White Rabbit Posted June 2 Posted June 2 Hi everyone, I recently hooked up with this guy and I think I sipped a bit too much of his me espresso I was mainly just looking to be f*** buddies but he ended up being really warm, sweet, obviously very smart (and cute of course) after we met up in person. I felt the s** itself was a little more intimate than I expected but that might just be me. Anyways afterwards, he insisted on dropping me home since I took the bus and on the car ride it was nice. The conversation felt really natural and we talked about each other's jobs and random tidbits. He complimented me and told me that I was handsome (if that even really means anything these days ) and that he wanted to see me again. He asked for my socials and we ended up exchanging Snaps and phone numbers and then I kissed him on the cheek and said goodbye. We added each other that night and I told him to let me know when he was free next. This was all like 5 days ago. Radio silence on both ends afterwards. Personally I didn't mind since I thought it would be better this way so I wouldn't get too attached. I got real with myself yesterday and told myself that I probably did have a crush on him/feelings for him and so I was gonna just tell him that we probably shouldn't meet again because I see myself catching feelings for him and then just end it there. My friends thought it was giving self-sabotage so I sent a message being straight up that I thought he was really warm, sweet and smart and that I was wondering if he wanted to hang out as friends as well because I'd love to get to know him better. He responded saying he'd be down for that and that he's glad he came off that way (ddd ) and asked me how my week was going. Also said that he's really sorry because he sucks at responding back and that he doesn't check Snap often. I was like okay no worries, would texting be better? And that is where we are at now. I kinda regret sending that message because now I feel like I put myself in a really weird situation/dynamic where it makes it impossible to be f*** buddies or friends in any capacity. In any case I feel like just ghosting/blocking and moving on but is that coming from my toxic self? Namely, 3
Kern Posted June 2 Posted June 2 He wanted your snap and number only to say that he's not good and texting? This is such a classic I say - forget his ass 11
Strawberry Bubble Posted June 2 Posted June 2 Yes, it seems to come from your toxic side, but maybe you're trying to protect yourself from his indifference, I guess. 1 1
White Rabbit Posted June 2 Author Posted June 2 11 minutes ago, Kern said: He wanted your snap and number only to say that he's not good and texting? This is such a classic I say - forget his ass Appreciate your input, thank u! 9 minutes ago, Strawberry Bubble said: Yes, it seems to come from your toxic side, but maybe you're trying to protect yourself from his indifference, I guess. nnn Yeah I've been trying to avoid these sort of situations and sticking with hookups for this very reason until I work on myself more sigh feelin like a clown 1
sweetblindness Posted June 2 Posted June 2 Probably let it go...or at least leave the ball in his court IMO. Yeah you probably should've just left it at the "let me know when you're free next" text and then waited to see if he ever followed up, but as is, I'd just wait to see if he initiates anything, and if he doesn't you can be pretty sure that he's not interested. I have to agree that this is potentially a strange dynamic now, talking about hanging out as friends shortly after hooking up (and seeming to have good chemistry?)...but if you guys end up hanging out again you can probably clarify the dynamic a little further then. I experienced a similar situation earlier this year after hooking up with someone I realized could be a great partner and it fizzled out naturally (which sucked, but it happens). I'd say at this point just try to detach yourself from him a bit and see if he initiates conversation or seems interested in the coming days and, if not, you can move on. 2
White Rabbit Posted June 2 Author Posted June 2 1 minute ago, sweetblindness said: Probably let it go...or at least leave the ball in his court IMO. Yeah you probably should've just left it at the "let me know when you're free next" text and then waited to see if he ever followed up, but as is, I'd just wait to see if he initiates anything, and if he doesn't you can be pretty sure that he's not interested. I have to agree that this is potentially a strange dynamic now, talking about hanging out as friends shortly after hooking up (and seeming to have good chemistry?)...but if you guys end up hanging out again you can probably clarify the dynamic a little further then. I experienced a similar situation earlier this year after hooking up with someone I realized could be a great partner and it fizzled out naturally (which sucked, but it happens). I'd say at this point just try to detach yourself from him a bit and see if he initiates conversation or seems interested in the coming days and, if not, you can move on. Thank you for the advice! I appreciate it!
SweetTalker Posted June 2 Posted June 2 lmao. The fact that I also say I suck at texting when im not that interested 5 8
White Rabbit Posted June 2 Author Posted June 2 1 minute ago, SweetTalker said: lmao. The fact that I also say I suck at texting when im not that interested It's the way he wrote that in his Grindr bio and I also said the same thing to him in person when we last met 1
White Rabbit Posted June 3 Author Posted June 3 32 minutes ago, Katamari said: he sounds like the one 2
geodude Posted June 3 Posted June 3 He sounds like he's keeping you on the back burner lol. He may be busy he may not be but when someone is into you they make time. Id take it for what is at face value: y'all had a good hookup and keep it moving. I wouldn't look too much further into it. 1
JonginBey Posted June 3 Posted June 3 Deserved, because why do y'all keep hooking up with people y'all don't know? 2
HRHCOLLECTION Posted June 3 Posted June 3 I would've shut the show down at the bad texter comment, I don't have time for such nonchalance 2
cOe Posted June 3 Posted June 3 I'll say it from self experience - block his ass and run. This **** ruins your self esteem 2
White Rabbit Posted June 3 Author Posted June 3 (edited) Thank you for your advice everyone! I was having a little moment earlier lol and just need to remind myself that things will work out the way they're meant to and that nothing is ever personal. I don't really have a lot of run-ins with romantic connections so a combination of that and wanting not to do the same things in the past that I feel like was part of the reason things ended with people I talked to contributes to this feeling of making me anxious on doing or saying the right things. Which is ironic because I believe if someone really is interested in you (unless you say or do something super unhinged) there will still be some effort or natural spark to keep the connection going (I think). My neanderthal brain can't put two and two together though obviously I'm just gonna stick to what you guys said about waiting it out and having a convo about the dynamic without expectations. Regardless of whether it stays as a FWB or something more, I'm just gonna keep an eye on whether or not my time is respected and that's all. If not, just gonna let them and this thing fade into the background. Since there's not much I can do other than wish them well and hope they find someone that they feel is more compatible and gives them the sparks we all deserve and are looking for Edit: oop, just got a reply but chile lemme leave that unopened and read it tomorrow.. or even the day after tomorrow Thanks again everyone! Edited June 3 by White Rabbit 1
Carla Rosón Posted June 3 Posted June 3 27 minutes ago, White Rabbit said: I'm just gonna stick to what you guys said about waiting it out and having a convo about the dynamic without expectations. Gurl people are telling you to block his ass 2
pavi Posted June 3 Posted June 3 I was kinda surprised when the turn in the story was that you asked him if he wanted to hang out.... as a friend. You can't really be surprised he's not giving romantic signals if you're the one who's asking if he wants to be friends. Couldn't you just have asked if he was interested to go on a (not just sexual) date with you? Or still ask that anyway? Maybe he doesn't want to and he'll turn you down, but either way you're not in that weird situation anymore and know what's up 1
Archetype Posted June 3 Posted June 3 56 minutes ago, White Rabbit said: Edit: oop, just got a reply but chile lemme leave that unopened and read it tomorrow.. or even the day after tomorrow Read the damn message, you don't even need to share it here. Just do it for yourself so you can either move on or pursue this man seriously. 3
Johnny Jacobs Posted June 3 Posted June 3 (edited) Imma give it to you straight. You should know what you want cause you seem confused and sending the wrong signals chile. Also, unless he's a doctor, he can respond on time. If he was interested enough, he would've. Move on chile Edited June 3 by Johnny Jacobs 4
White Rabbit Posted June 3 Author Posted June 3 1 hour ago, Carla Rosón said: Gurl people are telling you to block his ass I also realized the math wasn't gonna math a few sentences in but still decided to leave it unchanged thinking there would be no more replies
White Rabbit Posted June 3 Author Posted June 3 1 hour ago, pavi said: I was kinda surprised when the turn in the story was that you asked him if he wanted to hang out.... as a friend. You can't really be surprised he's not giving romantic signals if you're the one who's asking if he wants to be friends. Couldn't you just have asked if he was interested to go on a (not just sexual) date with you? Or still ask that anyway? Maybe he doesn't want to and he'll turn you down, but either way you're not in that weird situation anymore and know what's up Yeah I don't know why I didn't I guess I just felt like date was too direct/on the nose. In my head I just meant for it to say that I wanted to hang outside the bedroom and thought the part about me thinking of him as sweet and stuff would insinuate that.
fememeist Posted June 3 Posted June 3 You deserve better, and this just proves how exhausting dating gay men is 2
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