Sad Beautiful Tragic Posted July 24 Posted July 24 (edited) My friend recently set me up on a date with a man I hadn't seen in six years. I remembered him as being quite attractive, so I decided to give it a go. While waiting, I noticed a chubbier man walking towards me and initially thought he was another waiter asking if I was ready to order. As he approached, he said, "Sorry for the long wait, I was looking for parking," and I was taken aback to realise it was the same person. His appearance had changed significantly since I last saw him, and I was honestly shocked by how different he looked. I don't usually consider myself superficial or overly focused on appearances, and he seemed to have a decent personality. But, his weight gain and overall look made me question whether we would be compatible, as it seemed he might not be taking care of himself. Plus, his skin appeared to be in poor condition, possibly due to an unhealthy diet. My question is, would it be wrong to tell him I'm not interested and be honest about the reasons? And if you were in my position, would you date someone who is considered to be fat/chubby? For reference, this image is the closest I could find that resembles his body shape: Edited July 24 by Wonbin
Loca Posted July 24 Posted July 24 It is ok to tell him you are not inerested but don't call him a fatty Also don't tell him you thought he was the waiter 3 5
TedLasso Posted July 24 Posted July 24 The last thing you want to do is force a relationship with someone you're not attracted to, it'll only hurt the both of you. You don't need to outright tell him why though, unless he's really pressuring you to say it. 5
Nazareth Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I'm quite fit and maintain a healthy lifestyle but I'd be open to dating someone who had an average or chubby body type with a nice personality and gorgeous face. I do have a limit and it's simply down to overall health. If I did date someone chubby I'd probably help them get their diet right and transform their body. I don't know if that's a good thing to do though
Sawk Posted July 24 Posted July 24 1 minute ago, Weld_E said: Does he have a fat ass? If so hit it then quit it. Very classy 4
Dear Reader Posted July 24 Posted July 24 14 minutes ago, Wonbin said: I don't usually consider myself superficial or overly focused on appearances, and he seemed to have a decent personality. But, his weight gain and overall look made me question whether we would be compatible, as it seemed he might not be taking care of himself. Plus, his skin appeared to be in poor condition, possibly due to an unhealthy diet. Just say you didn't feel the chemistry in your date and leave him, that's what would be best for him anyway. 3
Maneater Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I'm not attracted to fat/chubby people at all but I would never tell them that
Bubble Tea Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I think it's difficult to date someone who's a very different size because it just speaks to the very different life style they're most likely living. It's generally a good indicator you're not gonna be super compatible.
alexrex Posted July 24 Posted July 24 If the person seems to be in good health and we get along, yes. I wouldn't mind someone chubby, but not to the extend of obesity. If I like the person, why not? But if is due to laziness and poor eating habits, I'm sorry but no.
DawnAnti Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Personally i wouldn't date him but you can say it in a very polite way without being rude or mean
Illuminati Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Turn him down lightly, he will find someone who is better and actually interested 1
Mr. Peanutbutter Posted July 24 Posted July 24 If this is really bothering you just tell him you're not interested and move on. Do NOT tell him it's because of his weight, it's really hurtful when people say things like that 2
Sad Beautiful Tragic Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 2 minutes ago, DawnAnti said: Personally i wouldn't date him but you can say it in a very polite way without being rude or mean Yes, but I feel like several have turned him down due to his weight gain, and not providing a genuine reason might come across as mean. He was once extremely handsome, similar to how Taylor Lautner and Robert Kardashian looked before they gained weight
Cheers Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Turn him down nicely. No point in forcing something that's not there.
halcyonday Posted July 24 Posted July 24 16 minutes ago, Weld_E said: Does he have a fat ass? If so hit it then quit it. 1
Kayseri Mantisi Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Not related but why are y'all acting like we're in 1900 and internet or social media doesn't exist like how are you seeing someone for the first time on your first date, is this blind dating or something? didn't you exchange some recent pics with him before the meeting? or didn't you talk to the guy who "set you up with" about your date at least? 2 3 4
glitch Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Was the reference picture really necessary You don't have to date anyone you don't want to date, but just don't be a dick about it. Giving someone feedback on something they can't change (or change quickly) I'd not helpful and will just make them feel bad. 5
Dante Silva Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Karma is an inescapable boomerang and you've basically just cast a spell over your future self by putting those words in to the world. Do you have a modeling contract yourself? Are you walking the runways of New York/ Milan/ London? If the answer to this question is "No", then you are not in any kind of ivory tower/ life league that affords you a vantage point from which to judge the aesthetic of others. Common sense would dictate it's not appropriate to tell someone you are rejecting them because they are "fat"/ overweight. However, behaving with the class and decorum of a civilized adult is never a bad idea and you should instead tell them you aren't feeling any connection/ compatibility and that there are no hard feelings. Inherent in the coding of the above statement regarding compatibility is the truth of why you are rejecting them but that statement also contains the subtlety of letting someone down without hurting that person or being toxic. 2 1
Sad Beautiful Tragic Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 10 minutes ago, Kayseri Mantisi said: Not related but why are y'all acting like we're in 1900 and internet or social media doesn't exist like how are you seeing someone for the first time on your first date, is this blind dating or something? didn't you exchange some recent pics with him before the meeting? or didn't you talk to the guy who "set you up with" about your date at least? He doesn't update his social media, and now I understand why. I never felt the need to ask for a photo because he was always fit and very attractive. Looking back, I probably should have. 1
HRHCOLLECTION Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I actually prefer bear types but the bad skin is where I'd draw the line in YOUR situation 1 1
Dear Reader Posted July 24 Posted July 24 3 minutes ago, Wonbin said: He doesn't update his social media, and now I understand why. I never felt the need to ask for a photo because he was always fit and very attractive. Looking back, I probably should have. You acting all innocent in your post saying you're not superficial and then bolding that. 7
KatyPrismSpirit Posted July 24 Posted July 24 If he isn't your type based on appearance than I would definitely consider that to be superficial, especially if you like their personality. BUT, physical attraction is still important and shouldn't be overlooked. I would suggest you to not be mean to them as you don't know what they're going through. Maybe tell them you aren't into them in a romantic way and remain respectful and friendly.
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