discussion My bipolar, chronically depressed overweight friend is exhausting me

[Just a Gay on ATRL]

I had a falling out with a friend over something like this a couple of years ago. She was going through a lot and I and other mutual friends got really overwhelmed with her constant venting/negativity, etc. She really relied on all of us at the time to help her keep it together and it just became too much for us to handle.

 

We made up eventually, though, and are best friends again, but it was a very difficult situation. She learned a lot of healthier ways to not overwhelm other people who are not going through what she is, and I myself learned some better ways to tell her when I need a break and to tell her how I feel in real time vs complain to others and let resentment escalate. 

 

If you tell your friend you need space but just need time to yourself, and she can't handle it/freaks out, that's on her and should be a red flag to you. My friend totally understands now when I need my space... I feel boundaries are essential to maintaining healthy friendships. Her and I being able to TALK about our feelings is why our friendship survived. 

[Smarticle]

54 minutes ago, BLΔCKP!NK said:

Didn't know you and @Smarticle were friends 

Don't call me fat

 

[LCTV]

Who knows she could be posting on a forum somewhere too like:

 

My fake, chronically gay body shaming friend is EXHAUSTING me

[Strawberry Bubble]

Someone doesn't want to grow up. It's okat, let her go

[smartalek22]

Idk how to advise you but do what you need to do

 

You can't change someone unwilling to change

[tost1]

3 hours ago, Pikachoo said:

they have been in and out of therapy for years. but they dont talk during therapy. theyre too scared to share

What do they do? Eat?

[Mordecai]

One thing I've learnt these past few months is that you are the company that you keep. A few of my friends started getting back into the gym/exercise around the same time I did and even though we've never worked out together, seeing them exercising has definitely had a subconscious effect on me

 

If you feel like she's dragging you down it might be best to sit down and have a conversation with her or come to terms with the fact that your friendship is unsustainable and you have to end it

[Alldeezy]

shouldn't talk badly about them for living with there parents and spending all the money on concerts. That sounds like people talking about me because I spend my money on concerts instead of anything else like it's there business.

 

but the cutting part sounds like all my former emo friends 

actually sounds like ALL of them. I easily just cut him outta my life and felt good.

 

[Kern]

Girl, I feel you. I have a friend at work that I know for like 6 years and she's become so miserable

 

Every morning she starts with "it's so cold here" but she never dresses warm or even just appropriate to work

 

She hates this job because she is bored so she is most of the time late, she never know what to do but she always complains and about money too. She's kinda useless

 

Outside of work she's mostly just talking about how miserable she is and how everyone she knows has better job and money and passions. She lives with her boyfriend in a place she doesn't even have to pay for...

 

(If I didn't work with her I probably wouldn't be in contact with her at this point)

Edited May 24 by Kern

[DammnBaby]

Time to dump the friend. It's as simple as that.

[Gesamtkunstwerk]

Just end the friendship if you don't like them

 

I can't deal with people who dwell in their own misery, it's like an addiction or identity to some people and I can't be around that

[John Slayne]

maybe this is something you should discuss with your friend and not ATRL... i wouldn't want my friends to say all this about me behind my back. your friend might not be perfect, but they still deserve genuine friendship in their life - and i'm sure they have their own side of this story too.

[naval23]

If you still want to be friends with this person, sounds like you're gonna need to have a tough conversation with this person like not bringing up negative things all the time, saying what you need to say and if they lash out they lash out -more reason to dissolve the friendship if they can't handle it