Sad Beautiful Tragic Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Kayseri Mantisi said: What about my other question? The person who set you up with definitely already knew what he is looking like recently, there's no way you guys haven't talked about it. Did he just say there's this guy I want you to date and did you just say okay let's do it without wondering anything about him or questioning? The other person did say he's gotten bigger, but I just assumed he gained muscle Since I went to school with him and had already interacted with him, I felt I knew enough about him and didn't see the need to conduct a thorough investigation. Don't you think I should be offended that this friend tried to set me up with this person knowing how much he has changed visually? Edited July 24 by Wonbin 1
Minto Posted July 24 Posted July 24 being chubby isn't an indicator that he doesn't take good care of himself and neither is having bad skin, i wish people would stop spouting these false rhetorics 7 1
ONOPKA Posted July 24 Posted July 24 52 minutes ago, Wonbin said: While waiting, I noticed a chubbier man walking towards me and initially thought he was another waiter asking if I was ready to order. 2
mons†er Posted July 24 Posted July 24 What I think is wrong is you came to atrl to get insight on how to kindly and politely say 'Hey I think you're really lovely, but just not right for me.' Your post says you don't want to be superficial but you clearly are. You spoke nothing of his personality and were so hyper focused on how he had changed on the outside. 6 3 1
Punky Rooster Posted July 24 Posted July 24 It's funny how we can still openly mock or dismiss people based on their size or weight, the gay community need to evolve a load still… 2
illia Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I agree with people saying to politely say no, if you don't feel the connection But don't mention his weight, you never know what he went through and why he gained weight. You didn't specify his personality but if he's insecure about his weight, your words would make it 100 times worse 5
Sad Beautiful Tragic Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 1 minute ago, Punky Rooster said: It's funny how we can still openly mock or dismiss people based on their size or weight, the gay community need to evolve a load still… I haven't insulted him in any way; I just noticed a change in his appearance, particularly with weight gain, which naturally makes you wonder what's going on. I agreed to a second date to get to know him better, though I'll likely end up saying I'm not interested. I don't want him to think the weight gain is the issue, especially since six years ago I would have dated him if he hadn't been in a serious relationship at the time.
Reginald Posted July 24 Posted July 24 1 hour ago, Wonbin said: My friend recently set me up on a date with a man I hadn't seen in six years. I remembered him as being quite attractive, so I decided to give it a go. While waiting, I noticed a chubbier man walking towards me and initially thought he was another waiter asking if I was ready to order. As he approached, he said, "Sorry for the long wait, I was looking for parking," and I was taken aback to realise it was the same person. His appearance had changed significantly since I last saw him, and I was honestly shocked by how different he looked. This part is so TROJAN-coded 1
Burn Posted July 24 Posted July 24 By all means tell him you're not interested in taking it further with him, but for crying out loud don't tell him it's because of his weight. He will probably already know the reason deep down but highlighting it to him won't help, but might make him feel worse. 2
Mordecai Posted July 24 Posted July 24 35 minutes ago, Wonbin said: Yes, but I feel like several have turned him down due to his weight gain, and not providing a genuine reason might come across as mean. He was once extremely handsome, similar to how Taylor Lautner and Robert Kardashian looked before they gained weight Fat people know they're fat (are are probably insecure about it), you don't need to tell him that. Rejection (for any reason) hurts, to throw in a comment like that would just make it worse, please don't say that. Imagine if someone rejected you and said it was because of one of your biggest insecurities? Just keep it cute and move on I'll be honest though, I don't know why people get called 'shallow' for not wanting to date someone they're not physically attracted to, no matter what they look like (so long as your standards aren't ridiculous). I wouldn't date someone with an awful or incompatible personality either no matter how how physically attractive I think they are. But there's no need to overthink it, you're not physically attracted to him, that's fine, just keep it moving 2
selena_lavigne Posted July 24 Posted July 24 (edited) I'm more of a big picture kind of person. Also, i used to have a fetish for seeing pictures of guys who used to be muscular and then got fat, and seeing before and after pictures. That being said like, some of my lovers gained weight and they brought it up to me, and i didn't comment much i just listened. It seems to me that all of this has to do with self-image and self-esteem and being around people that boost your self-esteem when it's low is a great thing. And even if it's not low it's still a great thing. Edited July 24 by selena_lavigne
Spicy Pisces Posted July 24 Posted July 24 You don't know his habits when he was athletic, or what he went through to not be anymore. Maybe he needs a person to connect to. There's a probability they can bounce back if they find a good push or reason to; muscle memory exists, bodies fluctuate. I was so infatuated with this chubby rugby player who was once a swimmer. He was so attractive omg I still lust for him. Looks more of a you problem than his, and this goes to some replies here. The underlying fear of becoming fat by association. He can do better, and it's not by dating you girl, sorry. 7
Sad Beautiful Tragic Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 Just now, Spicy Pisces said: You don't know his habits when he was athletic, or what he went through to not be anymore. Maybe he needs a person to connect to. There's a probability they can bounce back if they find a good push or reason to; muscle memory exists, bodies fluctuate. I was so infatuated with this chubby rugby player who was once a swimmer. He was so attractive omg I still lust for him. Looks more of a you problem than his, and this goes to some replies here. The underlying fear of becoming fat by association. He can do better, and it's not by dating you girl, sorry. Well, that's not what he thinks, at least I didn't flat out say I can't see you again.
CottageHore Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I totally get not wanting to be in a relationship with someone whose lifestyle doesn't align with your own. But you can tell him you're not interested without telling him you thought he was a whale, I mean waiter. 1
CottageHore Posted July 24 Posted July 24 12 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said: Also, i used to have a fetish for seeing pictures of guys who used to be muscular and then got fat, Your posts always have me rolling
Sad Beautiful Tragic Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 15 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said: Also, i used to have a fetish for seeing pictures of guys who used to be muscular and then got fat, and seeing before and after pictures.
Dialamba Posted July 24 Posted July 24 (edited) Just drop it you aren't attracted to him and clearly not invested in his personality and person It's fine to just say no don't call him fat and just you aren't interested. Edited July 24 by Dialamba
pigeon Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I am working out regularly but still eat like a pig so I have this weird body type but I understand where you are coming from.
punisher Posted July 24 Posted July 24 18 minutes ago, selena_lavigne said: i used to have a fetish for seeing pictures of guys who used to be muscular and then got fat, and seeing before and after pictures. you used to… go off to that 1
BabyBenzz Posted July 24 Posted July 24 no, it's just not attractive and being attracted to someone is such an important part.. be honest as in that there's no romantic connection, but not too honest as in to tell him it's because he's fat. 1
CaptainMusic Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I'm not attracted to fat people so I wouldn't date one, no point in forcing it. 2
Dear Reader Posted July 24 Posted July 24 3 minutes ago, pigeon said: I am working out regularly but still eat like a pig so I have this weird body type but I understand where you are coming from. My DMs are open if you want me to provide you a different pov 2 1
Badgalbriel Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Juat turn him down nicely and move on. You dont have to date someone you're not attracted to. 1
Gesamtkunstwerk Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Overweight people know that they're overweight and that'll be an overall hindering when it comes dating. Just say you don't feel the spark between you two. I personally wouldn't date someone overweight because I'm simply not attracted to them physically, and diet + exercise is important to me and my health, so I don't see our lifestyle being compatible either.
Alldeezy Posted July 24 Posted July 24 With my triple chin I'm one of them but I am planning on removing it once I get the money so my skinny era can be back
Recommended Posts