ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, Jackson said: I haven't even started reviews n ? WE ? WILL ? NOT? BE? SILENCED????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 WHAT DOES IRIDISCENT MEAN? ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 2 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: DO ? YOUR ? JOB ??? I said results Sunday and they WILL be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 2 minutes ago, ceremonials said: WHAT DOES IRIDISCENT MEAN? ? we both know i missed the 'e' there, don't be that girl, ceremonials ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, Glassmouth said: we both know i missed the 'e' there, don't be that girl, ceremonials ? no literally at least 10 ppl have used it in their songs and i've no idea ? too lazy to look up x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) 1 minute ago, ceremonials said: no literally at least 10 ppl have used it in their songs and i've no idea ? iridescent is something luminous that changes depending on the perspective, just like a pearl does, you can see different colors in the white of the pearl idk how to explain it something like : Edited September 17, 2017 by Glassmouth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Glassmouth said: iridescent is something luminous that changes depending on the perspective, just like a pearl does, you can see different colors in the white of the pearl idk how to explain it something like : hot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Gastrodonatella said: @ceremonials for reference, an iridescent glint beetle x looks like a soap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Gastrodonatella said: no he looks like an iridescent glint beetle x still a soap, fat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Keshaspearsxo, inventor of dick flavoured pop tarts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 14 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: Keshaspearsxo, inventor of dick flavoured pop tarts a pioneer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minho Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 @ceremonials I put in my explanation about how the term 'play of colour' refers to the ways light refracts when the opal stone is turned in the light (like a show/spectacle or play), which I attempted to tie into my chorus as well as using a few references to theatre. I think I should work a bit more on trying to get these metaphors across. As for your other feedback nnn. I personally like to write pop (or I guess kpop) songs because I like to imagine them as upbeat songs I myself would want to listen to. However, I do agree that I should think about trying to expand my horizons. Thanks for the review! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nait Phoenix Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 4 hours ago, ceremonials said: You didn’t specify what birthstone you chose ??? Jack, I put it in the title… –_– It was Emerald: fertility, faith, good fortune. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 5 minutes ago, Nait Phoenix said: ??? Jack, I put it in the title… –_– It was Emerald: fertility, faith, good fortune. N, he usually just copy and pastes whatever is in the PM, so start doing that. I don't send scores until like right before results though, so it shouldn't impact your score either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 doing batch 2 now, coming in like an hour probably, hints lata Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 the way i used iridescence not iridescent because im a bad bitch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 17 minutes ago, ceremonials said: doing batch 2 now, coming in like an hour probably, hints lata Am I in dis or is there 3? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: Am I in dis or is there 3? yes theres only 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, ceremonials said: yes theres only 2 Fab I'll stay up then x x x gimme a ten x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: Fab I'll stay up then x x x gimme a ten x sjhjsj is it not 8 am there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 2 minutes ago, ceremonials said: sjhjsj is it not 8 am there Don't ask questions just gimme that ten Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 already have ptsd from my reviews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I knew I shoulda slept asdfgh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 batch two x @mxtthewdelrey, “Progress” Okay, so this fit the challenge pretty well. I don’t know that name dropping it was necessary though, mainly because that seems like the only imagery you use pertaining to the stone. Not that you had to do that, though, you could do what the stone represents, and that’s what this looks like. It felt personal, and conveyed a decent amount of emotion. There’s not a lot of narrative going on, but what’s there is sufficient. Unfortunately, there’s a couple of things that boil this all back down to nothing. Mainly the plethora of forced rhymes, they were literally everywhere, and that really dampened the experience. I won’t be a broken record and if you want the rundown on forced rhymes then read Tsareena’s review, but I think maybe you should stop trying so hard to rhyme. I know it’s sometimes hard to think about a song that doesn’t rhyme, but it can work, and who knows - that could be one of the challenges this season (though it was done last season, so probably not). I usually tell most people to pick a rhyme scheme and stick to it to keep them from just writing free verse, but I think you need to do the opposite. I’m not saying write a song with no rhymes, though you could do that if you wanted to. Just place less emphasis on them. “Waiting for the moment our love becomes the perch of a dove / Calm the storm and bring me back to the place that I dream of” @MattyTacos, “Ancient Foreplay” Okay, this was cute. The title wasn’t, and I don’t like how it was used in the chorus. It was just really awkward and stood out like a sore thumb. I thought this was an interesting way to tackle the challenge, though it was a pretty open challenge. Still, it felt like a change of pace for you even though it was still a love song at heart. I don’t actually have much to say about this, but I think it was one of your more polished entries, and it was definitely more interesting than your average MattyTacos song. The title and some of the lines remain a bit awkward, but I still appreciate the ambition behind