discussion My bipolar, chronically depressed overweight friend is exhausting me

[Pikachoo]

I have known them for 14 years now

 

they are and have always been mopey, constantly "woe is me", cutting themselves at times. they are always miserable with everything. when I see her, it's always how how much their life is miserable and how everything is so bad. 

 

Girl, you LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS. How are you complaining about being broke? "I have no money ugh. i want to move out ugh" well then girl stop going on trips and going to concerts! stop ordering food. you want to move out yet you spend like its nothing.

 

they constantly are triggered by every little thing. I need to walk on eggshells around them and make sure i dont say anything bad or else they might snap.

 

you had gastric bypass. youve lost 200 pounds. why are you eating chocolate again? why do you keep texting me "ugh i feel like **** today and made bad eating decisions". i ask you to come to the gym, you say "im not mentally readyfor the gym today" GIRL SHUT UP AND JUST COME. 

 

you feel non binary. you want to transition. great! yet you dont want to tell the family you live with? You are going to transition with your parents down the hall and not say a word? make it make sense. just because you dont like to confront things. 

 

you had a panic attack and cried at a fitness class because you cant handle group activities. my god, get a grip. 

 

and you dont even drive.  get it together i am exhausted of your ****. 14 years now of the same wa wa wa

 

[Burn]

why are you even this person's friend if you really feel this way about them? life is too short.

[IBeMe]

I hear you ....there's nothing worse than being dragged down by a friend BUT at the same time...everything is relative to the person experiencing what they are experiencing right? Yes it's one thing to want her to be more grateful for things she does have and for her to open her eyes to how blessed she actually is but to her she is probably genuinly feeling what she is telling you she is feeling and in that way you have to feel kinda bad for her and stuff right? idk....

imo if you have reached a point where you almost resent her for the type of energy she brings into your life than maybe it's best to distance yourself from her because you're not supposed to feel the way you do about a friend. It means this friendship has probably ran it's course.

[Pikachoo]

1 minute ago, Burn said:

why are you even this person's friend if you really feel this way about them? life is too short.

because I've known them for almost 14 years. we've been through a lot together. and when they are in a good mood, we have good times

[KFC]

I'm sorry you feel that way @Pikachoo

 

Can you think of anything nice to post about your friend? Any redeeming qualities?

[50thStateofMind]

I could not be this person's friend - but Kudos to you.

[GraceRandolph]

Not everyone is a ball of positivity 24/7. 

[Donquizote]

If you don't like them, then don't be fake friend who smiles in front them and talks bad about them behind their back. Just leave them alone. No one forces you to be friend with them.

 

[Bussea]

Didn't know you and @Smarticle were friends 

[May]

stop i thought i was about to walk into an exposè thread on me

[Redstreak]

I think we literally had the same friend. Ex friend now though

[goldenrainbow222]

Refer them to therapy and set boundaries. If they show they want to stay comfortable in their misery, leave them there. But that's on you if you choose to stay in the misery with them.

[Pikachoo]

Just now, goldenrainbow222 said:

Refer them to therapy and set boundaries. If they show they want to stay comfortable in their misery, leave them there. But that's on you if you choose to stay in the misery with them.

they have been in and out of therapy for years. but they dont talk during therapy. theyre too scared to share

[Joyride]

drop it, dead weight

[Trash]

Oh so you're friends with Aguilegend?

[єѕℓαм]

Why are u even friends with them !! 
Put yourself first always and just keep going forward and find people who are on the same wavelength as you 

[Verandi]

Just keep them at a distance. That's what I do with my friend Sara, she's so negative all the time I had distance myself from her because she would also drag my energy down. Some people are energizers, some are de-energizers. Sounds like you've done what you can to try and make her better and stick around for 14 years. But like someone here said, life's too short to have that weight bring you down.

Edited May 24 by Verandi

[Revolution]

19 minutes ago, goldenrainbow222 said:

Refer them to therapy and set boundaries. If they show they want to stay comfortable in their misery, leave them there. But that's on you if you choose to stay in the misery with them.

this

[dumbsparce]

Just let her/them have it if you haven't already. Go absolutely off on her/them cause maybe that's what she needs to hear to get off her ass. I've been in a similar situation and me being nice and supportive never helped until I was absolutely done with the bullshit and had to be real.

[PrettyHurts]

2 minutes ago, dumbsparce said:

Just let her/them have it if you haven't already. Go absolutely off on her/them cause maybe that's what she needs to hear to get off her ass. I've been in a similar situation and me being nice and supportive never helped until I was absolutely done with the bullshit and had to be real.

yeah it may help. when i was in a really bad place, a few people gave me the cold hard truth ( but still in a loving way) and it made me make changes. maybe they just need a good read or two 

[JoeAg]

38 minutes ago, Burn said:

why are you even this person's friend if you really feel this way about them? life is too short.

 

36 minutes ago, Pikachoo said:

because I've known them for almost 14 years. we've been through a lot together. and when they are in a good mood, we have good times

oh i DEFINITELY see both sides here. I'll add more of my opinion on the OP in a sec but first I gotta say: length of a friendship is no joke and can definitely cloud/complicate the judgment of if you should remain friends or not. I had friends as a senior in high school who I'd been friends with since the end of middle school and once I realized that they exhausted me and we had little in common, I chose to look at the perspective of myself as someone who wants to grow and find people who are more aligned with me becoming my best self, and I ditched them. of course it's bittersweet, but you own those memories forever, all those good times are yours to hold onto even if this friendship doesn't pan out the way either of you expected it to. definitely think of the pros and cons of staying friends with this person, write out a list in your notes app 

[LCTV]

At this point it sounds like you need a therapy appointment with them.

[Rev8]

Some people just want someone to vent to

and tbh, she feels like the person that does so ..

 

 

I've had several people like that

they all just complained and I felt for them, constantly gave them advice and tried to help

but they never took it.

 

 

It all comes from Them!

That's the only way!

 

 

 

Just tell her that u don't appreciate being a complaining bin and that u are distancing from her since she does nothing to fix HaSelf

enough of energy vampires

[BrokenMachine]

You're not obligated to stay there. Not every friendship is meant to last forever. People change, live different experiences, grow up, mature, some more than others and others get behind. If you don't want to end it all at least put a limit and some distance (people like that don't take those things too well but give it a try )

[shyboi]

like attracts like

 

i bet she's complaining about your ass somewhere else too