discussion Gays, can you date someone who is religious? Is it self-disrespect?

[Before Today]

Disclaimer #1. By being religious I mean practicing ones, not lapsed Christians/Muslims/whatever.

 

Disclaimer #2. Being gay and being religious is not inherently mutually exclusive. I don't disagree. Some gays are religious. Some are not. That said, I myself am an atheist and while I try not to say that the reason I'm an atheist is because I respect myself well enough as a gay man, I wanna say that there will be inevitably disagreements and "buts" or contradictions put against the two identities of being gay and being religious. (Because no matter how many cherry picking you wanna do, being gay is universally frowned upon by the mainstream schools/denominations of most religions).

 

Now back to the question, can you date another gay who is religious? What's your definition of 'religious gay', and where do you draw the boundaries of your comfort level of dating one? Thoughts girlies and please try to be as civil as possible so the mods don't close my thread lols.

[Illuminati]

As long as they keep it to themselves and don't promote it to children

[shookspeare]

yes because I don't believe being gay is incompatible with being religious, though it probably depends on the religion in question and which form of it

[DawnAnti]

Gays  be asking everyone to respect them but don't respect everyone, if his beliefs don't effect me at all why would I care if he is religious so yeah i would date them 

[SapphireSky]

**** no 

[HardBambi]

It can be ok if the sex is so good that you're willing to put up with him being not woke, even more than that, alseep.

[tost1]

No, but not just because of the gay part, it's just that I don't see myself vibing with someone with that mindset 

[HardBambi]

4 minutes ago, Illuminati said:

As long as they keep it to themselves and don't promote it to children

To neighbours it's ok? 
 

Imagine your bf knocking doors in the name of someone they don't know

[Bosque]

Why would that be a problem 

[MerveAksak]

Such a huge downer for me. 

But of course I'm not saying they shouldn't practice their religion, just not in a relationship with me.

Also they need to have the same political beliefs with me too. 

[Princess Aurora]

I mean, it depends on how religious he is 

[Dolce Vita]

um yes?

[StonedSoulPicnic]

It doesn't bother me. 

[no_better]

In theory, maybe. Although raised Catholic, I do not consider myself to be religious - more so spiritual given my interest in buddhism and yoga.

 

But toward the end of last year/beginning of this year, I have been with a guy who was raised very religiously by a regional head of pentecostal church (Evangelical Christianity). At one point he event went to a special school in America (we live in the UK) which was effectively a conversion therapy camp. The stories he told me about it often made me cry. He did what he could to marry his beliefs with being gay, often feeling a lot of anger toward his family, his past life, and the scarring brainwashing he underwent in the US. At the end of the day, we couldn't work it out because any attempt to be sexual resulted in a flood of guilt and shame on his part. I am a very sexual person, with my own insecurities, and sadly each time we tried being intimate I was registering such encounters as a form of rejection, which was leaving me anxious and depressed.

 

He still has a special place in my heart, he is a wonderful person who carries shitloads of trauma around, and we talk very often

Edited July 15 by no_better

[Cain]

Like you said, being gay and religious isn't mutually exclusive and people assuming you can just denounce a religious identity when you are born into it have no clue what they are talking about 

 

I was raised atheist and am now agnostic, but it my personal believe that queer people have a right to co-opt religion as it is something inherently human, religion will never go away and neither will queer people, so the only solution is to claim our spot in that place too, just like we're doing everywhere else

[glitch]

Dépends how hardcore they are. If they're going to church/their place of worship once a week then cool. If they need to say grace before every meal and pray every evening (or like 5 times a day in islam) then it's a chop.

[truthteller]

does muscle worship count?

[Hurem]

I don't think they'd be okay with me being so vocally anti religion, so no.

[Mordecai]

Nothing wrong with religion and religious people, so long as it is something personal to you and you're not trying to push it onto others at every opportunity or bring up your faith ALL the time (I know people like this and it's both annoying and uncomfortable).

 

If you actually talk to religious people you'll understand that being religious is not just about having a relationship with whatever higher power you believe in, but also the sense of community and family, and some cultures are heavily intertwined with religion.

 

I wouldn't date a religious person if they carry a lot of baggage related to their faith though, like internalised homophobia, unresolved trauma or they have a homophobic family. You'd have to be the one for me to want to work through all that with you

[RideOrDie]

having faith in something bigger than us/spiritual practises/eastern way of religion? yes absolutely, it shows a holistic way of thinking and higher emotional IQ in a person

 

stanning a made-up man in the sky instead of a pop girlie and committing to a life of 'his' rules and making it their whole identity (aka western religions)? no that's brain dead behaviour, religious cultists (and yes hardcore christanity and islam are cults) are always overcompensating in some way and i am not dating someone with emotional, mental and psychological deficits who think they'll be saved by an invisible entity. it is 2024, not 1804.

 

 

[NextBish90]

I would never do this. It's literally an insane person, but it's somehow made to be mass accepted. No, also gays are sometimes obsessed with themselves like Mariah Carey, add this and you see. 

[State of Grace.]

Yes because it literally is none of my business. Sure, I'd prefer someone who is agnostic like me but a person's relationship and interpretation of their religion is their own, as long as they're not harming anyone. If they find a way to reconcile their faith and their queerness then I'm happy for them. I have "dated" a few religious guys before (they pray, fast, etc) and it was never a problem for me personally tbh. 

 

I think I would only draw the line if they're very conservative, self-hating, and riddled with so much internalized homophobia/religious guilt to the point where they think our entire existence is "wrong". I'm aware that it is out of their control in most cases, and it takes ages to unlearn all of that religious trauma and brainwashing but I just can't deal with it.

Edited July 15 by State of Grace.

[Dear Reader]

13 minutes ago, RideOrDie said:

having faith in something bigger than us/spiritual practises/eastern way of religion? yes absolutely, it shows a holistic way of thinking and higher emotional IQ in a person

 

stanning a made-up man in the sky instead of a pop girlie and committing to a life of 'his' rules and making it their whole identity (aka western religions)? no that's brain dead behaviour, religious cultists (and yes hardcore christanity and islam are cults) are always overcompensating in some way and i am not dating someone with emotional, mental and psychological deficits who think they'll be saved by an invisible entity. it is 2024, not 1804.

 

 

MTE. I couldn't date a religious "fanatic", but I'd obviously be okay by someone else having their own beliefs. 

[MattieB]

Its a murky road, some christians are truly respectful and abide by the teachings of the bible without hate or judgment, unfortunately that accounts for a minority of them, an extreme majority are bigots to the core so I'll grill the interested date about certain aspects of his life, if he passes then its gucci

[TaggedGalaxy]

Been there done that and never again. They are so brainwashed and filled with self hate. When I became the embodiment of everything he struggled to accept about himself and made me feel unwanted it ****** my mental health up for a long time