discussion Is it fair to be annoyed when a friend is never on time for stuff you plan?

[Lachlan]

11 minutes ago, glitch said:

Well if you're someone who is always late, you probably don't care if other people are late either. People who are regularly late tend to be very laid back and just go with the flow, whereas people who are always on time are probably more anxious/stressed out at the thought of being late. Two very different types of people so it makes sense one group doesn't necessarily understand the other's perspective.

It's not 'being anxious about being late'.. it's just sticking to a plan that people agreed to? If you don't want to do something that early just make the time you meet later.  

[glitch]

30 minutes ago, Lachlan said:

It's not 'being anxious about being late'.. it's just sticking to a plan that people agreed to? If you don't want to do something that early just make the time you meet later.  

Well yes but I think if you say "Let's meet at 6pm" some people interpret that as a fixed time to arrive and others as more of a rough estimate. I'm not defending the behaviour, I'm just explaining what I've seen from friends in the past

[John Slayne]

30-45 minutes is wayyyy too long and they should have a reason why they're that late. if it happens often for that person, that IS a problem and they do need to address it. 

 

so yea, you have a right to be annoyed and bring this up with them. 

[Kamil24]

Yes that is disgusting

[Robert]

That's a long time. I am not the best at being punctual (usually always 5-10 mins behind) but that level of lateness everytime especially if you're having to wait around in a public place or have a reservation is quite rude.

[dumbsparce]

On 6/15/2024 at 9:37 PM, Just a Gay on ATRL said:

This friend and I had some issues years ago and made amends and are really close again, this lateness thing is literally the ONLY thing nowadays that kinda bothers me, but I guess I'm afraid to bring it up again due to the past. They have been through quite a lot in the past couple of years outside of our stuff so I just don't want to make them feel bad.

 

I have debated confronting them about it, though, and will if I'm pushed far enough to do it. I think I probably will in the future if it continues happening. Hopefully it doesn't.

We all have our struggles though. And right now there's a struggle developing for you which is the constant disrespect you receive. Bc it is disrespectful to assume that your friend has nothing better to do than wait for you to show up.

Edited June 17 by dumbsparce

[Batsy Armada]

My sense of time is really strong, realistically. I can pretty much gauge how long it'll take me to do something or get somewhere, whether that's driving across town or otherwise. My management of it, though, can be really hit or miss. That's why I'm usually the one setting the time for something. At most, I'll be roughly 15 mins late if someone else is planning something—which is why I always let people know that I'll be just a little late. I'm the one suggesting to meet at 6:30 p.m., as opposed to 6:00 p.m.

 

Being close to an hour late, though, is extreme. Even I'd be annoyed by that, personally. That's why I stay in close communication with someone in the time leading up to when we're supposed to be meeting. I'm the one that wants to know what you're doing in this exact moment and where you are. That lets me know whether or not I can take the long way somewhere, or drive slowly. I just hate waiting.

[Alldeezy]

nah since i'm that friend

 

I struggle even getting outta bed or leave the house go to events.  I'm only ever early for concerts 

[campelo]

I am always late for everything

[Quiqui4eva]

I'm guilty of this, except at worst I'm usually 15-20 minutes late. I completely understand your frustration as my friend has went off on me before because of it.

 

I would suggest telling them to arrive thirty to forty minutes earlier than the actual time for the next get together. That way if they get there early, then they'll know how it feels to be waiting.

[michael2]

End the friendship

[UnusualBoy]

Girl, just sit and talk to her about it, it's disrespectful because it shows it seems doesn't know value your time especially if it's happened several times already.

[Bosque]

I don't understand people who are consistently >30 minutes late to all meetings. It's not that difficult to look at a clock

[harwee]

Yes definitely but I had a friend who is always 15 mins early for everything and she's a mess.