PoisonedIvy Posted July 24 Posted July 24 (edited) If we're being candid, I've been working out more and attracting men that I wasn't used to getting before. I like to think I'm likable/charismatic (because I never really had a problem approaching/being approached by men before,) but I didn't quite have the physical factor locked down until recently. I wouldn't dare say that I'm "hot" yet (nor do I ever see a reality where I'd use that adjective at all in a self-referential way..) but I'm definitely having to adjust to the potential sexual partners that are now entering my newly upgraded roster. I gotta be honest, I have an underlying worry that I'm not sexually experienced enough to enter that realm of those who are physically attractive enough to have been having what I imagine was pretty frequent and pretty bomb sex over the years while I was playing in the minor leagues. Let me hear from you guys though. Edited July 24 by PoisonedIvy
Popular Post Yayo94 Posted July 24 Popular Post Posted July 24 Even attractive dudes can be bad at sex and kissing. They've never had to over compensate, some of the sexiest guys I've been with have been just plain awful. So don't be in your head about it, if you've gotten no complaints, you'll get no complaints 14 3
Nightingale Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I feel the same way. I tend not to hook up with hotter guys since it makes me so insecure I won't live up to the other guys they slept with. But at the same time if I'm not super attracted to a guy then I'm not really one to just hook up with anyone. I tend to go for guys who are super attractive but also thing I'm out of their league 1
Earth Ripper Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Totally get it ánd also echoing the comment above. I have been with guys who routinely have had casual sex for years and are actually not particularly great at anything/are somehow impressed by me and my low experience ass. It's jarring but gets more comfortable after a while. 1
dussel_06 Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Maybe not. Though I did a few times and that's because I'm in a remote place and I'm his only option. I'm very generous though. If I meet with someone in person and I was let down, I would still **** them out of courtesy. Even if it's a catfish. 2
Bosque Posted July 24 Posted July 24 The question pre supposes that they are willing to hook up with me, so why wouldn't I? I will say that in my experience the fit guys have been the worst in bed. As I've gotten older I've lost patience for that kind of thing and I'd much rather hook up with guys I have good sexual chemistry with, regardless of their looks and body (as long as I'm still attracted to them of course)
PoisonedIvy Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 31 minutes ago, Yayo94 said: Even attractive dudes can be bad at sex and kissing. They've never had to over compensate, some of the sexiest guys I've been with have been just plain awful. So don't be in your head about it, if you've gotten no complaints, you'll get no complaints 14 minutes ago, Earth Ripper said: Totally get it ánd also echoing the comment above. I have been with guys who routinely have had casual sex for years and are actually not particularly great at anything/are somehow impressed by me and my low experience ass. It's jarring but gets more comfortable after a while. These are comforting takes, I appreciate the input. I've never had complaints but it's not like I've gotten showered with praise either I'd never been concerned with the perception of sex with me until now, it's interesting discovering a new insecurity. But like my other shortcomings of the past, it's just a temporary mental obstacle that I know I can overcome with a little bit of time.
Junho_lover Posted July 24 Posted July 24 Yes! I realized that it is not all about looks but confidence is important also! I started of course working out more often but I care about my appearance and act confidence when i message some.
PoisonedIvy Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Bosque said: The question pre supposes that they are willing to hook up with me, so why wouldn't I? I will say that in my experience the fit guys have been the worst in bed. As I've gotten older I've lost patience for that kind of thing and I'd much rather hook up with guys I have good sexual chemistry with, regardless of their looks and body (as long as I'm still attracted to them of course) I definitely see what you (and others) mean about fit guys not having to upgrade their performance in bed and oftentimes being bad, but the specific catalyst for me asking is this really attractive couple wanting me to be the middle man for a night with them and there's .. plenty of videos online that indicate they know exactly what they're doing. So in this specific case I have evidence of what they do and just how far removed I am from that hedonism. But overall it's just a mental block I can get past, especially once I start putting myself out there more. Sex had a huge shame stigma in my religious upbringing so it just took me a long time to embrace sexual activity in conjunction with my sexuality, it's a convoluted thing that I probably would be better off seeing a therapist about Edited July 24 by PoisonedIvy
Darius Posted July 24 Posted July 24 (edited) 47 minutes ago, Yayo94 said: Even attractive dudes can be bad at sex and kissing. They've never had to over compensate, some of the sexiest guys I've been with have been just plain awful. So don't be in your head about it, if you've gotten no complaints, you'll get no complaints my experience 100%. maybe cause they know someone will always be willing, there's no incentive to improve? what gets me is - how they do not realize that the other person isn't having as good of a time lol Once I literally counted windows on a building across the street waiting for it to be over... Edited July 24 by Darius 1
Bosque Posted July 24 Posted July 24 (edited) 12 minutes ago, PoisonedIvy said: I definitely see what you (and others) mean about fit guys not having to upgrade their performance in bed and oftentimes being bad, but the specific catalyst for me asking is this really attractive couple wanting me to be the middle man for a night with them and there's .. plenty of videos online that indicate they know exactly what they're doing. So in this specific case I have evidence of what they do and just how far removed I am from that hedonism. But overall it's just a mental block I can get past, especially once I start putting myself out there more. Sex had a huge shame stigma in my religious upbringing so it just took me a long time to embrace sexual activity in conjunction with my sexuality, it's a convoluted thing that I probably would be better off seeing a therapist about My point is that physical attractiveness and fitness really aren't valuable in and of itself. It can be a thrill especially in the beginning but it's also something you get used to quickly if you hook up with fit attractive men more often. Reading between the lines, it also kind of sounds like you might be hesitating about these two guys because they live a different lifestyle than you and you are not sure whether you fit in with that or "deserve" to be with them since you used to be less fit in the past and this kind of hookup wouldn't have been "available" to you. But if you feel comfortable overall and are "merely" a bit nervous , I would go ahead and hook up with them. Really, what's the worst that could happen even if the sex turns out to be bad for any reason? Maybe a little bit of embarrassment, but you can still take the hook up as an ego boost and an experience to prepare you for future hook ups. Edited July 24 by Bosque 1
Princess Aurora Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I don't hook up but I can say I dated guys out of my league and trust me, it was nothing special.