them. “In a mass of whirlpools uniting / We’re a law the universe is biding” @Glassmouth, “Anthony II (THE BLACK PEARL AND THE IRIDESCENT DREAM MATTER THAT MADE ME CALL YOU AT 4AM)” That title Bitch. @FCKNAmbrosia tried it. (Ambrosia, while you’re here, why didn’t you submit bitch?) Okay so I didn’t read the original, so I can’t speak for how well it stacks up. I like that you went for an actual rhyme scheme this time (not in the chorus though, where it’s arguably the most important). Also, what rhymes are there are somewhat forced - I’m looking at you strong / wrong / along. The content is ok, nothing groundbreaking but it obviously seems very personal so that adds to the depth. Some parts of this were just a bit too inconsistent for my liking, particularly in the latter half of the song. This wasn’t awful, but I can’t imagine it comparing to the original since it was a #1. “Cause as I felt my heart sinking in the dream / The picture got so small and it reminded me” @Aurora, “Aegis” Finally someone used iridescence correctly. Okay, that’s all I have to say. Good bye, and give me back my wig. “Surrendering my name will never lead you to my side / Only when you truly need me will your sanctuary arrive” @PoKiTaurus, “I Run Away” Okay, this was definitely my favorite from you, and I think you’ve gotten better every round, though there are still some hurdles here and there. Still, there’s a clear narrative going on and that’s something that’s sort of new for you, and I think it was a great first attempt. In the beginning it’s sort of ambiguous as most of your songs are but there’s more development as time goes on, a climax, and a deposition. That’s how a narrative song should work. I’m not saying you executed it perfectly, but you did demonstrate that you know how. There were some lines that were really blunt - like the “scum” and “fake” lines - whereas the rest was really subtle so that kind of stood out awkwardly. Still, you’ve come a long way, and I think your next step is working on rhymes. They’re not always there, and sometimes they’re forced. That could be said about most writers but finding a rhyme scheme/style that works for you is the biggest asset in a game like this. Even if you don’t make it to the next phase, you can take pride in the fact of your immense growth throughout the season. “If you’re reading this letter / It means I know I deserve better” @keshaspearsxo, “Of Regret” Let me start off by saying that I actually didn’t mind the lack of rhymes, though maybe it was because there was some repeating lines. What rhymes were there seemed a bit shoehorned in though, I kind of wish you just left them out completely. But that’s a nitpick since there was only a few, I like the sort of tour feeling of you walking through the old house, it was cute. Also,, “Of Regret” seemed like a really random title. Why not just “Regret” or “Feelings of Regret”? The title doesn’t impact your score though so I don’t know why I’m worrying about it. Maybe cause there’s not a lot to pick apart. This week the lack of rhymes worked in your favor for me, and my score will be your welcome back gift. But will that be enough to save you? That’s what you get for flaking on Florence, bitch. “A shameful silence now chills in the air / As we gather around this lost empty space” @Speezy, “Rain Drops From A Palm Tree” Um, this phone sex bop. A pioneer. This was actually written...pretty well? Like your songs are usually kinda unpolished but this one was surprisingly (and ironically) clean. There were still a handful of forced rhymes - mainly phone/moans and day/play, but some of the lines in the chorus as well. As well, there’s some awkward lines here and there. But for as ambitious and risky (or should i say risque) as it was at this point in the game, most of it works quite well. And sex songs are especially hard to pull off, so props on that. This was definitely more polished than the average Speezy banger, and it’s interesting to see what effect that has on your ambitious and risque concepts. “I want an image in my head of you and I under the sheets / With your legs crossed around me, can I just hear you breathe?” @SaintWest, “Promised Land” Promised Land? Jackson is SUING already, C U iN courT. I don’t like how some of this felt very biblical in tone while other parts felt very modern. I know it’s meant to bridge that metaphorical gap but you kinda pick and choose whatever tone you want to use at each point in the song and it’s kinda...jarring. Other than that, you nailed the challenge once again sister. It was a pretty boring birthstone to pick, but I think you executed well, apart from the inconsistent tone. As always, your writing is competent and concise and it’s not easy to poke holes in it. This was good, but was slightly weighed down by a boring concept, since it didn’t have the hook/angle/punch to make it stand out otherwise. “You couldn’t wait forever in this idle town of sand / You had to go into the world and fix his promised land” @KatyCatPH, "Opal Skies" Okay, that hook was not needed. It might've been cute in an actual song but it just adds nothing in a lyric only competition. Try to avoid things like that. I think you've consistently gotten stronger with each round, and while this wasn't the perfect entry, it was probably my favorite from you. The imagery you used felt a little shoehorned in since you didn't touch on fortune/misfortune a whole lot, but the imagery itself was still nice. I also the ABCABC rhymes in the verses was really cute, that's a hard scheme to pull off. I really hope you make it to the next phase because it's been a pleasure to see you from your mess of an R1 song (no shade) to something as competent as this in just a few weeks. @UFO, "Blink" Okay so this was...not what I expected for this challenge. I expected more people to go the symbolic route, and write about what their stone symbolizes. Not saying you had to though. Instead, you opted to use color imagery as a metaphor for self expression and I like it, though I don't know that it fit Opal super well. In a way, the generality of this song could've fit any of the categories, so that dulled the experience a bit. And along with that, I actually don't mind that there aren't any rhymes because it still flows really well. One more thing is that the whole "blink" motif didn't really click with me - I get why it's there, but it didn't feel too integral to the song, or it at least felt like it didn't need to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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