tournament PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

[ceremonials]

ok but ive written like ten reviews in like four hours

 

 

ill do more later,but dont expect them all tonight girlies 

[ceremonials]

Just now, PoKiTaurus said:

Mess it's unknown who wrote Midnight Sun? Ghost writer taken to a new level. 

 

The reviews are written so well! 

 

Perched for my cheesy song to pop up.

 

Mess my song is serving Kids Bop compared to the other entries so far based on these reviews.

 

It wasnt in the Google Doc, so Jackson knows, he just hasn't told me bc he's at work rn.

 

I wanna say @Glassmouth for some reason  

[poki]

Oh okay I see. 

 

And it's okay, take your time. These reviews are really good, definitely worth waiting for 

 

And I agree with Jackson's review of LWYMMD. The lyrics are pretty simplistic and the song as a whole seems like a risky choice for a lead single. In comparison, her previous lead in 1989 impressed me much better.

Overall not a fan of the visuals she has for this album. 

[UFO]

Wait a ****ing minute @Corsola you didn't submit?!    omg

Edited August 25, 2017 by UFO

[Jackson]

1 hour ago, Taylor Swift said:

I agree with like 30% of this

 

OT: Stay away from me and my family!  

Wow the self drag, living for it  

[ceremonials]

18 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

omg speaking of the google doc can u put my title in there  

ummm no i dont think i can edit things, youll have to ask ratson

[UFO]

Quote

a lot of the times on paper her songs don’t sound that good lyrically, mostly because they just don’t have very good natural flow or cadence. Her melodies are what make it work. Remember that we can’t hear how it sounds in your head, and even if we could, we couldn’t judge it based on that. The line I think suffers from this the most would be “I hold it back, I’ll never tell / I never can”

Nnnnn this is so true!     whenever I write something with a melody that SCALPS I remember that y'all can't even hear that flawless melody anyway so what's the point and then I read the lyrics and I'm like "ew the melody is the best part" so I scrap it and start over    

[Jackson]

14 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

put my title as Dear The One I Miss plz xoxo Gastrodonatella

fine 

[UFO]

fffff tbh having writer's block in this competition is the literal WORST  poor anyone who has it  

I'm so glad I've been overflowing with ideas lately cause whew, **** that.

 

[SaintWest]

WHEW REVIEWS ALREADY LEMME GO STAN FOR MY FAVS

[UFO]

Rap challenge better become a real thing in the future, I'm so ready!      

I also need a Food challenge askdhgasf

Edited August 26, 2017 by UFO

[Truffle.]

nvm i'm dropping out srry guys </3

[ceremonials]

Just now, Truffle. said:

nvm i'm dropping out srry guys </3

slut

[Truffle.]

@MattyTacos u better win so we can have celebratory sex

[ultraviolence.xx]

2 hours ago, ceremonials said:

@ultraviolence.xx,  “Timepiece”

 

I think as a sort of follow up to Hourglass, this does a lot of things quite well. I don’t even have to really read the song to know what song it was inspired by, and that can be both a curse and a blessing. The inspiration here is very evident, and there’s even some direct reference. In a way, I think that’s cute. It’s kind of like a sequel, or maybe it’s supposed to be written from the person outside the glass’s point of view? WIG if that’s true, but unfortunately I didn’t really get that impression. This felt a bit too much like a recreation and less like a reiteration. The direct references were cute for me, as I’m the one who wrote the original, but to others it might cheapen the experience, if only just slightly. I think a lot of this can also just be attributed to using the time motif in music or poetry, so I won’t be docking you for it.

 

There were some spots I do take issue with, though. This really reads like a Lana song, and while I’m ****ing here for that, a lot of the times on paper her songs don’t sound that good lyrically, mostly because they just don’t have very good natural flow or cadence. Her melodies are what make it work. Remember that we can’t hear how it sounds in your head, and even if we could, we couldn’t judge it based on that. The line I think suffers from this the most would be “I hold it back, I’ll never tell / I never can” You absolutely MURDERED the flow right there, and though it does pick up right after that, I wish this was a bit more tight structurally. This is the first round though, so you won’t be a judged too harshly for it. I do have issues with a few other lines - particularly “stomach soars” and the first line of the prechorus (ESPECIALLY this one, delete it Demi). The ending was a bit anti climactic as well. :’(

 

Overall, the good outweighs the bad, for sure. There were a few minor slip ups technicality wise, and I want to see your meter improve in the following rounds but, as is, this reads like a charming little love letter to “Hourglass”.

 

FAVORITE COUPLET: “But I dream of you in darkened hours / I lay you down among the flowers”

re this line: “I hold it back, I’ll never tell / I never can” up until the slash it's supposed to fit within the quadruplet, and then the "i never can" is supposed to read like an extension at the end of the verse leading into the prechorus, like a little extension to hint at the coming of a different section. i'm trying to think of another song that has done this, and i can't right now nnn,  but i drew inspiration from something

 

that concept you invented is a SCALP but unfortunately it is just an invention. i really didn't take much (conscious) inspiration from the original song aside from the theme of time (and the incorporation of a love story, tho that's kind of a result of me having written it rather than a point of inspiration, most of my songs that i've written have had love stories in them) and then i sprinkled in a couple of references like the mentioning of june and stuff i thought that would be fun!

 

interesting that you think it reads like a lana song! i'll take that as a compliment. i don't take much inspiration from her lyrically but slay a bit lmao!

 

and rofl i almost went back and changed that prechorus line cuz it was cheesy but i left it nnn

 

THANK YOU for your comments and reading  

[UFO]

1 minute ago, Truffle. said:

nvm i'm dropping out srry guys </3

[Truffle.]

Just now, ceremonials said:

slut

be careful ppl like to report in here 

 

@keshaspearsxo

[ceremonials]

Just now, Truffle. said:

be careful ppl like to report in here 

 

@keshaspearsxo

 i remember this

[Citrus]

Ceremonials making my forthcoming 3 sentence reviews look bad

[ceremonials]

1 minute ago, Citrus said:

Ceremonials making my forthcoming 3 sentence reviews look bad

its what she deserves

 

mine probably wont be this long every round tho, i just think its important for the first round

[Jackson]

I'm gonna try to at least get 10 or so reviews out tonight 

[Truffle.]

ellie? ellie? this bitch stans for kelly!

 

mess

[ultraviolence.xx]

slay a bit

[UFO]

4 minutes ago, Jackson said:

I'm gonna try to at least get 10 or so reviews out tonight 

    

[ceremonials]

5 minutes ago, Truffle. said:

ellie? ellie? this bitch stans for kelly!

 

mess

this areola copying