Lagerfeld Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I don't like men that are too hot but they don't like me either anyway so it all works out. 1 9
PoisonedIvy Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Bosque said: My point is that physical attractiveness and fitness really aren't valuable in and of itself. It can be a thrill especially in the beginning but it's also something you get used to quickly if you hook up with fit attractive men more often. Reading between the lines, it also kind of sounds like you might be hesitating about these two guys because they live a different lifestyle than you and you are not sure whether you fit in with that or "deserve" to be with them since you used to be less fit in the past and this kind of hookup wouldn't have been "available" to you. But if you feel comfortable overall and are "merely" a bit nervous , I would go ahead and hook up with them. Really, what's the worst that could happen even if the sex turns out to be bad for any reason? Maybe a little bit of embarrassment, but you can still take the hook up as an ego boost and an experience to prepare you for future hook ups. Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate the sentiment behind them and I agree wholeheartedly. The couple aren't the only men that led to me making this thread, they were just the latest of a few. there's one in particular wanting to go on some dates and he's kind of who I'm figuring out if I deserve to even go out with, which sounds so dumb because I haven't questioned my worth in years, until recently as it's begun to feel like it's "increased" to others. Edited July 24 by PoisonedIvy
tjspy Posted July 24 Posted July 24 (edited) I've only been with 4 guys untill now, but lemme say that the only one I'd consider out of my league was actually the WORST kisser I've been with he was cute and had a nice d, but god, that was like kissing water. Not even him having beard saved it. I've never got many complaints about my performance (except the self-acknowledged fact that I'm rather lazy), on the other hand I also got some little praises about how I look naked touching myself against a wall and also about the way me and my gaze change when I'm really into it and how surprising I can be, meanwhile being creative. Edited July 24 by tjspy 1
Strawberry Bubble Posted July 24 Posted July 24 20 minutes ago, tjspy said: I've only been with 4 guys untill now, but lemme say that the only one I'd consider out of my league was actually the WORST kisser I've been with he was cute and had a nice d, but god, that was like kissing water. Not even him having beard saved it. I've never got many complaints about my performance (except the self-acknowledged fact that I'm rather lazy), on the other hand I also got some little praises about how I look naked touching myself against a wall and also about the way me and my gaze change when I'm really into it and how surprising I can be, meanwhile being creative. what made him a bad ksiser?
JoeAg Posted July 24 Posted July 24 ask me two years ago and I would've said yes, but now? nope! I'm more confident than I've ever been, my body is finally tea, and I've BEEN over the concept of leagues for awhile now and I'm finally accepting of myself far more than I've ever been. I don't have a type, and everytime any of my best friends marvel at a screenshot of someone I've f*cked, I just barely think twice about it cause I realize that there's always more to people. I've been with basic muscle gays, i've been with unconventional muscle gays, i've been with bearish guys, twink guys… you name it. I think even though our general body standards are occasionally a bit unhealthy, our collective power to open our minds is increasing at an even faster rate. I mean, hell, when I was in f*cking high school people HATED any guy who had chest hair. this decade though? guys asking to smell my sweaty pits and lick my hairy nipples all the time we all get rejected sometimes, but you have to fake your confidence til you make it and truly learn to love yourself in any way you deem fit 1
ThousandMiles Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I do not hook up .mp3 but i also don't go for guys hotter than me, ever. I stay in my league or even go a bit lower because I like to feel hotter than someone i'm sleeping with, it makes me feel more powerful. If I'm hooking up with someone 'hotter than me', I feel too vulnerable. 1
PoisonedIvy Posted July 24 Author Posted July 24 36 minutes ago, ThousandMiles said: I do not hook up .mp3 but i also don't go for guys hotter than me, ever. I stay in my league or even go a bit lower because I like to feel hotter than someone i'm sleeping with, it makes me feel more powerful. If I'm hooking up with someone 'hotter than me', I feel too vulnerable. Yeah this vulnerability is new to me, it's like the awful parts of a relationship (emotional vulnerability) but attached to a one off thing? What the hell lol. But it's ok I'm working through it, I don't like mental handicaps that hold me back from what I desire. My brain can't stop me no matter how hard it tries!
katara Posted July 24 Posted July 24 I stopped hooking up. But while searching for potential partners on Tinder I usually skip the really hot ones because they usually are only looking for validation and followers. 1
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