discussion Is it fair to be annoyed when a friend is never on time for stuff you plan?

[Just a Gay on ATRL]

I have a friend who I love dearly but this person cannot be on time to any event we plan to save their goddamn life.  I have asked them to meet me at restaurants or bars where they've been like 30-45 mins late multiple times, so I'm just left waiting by myself.  It is not the best feeling ,and it's not like I'm showing up early, I'm showing up at the time we agreed.

 

At what point does it go from simply running late to being lowkey disrespectful to me? IDK want people's thoughts on general timing ettiquette. Does lateness bother you?

 

I have multiple friends who are always late to stuff, but this one is most notable example . I wish people cared more about being on time to things. Feels like "lateness" has become very normalized.

[selena_lavigne]

People who are late are usually the ones that stress out the most about being on time.

[glitch]

Have you told him it bothers you? Lots of people who are regularly late have literally no concept of time management and so it doesn't cross their mind that people would be upset by lateness.

 

I had a friend who used to cancel last minute all the time and when I confronted her about it she was a bit surprised that it bothered me because she was just super laid back and thought nothing of it. But when I explained how I felt it was disrespectful to my time she understood and doesn't really cancel anymore.

[Dear Reader]

Oh my God… I get so annoyed by it too. I usually pick up a friend when we go out and I lie and tell her I left my house without leaving cause I KNOW she won't be ready when I get to her house. It's so annoying 

[metalheart]

Lateness is my biggest pet peeve. Punctuality is a known etiquette, I just can't fathom that people don't understand that regardless of whether their time management skills are poor or not.

[suburbannature]

My friends lie to me about start time to trick me into being on time

 

[Just a Gay on ATRL]

5 minutes ago, glitch said:

Have you told him it bothers you? Lots of people who are regularly late have literally no concept of time management and so it doesn't cross their mind that people would be upset by lateness.

 

I had a friend who used to cancel last minute all the time and when I confronted her about it she was a bit surprised that it bothered me because she was just super laid back and thought nothing of it. But when I explained how I felt it was disrespectful to my time she understood and doesn't really cancel anymore.

This friend and I had some issues years ago and made amends and are really close again, this lateness thing is literally the ONLY thing nowadays that kinda bothers me, but I guess I'm afraid to bring it up again due to the past. They have been through quite a lot in the past couple of years outside of our stuff so I just don't want to make them feel bad.

 

I have debated confronting them about it, though, and will if I'm pushed far enough to do it. I think I probably will in the future if it continues happening. Hopefully it doesn't.

[mike_int]

Yes, being on time is also way to show respect to others. Time these days is a luxury and shouldn't be wasted.

[Dear Reader]

5 minutes ago, Dear Reader said:

Oh my God… I get so annoyed by it too. I usually pick up a friend when we go out and I lie and tell her I left my house without leaving cause I KNOW she won't be ready when I get to her house. It's so annoying 

 

3 minutes ago, suburbannature said:

My friends lie to me about start time to trick me into being on time

 

Oh, you laties notice that? 

[glitch]

3 minutes ago, Just a Gay on ATRL said:

This friend and I had some issues years ago and made amends and are really close again, this lateness thing is literally the ONLY thing nowadays that kinda bothers me, but I guess I'm afraid to bring it up again due to the past. They have been through quite a lot in the past couple of years outside of our stuff so I just don't want to make them feel bad.

 

I have debated confronting them about it, though, and will if I'm pushed far enough to do it. I think I probably will in the future if it continues happening. Hopefully it doesn't.

I don't think it needs to be a big disagreement or anything. You just need to explain your point of view and why people being on time is important to you. I think if you frame it in a way so you're not telling him off but simply asking for him to be more punctual in future, it will go down better.

 

It's clearly bothering you so you should say something.

[Strawberry Bubble]

At least he shows up for your plans; most of my "friends" never have time.

[єѕℓαм]

Of course you have every right to be annoyed. that's actually disrespectful 

[naval23]

it's annoying af

 

depends how late and how often it happens too

[Smarticle]

I used to be so late during high school  I'm a bit better now

[GentleEarthquake]

People who are always late are so annoying

[sweetblindness]

YES. I hate being late and I believe it is entirely in one's control to be on time or even a few minutes early to stuff that's planned. I have a few friends who are NOTORIOUS for being late and it is irritating, especially when I genuinely believe they could be on time if they wanted to. It feels a little disrespectful ngl. I am known as the punctual one in my friend group and literally all I do is look at Google Maps for travel time and leave a few minutes earlier to account for traffic/gas stops/food stops/etc.

[LovingDays]

2 hours ago, Just a Gay on ATRL said:

30-45 mins late multiple times

This happening multiple times is unacceptable, really. 

 

2 hours ago, Just a Gay on ATRL said:

Feels like "lateness" has become very normalized.

It's just disrespectful. People can't be waiting on them all day. I'm sure if it was something they planned or something they were excited about, they would probably try harder. 

[Cain]

Yes, obviously 

[Dante]

disrespectful

/ˌdɪsrɪˈspɛk(t)f(ʊ)l/

 

unprofessional

/ʌnprəˈfɛʃən(ə)l/

[Le Grande]

Yes, it is acceptable to be annoyed if someone lacks respect for your time.

[Devin]

valid reason to be annoyed.

 

i would feel like ur disrespecting my time and dont value the friendship. talk to them abt it and see what they answer is. open communication goes a long way.

[Mordecai]

2 hours ago, Smarticle said:

I used to be so late during high school  I'm a bit better now

literally had a friendship group in high school that was formed because we all bonded over how late we always were to class 

[WildOne]

•Yes, it is fair to be annoyed

•It doesn't necessarily mean they don't respect your time, if someone is consistently late it probably isn't personal

•Definitely communicate how them being consistently late makes you feel, but give yourself a realistic expectation that this person probably won't become drastically better at time management overnight

•As your friend, they should at least make an effort to make their time management challenges less of a burden on you

•Any agreement that essentially amounts to them simply "trying harder" will probably yield no lasting improvement. Instead, try out systems like asking them to put your meeting 30 minutes early on their calendar, sharing ETA's with each other, and making sure the meeting time is realistic with their schedule 

 

Idk if your friend has ADHD, but difficulties with time management are a very common symptom of ADHD, and unfortunately, our success rate is not tied to how much we care. If you are someone you love has ADHD I highly recommend the book "How To ADHD," it's really helped me a lot!!

[Lachlan]

4 hours ago, glitch said:

Have you told him it bothers you? Lots of people who are regularly late have literally no concept of time management and so it doesn't cross their mind that people would be upset by lateness.

 

I had a friend who used to cancel last minute all the time and when I confronted her about it she was a bit surprised that it bothered me because she was just super laid back and thought nothing of it. But when I explained how I felt it was disrespectful to my time she understood and doesn't really cancel anymore.

I'm sorry but people cannot be that stupid and unaware. How are you functioning as an adult.

Edited June 15 by Lachlan

[glitch]

2 minutes ago, Lachlan said:

I'm sorry but people cannot be that stupid and unaware. How are you functioning as an adult.

Well if you're someone who is always late, you probably don't care if other people are late either. People who are regularly late tend to be very laid back and just go with the flow, whereas people who are always on time are probably more anxious/stressed out at the thought of being late. Two very different types of people so it makes sense one group doesn't necessarily understand the other's perspective.