discussion Closeted men in straight relationships

[Mr. Loco]

Back in the day, it was very common for gay men to have straight relationships to hide their prefferences, do you think they were justified to do so? I'm talking more specifically about before the 90s or early 00s were homophobia was the norm, and many gay men risker their family relationships, jobs or even safety by coming out. Would their partner have the right to take them out the closet?

 

As an example, Ricky Martin, the first big latinamerican artist that openly came out, was in a relationship with a model for 7 years, and she later spread rumours about him being gay before he made it public, do you think she had the right to do it for all those years he made her loose? I personally think that taking someone out of the closet is nasty no matter the context, but I would like to know your opinions on this.

[Europe]

It was a matter of survival. In some countries they still do honor killings if they find out you are gay. Meaning your own dad or brother is encouraged to murder you for being gay to preserve the honor of the family. A lot of members from privileged western countries do not comprehend this. It's easy to speak big words from an accepting society.

[Jaguarqueef]

Just now, Europe said:

It was a matter of survival. In some countries they still do honor killings if they find out you are gay. Meaning your own dad or brother is encouraged to murder you for being gay to preserve the honor of the family. A lot of members from privileged western countries do not comprehend this. It's easy to speak big words from an accepting society.

Life is survival of the fittest: I can't blame the men from hiding their sexuality anymore than I can for the women from being so hurt they put their gay cheating husbands.

[prettyinpink940]

No one has "the right" to take anyone out of the closet other than themselves.

 

People stay in the closet for various reasons, sometimes even because they'd have to fear for their life if they came out. Its a deeply personal choice and everyone's own decision. 

[KatyPrismSpirit]

Their decision. 

 

You can't save everybody. Live and let live.

[Vixen Eyes]

Lavender marriage!

[Prodigal Self]

it's not really fair to the women aint it?

[Baby Dancer]

It's the sad, ugly truth that at the rate things are going, people will be born tomorrow and die of old age in the closet. Even in "privileged" countries...

Just got to try and make a safe environment for other queers if you're out, its all you can do.

 

And yes, if they have a partner, finding out will hurt the partner a lot, and I think that straight partner has every right to out the gay partner.

[Mr. Loco]

Just now, Prodigal Self said:

it's not really fair to the women aint it?

It's a difficult situation and is not really fair for the women or for the gays tbh

[Beaverhausen69]

9 minutes ago, prettyinpink940 said:

No one has "the right" to take anyone out of the closet other than themselves.

 

People stay in the closet for various reasons, sometimes even because they'd have to fear for their life if they came out. Its a deeply personal choice and everyone's own decision. 

Perez Hilton is a disgusting pig for outing Matt Bomer. 

[Bloodflowers.]

Good for them! We stan gay men who can top bussy and ***** 

[Beaverhausen69]

2 minutes ago, Prodigal Self said:

it's not really fair to the women aint it?

Two negatives in a sentence make a positive, therefore I agree, it is fair to women. 

 

[Prodigal Self]

2 minutes ago, Mr. Loco said:

It's a difficult situation and is not really fair for the women or for the gays tbh

ok but gays choose to deceive those women

[enchanted0]

I loathe them. People who do that and defend it are just plain misogynists. 

[Anthinos]

I personally don't understand that and couldn't live like that. It's not okay. Homophobia is disgusting but also lying to a partner and pretending you love them when you are just using them. But I don't care. My life is good. I live my life the way I want to and I live in a free country. I'm gay, I can get married to a man and if I couldn't I would leave the country and find a new home. I feel sorry for people like that, but that's their personal problem and choice, not mine. I also don't understand people who sacrifice themselves for their family, even though their family doesn't accept them and is actually a burden in their life. In my life, I put myself first and everything else is second.

[John Slayne]

it's a different kind of life, you wouldn't get it unless you lived it. 

[Smarticle]

Quote

 for all those years he made her loose?

I mean as long as she was happy that he is big

[Orsay]

It's evil to the woman, and they usually cheat constantly (and gay men never give a *** about hooking up with a married guy, if anything they find it hot). So yes, outting someone in any way is always wrong, but so is deceiving a woman and using her as a beard, it very much gives misogyny. The ultimate issue of course is a society that pressures men to feel like they have to do it

[Mr. Loco]

16 minutes ago, John Slayne said:

it's a different kind of life, you wouldn't get it unless you lived it. 

Have you lived it?

[John Slayne]

Just now, Mr. Loco said:

Have you lived it?

no  but i don't judge those who did. life is so complicated and people have to juggle and consider so many things, it's not as black and white as some users in this thread want it to be 

[Mornings]

I was in the closet until I was 21. And I had relationships with women. I tried my hardest to be straight because of the area I grew up my life was threatened and I know I would either lose my family or have really weird complicated relationships with them forever if I came out. someone found out and I was  outed on FB and that was it. 
 

I don't judge anyone and I totally feel for the women in the situation it's really difficult but no man is ever in the closet for fun

 

 

[glitch]

I feel like back in the day there was an element of "If I marry a woman all of the gay feelings will go away" so I think some of them were deceiving themselves as well as their wives. As long as they weren't unfaithful, I don't really blame someone for taking longer to figure out who they were in a deeply homophobic society.

 

Nowadays I don't get it though. Well I do, it's because they want kids most of the time. But you can't have it both ways. Either you tell your wife upfront that you want an open relationship or you don't get married.

[suburbannature]

There are still SO many here in the South. Almost a shocking amount.

[Mr. Loco]

8 minutes ago, suburbannature said:

There are still SO many here in the South. Almost a shocking amount.

It's a direct correlationship with the level of homophobia

[Princess Aurora]

It was sad and still is. Luckily it's not like this anymore even though the GOP kinda wants this to be like that