NeverReallyOver Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 He's a close friend. I asked him to hang out this evening to go to a concrete place in the city. He told me no because he's going with other friends to the same place the same evening (but he's free to hang out tomorrow if I want). If I was in the reverse situation I would have told him to join my other friends and go together. I feel hurt and it's not the first time he acts this way. Am I allowed to complain about this to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LVP Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 That's weird if there is no reason (like these other people don't like you). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kummercell Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 He might have his reasons, but it's kinda shitty of him to say "no, because I'm already going" instead of saying "I'm already going, so join me". If he's been acting like this multiple times maybe you should talk to him about it. Also, you can complain about anything to anyone, really. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverReallyOver Posted May 18 Author Share Posted May 18 1 minute ago, LVP said: That's weird if there is no reason (like these other people don't like you). I dont know their other friends because he doesn't want to introduce me to them, but he talks a lot about them to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Man Who Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 In all honesty, I don't know how you don't take that personal. One time a girl I work with (who's one of my closest friends now) asked me if I wanted to do something on a Friday after work and I was already heading into town for my friends birthday, but I just said to her that she's more than welcome to come with, which she did and it ended up being a great night. To clarify, I also spoke to my other friend to let him know that a girl I worked with was also coming and he was totally fine with it, because why wouldn't he be? - you can deal with this situation however you see fit, but it would definitely piss me off. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Attitude Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 Time to start re-evaluating this "friend". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Worm Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 1 minute ago, NeverReallyOver said: I dont know their other friends because he doesn't want to introduce me to them, but he talks a lot about them to me Are they work friends of his or something? Is there a plausible reason he wouldn't want to introduce you to them besides him being embarrassed of you? I've always assumed it's just an autistic trait of mine, but I have a thing where I like to keep the different parts of my life (including different social groups) separate from each other and sealed off. I wouldn't like the idea of moving a friend from one social group and introducing them to others, without there being anything personally against that friend so it's plausible that he could have a similar attitude. Or maybe he does drugs with this group and doesn't want you to see it? Or maybe he just doesn't feel established enough in this other group to invite outsiders along yet? Sorry sis, I'm trying to think of every possible reason he could have for doing it besides the obvious, but it feels like I'm scraping the barrel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante Silva Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 He's disingenuous. You should go yourself and hang in an area of the party where he is not and be polite and social with whoever is in your space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stars Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 What the If I were in your shoes I wouldn't even complain to him, I would just pull back from that friendship. Especially if this isn't the first time he's done this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnusualBoy Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 You're allowed to complain about this if it bothers you but at same time, he's not obligated to invite you if he's going with other people. You gotta sit and talk to him about it, especially if it's happened several times before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
єѕℓαм Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 It seems like maybe his friends don't like you (?) or he doesn't wanna introduce u to them for some reason and yes you're right what he did is definitely wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naval23 Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 I don't think it's weird. I don't like mixing friend groups 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverReallyOver Posted May 18 Author Share Posted May 18 (edited) 2 minutes ago, naval23 said: I don't think it's weird. I don't like mixing friend groups There isn't two groups. It's me, my friend and his friend group. I'm almost new in the city and I don't have other people to hang out regularly. He knows this. Edited May 18 by NeverReallyOver Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selena_lavigne Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 Just go by yourself and play your favorite albums. They usually make better friends anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICLDXU4HS Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 I don't find this weird. I hate when a friend asks if they can bring along someone else (especially when I don't or barely know them) because the answer is always gonna be no but I'm still gonna say yes because I don't want to be a *****. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
airplane Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 Yes babe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AintNoOtherMe Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 It's not a big deal. Maybe he doesn't want to mix his friends groups for whatever reason, maybe he is going out with someone he is romantically interested in and wants to be alone with them… I wouldn't take it personally. He did offer to meet you the next day which shows that he wants to spend time with you, but just not today. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffy Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 12 minutes ago, naval23 said: I don't think it's weird. I don't like mixing friend groups Yeah. This happens a lot to everyone. It's not unusual. Everyone has their separate friendship circles. The friendship bonds are different and special in their own way. I think people need to learn that sometimes the world doesn't revolve around them. We don't need to insert ourselves everywhere and hijack plans. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallad173 Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 Sounds like he thinks you won't mix well with the friend group, which is a weird unspoken thing that a lot of people have to navigate. I see how you could be hurt by that tho. since he offered a different time the next day, I think he still wants to hangout but it sounds like he just isn't ready to blend his friends yet. You're probably more in your head about it because you don't know many people so you'll fixate on this one a bit more. Either way it's time to get social and start meeting people outside of that person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naval23 Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 27 minutes ago, NeverReallyOver said: There isn't two groups. It's me, my friend and his friend group. I'm almost new in the city and I don't have other people to hang out regularly. He knows this. your friends but didn't live around each other? I still don't really like mixing friend groups - each friend wears different hats in life but that's just my perspective Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naval23 Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 22 minutes ago, ICLDXU4HS said: I don't find this weird. I hate when a friend asks if they can bring along someone else (especially when I don't or barely know them) because the answer is always gonna be no but I'm still gonna say yes because I don't want to be a *****. This Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
no_better Posted May 18 Share Posted May 18 1 hour ago, NeverReallyOver said: I dont know their other friends because he doesn't want to introduce me to them, but he talks a lot about them to me That is a nasty behaviour, when I have a friend I want all my other friends to know them! You deserve to feel wanted in a friendship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alldeezy Posted May 19 Share Posted May 19 A crappy situation sounds like he is keeping you a secret to his other friends Like I hateeee that. Like there I'd no reason he can't just say oh come join us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batsy Armada Posted May 19 Share Posted May 19 Personally, I wouldn't have been offended by that. It's very well possible he had already made plans to go to that place with a group of friends for a specific reason and purpose. It doesn't sound like it has anything to do with you at all, especially if he's still inviting you to hang out. The difference, in my opinion, would have been if he blew you off completely after you had already made plans with him to go to that very place. That doesn't seem like the case, however. If I made plans with a specific friend, I wouldn't necessarily invite someone else along either unless we actually all knew each other. It just ultimately depends on the circumstance and setting. I'd feel bad for inviting myself into such a situation if a friend of mine had already planned to do something with another. Maybe they just want time to be able to talk, or who knows? Not to suggest it's the case with you, but sometimes we do have to just put our egos aside. As long as a friend is there for you when you actually need them, that's what ultimately matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tost1 Posted May 19 Share Posted May 19 No reason to be offended. There are some friends that I never mix with others because I have a feeling they won't match, it's nothing against them, i just don't want the preasure of entertaining someone who might not feel comfortable in that group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts