the rest of this whewwww lordy me. i’m literally offended by how much i love this song. i love how the images tell so much of the story without you having to spell it out explicitly—just from the first line, we get a sense that they’re comfortable together, considering their “feet are on the table.” ugh a lyricisté. the “hundred somethings” line is screaming million reasons. i’m not going to go through and highlight all the slays in the verses and the chorus but you know damn well that they’re there. ahhhh i want this to be a real song so i can replay the **** out of it @UFO UFO, “Gaia” – the most poignant part of this song for me is “your beauty is wrecked and burned away / yet you still give us the sunrise.” beautifully worded, and i love the heartbreak of that image: that we’re destroying her, yet still she gives. the bridge, also, slayed—i loved the juxtaposition of the fire/winter metaphors. thank you, also, for not bolding anything in your explanation ajsfl. i like the way you mixed a number of orbs into one cohesive theme. your song last week blew me away and i think it’d be hard to top but you got very close here. big fan of both! @Overprotected Overprotected, “Blue” – i’m not sure how i feel about the capitalization of “It,” but that really isn’t of any consequence. from the beginning, i’m a bit confused as to what the “strings” playing in someone’s mind is meant to suggest—mental clutter/crowding/obscurity? i also find it a bit odd that in line two you mention “hours [going] by” and then at the end of the verse say “time did not exist.” like, which one? aside from these nitpicks, i like the verses and the simplicity of the chorus which builds into something more pertinent as the song progresses. i also really like that we don’t really know what the “It” is—it’s definitely not out of stephen king, but there’s a mystery to it that think is cool. it could be a person, a place, a thing, an animal, a mineral, etc. it works when you broaden it out to other people, that what helps is different for everyone. @Achilles. Achilles., “My Idea of Heaven” – oh wow, oh wow. king of serving a cute song. i’m liking the religious teas a lot. one line that really rubbed me wrong was “what the future holds in store,” which mixed “what the future holds” and “what the future has in store.” to be safe, i’d pick one of those and use it instead. i reeeeally like the way the last line of the chorus progresses from making love to spending life to growing old; it’s very cute but the way it’s executed isn’t corny or cheesy at all, it’s actually very genuine and i stan. this is, to me, a return to the strength of early-season achilles; there were a couple songs in the middle that i didn’t think were as good but it’s great to see you make a return to form. @Auburn Auburn, “Avarice” – ugh, i love that word, king of titles. the first pre-chorus confused me to high hell. i’m not sure how time can rule your whole mind if the song is about wealth and materialism—how does time play into that? the “floating home” line confused me, because there isn’t any water imagery anywhere else in the song, so it just kind of felt like the first thing you thought of that fit the song. i do like the bridge a lot—that the finer things are things that aren’t reserved explicitly for the wealthy. loved the last two lines of the bridge in particular. to be honest, this is one of my least favorite songs from you so far—it feels too preachy in a pop-radio way and it’s about something that’s been done a number of times before. it didn’t really give me that uniquely-auburn feel that something like “galaxy bedouin” did.
Galah Posted June 26, 2018 Author Posted June 26, 2018 site note: the "Well do ya? Do ya?" parts of Citrus' song reminded me of Delicate's "Isn't it? Isn't it?" and I was bopping but yes I agrih'd they needed to be "deported to hell".
Achilles. Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 Both uvie and hug nitpicked over me using “future holds in store” instead of either “future has in store” or “future holds.” I didn’t know that “future holds in store” wasn’t a thing.
ultraviolence.xx Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 36 minutes ago, Aurora said: site note: the "Well do ya? Do ya?" parts of Citrus' song reminded me of Delicate's "Isn't it? Isn't it?" and I was bopping but yes I agrih'd they needed to be "deported to hell". this is a reference to this moment:
Citrus Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 1 hour ago, Aurora said: site note: the "Well do ya? Do ya?" parts of Citrus' song reminded me of Delicate's "Isn't it? Isn't it?" and I was bopping but yes I agrih'd they needed to be "deported to hell". I imagine the do ya do ya part being so soft and cute vocally, and I kept em so they would lead directly into my burqa bridge
Galah Posted June 26, 2018 Author Posted June 26, 2018 2 hours ago, Achilles. said: Both uvie and hug nitpicked over me using “future holds in store” instead of either “future has in store” or “future holds.” I didn’t know that “future holds in store” wasn’t a thing. tbh I didn’t even notice this (should haven’t teas) but I mean I don’t really see a major problem with it. I agree with the comments that were made because the others are more common ways to express that lyric but at the same time it doesn’t sound that bad/awkward (at least to me) and still means what you want it to mean. of these, I like “future has in store” best as it fits your meter but also sounds better. just like flicker/glimmer.
UFO Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 Whew, Gaia serving ACCLAIM Y’all better stan for the Earth ? Thank you!!!!!!!!!!
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 26, 2018 Posted June 26, 2018 I am back. Sorry, I wasn't keeping up with you but Beyonce flopping really took all my attention.
UFO Posted June 27, 2018 Posted June 27, 2018 16 hours ago, Gastrodonatella said: deserved Thanks sis!!!
Galah Posted June 28, 2018 Author Posted June 28, 2018 Results have been calculated, when would be a good time to host results @everyone
Galah Posted June 28, 2018 Author Posted June 28, 2018 7 minutes ago, ceremonials said: you're eliminated x
Citrus Posted June 28, 2018 Posted June 28, 2018 1 hour ago, Aurora said: Results have been calculated, when would be a good time to host results @everyone Now
Citrus Posted June 28, 2018 Posted June 28, 2018 50 minutes ago, Aurora said: you're #2 x We been two
Recommended Posts