tjspy Posted November 2 Posted November 2 (edited) But not too hard How many can I take? You got me feeling challenged Now I want to play a game No, not the ones you play with me Im done sparkling this flame All I'm thinking about is you And all of the persons I can use to replace you All I can hear is your voice Telling me I can play with the body I knew But I'm bored of your lies And now to kill time I'll play this game for you How many beers can I take? How many blackouts can I make? Are there enough shots to make me sleep Cause thinking about you Keeps keeping me awake Oh no, please don't Don't tell me its a mistake We both know you think about me Even when you're not awake Don't tell me my master was right Even tho I think he was You couldn't break my heart Even if your life depended on it But then why you keep doing this Giving the best time Making me feel alive Like I've met you for a long time Just to leave me hanging right after Just leaving me to die Is it to challenge me To make me drink till I cry? To play this stupid game? Cause you know damn well I'm going to try To know how many beers can I take? How many blackouts can I make? Are there enough shots to make me sleep Cause thinking about you Keeps keeping me awake Oh no, please don't Don't tell me its a mistake We both know you think about me Even when you're not awake If in ten-years time You still know my name Please send me a text Please answer my claim Please let me know I wasn't just a toy And that I wasn't the one to blame Tell me I was special And that I was the one that got away I'll tell you I'm happy I'll tell you I've a new friend But that I'll still meet you again Just to fall back in your game And I'll play like How many beers can I take? How many blackouts can I make? Are there enough shots to make me sleep Cause thinking about you Keeps keeping me awake Oh no, please don't Don't tell me its a mistake We both know you think about me Even when you're not awake Edited November 3 by tjspy
jakeisphat Posted November 2 Posted November 2 Not me reading the song title and thinking it was going to be about having a train run on you. 11
AshleyLovescats887 Posted November 2 Posted November 2 Feels like a coalescence of the equation that would consist of Taylor Swift x Mitski + Max Black from 2 Broke Girls + alicia graze's book x 143 by Katy Perry 1 2
tjspy Posted November 2 Author Posted November 2 7 minutes ago, AshleyLovescats887 said: Feels like a coalescence of the equation that would consist of Taylor Swift x Mitski + Max Black from 2 Broke Girls + alicia graze's book x 143 by Katy Perry Can we be drunk together? 1
SlimyGhoul Posted November 2 Posted November 2 is this about a person or alcoholism/addictions/demons? it almost sounds like it
Spicy Pisces Posted November 2 Posted November 2 37 minutes ago, tjspy said: Don't tell me my master was right Even tho I think he was Findom dox 2
Riverbank Posted November 2 Posted November 2 46 minutes ago, tjspy said: If in ten-years time You still know my name Please send me a text Please answer my claim Please let me know I wasn't just a toy And that I wasn't the one to blame Tell me I was special And that I was the one that got away I'll tell you I'm happy I'll tell you I've a new friend But that I'll still meet you again Just to fall back in your game Wait this part ate 1
Maxxxine Posted November 2 Posted November 2 I came in here for a cute lil' haiku.. baby I'm not reading all that. 2
tjspy Posted November 2 Author Posted November 2 19 minutes ago, SlimyGhoul said: is this about a person or alcoholism/addictions/demons? it almost sounds like it Even tho I'm getting drown into alcohol, and that writings can be seen however the reader wants, for me its just about a lovely awful person.
DawnAnti Posted November 2 Posted November 2 1 hour ago, tjspy said: How many can I take ? Well it depends on how many 🕳️ you have 2
skwonderfactory Posted November 2 Posted November 2 Pretty good in all honesty!!!! I read it with a melody in my head, which is a strong sign. The couple criticisms I do have are: 1.) Ending three lines using "You" in the first verse feels like redundant. Twice is fine, though. 2.) The last two lines of the bridge ("Just to fall back in your game / And I'll play like") seems a bit… I don't know… but you have already mentioned playing a game twice before in the song, so therefore a third time seems a bit like overkill. Since it has theoretically been ten years, maybe you don't see it a game and more like manipulation. So it could be something like "Just to let you manipulate / And I won't speculate like". Just a suggestion though. You are definitely talented!! Keep it up bestie 2
tjspy Posted November 2 Author Posted November 2 33 minutes ago, skwonderfactory said: Pretty good in all honesty!!!! I read it with a melody in my head, which is a strong sign. The couple criticisms I do have are: 1.) Ending three lines using "You" in the first verse feels like redundant. Twice is fine, though. 2.) The last two lines of the bridge ("Just to fall back in your game / And I'll play like") seems a bit… I don't know… but you have already mentioned playing a game twice before in the song, so therefore a third time seems a bit like overkill. Since it has theoretically been ten years, maybe you don't see it a game and more like manipulation. So it could be something like "Just to let you manipulate / And I won't speculate like". Just a suggestion though. You are definitely talented!! Keep it up bestie Kinda too drunk still to fix it, but tried with the you's. The second point is too hard right now Thanks for the review, if someone steals anything from it I'll be more than happy, at least in my current state 1
skwonderfactory Posted November 2 Posted November 2 31 minutes ago, tjspy said: Kinda too drunk still to fix it, but tried with the you's. The second point is too hard right now Thanks for the review, if someone steals anything from it I'll be more than happy, at least in my current state If you need to talk, my DM's are open. Hang on
kellebrity98 Posted November 3 Posted November 3 2 hours ago, GloryDays said: Sell it to Tate Mcrae ohh not a Perrie stan your fave literally buys the piece by piece album demos from Kelly Clarkson's ex label
Recommended Posts