tiagol88 Posted May 20 Posted May 20 To keep this story short...i met this guy online in january. And because i was enjoying talking to him so much, i decided to meet him in person in february. We hit it off and kept talking to the point we were together in march as well and april he came to my city and spent a few days at my house. He knew i was interested in him and he was interested in me (at least a while ago). I felt him growing apart from me recently and tried to talk to him about it when he was with me at my house...but he said it was nothing. So i pretended to believe him. Imagine this...just 24 hours ago i was trying to see if he would be busy to be with me next week, i would meet him in his town again and he said he would tell me something about it later. Just like an hour ago...we were playing an online game and he tells me he's going to spend the next night out. He would be going to a different city. I tried to see what it was all about...and i made a joke about it being a date. He confirmed that it could turn into a date and they would spend the night at a hotel. He tells me that completely serious, 24 hours after i tried to go and meet with him next week and while he knew i was interested in him and everything. Just like that. Like we were bffs and nothing had ever happened before or was happening. The same guy that traveled 4 hours to be with me less than a month ago. Like he was having a talk with ChatGPT or something. After digesting it...what did i do next? Said i needed to go to the bathroom and that i'd be back. Only i didn't go back. I blocked him everywhere and for some reason i now feel better. Didn't ask him why he wasn't honest with me before, why he decided to tell me something like this the way he did...nothing. Just turned him off everywhere. Didn't even try to look for an explanation, no drama. Nothing. I NEVER did this before in my entire life and here i am...i got to be the gay that i always complained about. The one that blocks with no explanation. And the worst? I feel good. This isn't a topic about asking if i'm right or wrong because frankly idgaf. It's just me reflecting for the past hour staring dead serious at a wall on how easy it is to just erase someone from our life nowadays like it is nothing. And scary how easy it is for me to do it now. I used to be the guy that cried when someone did it to me just a decade ago...and today i became the guy i used to loath. Dating just sucks... And if this wasn't enough, i'm about to see Taylor live this friday here in Portugal. I'm about to cry like **** at that show lmao. I can almost bet on that. 6 1
Contessa Posted May 20 Posted May 20 That's not detachment, that's active avoidance babe. But I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you and glad that you seem to be taking it well 4
May Posted May 20 Posted May 20 me personally? i wouldn't have blocked but i would've ceased all communication . id rather have the satisfaction of them melting down in my DMs wondering what they did wrong and letting them put 2 + 2 together . maybe i just have some growing to do tho 2
Mordecai Posted May 20 Posted May 20 I'm currently in my glowing up phase rn and reading these kinds of stories over and over again with both straight and gay people (but it seems to be more common with gay guys) makes me really scared to put myself out there
tiagol88 Posted May 20 Author Posted May 20 10 minutes ago, Mordecai said: I'm currently in my glowing up phase rn and reading these kinds of stories over and over again with both straight and gay people (but it seems to be more common with gay guys) makes me really scared to put myself out there Don't. Keep that up. I'm the OP and even if i sound incredibly pessimistic up there, i'm just self-analyzing me right now. It takes a while but when things work out...it will all be worth it, trust me 1
PoisonedIvy Posted May 20 Posted May 20 I tend to the do the same, I naturally pull away and cease all forms of access to me once I reach that breaking point. It sucks though because the better you are doing that, the harder it is to stick around and resolve things when the time actually comes.
dumbsparce Posted May 20 Posted May 20 What does the title have to do with the story? If anything, you're describing the exact opposite of detachment. Ofc taking the first steps is important, but it's a process until you get to the point of no longer caring about someone. It's not an overnight thing. As of right now, you're clearly still angry / hurt / disappointed aka attached to that guy.
tiagol88 Posted May 20 Author Posted May 20 1 minute ago, PoisonedIvy said: I tend to the do the same, I naturally pull away and cease all forms of access to me once I reach that breaking point. It sucks though because the better you are doing that, the harder it is to stick around and resolve things when the time actually comes. What do you mean? I won't try to resolve anything. This is done. No more wasting time or energy with him. 1
Zylo Posted May 20 Posted May 20 Good on you OP Yeah the dating world is brutal. It's easier said than done, but we can't internalize the actions of others. Some people just suck. At the end of the day a lot of people on these apps just want validation or someone to fill a void until they find something better. It's really damaging that people find it more appropriate than communicating and being honest. Discernment is your best friend! Act accordingly. I always ask myself this: Would I do X to someone I really liked? Keeps me out of all kinds of trouble and delusion before it hurts too much.
Breathe On Moi Posted May 20 Posted May 20 well done sweetie, now you get to die alone like the rest of us 1
HonourableVomit Posted May 20 Posted May 20 36 minutes ago, tiagol88 said: What do you mean? I won't try to resolve anything. This is done. No more wasting time or energy with him. well girl you just wrote a big thread about it online so 1
Cesar Posted May 20 Posted May 20 long distance relationships never work (most of the time). so it's honestly not even worth the hassle. i don't blame you for completely dropping him at an instant. its easier to get rid of the relationship now, than to continue dealing with someone who's actions don't match their words. 2
PoisonedIvy Posted May 20 Posted May 20 49 minutes ago, tiagol88 said: What do you mean? I won't try to resolve anything. This is done. No more wasting time or energy with him. I meant in the future, not with this person. Your brain becomes accustomed to detaching when you are wronged, even if it's by someone you're emotionally willing to compromise or communicate with.
PrettyHurts Posted May 20 Posted May 20 I think you did what you needed to do to feel better about the situation. He did lie so there's no use in trying to figure out why if you don't think it's worth it. Dating is hard, however try not to become too jaded
BloodLuster Posted May 20 Posted May 20 (edited) welcome to your HMHAS era but for real, I'm the same now and zero regrets. if you f*ck it up once then you're done forever Edited May 20 by BloodLuster
LadyDiana Posted May 20 Posted May 20 1 hour ago, BloodLuster said: but for real, I'm the same now and zero regrets. if you f*ck it up once then you're done forever But that's not very grown up? I mean, don't you ever try to talk things over? That's how relationships work, people will eventualy make mistakes, and what are mistakes anyway. Sleeping withouter people? Yes, block that bastard, but some other stuff.
Topaz Posted May 20 Posted May 20 You know I don't blame you, but hearing so many of these stories makes me so paranoid to open up to a future potential boyfriend LOL.
Mordecai Posted May 20 Posted May 20 5 hours ago, tiagol88 said: Don't. Keep that up. I'm the OP and even if i sound incredibly pessimistic up there, i'm just self-analyzing me right now. It takes a while but when things work out...it will all be worth it, trust me The same goes for you! I'm getting to that point in life now where after being independent for so long I'm ready to open up and share my life with someone else, but I haven't dated in a loooong time so naturally I'm scared lol. You might get your feelings hurt a few times unfortunately but you'll eventually get there, I'm rooting for you king! 1
Dolce Vita Posted May 20 Posted May 20 you did what you needed to do really. protect your peace, if you're not getting what you need from someone and on top of that, they're playing in your face, remove them from your life
tjspy Posted May 20 Posted May 20 (edited) If you're sad and will cry at TS, I don't think its detachement. You're just fixing an issue so it will hurt you less. The truth is that its not just because you don't like that they do it you that you won't feel okay doing it to somebody else who deserves it. Anyway, I'm going to see Taylor in Portugal too Edited May 20 by tjspy
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